Chapter 28: Greendale Grumblings

Summary: The gang returns to GCC and everyone might be a little upset. Especially Abed.

The rest of winter break went by quickly. Jeff logged serious hours at the firm -to keep the hobmuncher in cheese crackers and other fine things - while Annie got a start on reading her criminology textbook. They kept Sophie entertained while managing some time alone by taking up Trobed's liberal offers of free babysitting.

Near the end of break, Annie invited Anthony over for lunch. Jeff decided to make himself scarce so they could catch up. He spent some much-needed time at the gym working on his abs - Annie liked his abs - and was relieved to come home and find Annie in a good mood.

When he inquired about the status of her mother however, he was aware he had stepped into a sticky situation.

"She's impossible. Do you know how many times she's called me this week?" Annie smacked one of the throw pillows.

"I thought she was going to give you space?" He gingerly slid onto the couch next to her, eyeing the now smooshed pillow.

"My mother doesn't know the definition of space…. oh, unless she disowns you." Annie said the last part through gritted teeth.

He did his best to comfort her, reaching over to give her a shoulder massage. As he began, he said, "God, you're tense."

In reply, Annie said, "I've been putting together a scrapbook of Sophie photos for her. I'm sorting it by chronology, birth to now."

He frowned as he continued kneading her shoulders. "Really? But I thought you were mad at her. That seems like a lot of work."

She sighed, scooting over so he could work her right side a bit more. "It's better than talking to her. And I know it'll keep her sated for a little while until I figure out how to handle things."

"Sated?"

"She's been saying she feels she's missed out on Sophie's life. And I know my mom. She'll calm down if I give her a bunch of pictures." She added with a mutter, "She might even convince herself that she was there."

Jeff felt Annie's shoulders tighten even further. "They're like a rock."

"I need a release."

"He leaned down and placed a kiss on the side of her neck. Well, if you…"

She interjected, "I've decided I'm going to take up karate."

"Oookay. Yeah, um, you should do that."

"But I need to get to an AA meeting first."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Abed scanned the study room table, his eyes momentarily shining before resuming their usual neutral stare.

Troy leaned over with a grin. "What is it? Are you happy we're all back together for spring semester? Cause I am!"

Abed continued to watch as the others settled into their seats. Britta had carpooled with them after being out most of the night before, hence she was now slowly bobbing her head behind dark sunglasses, attempting and then missing sipping her coffee. To her left, a frowning Jeff was in the middle of arranging Sophie in the booster seat next to him. Annie was cheerfully laying out various baggies of snacks in front of Sophie. His eyes went to Shirley. She was making cooing noises as she waived to a grumpy Sophie.

"Daddy, no! Fee do id self."

Jeff sighed as he adjusted the straps. "No, munchkin. I have to do this."

"No."

Annie placed Hillary Rodham Kitten in front of Sophie, which to Jeff's relief, elicited a smile.

Bored, Abed turned his attentions to Pierce, who was attempting to throw a spitball in Shirley's direction. He kept missing, inadvertently letting the gob fly through the air, hitting the side cabinet.

Finally, Abed turned to Troy.

"Hey man, I missed you."

Abed nodded.

"What's up?"

Abed noticed everyone now appeared to be seated. He cocked his head.

Troy bounced in his seat. "Guys! Shh…Abed's ready to make one of his voiceovers!"

In response, Jeff rolled his eyes and took out his phone.

"Fee wan. Gimme."

"Hey." Jeff gave her a stern look and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

Annie smiled sympathetically at him and then reached into the baby bag to find Sophie's plastic phone.

Jeff cleared his throat and sat up straighter, placing his hands flat on the table. In his most sardonic voice, he said, "Okay, Abed. What pray tell do you have to say?"

At that moment, Britta's head thumped face first onto the table. Jeff stared at her in almost disbelief, as she lay there motionless.

Undeterred, Abed righted his head and said, "Strange, it almost seems like we've been off the air for three months and now we're back. Has there been any character development during this time or were we all merely static as if in hibernation?"

"Oh the hell now, what?"

Annie gave Jeff a sharp look and then sat up even straighter, her hands clasped together on the table. "Abed, um, what do you mean by off the air for three months?"

Abed nodded vigorously. "Haven't you noticed? It's March. The last time we were on the network schedule it was December."

