Epilogue
Letters
"Dear Suki,
I hope you're doing okay. We didn't get a chance to talk like I wanted, and I'm sorry for that. You deserve better. I hope you can forgive me someday, but if not I'll understand. Things have a way of getting out of control and there's a lot of stuff that I wish hadn't went down the way they did.
I want you to know, there were no other girls. I know how that sounds given who I'm with, but I want the record straight. I don't know what you heard, but from the time I came to the Fire Nation to live, until all that stuff happened, there was only you. I should have wrote you more letters, I should have tried to see you more, but somehow the work I was doing always seemed more important. That's not the right word. More pressing? Yeah, that's it, pressing. Either way, it was my fault. I've been getting told a lot lately that I shouldn't beat myself up over stuff, but when it comes to you, to us, I deserve it.
Anyway, I'm doing good. I hope you are, too. I really want us to be able to get together again someday and laugh about old times. No fire wine this time.
Yours, Sokka.
P.S. I'd tell you where to send letters to me, but we're on the move a lot.
-888-
"Dear Nekka,
Hey, long time no see. I hope this letter finds you well. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you, or take you back to the Northern Water Tribe. I hope you made it home safe.
I really can't thank you enough. The world owes you big time, so don't take any nonsense from anybody. Out of all of us, I think you suffered the most. Everyone says you'll never be the same as you were, but I'm pulling for ya. I once kissed a girl with white hair, you know.
Uh, don't take that the wrong way. Man, letters are awkward. Azula says thanks, too. No, really. Anyway, I was hoping you could thank Dekken for me, and Chief Arnook if you see him. Finding messenger hawks and couriers is kinda hard, otherwise I'd send my 'thank yous' to everyone.
Take care, Nekka.
Your friend, Sokka.
P.S. I've said prayers for Sifu Misso. I won't forget him."
-888-
"Dear Katara,
I love you. I don't think I've said that often enough. It feels weird, like it should go without saying. Maybe it does. Sorry for being weird. I'm sorry for a lot of things. Everything, really. As messed up as it was, I did it all to protect you, but I guess I was the one who needed help, not you. You're the strong one, Katara, and I don't mean just for your bending.
I get scared when I think about you. Those last few weeks we were together I felt like something between us was broken. I'm probably the one who broke it. Please tell me it's not broken forever. I'm sorry for keeping secrets from you. That was a huge breach of trust and you have every right to feel like you do, but I hope you'll let me build that trust back again.
I can't apologize for loving Azula. I know you don't like it, and I get why, I really do, but I can't apologize for her.
On a lighter note, we're both doing pretty good. I can't say too much about where we are and what we're up to, not until after the equinox, hopefully we can meet up soon and by then Zuko will have calmed down. Anyway, say hi to everyone for me just in case my letters don't all get through.
Love, Sokka."
-888-
"Dear Suzi,
I hope you're doing well. I've been sending letters to everybody I didn't get a chance to say everything to before I left. I think you and I had a good talk last we saw each other, but it felt wrong not to write to you.
I think your dad would be proud of you. You put your neck on the line for not a lot in return, and even before that you did a lot to keep me sane during those years I spent as an ambassador. Just so we're clear, I never lost sight of who you really were, even though you look like someone else I know.
Take care, Suzi. I may find myself in need of a Fire Nation-style breakfast someday soon.
Your friend, Sokka.
P.S. Tell your mom thanks for everything."
-888-
"Mai and Ty Lee,
First, sorry for not sending you each a letter, but sending these things is getting rough and I never know what to say in them. Second, thanks for everything. I know that doesn't really cut it given how much I owe you, but it's all I can do for now. I hope I get the chance to get to know you two a little better down the road, you both seem pretty cool. Not seem. You are pretty cool. Way cool. Ugh. I hate letters.
Uh, Azula is doing okay. I thought you might want to know that. I think she's grateful to the people who helped us, but you know how she is. I don't want to put words in her mouth and I know how anything I say about her will sound, so I won't go into it. Anyway, take care.
Your pal,
Sokka.
P.S. Ty Lee, keep an eye on Suki for me."
-888-
"Zuzu,
Where do I begin? Sokka has convinced me to write this stupid letter in the belief it will make me feel better about you somehow. Given that it will likely never reach you, I find saying anything of use to be rather difficult. On second thought, perhaps that makes this easier.
If I didn't know you any better, Zuzu, I'd be tempted to say you've proven yourself stronger than I thought. That's certainly what it looks like on the outside, but I know the truth. You treated me like you did because you feared me. And who can blame you? I did everything I could to make everyone I knew live in terror of what I could do to them. I think even father would have come to fear me in time, and given how he handles such things perhaps it's for the best the war turned out like it did.
