I still consider it to be Saturday. It's only 12:11 where I'm from. I was actually planning on writing this after I finished Supernatural season 7 this morning but that didn't happen. Oops.
IMPORTANT: I'm going to Orlando on Wednesday (finally visiting WWOHP!) and I won't be back until Sunday. I start school the Monday after that. So probably no update this weekend, though maybe one on Tuesday. That's a maybe, ninjas. No promises.
And thanks for all the reviews! They made my week!
Disclaimer: Oh, hi. Yeah, I don't own anything.
Act 2 Scene 11
Harry: There is absolutely nothing that can get in the way of us saving Sirius.
"Except for maybe Malfoy Sr., wherever he is," Harry pointed out.
Lucius: No you idiot, there they are!
"Oh," Hermione said in realization. "That's why he went the other way! Because he saw the us that had used the time turner! That makes sense."
Students: AH!
Lucius: Got you, Potter.
Ron: Holy shit.
"Exactly!" Ron exclaimed. "We're doomed."
Lucius: Forget Umbridge and her teachers, I'm killing you right here, right now Potter.
Draco: No, Papa. -dances over to him-You'll not.
"What the hell did I just do?" Malfoy blinked as his character danced across the stage. Harry and Ron snickered.
"You just danced, Malfoy," Ginny smirked.
Lucius: Drako…you danced. I finally taught you something.
Draco: No. The centaurs taught me. Body-Bind Hex.
Lucius: Oh no.
Hermione sighed. "That was pathetic."
"Very," Remus agreed.
Draco: Yaxley, how would you like to work for me now?
Yaxley: Yes, sir, Mr. Malfoy.
Harry: Alright.
Ron: Awesome, adults.
"But we never get help from adults until after the life-threatening situation!" Ron said. Everyone stared at him. "Uh, did I say that out loud?"
"Yes." Harry said.
"Uh, oops."
"You ask for help after?" Sirius said incredulously. "Why not before?"
"To be fair we have tried to get help before, but no one would listen to us." Hermione said quietly.
"WHAT?! WHY NOT?!"
"Let's not discuss this now," Harry said. "Please."
"Fine, whatever," Sirius grumbled.
Lucius: So I suppose you'll audition for the Met now?
"The what?"
"Muggles."
"Got it."
Draco: No. I'm auditioning for the wizard cops.
Lucius: Damn.
"Malfoy wants to be a wizard cop?" Harry laughed. "That's hilarious." Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes.
"There he goes again," Ron muttered.
"He isn't a Death Eater, Harry," Hermione whispered. "Honestly. Get that through that thick skull of yours."
Draco: How does this sound? "You're going to jail."
Lucius: It sounded forced. Coward! If you were any kind of real man, you'd finish me off yourself.
"You wouldn't ever really kill your father...right?" Hermione asked Malfoy cautiously.
He frowned. "No. Of course not. He's my father."
Draco: Come on, friends, let's turn in this belly-rumbling cur.
Everyone but the Malfoys: Yeah…
Lucius: Don't you want to know who your real father is?
"What?"
Draco: What?
Lucius: You were never my real son. How could you be, you're always such a horrible disappointment to me.
Malfoy scowled. He didn't need to be told twice, he thought bitterly, trying to ignore the hurt that came with the statement.
Hermione: Draco, don't listen to him. He's just trying to trick you.
Harry: He's a liar.
Ron: He's an asshole.
"Too true."
Yaxley: Yeah.
Draco: Tell me who my father is or I'll hex you, you wiener jacket.
Lucius: You do have some Narcissa in you. That tramp mother of yours, she choreographed an affair with someone behind my back, someone I trusted, someone I may have even loved.
Everyone stared at Malfoy.
"What?" he snapped. "Don't expect me to know!"
Harry: Ollivander?
Hermione: Filch?
Ron: Regulus Black, Sirius's brother?
Yaxley: Me? –everyone stares at him-
"Somehow, I sincerely doubt that any of them are actually his father."
Lucius: No…Dobby. My former House-elf.
"What the hell?"
"NOW WAY!"
"That is disgusting."
"This is hilarious!"
"Gross, Cissy..."
Everyone was laughing much harder than was probably necessary, but then again, we all did it too and you know it.
"Malfoy...is part elf! Oh Merlin, we will never let you live this one down..." Fred and George laughed.
"Shut up, Weasleys," Malfoy spat, face burning a vicious scarlet color.
It took a while, but eventually everyone calmed down enough to watch the musical again.
Draco: No…
Lucius: Oh yes…it explains a lot, doesn't it? Your irrational fear of the potty?
Hermione: Over 600 house-elves die in toilet-related incidents every year. They fall in.
The more immature of the bunch (please tell me you know which ones I'm talking about) snickered.
Hermione was horrified. "That's not true, right? Please tell me that's not true."
"I honestly have no idea how many elves die in toilet related incidents every year," Remus said thoughtfully. "We should look into that when we get back."
"That's means it might be more than 600!" Hermione wailed. Ron patted her back soothingly.
Lucius: Why else would you have such a little D?
Draco: It's so small.
Lucius: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING ELF!
Once again, laughter ensued.
Draco: Oh, Dobby, now I lament all those times that I've beat him senseless within an inch of his life and, oh right, yeah, that one time I drowned a litter of his young, my…brothers?
"I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I'VE EVER SAID, THIS MUSICAL IS AWESOME!" Harry shouted over even louder laughter.
Lucius: So now you know. Could you imagine the scandal if that got out? "Lucius Malfoy's Wife Bed Smeagle". So, I had to take you in. You should be thanking me for raising you and sending that treacherous creature away.
Draco: So he's still alive?
Lucius: Perhaps, but now I see that banishment is far too merciful a penalty. Yours shall be far steeper! CRU…
Hermione: No, he's just a poor little elf!
Lucius: …CIO!
"Hermione!" Ron and Harry looked horrified.
"I hope this isn't foreshadowing," Ginny said, her skin rather pale.
Hermione: OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!
Hermione winced as her character was tortured. Please, please, please not foreshadowing...
Ron: Hermione!
Draco: NO!
Lucius: Oh, does that upset you boy? CRUCIO!
Hermione: OOOOOOOWWWW!
Draco: NO, no…stop!
"Does anyone else here the howling?" Remus asked the adults quietly, while the students watched poor, poor musical Hermione be tortured.
"No." was the only answer he got.
Lucius: I'm going to finish you off, one by one, starting with her. And Draco? You'll watch your friends die and then I'll do what I should have down twelve years ago. Avadaaaa-
Ron and Harry: Lupin!
Lucius: It's, ah…it's a robot!
"I am definitely not a robot."
Ron: Kill him!
Hermione: No! No! No!
[They all cheer for Lupin.]
Harry: Well, let's go save Sirius.
Ron: No, Yaxley, you're supposed to be our friend, this way.
"Yaxley is an idiot." Fred stated.
"Totally." George agreed.
"It was a nice scene up until Hermione was... you know." Ron said quietly. "I thought we might actually get a normal funny scene without trouble for once."
"Yeah, me too," Harry said. "Are you okay Hermione?"
"I'm fine." she said shortly. "Let's not dwell on this, okay? Next scene."
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