Shirley exchanged alarmed looks with Annie and then turned her attentions to the matter. She cooed, "That's not true, Abed. Why, it's January. We all saw each other before the holidays, and while I wasn't invited, I heard the rest of you had a lovely Christmas at Jeff's mother's house."

Jeff shirked in his seat.

Pierce scoffed. "Well, I wasn't invited either."

Shirley snapped at him, "Well next time don't go running off and then show up at my front door naked."

"Now, Shirley, that's not entirely true…"

Abed slapped his hand on the table. "Enough! I'm confused. It's March."

Troy inched his chair a little closer. He whispered loudly, "No man, she's right. It's January."

Abed's looked down at the table, his shoulders hunched. "Oh."

The group members, minus Britta, exchanged looks and mouthed silently to each other. Suddenly Abed's head jerked back up.

"Okay! What have I missed?"

Shirley smiled at him sweetly. "Well Abed, today's the first day of the new semester. Jordan and Elijah are back at school, my mother's watching Ben so I don't have to put him in that horrible daycare center - sorry Annie and Jeff - and Andre and I are more loving and closer than ever."

Abed yawned.

"I saw that, boy. I know you don't yawn. You're not normal."

Unperturbed by Shirley's rudeness, Troy merely shrugged. "It's true. I yawn in front of him sometimes just to see what he'll do, and nothing. It's freaky. And adorable." He leaned over with a grin.

Abed nodded at him twice.

There was a snore from Jeff's right. He continued to stare at Britta incredulously.

Annie chirped in, "I love my new semester! I'm going full on with my change in major. I enrolled in a criminology class. Rumor has it, the professor is a-ma-zing!" She clapped her hands. She then pursed her lips for a moment in thought before she resumed her cheery intonation and added, "True, he's supposed to be a little stern, and sometimes more than scary, but I'm sure I'll learn a ton, and I'm so excited!" She bounced in her seat.

Jeff smiled over at Annie, his eyes twinkling at her enthusiasm.

"Yay, Mama! Yay!"

As Pierce attempted to speak, Abed cut in, "That's interesting, Annie. We've met various professors here at Greendale, most notably the evil SantaWizard, but we've never had a criminology professor before. Does this mean we introduce a new character?"

Annie smiled nervously. "I guess?"

"Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool."

At that moment, the Dean literally swept into the room. He had a broom and was making a sweeping gesture, dressed in a tasteful orange taffeta skirt.

"Why, hell-oo to my favorite study group! I'm still doing some spring-cleaning! It's gonna be a dazzling semester!"

"Yay! Id da dean!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Annie, as usual, sat in her front row seat. She began to arrange three purple pens to her right, making sure they were lined up evenly.

Just in case. You never know when one might stop working.

She smiled in satisfaction and then pulled out her criminology textbook, opening to chapter five.

There was a loud sigh from the front desk, where a gruff-looking balding man stared at her.

Annie looked up, her expression tightening into a pristine smile. She squeaked, "Oh, hello Professor! I didn't see you enter!"

"What the hell are you doing?"

Annie glanced down at her textbook, frowning in confusion. "I wanted to get a good seat, so I came here early. And I like to do some reading before lecture so that I'm prepared."

The professor shook his head and let out a low whistle. "You're damn early. Twenty minutes. And from the looks of it…" He rose and walked over to her desk, squinting toward the textbook. "You're kidding me? Chapter five? Today's the first class!"

Annie looked up at him and nodded several times with a grin. "I know! I'm so excited to take this class! It's my first criminology course. I want to go into forensics!"

His eyebrows rose slightly before quickly resuming their position. He shrugged as he turned to walk back to his desk. "Whatever works for you. I appreciate the enthusiasm. That's new."

Annie let out a nervous laugh. "Oh come on. It's criminology! Surely everyone else is just as excited as I am!"

He turned around and furrowed his brow at her, his mouth twitching slightly as he attempted to suppress either a growl or a smile.

She tilted her head. "What?"

"Are you a transfer student or something?"

"No, why?"

He shrugged again and then made his way back to the front desk. He hummed to himself as he pulled out a notepad, a black sharpie, and his reading glasses.

Annie beamed over at him. "I'm so thrilled you're here early too! It's like we're both so excited to start! I bet you're preparing a wonderful lecture today!'

He gave her another confused look and glanced down at some partially drawn figures of a duck on his notepad. He raised his head, noticing she was now half standing and attempting to catch a glimpse of his materials. He promptly turned the notebook to a blank page. To his bemusement, her face fell and she sat back down.