Since I'll likely burn this letter when I'm finished, I may as well tell you that I was wrong about fear. I should have known, given what happened to grandfather. He thought fear would protect him, that it was safer to be feared rather than loved because fear is the single greatest motivating force a human can experience.
But it's not, Zuzu, as I'm sure you know. How many times did you risk life and limb to restore your lost honor? Your shame was stronger than your fear.
The funny part is, I should have known fear's limits long before I pushed them to the breaking point. I know something about fear, Zuko, and not just how to instill it in others. I've felt it quite acutely, actually. I'm sure you've heard by now what really happened to me in the south pole? The real reason why I woke up screaming the nights after I returned home, my leg still broken. You can't imagine it, Zuzu, the horror. It's no simple terror, no quick blood rush caused by a sudden threat to your life, but something so much more. It lingers, you see. Much like the pain from a broken bone. There's the initial snap, you barely feel it, you're not even sure what's happened, but then comes the agony. It's not as sharp as the initial hurt, but it's strong, but worst of all it's enduring. It may leave you alone for a moment, but that's just so you can appreciate it all the more when it comes roaring back! Even after you're supposedly healed, on rainy, dark days you can still remember the screaming ache. It's just reminding you is all, making sure you don't forget about it, otherwise it might come back in full force and never stop.
Ah, but I digress. Badly, it seems. The point I'm making, should you need it spelled out for you, is as powerful as fear can be there are things more powerful still. Love, for instance. And I don't mean false love, something faked, but the real thing. It's like fire, Zuzu. I don't know if you felt it with Mai, but if you did...well, it's your life, do what you like, just stop being afraid of me.
I know you'll take that as all the more reason to be afraid. Perhaps I'll think up some token of good will, some gesture or action that will make you finally trust me, but until then let me just wish you all the best, and long may you reign.
Regards,
Azula.
P.S. Forever is a long time, Zuzu, so don't even think about letting anyone in my room, and don't touch any of my things."
-888-
"Sokka,
You need to send me a letter as soon as you can. I've sent this to a dozen different places where you might turn up. Zuko says he won't punish you or Azula. He's as worried as everyone else is about you two. Yes, I said you two.
Sokka, we won. For good this time. Maybe you know all too well, but the star-spawn were defeated at the south pole. It looked pretty bad for a while. A few days before the spring equinox, they launched a massive assault on the outpost and for a while the Old One's machine didn't work. If the Earth Kingdom hadn't sent help when they did, I don't think we would have pulled through. Sokka, those monsters were holding back when they were chasing us. Some of those things they sent to the south I'll never forget as hard as I try. How could anything like that have lived on earth? I'd pray to the universe that they're all gone, but Sokka, I don't think I want the universe to know I exist.
Sorry. I'm okay. There's a few things you should know. Toph got hurt pretty bad. She's one of the reasons we're all still here, and she'll make a full recovery under my care, but we almost lost her. I'm trying not to cry thinking about how close she was.
The Old One is dead. It was destroyed by the shoggoths while trying to turn the machine back on. I don't know how you feel about it, him, it, whatever, and truth be told I don't know how to feel either. All I know is it wanted to help us, for whatever reason.
Just so you know, the Mechanist sent word that the Northern Air Temple was torn apart. It happened not long after you and Azula were there, we think. You guys ended up doing the right thing when you got the crystal out of there.
Nekka said the machine should run fine on its own, and even if it doesn't we won't have to worry about this again for a long, long time. She tried to explain just how long, to comfort us I think, but that kind of stuff gets creepy.
Sokka, we heard stories from the people who fought in the tunnels about blue fire and lightning . Someone also said they found a broken boomerang, but it got lost and I never saw it to know if it was Water Tribe make. Sokka, please, come back. Send word. Go to the Fire Nation, go to our village, I don't care just please let me know you're alive. Nothing was ever broken between us. Bent a little, but never broken. You'll always be my brother.
I love you,
Katara."
-888-
General Iroh,
Greetings from the Northern Water Tribe, I hope this letter reaches you in good health. We didn't get to know each other very well during all the trouble, but since then I've heard a great deal about you, and especially the Order of the White Lotus. I've done some research of my own into the group and what I've learned is the reason I'm contacting you now.
I've given a great deal of thought to my words, for I don't wish to sound presumptuous, but I fear I may, so please forgive me, and also forgive me if I meander, for the point I'm tying to make is both crucial and difficult to explain.
