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Chapter 28: Angel Takes Wings

Emmett called yesterday to ask if I'd like to hang out. Evidently he told Rosalie she could take the day to pamper herself and decided he might as well turn his day with Cayden into 'guy time'. I have to admit that I originally felt strange hanging out with Bella's brother, but now I look forward to spending time with Emmett.

"Dude, being a dad is the best feeling in the world," Emmett states with a quiet laugh as we watch Cayden sleep nearby in his swing.

"I bet," I respond as we walk from the living room into the kitchen. I'm amazed at how much the baby resembles Emmett and for maybe the thousandth time I wonder what my baby would have looked like. Would my angel look more like me or Bella, or maybe be the perfect combination of the two of us. I only allow myself a brief moment to dwell on that idea before I come back to the here and now.

The here and now is February thirteenth. That's right…the day before Valentine's Day. The weather in Wildwood is chilly and dark which just so happens to reflect my mood over the past couple days. Thinking about the holiday makes me want to puke.

The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that Jane and I do have plans. Actually, she's making all the plans. All I have to do is open the door when she gets here. And it's not a date, but an anti-Valentine's Day get-together - her words, not mine. I don't give a fuck what we call it as long as I get some action. Our schedules have been so busy we haven't seen each other for two weeks and that much phone sex just doesn't cut it.

Emmett drags me out of my own head when he offers me a beer. I accept gratefully and take a gulp as I continue to look around his newly remodeled kitchen. His house is nice and the kitchen has a very contemporary look. There are black cabinets, stainless steel appliances, high end grey granite counters, and a black crystal chandelier. Emmett hates but Rosalie fell in love with it. Guess we all know who wears the pants in their relationship.

I really like the blue paint that covers the walls. "This color is great."

He shakes his head. "Figures."

"What? You hate the chandelier and the walls?" I joke.

"It's called Lazy Sunday." His answer is sarcastic and he uses air quotes to emphasis just how ridiculous he finds that name. "Bella picked it out."

I shake my head and take another drink, really taking in the color and just how well it complements the rest of the decor. "She has a real eye for color."

"When we remodeled, Rose and I gave her the job of picking out the paint," Emmett explains. "I tease her but she did a great job. I really think she'd be great with interior design or something along those lines."

He's given me the perfect opportunity to ask the question that burns in my mind daily. "How is Bella anyway?" I try to make it sound nonchalant.

He nods thoughtfully before answering. "She's doing well. I'm really proud of her and how she's handling herself out in the real world, out there chasing her dreams." He pauses and looks down at the counter, then back at me. In that small moment his whole demeanor has changed. He's gone from playful to serious.

"Look, I know you had a lot to do with her getting to that place and I just want to say thanks."

I put my hand up to stop him. "Hey, you don't have to -"

"No, I don't," he interrupts, "but I want to."

I nod in understanding. I can see that we will be having this conversation no matter how much I want to avoid it. "I just want what's best for her, Em. Unfortunately, things got pretty out of control. If I could go back I'd definitely do things differently," I admit.

"I'm not sure that's the answer because I think that's part of what drove her to succeed. It's not that I hate you two being together, it's just not easy for me to accept the idea of my baby sister being with some guy my age."

Is he forgetting that I have a younger sister too? "Hey, I get that, but Bella isn't a baby anymore."

"She may not be a baby but Bella has a lot of growing up to do even though she's always been more independent and responsible than other kids her age. I just want her to have the chance to finally act her age. You are a good guy," Emmett says as he points at me with his beer bottle. "And my father's right, Bella could do a lot worse, but I know she isn't ready for all this. She needs to lead her life…not the life of a twenty five year old, man."

"I know that, Em." I don't tell him that it's gut wrenching to admit it though. "I could never be that selfish. She means more to me than that."

Emmett and I are quiet for a minute but I can tell there is something else on his mind. Just as I'm about to tell him to go ahead and say whatever it is he's thinking, he finds the words himself. "Can I ask what happened after Riley's accident? I mean, I know Bella's stubborn, but she got over it. Then right before she left for school she told Rose that you hated her."

I sigh heavily. "I don't think I'm comfortable discussing that. I mean, who am I talking to here? Em my buddy or Emmett the ex girlfriend's brother." Truth be told, the only person I talked to about that incident was Jane and that was only because she was there to see the fallout. Of course Alice always has her way of finding out the truth.

"Should I be worried about her?" he asks, true concern evident in his voice.

I don't know how to answer him so I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. Am I worried about her? I'd be lying if I said no. I constantly wonder what she is doing in Chicago. Is she hooking up with random guys? Is she drinking too much or messing around with harder stuff? Could she end up in a situation like Michelle? I have no idea how she is and no idea how to express my worry to Emmett.

"That was sort of my reason for asking about her," I finally explain.

"If she comes home knocked up..." Emmett begins but can't even finish that thought. I cringe right along with him.

"So she does have a boyfriend." I try to make it sound like I'm stating a fact instead of asking a nosey question. I need to get the information I want no matter how it sounds.

"She insists she isn't in the market for one, but she talks about this Gage guy. A lot," Emmett emphasizes.

I chuckle darkly, set my empty bottle on the countertop and I start peeling at the label. "That's great," I mutter before I can stop myself

"You've heard of him?" Emmett probes, locking his arms and leaning onto the counter. He's entirely focused on me and any information I have to share now.

"He's just some cocky young artist with a big head. Bella and I met him at a show last summer where he was the featured artist. He was all over her. I asked around and found out he's a player."

"Bella insists they're just friends," Emmett offers with a note of hope.

"Really? How long have they been 'just friends'?" I use those words loosely because I know what they can truly mean. After all, Jane and I are 'just friends' too.

"Since Thanksgiving, I guess?"