At that moment, there was a buzzing sound. She frantically grabbed her phone out of her purse with a sheepish look. "I'm so sorry!"

He grunted, "It's okay. We're not in class yet." He began to examine his figures.

"I know! I'm sorry!" She looked at the display, her eyes widening. "I need to take this. It's the daycare center."

Without looking up, he shrugged again.

She jumped to her feet, scurrying to the back of the room to take the call.

About a minute later, she returned, again smiling slightly at him as she resumed her seat. "I really am sorry. She just needed her blanket for naptime. We must have left it in the car. I called her father, and he's going to get it, so it's not a problem. I can stay."

The professor shook his head in exasperation as he leaned back in his chair, crossing one foot over his knee. Lacing his fingers across his stomach, he said, "You got a kid? Cause if you don't, that was a mighty confusing string of sentences."

Annie blushed as she began to re-arrange her pens. "Um, yes. I have a daughter. She's two and a half."

"Ah."

"Her name's Sophie."

The professor suddenly righted himself in the chair, his foot falling back to the ground. He cleared his throat.

"Wait, are you Annie Edison?"

Annie smiled. "Why yes. How did you know?"

"I've heard about you. I don't think we've met properly. I'm Professor Buzz Hickey."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Annie leaned against the wall in the women's restroom. Clutching her books to her chest, she frowned as Britta attempted to lean toward the mirror and examine her eyes.

"They aren't too red are they?"

Annie groaned. "They're fine."

"Are you sure? Cause I'm starting to call attention to myself with the sunglasses. And I keep bumping into things. This place is way too dark."

The toilet flushed in the middle stall and Shirley emerged. She made her way over to the sink and began washing her hands. She arched a brow as she noticed Britta's maneuverings.

Annie caught her eye in the mirror.

Grabbing a paper towel to dry her hands, she smiled sweetly at Annie. "What is it?"

Annie's eyes teared up slightly. "Oh, Shirley, I could really use your advice. I don't know what to do about Sophie."

As she continued to examine her face in the mirror, Britta instinctively scowled and mumbled, "The kid's fine. There's absolutely noting wrong with her."

"I didn't say anything was wrong with her. I'm just concerned."

"About what, An-nie?"

Annie let out a long sigh. "We've been trying to get her potty trained. She hasn't seemed ready up until now, but lately she's been showing signs. So we started, and she was doing so well, but then everything changed. Now she's afraid of the potty."

Britta snorted.

Shirley gave her best judgey face in her direction before softening her expression and resuming focusing on Annie. "Oh honey, that's normal. My boys were a little hesitant at first too, but they figured it out. She'll be fine."

Annie said softly, "That's what Jeff's mom said."

Shirley's expression immediately reverted back as she grabbed another paper towel and began wiping her hands vigorously. "Oh, I see, you mean the woman the rest of Greendale has met except for me?"

Annie startled as she watched Shirley rip the sheet in half and begin kneading both parts. She squeaked, "We didn't mean to exclude you! We knew you had plans with your family. We figured you'd rather spend time with them."

Shirley glanced down at the paper clumps in her hands. As if coming out of a trance, she promptly turned and threw them into the waste bin, turning back around to face Annie with a beaming smile. "Oh, of course, An-nie, I do love spending time with my fa-mi-ly."

Annie arched a brow. "Are we cool, Shirley?"

"Of course. Whatever would give you the impression that we weren't?"

"Um, good, because I've been reading books about it but they aren't helping. I could really use your advice as a mother."

Shirley appeared to relax significantly, allowing her big purse to swing at her side. "That's right. Even Jeffrey's mother probably doesn't remember these things, whereas it's only been a few years since I've been through this. I'm the expert."

Ignoring the underlying sleight, Annie nodded. "Right. So what I'm saying is she was fine, and then it abruptly changed. She's scared now. She just looks into it and screams."

Britta stilled.

Shirley stepped forward and furrowed her brow. "Now, An-nie, surely you're exaggerating. Why, that child will be fine. You just need to be consistent."

"I don't know. We've tried everything. But she's sobbing and then she runs out. And it doesn't make any sense because recently she's been asking about the potty, wanting to be a big girl."

Britta broke in, "So something really did change?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"That's the thing. Two days ago!"

Britta closed her eyes and shook her head. Wincing slightly while placing her hand on her brow, she opened her eyes and turned to face Annie and Shirley.