We were lucky to have thwarted Cthulhu and his minions on earth. I don't mean to disparage anyone, but it would not be unreasonable to say that good fortune can lay claim to the moose lion's share of the credit. Just think, where would we be right now if three years ago Sokka had not gone to intercept that airship over the south pole? What would have happened had not those singular events played themselves out exactly as they did? We would have been completely in the dark as to the forces that moved against us and in all likelihood would not have prevailed.
As a historian, I can't begin to tell you how powerful the corrosive effects of time are. Time wears down mountains, dries up seas, and some doomsayers claim will even snuff out the sun one day. As for human works and accumulated knowledge, time washes these things away like sand on a rock. Ask Wan Shi Tong how easily knowledge slips away into dust and ruin.
The stars will not be in alignment to facilitate Cthulhu's return for a very long time. I suspect our race will have long since vanished by then, but given some of the other beings that have been encountered during these happenings, I worry that we still have much to fear from beings that dwell in the Outside.
I dream about them sometimes. More so than any human should. I hope you won't take that admission as a sign of madness. I think you know better.
To my point, since the White Lotus has existed for centuries, it is a group that possesses a great deal of institutional memory. Normally, the accumulated knowledge of an individual dies with them. All that survives is what they taught others who live on and teach in turn. When formalized, a great deal of knowledge can be passed down and kept, for lack of a better phrase, in mind.
You may be thinking that the Avatar, with his connection to his past lives, serves this role admirably, but I would point out that much of the avatar's strength in this regard was nearly lost. Twice, if you think about it, and who knows what may happen in the future?
I apologize for the lengthy discourse, I'll get to the point, and again, forgive my presumptuousness.
I'd like to ask the White Lotus to serve as caretakers of a certain type of lore previously studied and sought out only by lonely scholars, maladjusted mystics, and callous knowledge spirits. In the hands of the White Lotus, such lore would be protected and bits and pieces passed down to trusted individuals who would keep a sort of watch on strange world events, that way we would not be caught unprepared against threats from the Outside.
I will await your response, and I will understand if this is not something the White Lotus feels is appropriate for it to undertake, but I feel this needs to be done by someone, somewhere.
With respect,
Nekka."
-888-
"Dear Gran Gran,
I owe you a lot of letters. I've been pretty busy this past year. I'm guessing news has probably reached you about why. It's a pretty crazy story and I can't wait to tell it to you, I just don't know when I'll be able to, and it's kinda long to put in a letter. There's some stuff I want to tell you, though, stuff I want to get off my chest that I can't really tell anyone else.
The problem is, you might technically be the last person I want to know this. I'm sorry for saying that, it's just that I remember how much I hated the Fire Nation after what happened to mom, and I know they were making us suffer long before that, so...
I'm sorry, Gran Gran, I shouldn't make assumptions about you. I know I've always been able to tell you anything and so here it goes.
I'm in love with a Fire Nation girl. That doesn't sound so bad, but hang on. You might want to sit down, actually.
It's Princess Azula.
Yeah, that Princess Azula. I want to say that what you've heard is exaggerated, but it's not. Complicated, is the best spin I could put on her, and I know that's a tough thing for a guy to say about his girlfriend. I dunno, maybe you know how I feel just a little bit.
I don't want to say I've made a mistake, because I haven't. I love her, Gran Gran, I really do. For a while I thought it was just because we'd been through some hard times together, alone, but it's more than that. I've been in love before, I know what it feels like. I can picture you laughing now for some reason, but trust me on this.
As you might expect, all my friends hate her. And I can't really blame them. We went through kind of the same thing with Zuko, but in the end he came around and did what was right. You can't say the same for Azula. Sure, she fought to save the world from an evil spirit, but that's kinda the same thing as saving yourself, you know?
Don't tell anyone I said this, Gran Gran, and burn this letter after you're done, but the thing about Azula is all the bad stuff, it's there. I think she doesn't act on a lot of it because of me, but if I wasn't here, I think she'd be back to her old self. I feel like an elbow leech for saying that, but it's true, and I think even she'd admit it.
So why am I with her? Why did I choose her over all my friends and family? I don't know, and it's driving me kinda crazy. I don't regret being with her, I love her like I said. Maybe that's it. Do you need a reason to love somebody? Does it have to be because of something, or can it just kinda be there? She's not just what everyone says, there's stuff I think only I see. Her mother left her when she was little and I think deep down that hurt her really badly. It's a crazy story, kind of a family secret I shouldn't say too much about, but her mother left to protect Zuko from their dad. Azula is convinced, even now, that her mother hated her. I don't think that's true, but it's a subject I know better than to argue with her over. I know what it's like to have a mother taken, but I can't say how I'd feel if I thought she abandoned me.