"Fuck," I groan as I drop my head into my hands, completely overcome by my emotions and my wants. I want to talk to her. I want to forgive her for sleeping with Dean. I want her back in my life, but is it for the right reason or because I'm letting jealousy rule me? One thing I do know that I don't want to be another Renee to her…someone who puts more on her shoulders than she can handle. It doesn't have to be like that though, right?

When I look back up I'm met with Emmett's worried face. "I want to protect her as much as you do Emmett...but she's gotta figure all this out on her own and learn from her mistakes. She's too stubborn and strong willed to do it any other way. I can't interfere with her life." He just continues to stare at me silently.

Before anything else is said Cayden lets us know he is no longer napping. Emmett heads back to the living room to grab him, leaving me with my thoughts of Bella. All this indecision is driving me insane. I know we can't keep up this back and forth because it will kill us both, but I'm not even sure who she is anymore and I hate feeling so disconnected from her.

In the time that Emmett is out of the room I decide that I can't discuss my feelings for Bella with him anymore. It's too stressful for both of us.

"Can you hold him for a second while I get his lunch ready?" Emmett asks as he enters the room with his son.

"Sure." I take Cayden as Emmett sets to work. "Hey big man," I coo as I bounce him on my hip. He is big as evidenced by the rolls of baby fat on his thighs. I tickle his side, and he giggles. His dimples are identical to his fathers.

"How's Alice?" Emmett asks, pulling out the high chair.

I shake my head at the thought of my pregnant sister. "She is huge for five months. The doctor told her she's gaining too much weight. Even made her cry." I find this amusing and I'm allowed to laugh at her because she's my sister. "The weight is all over too, not just in her stomach."

"I wouldn't laugh at her within arm's reach. If she's as touchy as Rose was she just might deck you," Emmett warns.

"Thanks for the insight. Two weeks ago she found out she's having a girl. The nursery was finished a week later."

"No shit." Emmett laughs at the craziness that is Alice as I put Cayden in the highchair.

"Jasper won't admit it, but I can tell that he's scared shitless."

"What man isn't when they find out their going to be a father? It was the scariest nine months of my life."

And on that note, I realize I don't want to talk about having kids with Emmett either.

UtB

When Rosalie and Renee return home later I decide it may be time to make my exit. I'm still not sure where I stand with Renee and I really don't think I can take a possible confrontation today. She completely surprises me though when she smiles and says, "Hello Edward. It's nice to see you again."

"You too, Ms. Swan," I reply.

She waves off the formal greeting. "Please call me Renee. My own kids do." I laugh and agree because it's true. I've heard Bella refer to her as Renee much more often than Mom.

Rosalie starts talking about what she is going to make for dinner. "Are you going to stay, Edward?"

"Oh, I don't think so," I reply automatically. I wouldn't mind the company since I eat alone so much, but I don't want to overstay my welcome.

"Dude, stay," Emmett insists.

"Rosalie's lemon chicken is really good," Renee adds.

"Who can argue with that," I concede. It's nice to feel like part of a family, even if it is just for the evening.

UtB

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Bella since spending the day with her family, hearing about Gage, and talking about babies. When I come across the journal that Bella asked Alice to pass along to me I decide it's time to bite the bullet. I haven't had the strength to open it before now but tonight I can't fight the urge to discover what it might hold.

I immediately notice that this journal is much different than the one she created while in high school. The style is similar in that she still uses many quotes and sketches, but some pages are just full of writing. The thoughts inside feel deeper, rawer.

I reach the entry dated the day after Alice's wedding, the day that changed my world, and I contemplate skipping right over it. I don't want to read it, but I feel like I have to if there is any chance for forgiveness. It could do one of two things; help me understand the situation or cement the fact that there is nothing to save…that we were nothing more than a summer love.

It's a long entry. The center of the page is dominated by a quote written in thick, red ink.

"It's about realizing, painfully, you've kept that voice locked away within, from even yourself. And you step back and see that your jailer has changed faces. You realize you've become your own jailer."

There are other thoughts written in black ink and scattered all over the page.

"I don't remember..."

"I didn't mean for it to go that far."

"I shouldn't have gone up there with him."

"It was stupid to drink so much. I should have been stronger."

"No one to blame but myself."

I feel the tension in my jaw increase as my concern increases. I know Dean and I never gave much thought to the idea that he had drunken sex...until now. I can't disregard the pattern I see in the phrases Bella recorded on this page though. I never thought about the details of that night because I didn't want to. Suddenly, I need answers. I need to know what happened that night with every fiber of my being. The more I read, the more I wonder…is this really what Bella wanted?

I take out my phone, then pause for a moment. This is a serious allegation and I'm not sure who I should call to get the sordid details. I decide I have the better part of Bella's recollections and finally dial.

The phone only rings a few times before Dean picks up. I skip over the usual pleasantries and get straight to the point. "I want you to tell me about the night you spent with Bella," I blurt out.

His voice is hushed. "I don't…I can't…Michelle," he finally mumbles by way of explanation.

"Find a place where you can talk. Now." The tone of my voice should indicate that I don't intend to drop this.

"Okay. Just hold on a sec." He mumbles something to Michelle and after a few seconds I hear a door close. "What's going on?" he asks, confusion evident in his voice.

"How wasted was Bella that night?"

He laughs nervously before answering, "She was hammered. Why?" His cavalier attitude irritates me.

I don't know how to ask my next question other than to just throw it out there. "Do you think she was coherent enough to have sex with you?"

"What are you suggesting, Edward? That I took advantage of her?"

"I don't know, Dean. Did you?" I'm internally pleading for the answer to be no.

"Are you kidding me? She was into it." I can tell he's beginning to get irritated by my line of questioning but I really don't give a damn. He can go ahead and be pissed as long as I get my answers.

"So, she never once said she didn't want to have sex? She never said slow down, or stop...or no?"

Dean laughs darkly. "Is that what she's feeding you to get back on your good side? It's not my fault if she wants to change her tune in the light of day."

I fight against the bile rising in the back on my throat. "No. She hasn't said a word to me about this. Why won't you answer my question?"