"It was Abed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jeff rounded the corner, his eyes on his phone as he stared at his game score.

"Annie! Stop! Why are you doing this?!"

Jeff's head snapped up at the sound of Troy's cries. He spotted Annie frantically swatting Abed in the chest as Troy looked on with a pained expression. Abed appeared unfazed.

Annie's face was scrunched up in frustration. She swatted Abed one more time before she stepped back and glared at him. "You're terrible. Flushed Away! I can't believe…"

Jeff was at her side. "What's up?"

Keeping her eyes on Abed, she explained, "Abed showed Sophie an inappropriate movie."

Jeff froze.

X

X

X

Once the issue of appropriateness was cleared up, apologies were given, and promises were made to okay further films with Sophie's parents, Jeff took Troy aside, attempting to have a reasonable conversation with him about limits. Although he at times doubted Troy, he did not waver in his belief that between Troy and Abed, Troy was likely the one of reason when it came to child care matters.

"So you get what I'm saying? Just because Abed thinks something is cool doesn't mean it's cool cool cool."

Troy nodded gravely. "I get it. I'm really sorry. And just so you know, we didn't show it to her. I was watching it, and she woke up from her nap and caught part of it. We didn't realize she was scared."

Jeff patted him lightly on the shoulder. "It's okay. Could have been worse."

Troy hunched forward dejectedly. "I don't want Sophie to be afraid of the potty. I mean, I may have an irrational fear of automatic toilets, which may have been why I was watching the movie to desensitize myself and uh, face my fear, not that it turns out there were any automatic toilets in it, but at least I know it's irrational. Like I'm pretty darn sure. But she like doesn't even know that, man. Poor Sophie."

Jeff glossed over Troy's ramblings and merely said with another pat, "She'll be fine. Just run the viewing list past us, first."

"Got it."

Jeff rolled his eyes as Troy began to sniffle.

"Look, we're not that mad."

"Annie is."

"She's not, really…"

He looked up sheepishly. "You'll let us babysit again?"

Jeff stared at him in disbelief. "Of course. Why would you think we wouldn't?"

"Cause we lost her, and now the potty thing." Troy began to bite on one of his knuckles and whine.

Jeff gave him one more firm pat and said with as much authority and assurance as he could muster, "She wasn't in danger. You can still babysit."

Troy sniffed and wiped his eye with the back of his hand. He muttered, "Really? Cause now that Sophie's real uncle is around, we weren't sure if you guys needed us anymore."

Overhearing his words, Annie turned from her stare down with Abed, quickly closing the distance between them as she pulled Troy into an embrace.

She said resolutely, "You will always be important to us. And you are her real uncles."

With a sigh, Jeff motioned for Abed to join them. He plodded over, dropped his backpack on the floor and allowed Annie, Jeff, and Troy to envelope him in a group hug.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Britta sidled up to Jeff as he strutted toward the biology lab.

Ignoring her, he made sure to keep his textbook placed just so at his side.

"You're such a dork."

Jeff squinted as he kept his eyes ahead, careful not to look too interested in making it to his destination in time. But with Britta by his side, he was feeling a need to speed up.

"Go away."

Britta smirked as she struggled to keep pace. "I'm going to the same class, doofus."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"We're on the same biology team."

"What can I say? It's been a long break."

"What is your problem? I spend Christmas with you, and now you're acting like you don't know me."

He abruptly came to a stop and turned to face her. Subsequently, she slammed into his shoulder and they both winced.

"You want to know why I don't want to talk to you right now? I don't know…maybe it's because rumor has it you're dating a professor, a professor who happens to be a friend of mine, and frankly the last thing I want to hear are details about what the two of you do."

Britta opened her mouth wide in protest.

He continued, "So I'm going to avoid you. And him. I don't want to know anything about it. If you can both agree to not discuss it with me, then maybe, just maybe we can revisit things and I will let you both bask in my presence. But alas, until then, I don't want any one-on-one deep meaningful, what is he thinking, oh god the sex is so good or the sex is so bad type of conversations with you."

"Are you finished?"

"God, I hope so. If you will excuse me…."

Before she could stop him, he sauntered quickly, if that was even a thing, down the hallway. She stared after him in bewilderment, marveling at how he always attempted to do his best model walk, even in the hallways of Greendale. She frowned as she wondered what Annie thought about it.

