Xanxus' Adventures in Parenthood Piracy by InsaneScriptist

Beta'd by the memorable Umei no Mai

Summary: Xanxus could only blame the damn scientists for stranding him in an alternate dimension. However Xanxus could only blame himself for allowing that woman to foist her child onto him. Drabble fic.


Cooldown

Xanxus held onto that dangerous unhealthy calm throughout the informative but lacking in detail legend, through leaving Rosso's shop and back across town until he entered Barret's workshop.

It was a state of mind that only assassins truly ever mastered, and very few of them at that. A precise calm where everything was noted, cataloged, dismissed if necessary and allowed an assassin to do anything, absolutely anything that needed to be done. From killing friends, to torturing family, murdering mentors, dismembering students, slaughtering Kings and peasants and everyone in between no matter the mountains of casualties that piled up.

It was a calm capable of ending nations, and Xanxus needed every bit of it.

This state of mind was similar to an auto-pilot, where the assassin was nothing but a living, breathing machine. This was beyond a killer's nirvana, or a murderer's enlightenment. It was to truly be an assassin, the truth of it rarely touched and for good reason. The state of mind was addictive in its objectivity. It was a false power, but addicting all the same as it rid the mind of all distractions but the goal.

Xanxus knew precisely how many people saw him exit Rosso's shop and cross town to Barret's workshop and that number was precisely one. One of Barret's daughters, who squeaked as he glanced her way.

The number of people who felt a predator, and death, pass them by was far, far higher.

Frosty

Despite all appearances to the contrary, Xanxus had mastered his wrath, his anger, his fury and his hate. They were all old friends and well-acquainted with each other. He could call upon each with ease and use them with the same amount of dexterity as he could his hands, his will and his flames.

This meant that in addition to only getting mad when it suited his purposes, barring one of his temper triggers, he could also channel his anger into something productive when it was too great to simply be suppressed.

So he was going to do that.

Embroiled

Loosing himself in his hobby work was one way Xanxus could work off his anger. Generally his way of working off stress and temper was by violence; blood and a cooling body of ash drifting away were just the things to make the assassin return to a reasoning state of mind, as killing was why that state of mind existed in the first place. Alcohol was a second but dealing with other people in this state would result in a lot of dead bodies, not to mention a mess he had no interest in being caught in.

Working it off while crafting guns worked but compared to a few dead bodies, it was slow going. That was fine; Xanxus wanted to keep his anger, his madness and let it war with cold logic and even more frigid objectives. He came up with the best ideas and plots when coldly furious like this.

During the days he was young enough to require tutors, his favorite tutor had told him that as a Boss, his anger had to be cold, it had to be well-reasoned and it had to be legendary. That was back when he was still learning about the Vongola's former Bosses and it was those words that caused him to latch onto Secondo as his personal role model. He remembered those words and used them to this day. It made his plots ingenious and original should a stock answer -generally kill or cripple- not fit requirements like the Ring Battles.

The whole Ring Battle mess was really just a contrived test. Xanxus really wanted the Vongola Sky Ring and all it represented, but knew he lacked the blood requirement. That pissed him off because the Ninth had lied to him for years, letting him believe and work for a title that would always be out just of his reach. The Cradle Affair was more of Xanxus showing that the Ninth was too damn old for his position since he couldn't even predict what his adopted son could do when angered, so how was he going to deal with the other bosses and players in the Mafia? It had been a bloody affair since he hadn't reined in his men and it ended with him frozen for years on end.

Still, the wimp they wanted as Decimo needed toughening up faster than Reborn was going to be able to do it, which was a conclusion Xanxus reached while high on pain medications after being defrosted. Being injured and treated for his freezer burn, allowed him to catch up on the paperwork, research and deal with everything he had missed while spending eight years on ice. He didn't know what sort of voodoo Lussuria had created to hide most of his scars -he had his suspicions that it was actually Mammon's work using an illusion that fed off of his own energy- but it worked to hide the worst of the burns so long as he watched his temper. The scars also didn't hamper his flexibility or physical capabilities in the least either, which was more Lussuria's work than anything else. The fact that he could blink was proof that Lussuria was a much better healer than fighter.

Thus the plan Xanxus proposed to the Ninth that involved a lot of intricate timing that wouldn't be possible if Xanxus didn't take the whole 'loser serves the winner' seriously in addition to being Varia Quality. The Ninth might have been losing his mental edge but he was still powerful enough to shut him down in a rage which mollified his adopted son. It also wouldn't have worked if the Ninth hadn't trusted Xanxus completely and vice versa, so it was a test for his old man and his adopted son as much as it was for the Sawada brat. It worked to mostly nullify his adopted son's anger at him too, which needed to happen because he was nearly crazy from it.