After a loud sigh he finally says, "She was teasing me...playing hard to get, you know?"

If I could reach through the phone and strangle him I would. Instead my hand instinctively grabs and tugs at my hair. "What do you mean 'playing hard to get'? You know nothing about her! If she was hammered and hesitant you took advantage of her!"

"You know what, if that's what you need to tell yourself to make everything better then go ahead and make me the bad guy. How long have you known me, Edward, and you're going to blame me for some little girl's slutty ways?"

His words make me livid. I can actually hear my pulse in my ears as my blood courses through my veins. "If there is one person on this planet I know better than I know you, it's Bella. I know her so well that she didn't have to tell me what happened. I know for a fact that she doesn't think what you did was wrong. She will take the blame for everything, even being raped."

Saying the words out loud makes my stomach lurch. I don't think Dean needs to hear me say anything else but instead of hanging up I throw the phone across the room.

I'm not sure I can talk to Bella about this but I have to find a way. I need to know if I'm right because I have to make sure she never punishes herself for another person's mistakes, because she is going to make enough of her own over the course of her lifetime.

UtB

After much thought, I find myself sitting on my couch with my laptop, creating a Facebook account for the sole purpose of 'friending' Bella. I'm ready to extend an olive branch. Of course, I should have done that months ago when she provided the journal that held so many answers. That was her way of asking me for help and I completely dropped the ball.

I don't want to be right about her night with Dean. I want her to say, "I knew what was happening and I wanted it." Then I want to forgive her and move on. What I don't want is for her to confirm my worst fears, but regardless, I have to know what happened.

Once my profile is all set up I type 'Isabella Swan' in the search box and hold my breath until her page appears. I'm thrilled for one whole minute before my heart stops when I notice her profile picture. There's my beautiful girl…and Gage, kissing her check. Even through my jealousy I can see that she looks happy and I can't help but be glad for her.

Her page is set to private so I stare at the one thing I can see, that stupid profile picture, until I build up the courage to click on the 'add friend' button. Since I have the thing open I search for other people: Jane, Alice, and Jasper. I skip right over Dean.

In what feels like no time at all a blue box pops up on the screen, informing me that 'Isabella Swan has accepted your friend request'. My heart races as I hurry to get back to her page. I skim through the wall posts and notice comments from Riley and from Gage. Riley's comments are friendly but Gage's comments are just a thinly veiled attempt at flirting.

I type out my own message for her wall. "How's college life treating you? I miss your beautiful smile." After I finish I realize it doesn't sound right. I accused her of being immature and here I am writing comments meant to mark her as mine to the rest of the world. I delete the second sentence and hit 'enter'. Almost immediately I receive another notification; 'Isabella Swan commented on her wall post'. I quickly follow the link back to her wall.

"Edward Cullen on Facebook? Better yet, reaching out to me? Chicago is awesome but I could have told you that three months ago."

Well, it's not the response I was hoping for but I definitely deserve the barb. As I'm trying to decide how or if I should respond I'm suddenly bombarded by notifications. Must be all this Facebook for the phone shit. I start reading through the posts to see that a lot of people are just welcoming me to the twenty-first century. Not funny. Alice wants me to confirm that she's my sister. Someone wants me to send them something for Farmville, whatever that is. Why did I sign up for this again, I ask myself as I read through the posts, giving them as little attention as possible.

My phone rings and I answer "Hello," automatically. My mind is on a different topic – mainly Bella and whether or not I should post anything else or just give her a call. At least I understand how the phone works.

I'm met with Jane's loud, hysterical laughter. "What is so funny?" I ask as I try to put Facebook out of my mind and focus on why she may be calling.

"I said we were in a relationship, and that it was open, but I never thought you would confirm it!" she continues through her laughter.

"Wait. What?" I ask, clicking back to my profile. Sure enough, there it is in print on the internet. 'Edward Cullen is in an open relationship with Jane Reynolds.' I laugh with her. When I finally compose myself I simply say, "I'm leaving it. People put way too much stock in what they see on Facebook. Besides, I could do worse than a hot news anchor." I smirk as I lean back in my chair.

"Oh? It looks like Isabella Swan likes your relationship status," Jane states.

And she does, according to my newest notification. I pull up a chat window, thinking I will explain the status, but then I realize I don't have anything to explain. I wish I needed to explain the status to her.

Before I can say anything else Jane blurts out, "Oh, shit! Edward I have to go...Brendan's calling me!"

"Jane!" I yell, trying to stop her. She's too quick though. It actually pisses me off that she hung up without waiting for me to say goodbye.

I hate that fuckwit and the way he toys with her. That's exactly what this is, too. He sees she's 'with' me and suddenly he comes a callin'. I sigh and put down the phone as I feel the Facebook drama starting already.

Just as I'm about to log off I notice that my news feed says 'Isabella Swan changed her profile picture' so I take a peek. The picture is rather racy. You can't see her face but I know it's her naked body because her tattoo is completely on display. The tattoo I designed. She is lying with her left side exposed to the camera to show off the body art. Her hand cups her breast, giving the illusion of some modesty. This picture is incredibly sexy.

That's when it hits me. I need a profile picture, too. Instead of looking for the right shot I decide to start uploading pictures from my computer onto my new page. I come across a whole folder labeled 'Izzy', and after a moment's hesitation, I upload it too. I'm so sick of hiding this part of our lives, and there is no reason to anymore.

"Name this album," I mutter to myself. That's not an easy task considering it's a pictorial documentation of our entire relationship…and I do mean everything. I even scanned the ultrasound picture into it. I finally decide to name the album "I Will Keep You in My Mind, and the Way You Make Love So Fine," and type it in.

As if that isn't enough, I decide to caption all the pics. Izzy and me on the beach. Izzy pretending to be annoyed with me. The cherry blossoms in stages. I caption the ultrasound 'Izzy's and my Angel,' then add 'a little soul takes wings' before I tag Bella.