Jeff surreptitiously glanced over his shoulder to make sure she wasn't following. He then rounded the corner, his face lighting up as he spied Annie waiting for him in their prearranged spot. He took a moment to take in the sight of her sitting on the bench, dressed in a knee-length navy skirt and medium purple sweater, her legs crossed primly with biology book balanced on her lap. His eyes lingered on her tapping of a purple pen against her cheek. She appeared deep in thought.

"Milady?"

She raised her head and smiled coyly at him. "Hey."

He sat down next to her, leaning over so that he could see the page in her book. "What is so interesting there?"

"Lots of things." She placed her hand near her clavicle, a pinkness spreading over the same area.

This did not escape his notice. He scooted over even closer and draped his arm over her shoulders. He ducked his head so that she could hear him clearly as he said in a low growl, "While I love to see you so studious, you missed my strut."

She glanced up at him, her eyes shining in mock annoyance. "You're terrible."

"I did it for you."

Britta, who had been slowed down slightly by a screeching Garrett, finally came around the corner. She stopped as she watched them.

"God, get a room."

Despite Britta's retching sounds, the kiss continued.

Leonard stood back up from his space at the drinking fountain and took a few moments to take in the sight. He then turned to Britta. Giving his best Leonard-knowing grin, he said, "That's what I told them at the Tranny Dance."

She rolled her eyes and decided maybe she should skip biology after all. As she turned to leave, Troy slammed into her.

"Hey!"

He smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Britta. You were just standing there, but um, most people would be walking."

Britta glanced back over her shoulder with a scowl and then firmly pushed Troy back around the corner. She continued until they were several feet down the corridor and he was up against a wall.

He looked down at her, a slight squeak to his voice as she said, "Um, so, uh, what are we doing here? Cause I can't. You're dating evil SantaWizard."

She dropped her hand from his chest and stared at him in disbelief. "I am not trying anything! Oh my god. Wait…how come you know about that? And how come Jeff knows about it?"

"About the Wizard?"

"Yeah, about…him." She glanced off to the side.

Troy shrugged. "Abed told me. He said I shouldn't try to get with you." His eyes widening, he gasped, "Not that I mean I like you like that. Cause I don't. That would be ridiculous."

Britta, lessening her defiant posture, frowned. "That would be weird. Aren't you and Abed….?" She looked back up at him and waited for a response.

Troy nodded resolutely. "Of course. Life partners. Soul mates. He's the best."

Britta smiled. "Right."

His voice in a tremble, he quickly added, "But Abed said it would be okay if, you know, hypothetically speaking, we were to go out, not that I'm wanting to do that cause if you're in a thing with the Wizard then that wouldn't be appropriate, but you know, again hypothetically if you were available, Abed would be cool with it. I just have to devote seventy five percent of my time to him."

Britta nodded as if this was the most logical thing in the world. "Got it. But you know, even if I weren't… dating the Wizard, not that I'm admitting that I am cause that's crazy cause I don't really date people, we're roommates, Troy. Even I know that would be a bad idea."

Troy's voice rose another octave as he quickly stated, "But it would only be twenty five percent of a thing. So it's not even really. We'd be friends. But we could um, do other stuff too. And don't worry, cause I would make sure Abed was not around for that. I don't think he'd want to be. Unless you wanted him to be. Okay, forget I said that unless you don't want to forget I said that."

She continued to nod absentmindedly, pausing for a few Troy hopeful moments before shutting him down. "I said it's not a good idea. And the Wizard."

"You just said you weren't dating him."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I didn't really mean that, okay. I was just getting at the fact that I don't want it broadcast around the whole school. Cause it probably won't even work out. And we haven't even talking about if we're exclusive…." She trailed off and looked into space.

"Britta?"

Paling, she whispered, "Oh god, what if I'm in an exclusive relationship and I don't even know it! Oh no….I have to take care of something. Copy your notes?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

"Thanks." She leaned up and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before she scurried off down the hall.

Almost instantly, Abed appeared at his side.

"She's not worth it."

Troy nodded, a dejected look on his face.

Noticing this, Abed looked at him intently. "But you care. Why do you care? I thought we were enough."

Troy turned to Abed with a startle. "We are! You are! I wouldn't have asked her if you hadn't said it was okay!"

Abed cocked his head. "You asked her?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Oh."

"She said no. So, it's cool, right? We're cool cool cool?"

Although Abed was looking at him blankly, Troy could have sworn he caught a snippet of an angry gleam.

"Of course, Troy."