The Ninth might have protested, as did the Ninth's Guardians, but the old man was up for playing hard ball with his heir, because that sniveling little shit had Reborn backing him and if the Ninth trusted anyone who wasn't Family he trusted Reborn.

As far as Xanxus knew, no one had figured out that he and the Ninth orchestrated the entire Ring Battle. Reborn and Colonello might have suspected -especially when Squalo retreated from the battle field by faking his death and Mammon actually lost- but the fact that the whole intricate plan fooled the CEDEF and even Reborn for a time spoke to Xanxus' ability to plot and plan. Not using Flames either despite that being a Varia requirement was also a clue but that could be brushed off as Varia arrogance.

This time he wasn't under any orders but his own, but he was getting a grip on this new dimension. He didn't know how long he'd be here, but that was no reason to not plan for the future was there?

Emerge

Xanxus didn't leave the workshop as he worked with his third weapon. At the moment all the metal work was finished leaving the finishing touches on the wood to be completed.

He was still angry but now it was controllable, so long as no one triggered it; that's when dead bodies would happen. He wouldn't even be capable of approaching civil for a few more days but he didn't exactly have the time or inclination to be civil within the week. Not unless he wanted to ruin opportunities that would be priceless.

He had two more shooting competitions that he was going for -for the prize money, even if he'd have to get his marine identity out again for one of them- and then there was the auction. Unlike his home dimension, public order wasn't very orderly so having weapons was sensible and there would be lots of bidders that wouldn't just be fanatics or collectors. His creations would be used, and used well. This would translate into being popular, even among the higher-classes, nobility and the like. That's why he was actually going all out for some of the designs on some of his creations, as they'd appeal to the aesthetics.

He knew from experience that any high class auction was going to have an after party where people would mingle, make deals, enemies, economic allies and gossip. Depending on how the auction was organized it could even have a more dubious section with only god knew what on sell. He would also have to be civil unless he had someone to do it for him.

Wasn't it wonderful that there was a young woman with decent business sense right next door? He'd have to convince her tomorrow before he had to be a marine recruit for a while. Then he'd have to give her a crash-course on being Squalo; shouldn't be that hard since she was motivated.

He then finished his third creation of the day, noticed that someone had brought him in dinner -probably Cordelia since she was the least intrusive of the lot- and realized that cultivating the Clydes was a damn good idea. Now he just had to sell the idea the right way, because while their father was 'mostly worthless' by Squaletta's estimate, the older gunsmith was still smarter than Iemitsu whose only redeeming features were his strength and blind loyalty. If the former head of CEDEF wasn't stupidly easy to manipulate or predict, the Ring Battles would never have happened.

Products

The three weapons he had made were Belladonna, Lavender and Yew. This time he really did mean their names in the language of flowers.

Belladonna was a lovely rifle, made to be more accurate than Elianto at longer ranges. She was also very quiet as testing that morning proved. Unlike Elianto's tribal designs or Iride's flourishes, Belladonna was an understated beauty, with delicate and subtle etchings.

Lavender was meant for a lady to arm herself with. After his initial tests, he had Cordelia shoot it, as it was tiny but powerful. Cordelia proved competent, but eyed Belladonna with interest. Melrose really took to Lavender, but that didn't surprise Xanxus; despite the boy's unfortunate name, he really exemplified what Lavender meant. If the boy wasn't a Mist or a Rain, Xanxus would be honestly surprised. He could even have both Rain and Mist Flames like Squalo did; as far as Xanxus knew, no one but Mammon knew that Squalo had Mist Flames or suspected he could use them well either.

Yew was much like Iride, but instead of having a fluer-de-lis pattern, the pistol was decorated in a way that showed why it was named such. The metal of it was lightly etched showing branches and the Yew's characteristic branches and leaves. The wood was much darker than Iride's but that was a product of a stain on the wood. He had then delicately carved more branches and leaves into it, poured a lighter solution into the carvings and the result had the amount of detail on the woodwork highlighted.

Upon testing Belladonna, Xanxus realized none of the higher classed morons would appreciate her, so Elianto would be up for auction instead.

That reminded him: that he needed to shanghai the Squalette into becoming his assistant for the auction's after-party. Shouldn't be too hard if he promised her a commission; Mammon was easily manipulated like that too.


That comment about anger that inspired Xanxus to master his? It's from a Naruto fic. I forget which, but it sticks with you.