There are also a few pictures of us at school: at the play, in the art room, at prom. Seeing her in that dress again makes me smile. I label the side shot 'scandalous girl'. What I'd really like to write about is just how perfect her tits are and how amazing her legs look in this picture but that would be crossing the line. Last but not least, there are a few from her graduation.

As I finish typing I feel a sense of relief. It's all out there in the open now, nothing to hide anymore. I make sure the page is private so only friends can see my information. I'm not going add people like Marcus or current students anyway, but I'm done hiding from my past with Bella. She was the best thing I ever had, and I want all the people who are lucky enough to see those pictures to know that.

My phone suddenly buzzes with a text alert. The screen reads 'Izzy' because I just can't change it to Bella. "What the fuck are you doing on your Facebook page?" she writes.

I respond with, "Just letting people see how lucky I was."

"Well stop, okay? My mom is calling to bug me with questions I don't want to answer. Besides, these were special moments between us…not for the whole world to see. There is nothing to share so take them down."

She seriously wants me to hide all this again? "I think they're worth sharing. I'm proud of our love and I'm not hiding it anymore."

Her next text reads, "Really? You're proud of the fact that I fucked Dean? Proud of how I lied to you?"

"Did you fuck him, Bella?" is the only response I have for her. This is not how I planned to have this conversation, but if she can make the connection on her own then I'm not going to stop her.

"Ummm...you know I fucked him." I can almost hear the sarcasm in her response.

"How drunk where you that night?" I pose.

"I thought we covered this already. Drunk is not an excuse!" I can just picture her throwing her arms up in frustration and yelling those words at me. So much is lost on this impersonal texting.

Bella must think there's a lot lost in this conversation too because she stops texting and calls. I only let it ring once and don't even get a chance to say hello before she lays into me. "You are proud of how I loved you? That's a crock of shit Edward! I loved you like...like shit Edward! You - you loved me beyond fucking reason and I threw it away like the stupid selfish school girl I was at the time. I was nothing but a misguided, scared girl and you want me to believe you are proud of that? Because I'm not. I have a big fucking problem when it comes to how I demonstrated my love for you. And you - you don't get to flaunt your open relationship with Jane and then torture me with the story of us in picture form. You don't get to ignore me either." This is where her voice cracks and the anger gives way to tears. "Why?" she pleads.

"Because I feel disconnected from you, Bella," Even though that's the truth it's definitely not the reason I suddenly made contact with her. As much as I want to get to the bottom of her night with Dean, I absolutely can't have that discussion with her over the phone. I need to be able to hold her and comfort her or even let her punch me if that's what helps her deal with the truth when she realizes exactly what happened.

"Isn't that the point? You made it pretty clear that you want nothing to do with me these days so aren't you supposed to feel disconnected?"

Shit. Is that how I made her feel? "I do not want to disconnect from you," I state firmly to make her understand how I really feel.

"Until the next time I fuck up," she says sadly.

"No, Iz. No next time. I want the best of you right along with the worst of you."

Bella sighs and pauses for a minute. When she speaks again her words feel flat, emotionless. "What about Gage? He cares about me, Edward. A lot. He asked me to come with him during his European tour this summer."

"You aren't in love with him though," I state matter of factly.

"That doesn't mean that he isn't in my heart. I've been working on letting others into my heart and on letting you go."

"Well, stop it. I don't want you to let me go," I plead. "Friend, boyfriend, mentor…I can be whatever you need me to be, but Bella…I can't lose all of you."

"Friends. That's all I can handle right now. I'm really trying to figure out who I am without a man in my life. Cookie dough, remember?"

"Gage can have a place in your heart but I can't? I won't deny that he cares about you and wants more from you…but so do I," I attempt to explain.

"He said he'd wait for me," she says, whisper quiet.

"I said I'd wait for you, too," I remind her.

The fire returns to her voice. "Then you told me I was an immature teenager who fucked things up beyond repair. It's taken me months to come to terms with the fact that Edward Cullen wasn't waiting for me anymore, and I can't ask you to. I don't...," she sighs heavily. "If you had told me all of this at Thanksgiving I would have been the happiest girl in the world, but I can't go back there now. I feel like I've grown quite a bit during this time and l can't be the girl I was. Can't you see that it would be a regression?" she asks rhetorically.

There's only one way to reassure her that my intentions are true and that's to get her back here and show her with my every word, deed, and thought. "Don't leave this summer. Please come home. Back to Wildwood, I mean. Come reconnect with me." That's right. I'm not too proud to beg Bella. If she could only understand that she's the only girl I will ever beg.

There's another long pause before Bella finally says, "You've given me a lot to think about Edward." Her words give me at least a little hope for our future. I can't imagine picking any other woman over Bella, and I hope that under all her hurt, she still feels the same way about me.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you in August. I pushed you away when I needed you the most," she says quietly.

"It's my fault, too. I shouldn't have let you push me away and I'm sorry I didn't fight harder after what happened with Riley. You are worth it. Izzy...?" I trail off.

"Yeah, Edward?" she tentatively responds.

"Happy Valentine's Day. It's midnight where you are now...and I want to be the first person to tell you I love you today."

She is silent for a long heartbeat. She finally says, "I have to go," and I can plainly hear the sadness in her voice. She doesn't wait for me to respond and hangs up. Really? Twice in one night?

I put my phone down and find my favorite picture of Izzy and me. We were hanging out under the boardwalk when Jessica took this picture for us. I have my arm around my girl, and we are focused on looking at each other, not the camera, with nothing but love between us. There is a comment under the picture, from Renee of all people. 'Something this pure won't be lost forever.' I certainly hope she's right.

One last glimpse at Bella's profile shows me her minute old status. "Wanna be done baking. So badly."

UtB

Old City Philadelphia.

After a fantastic dinner at Le Bec Fin with Jane, I find myself in a tattoo shop on Valentine's Day. What can I say? I'm a romantic fool.