I just realized something. Me, my friends, everybody, we all understand something about loss, about pain, so why can't we seem to understand each other? If they could hear Azula cry in her sleep like she does sometimes...
Yeah, burn this letter after you're done, because if she ever reads it, she's gonna burn me.
Speaking of Azula's mother, I think we're going to go looking for her. I haven't quite sold Azula on the idea yet, and I'd rather no one tell Zuko. Not because I don't want him to know what happened to his mom, but because, one, there's no telling what he'll do with Azula if he comes across her, and two, I don't even know if we can find her and I don't want to stir something up I can't finish.
And if we don't find her, maybe we'll at least find my space sword. Darn thing had to have landed somewhere.
I know you can't write me back, Gran Gran, so I'm not looking for advice, I just wanted someone to know this stuff who could keep it a secret. Maybe I'll visit, soon. I hope we'll be welcome. Tell Pakku, or Gramp Gramp if he's open to that kind of thing yet, that I said hi.
Love,
Sokka.
P.S. I sent a letter to Katara by way of you. Don't know if it got though, but I did get one from her that said she was pretty worried. So, if you get this letter and not the other one, tell Katara I'm fine and that I love her."
The end.
Author's notes:
Well, that's it. I hope the ending didn't disappoint. I know some people wanted a big showdown with Great Cthulhu himself, but I thought a battle with his minions recounted in a letter was more of a Lovecraftian ending. I've always viewed this fic as more of a love story than anything else, so Sokka and Azula living ambiguously ever after seemed like a fine 'ol conclusion to me.
First, everyone thank Lord Annaymoss for volunteering to be a beta reader. Some of these chapters were quite long and he got nothing in return for his proofreading efforts.
Second, thanks to everyone who left a review and double thanks to everyone who left a long review. It's nice to write something that people get invested in.
"Will there be a sequel!?" I imagine you asking.
I'm going to cop out and tell you that I honestly don't know. On the one hand, it could happen. I left it open, there's plenty of material, plenty of things for the characters to settle with each other, etc. On the other hand, I am trying to write an original novel and that sort of thing takes time and creative energy. Also, there's something to be said for knowing when to stop. You don't want to read a crappy third installment, and I'd hate to write one.
But, if I get inspiration and a bit of time, who knows? I can see writing a third installment as a cure for writer's block on the other story.
Anyway, I thought I'd leave you all with some fun facts about this story.
-The Night-Gaunts and ghouls are from H.P. Lovecraft's Dream Cycle stories, which blend with the Cthulhu Mythos. Zan is based of a Lovecraft story titled, "The Music of Erich Zann." He appears fairly bastardized in this story. The star-spawn, too, I took many liberties with. They seem to be a cross between Zerg from Starcraft and Wyrm-spawn, from a table-top role-playing game called Werewolf: The Apocalypse.
-In an early draft, it was Night-Gaunts who harried Azula and Sokka during their travels, but I changed it to star-spawn to clean things up a bit.
-In the very first draft, the catalyst for getting the "gaang" back together was an airship crash at a festival. Think the Hindenburg.
-My first thought for this story was to blend Avatar with Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth, and have Azula interact with the rest of the gaang as they went...to the center of the earth for some reason. It was going to have lizard people. I put in a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea nod instead.
-I was going to have Azula die a heroic, maybe ambiguous, death at the end, and while the idea holds a lot of appeal still, I wanted a happy ending for her.
-The story went off the rails in a bad way during the first draft. It was after they escaped Nyarlathotep. Waterbending abortion is all I'll say about it.
-Read The Call of Cthulhu to get the boat joke in the Outer-Maw chapter.
-Outer-Maw is a horrible play on the name Innsmouth, as in "The Shadow over Innsmouth," another Lovecraft classic.
-I thought about having Nekka be evil, but I couldn't think of a reason why.
-Many of the latter chapters were re-written to make Zuko seem like less of a jerk.
-The epilogue is a nod to Lovecraft, as most of his stories were in the first-person and in the form of letters.
-A few people sent me links to songs this fic made them think of. I was listening to Biloxi Parish and The Backseat by the Gaslight Anthem, and Blood Loss by The Horrible Crows (Same band more or less) while writing this. Obviously I'm more of a tone person than a lyrics type of guy when it comes to writing and tunes.
That's it. Hope you enjoyed the story.