The tattoo artist, who introduces himself as Philly John, is covered in tattoos. They look fantastic which reassures me I picked a parlor. After all, you don't want to get inked by someone whose tats look awful.

"Getting something special for the love of your life on this overly-commercialized holiday?" he questions with a silly grin.

"You could say that," I respond.

"Are you sure that's what you want? Ms. Reynolds here is a fine catch and inking in honor of your love, especially his or her name, always seems to be the kiss of death in a relationship."

"Well Ms. Reynolds is a great woman, and an awesome lay." I say that last part under my breath with a wink so just Philly John hears it before returning to my normal volume. "I love her very much, but she isn't my soul mate. Sorry babe." I turn to her and see she's fighting laughter.

She composes herself and says in mock hurt with her hand over her heart. "No, no. I get it. You are not my other half either, buddy."

"Seriously though. My girl - the one I know I can't live without - we lost a child, and I want to get something to honor that," I explain to the man who looks like he might not even know the definition of the word compassion, let alone how to demonstrate it.

"Sorry to hear that, man," he says very seriously, catching me off guard. "Why don't we talk about placement and what you were hoping to get."

He listens to my ideas before drawing up a set of angel wings that feature the same words I used last night; A Little Soul Takes Wings. He suggests we stick to black and white with grey shading. We decide to place it on the left side of my chest, over my heart and he gets to work.

Philly is a real chill guy, very easy to talk to. I'm impressed with his work so I tell him about the heart Bella was working on, the one I have been adding finishing touches on and would also like to have done, if I can ever figure out where to place it. He suggests the inside of my left bicep – another location that's close to my heart.

Jane also tries to distract me from the pain with small talk, but it isn't so bad. It's more of an annoyance than an actual pain, not excruciating by any means. It's just a radiating, scratchy burning.

Talk eventually turns to Bella and my crazy love life. "Give her some space Edward. You must be giving her whiplash with all this back and forth shit," Jane advises. "And I have a feeling that whatever is going on with Gage is not the problem you're making it out to be. For instance, just look at her Facebook page. It's basically the Gage, Jamie, Bella show. He's been a part of her life everyday for, what…the past four months? Besides, Bella tends to develop close friendships with guys more easily than other girls for whatever reason. Maybe that has to do with her absent father, or a mother who would rather be her daughter's best friend instead of a parent, or her brother who she idolized until he became a pain in her ass."

"Girl, why didn't you go into psychology?" the tattoo artist asks Jane with a laugh.

"Are you kidding?" she says, raising one brow and crossing her arms over her chest. "I can't solve my own problems, let alone someone else's."

"Shrinks don't actually solve the problems though. They direct their patients toward the insight to solve them on their own," Philly states without looking up from his work.

"And why aren't you a shrink, Philly?" I chime in teasingly.

Now he looks up before he answers. "What do you think I do while I'm inking someone? I listen to their problems. The shit they are dealing with, or overcame, that inspired the tattoo. If you ask me, bartenders, tattoo artists, and hairdressers are all underpaid shrinks without the schooling. And I say we do it better," he finishes with a shrug.

I nod at his words. "I can relate to that shit...but better? I don't know, man. I bartend during the summer and I have to say that the counselor at my high school is much better at giving advice then I am." I will give Liv that. She is excellent at her job.

"Your high school?" Philly asks, confusion written all over his face.

"Oh Philly, this is Vice Principal Cullen from Wildwood High School." Jane says with a proud flourish of her hand.

I catch the way she looks at him in that moment. The glint in her eye tells me she's interested in him and has moved into the realm of flirting. My friend has a real crush and I couldn't be happier for her because it means she's getting over that ass in Chicago. Jane confirms my suspicions once my tat is finished. She squints her eyes, examines my fresh ink, then licks her top lip and says, "I think I should get one. Would it be possible for you to fit me into your busy schedule?" Jane asks, placing her hand on his upper arm.

Philly looks around the empty shop. "I think that can be arranged. What did you have in mind?"

"Something here on my lower hip," Jane says as she moves her hand suggestively to give him a visual. "I'd love something pretty and girly. I trust you," She finishes, scrunching her cute nose. That girl is definitely turning on the charm.

"You trust me to tattoo whatever I want," Philly points to his chest, "on you, right there?" he asks as he moves to rub his thumb just to the side of her hip bone.

"You're one of the best shrinks in the world right? If you think you read people so well... let's see you read me," she challenges, stepping closer to him.

"Okay, but you can't look until it's done." Philly moves closer, reducing the distance between their bodies to mere inches. I'm beginning to feel like a third wheel. Jane shakes his hand to seal the deal. I notice the handshake lasts longer than average.

Once he has his station reset, Philly looks at Jane and orders her to, "Unbutton your pants and show me some skin," with a cocky smirk.

I watch the guy work on Jane, and even though I think she will love her new ink I can't help but tease her throughout the process. "Philly, man…I don't know if Jane's gonna dig that."

"Shut up, Edward! I am warning you!" Jane threatens.

When everything is done, Jane has a tattoo of what looks like a safety pin piercing the skin of her hip. There are a few decorative stars and the number thirteen worked into the design. Earlier in the evening Jane mentioned that was her lucky number, so I know this guy was really paying attention while she talked. Ultimately, Jane is impressed. I'm impressed, and I'm worried I'm about to lose my fuck buddy to this rockabilly tattoo artist who has a picture of Jesus Christ giving a thumbs up tattooed onto his neck. What's that all about?

Jane takes one look at her new body art and screams, "Holy crap! I want another one!"

"Can't get them anywhere visible with that job of yours," I remind her, causing her to pout like a five year old.

"Well, there are plenty of places the public doesn't see," John pipes in with a waggle of his brows. "Call to set up an appointment. I've been working on a design that would look great on your back. It was inspired by pearls and chandeliers."

"Sounds amazing," Jane smiles. "You truly are talented."

We settle our bill and I have to pull Jane way form Philly and out of the shop. "Thought you were my date?" I whisper playfully in her ear.

"Ha! I thought our number one rule was we don't do dates?" she retorts.

"You are right. If you want to end this to fuck him, then who am I to stop you?" I say, tossing my hand up at my sides.

"Just like if you'd rather be with Bella," she responds with a note of challenge in her words.

I stop dead in my tracks and tug at my hair with a groan. "I can't do this anymore. It's just not me." I admit. I finally realize our arrangement was a foolish reaction to a broken heart. I have to stop hiding from the heartache and deal with the pain. I look her straight in the eyes and say, "I'm so sorry, Jane."

"Don't be sorry," she replies, placing her hand on my cheek. "We said we'd do this until it didn't work anymore. If it's not working for you anymore - that's fine. There are no hard feelings and you're still my best friend. Now, tell your friend what's really going on in that head of yours."

"I just...want my Izzy back," I admit, dropping my forehead to rest on hers.

BPOV

"Ready?" Gage asks, taking my bags to the taxi.

I nod, excited and completely overwhelmed to be spending this time with him. As we hop into the waiting car it hits me that in less than twenty four hours we'll be in Europe...London to be exact…together for three whole weeks.

He reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me closer to him in the back seat of the cab.

"You okay?" he asks cautiously. "You're being so quiet."

"Just nervous. Planes kind of freak me out," I admit embarrassingly. He smiles and kisses the top of my head in a reassuring gesture.

"I know I kind of demanded you come on this trip, but I don't know if you understand how happy I am that you're here with me. You're my best friend, Bambina."

Bambina. That's been his nickname for me ever since he assumed I was Italian. He was a bit disappointed to find out I have no Italian roots at all.

"Stinks that Jamie couldn't come," I grumble. Her parents freaked about the fact that she wouldn't be home all summer. I guess the empty nest is killing them, unlike Renee, who said I was old enough to make the decision myself. That basically means she has other things to worry about.

Besides…Edward is there...and even though he hasn't talked about Jane, his facebook still says they are together.

"Oh, I'm sure we will be fine without her," Gage says somberly.

"It won't be the same without her, that's all. I mean, it's always the three of us."

Gage gets really quiet and I'm a bit confused by his mood shift. He isn't my boyfriend, and he stopped trying to hook up with me months ago. Actually, he stopped on Valentine's Day, right after I cried to Jamie about Edward calling and professing his love for me. I had no idea Gage was waiting right outside our door, armed with a painting…of me. It was supposed to be his grand gesture and it was incredibly sweet. He took one look at all the pictures Edward tagged on Facebook. It was our entire story, laid out for the whole world to see. I will never forget Gage's mumbled words, "How can I compete with that?" I told him all about my phone call with Edward and how he wanted me to come home over the summer. Gage encouraged me to do just that.

Edward and I have communicated several times, mostly through Facebook, since Valentine's Day. We would private message each other once a week, just to say hello. When I told him I would be coming home in June he was so excited. Then I thought of Jane and I got scared. I didn't want anyone else to get hurt by our actions ever again.

"I don't know..." I stated in a Facebook chat not long before I was scheduled to head home.

"About what?" Edward questioned.

"How I feel about what you want from me this summer," I clarified.

"I told you, Izzy. I just want to reconnect with you." He made it sound so innocent. The fact that he has been calling me Izzy again lets me know that it isn't.

I still didn't feel like I understood his intentions. "What does that even mean though?"

"I don't know. I guess it means I want…not to get to know you again…but to get to know the woman you are becoming. I want to try to for a fresh start." If only life were that simple

"There can't be anybody else." I typed in reference to Jane, thinking of his relationship status.

"I know," was his response.

"I won't have a reason to do this if there is anyone else," I emphasized.

"Iz, I said I know. No one else is even a factor at this point."

Afraid that I wasn't making myself clear I typed out the single word "Jane?" I was about to hit enter when he sent a comment that threw me off track.

"I have something I want to show you. A surprise that I think you will love."

I erased her name and instead typed, "Just spill it already!"

"Nope. You have to wait and see it in June."

I sent him a sad face, then signed off.

The more I thought about Edward's offer, the more I began to doubt my decision. If he truly wanted to reconnect why would he be stringing Jane along? Whatever comes next for us has to start off on the right foot, and the right thing to do would be to end things with her before coming to me.

On top of that red flag, and because Gage has been such a great friend to me, I realized I couldn't let him down. It was just one week before the tour was supposed to begin that I committed to go.

I was due in Wildwood two days ago but never arrived.

My mom called me that day. "Did you know that Edward Cullen is sitting in our living room right now, asking where Izzy is and when she will be getting home?"

"Did you tell him I wasn't coming?" I asked, skirting the real issue.

"No. Didn't you?" She sounded shocked that she even had to ask that question.

"I started to write him an email but things got really crazy and I never finished it."

"That's just insane." I could hear the disbelief and disappointment in her voice. "Well, I'm not going to be the one to tell him. I can't look him in the face and break his heart."

"It won't be too bad. I'm sure Jane is waiting right there to console him." I'm pretty sure she could tell how bitter I was about that whole situation.

"He wants Izzy, though."

"Tell him...I'm going to London and that you will have me call him." I knew Edward would understand that meant that I chose to travel with Gage.

At the airport we meet up with Gage's agent, Farrah. "Ready?" she asks with a big smile. It immediately falters when she notices our interlocked hands. Gage excuses himself to use the facilities before we have to board, leaving me alone with Farrah, who does her best to ignore me.

She hates me because I'm a distraction, but also realizes that she can't keep us apart. Her words to me once Gage is out of earshot are something along the lines of, "You aren't good for him, you know. He wants a deeper relationship with you, for some reason," she adds under her breath, "and it tortures him. I love the kid, so it kills me to watch him pine over you. Unfortunately, you inspire him. Everything he paints based on his emotions for you is pure gold. God, I wish I could go back to the days when I kicked a different girl out of his bed every morning."

Our flight is delayed due to fog or something, so I open up the Facebook app on my phone to finish my message to Edward. I read through what I had and immediately delete most of it. Then I go ahead and delete all of it and start over.

Edward,

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the change in plans sooner. The more I thought about everything and what would be best for me, I realized that coming home for the summer just wasn't right.

I can't tell you how blessed and relieved I feel to have this little part of you back in my life after everything that has happened. It's just...still not the right time.

You still have reservations about us; as well you should since my behavior the last time we were together was appalling. I can't come back and work to build a new relationship with you when you aren't really ready.

You said you knew there couldn't be anyone else, yet I know you continue to see Jane.

I can't go down that road again. Since you are attached I think it would be in my best interest to stay away. I don't want to repeat any mistakes or hurt you or anyone else ever again.

I hope you have a wonderful summer.

Bella.

Gage nudges me as I hit send. "They just called first class to start boarding, Bambi," He stands up and offers me his hand along with an excited "Ready?" I reach to take it, and smile at him as we head for the plane.

As we sit and wait for the rest of the passengers to board I remember that I need to power down my cell phone and remind Gage to do the same. Once finished I lean over and rest my head on Gage's shoulder.

"When is the last time you had sex?" he asks out of the blue.

I turn to look at him with furrowed brows. "You know this already," I reply with a hint of a smirk. I'm extremely curious as to why he is bringing this up right now.

"So, it's been almost a year? Since last August?" His eyebrows are in the exact opposite position as mine as they lift toward his hair line.

I look down at my lap and nod. "I just..." I pause to gather my words before I look at him again. "I'm trying to be respectful of my mind and my body. I don't ever want to wake up next to some random guy and feel used again. I only want to share that within a relationship where there is mutual love and respect," I finish with a small shrug.

"I love and respect you," Gage responds, waggling his eyebrows at me playfully

I just smile and look away for a second.

"What about you?" I throw back at him. "When was the last time Farrah kicked some nameless face out of your bed?" I attempt to fake indifference but I'm pretty sure I didn't pull it off entirely.

"You don't want to know," he moans.

I quickly look back to him in surprise. "Oh, now you have to tell me." I really do want to know, especially since Farrah went out of her way to make that statement earlier.

Gage is staring straight ahead and takes a deep breath, releasing it through his nose before he answers, "November."

I'm shocked and can't hide my reaction. "November? You haven't had sex since November?" I whisper.

"Just been me and my hand," he admits, waving said appendage in the air.

"Why?"

He's thoughtful for a moment before answering. "I guess because..." he turns to look at me again, "sex outside a relationship seemed to be a big turn off for this girl I was trying to impress."

"Me?" I ask breathily.

"Yes, Bambi, you." He chuckles at my surprise then goes on to explain, "I didn't want you to think less of me and the idea of looking at another woman just didn't appeal to me."

I close my eyes and make my decision. Taking a deep breath to solidify my resolve, I move my hand to cup his cheek and I move forward until my lips softly touch his.

"Bella," he whispers as he pulls away from my touch.

I lean back slightly, confused by his reaction. I thought this was what he wanted so I have to ask, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want this if your heart is somewhere else. I want all of you to be with me, not for me to be some distraction."

I sit back in my seat. "I have to admit that when he asked me to come home I really wanted to," I admit.

Gage thinks he knows what I am going to say. "But Farrah guilted you into being here." The disappointment is clear in his voice and body language.

"No," I answer, shaking my head. "He never ended things with Jane. You just said it - if you want someone so badly, how can you be with anyone else? I have made that mistake, not once but twice. First with Riley...then with Dean."

"Don't make it with me, Bella," Gage pleads. "Two weeks ago you wanted him…more than anything."

"You're right. But two weeks ago I didn't see the value in me. It's taken me almost a year to realize that one night doesn't define me unless I let it. I finally decided I'm not going to let it. And you were right beside me this whole time, telling me that you will wait with your words, but also reassuring me that's true with your actions."

I can't fault Edward for being with Jane. I mean, he did say he was done waiting for me so I don't think he is wrong for being with her. I do think it's wrong for him to be with her and chase after me. I'm worth more than that, and Gage is the man who's showing me that in every way possible.

I lean my head back against the seat and look deeply into Gage's eyes. "I want you."

He takes my face in his hands, his smile wide as he firmly presses his lips to mine. He pulls away and rests his forehead against me as he says, "You, Bambi, have just made me the luckiest fucker in the world."

"I feel exactly the same way," I say grinning like a fool.

We relax and he holds my hand the entire flight over. Things feel the same but also different. There's a new intimacy between us. Instead of just holding hands he moves his thumb over my skin. He occasionally leans over and lays kisses on the soft skin under my ear.

Farrah, sitting a row in front of us, suddenly turns around. "Finally," she exclaims as she smiles wide and lifts a camera, taking a picture of us. "First picture as a couple. Oh, I love it," she muses turning back around. We both chuckle at her antics.

"I want to take things slow," Gage whispers in my ear, all smiles. "I've waited for this a long time and I want to do it right."

I swallow back my nervous energy, relieved to hear him say that. I know I'm nowhere near ready for sex. Ever since that night with Dean the thought of having sex with anyone other than someone I love - and who I know loves me in return - feels so wrong.

UtB

The first thing I do when we're settled at the hotel is call Jamie. I hope she is happy about my news.

"Why wouldn't I be happy, B? I think this is awesome," she squeals.

"You're not just saying that, right?" I ask nervously, chewing on my bottom lip.

"No. Well, I really don't want to be the third wheel but I'm thrilled for you guys."

"You'd never be the third wheel, Jamie," I assure her.

"I guess I'm just going to have to find myself a boy to train," she muses and we giggle together.

"Oh, what about that guy in our photography class? You know, the one who's always talking to us. What's his name?"

"You mean Trevor?" she asks incredulously.

"That's him! He's totally hot, and he was always flirting with you."

"True...but he was" she emphasizes the last word, "in our photography class. I have no idea if I'll ever see him again." If I know Jamie, I'm pretty sure she just plopped down on her bed with a big poor-pitiful-me frown on her face.

"Don't you dare make that ugly ass frown!" I warn her.

She bursts out laughing. "Yes, Mother."

"And enough with the eye rolling!" I add for good measure.

"You are one scary bitch! Which totally reminds me - now that you are in Europe with your boyfriend," she says teasingly, "do not, I repeat do not, come home pregnant."

"Shut up." I laugh at my friend's crazy antics. Gage steps in front of me and points to the area where a watch would be on his wrist, indicating that we need to get going. "Look, we gotta run, but I love you. Talk to you soon!"

We say our goodbyes and I drop the phone on the bed and grab my bag to get ready for the evenings cocktail party. "Sorry," I mouth, kissing Gage on his cheek before I dash into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

"What should I wear?" I yell out over the running water.

"Dressy," comes my boyfriend's muffled voice through the closed door. I'm still not used to that idea - boyfriend - but the thought does make me smile.

"Dressy..." I mumble to myself as I think about the clothes I brought. I brought my prom dress because it's literally the only little black dress I own and Jamie said that was a must. The problem is that I don't want to look like I am seeking attention from other men by wearing something so revealing. The only other dress I brought is that black, red, and grey plaid dress I wore for the play and it's too casual. When I packed I didn't think much about how I would look at Gage's show, I'd just be there. Now that I will be there as 'the girlfriend' I'm a bit concerned.

I finally settle on the black dress but still have some reservations.

I take a quick shower and blow dry my hair. I try my best to work it into something with a bit of style but I'm used to having Jamie help me. I part my hair to the left, then pull it back at the base of my neck. My mouth is full of bobby pins as I secure sections of my hair blindly. I realize it's not working when Gage knocks on the door.

"Bambi, you almost set?"

"Ah...just ten more minutes," I call back. I wonder how I'm going to fix my hair and do my make up in ten minutes as I pull each and every bobby pin out of my hair, take a deep breath, and start again.

This time I pull my hair straight back, leaving the top to sit high and full of volume. I'm liking it so far. I cut it off into sections and begin to twist and secure it with the pins but let it stay a bit loose. I spray hairspray over the whole style once I am satisfied and begin my makeup.

I hear Farrah outside the door now and she doesn't sound pleased that I'm not ready.

"She's nervous," Gage defends. "She's never done any functions like this and it will be the first time we go out as a couple. It's like our first date so give her a break."

His care makes me smile as I apply some lipstick. I'm surprised that he can tell how I'm feeling and is concerned enough to stand up for me.

"You can't afford to be late for this. This is your career, Gage," Farrah continues to scold.

"And Bella is my girlfriend, Farrah. I'm not going to be a dick to her because she's running a little late."

I leave my make up strewn all over the counter and rush out of the bathroom to find my heels. "I'm so sorry," I apologize, opening my suitcase full of nothing but shoes. I find the black peep toe leather heels and slide them onto my feet. "Ready," I announce with a huge smile as I straighten up and throw my arms out to the sides in a flourish.

Gage steps in front of me, so close I can smell his just sprayed cologne. He smells so good and looks delicious in his black satin suit and untucked white shirt with the first three buttons undone.

"You look..." Gage begins, trailing his finger down my rib cage.

"Did you bring any other dresses?" Farrah interrupts. "We aren't going to a club to bump and grind. We are going to a sophisticated cocktail party." I don't miss the condescension in her words.

"Just a plaid dress that's on the casual side." I tell her, looking down at myself.

"I think you look amazing. I can't wait to show off my beautiful girl," Gage reassures with a beautiful smile.

"Gage, she can't go in that," Farrah says as she flings one arm toward me. "It's…she doesn't look approachable."

"I can stay here. I don't want to cause any problems," I offer.

"Not an option," Gage says to me before turning to Farrah. "That's complete bullshit, Farrah! The only idiots who will find her unapproachable are insecure woman who wish they could pull off this look. This is who she is and I'm not interested in creating a false image. Bella wears the dress."

He tells me how great I look again, caressing my cheek, then looks down at his shiny black and white dress shoes. "Now that I think about it, I hate these shoes." I have to agree with him but before I can say anything, he kicks them off and pulls on his black and green Nike high tops. He finishes his look by sliding on his Ray-Ban Aviator sunglasses and reaches for my hand to lead me out of our room.

As we walk he tells me to ignore Farrah. Even so, her words linger in my mind all night long as we meet and greet. The people at this event aren't young and hip. These are rich people who have an appreciation for art and culture. People who would probably avoid conversation with Gage if his girlfriend looks...shallow. The party goes relatively well but I've still come to the decision that I'm not going to be the cause of any more issues.

The next day Gage has an interview scheduled. I tell him I'm going to go sightseeing so I'll be out of the way. After sliding on a pair of shorts and a tank top and kissing him goodbye, I head off. What I really do is find Farrah and ask her to help me shop for more suitable clothes. She is more than willing to help.

When I return to the hotel I find Gage in front of a big, blank canvas. There's and old blanket underneath the area to protect the hotel carpets. He asks about my many bags but I just play them off as unimportant to avoid any further discussion. I know he'll just tell me there was no need. The fact that he doesn't pursue that line of conversation lets me know he's pretty distracted and I'm grateful for that fact right now. I put the bags away and return to him quickly.

My personal artist has some white paint smudges on his face, some blue on his arm, even a little green in his hair. He isn't wearing a shirt, and his concentration is split between me and his latest piece. I ask about the interview, but he pretty much glosses over the whole thing. I can tell it would be pointless to try and hold his attention at the moment so I grab my clothes and head for the bathroom to change.

"Would you..." Gage begins to speak hesitantly, stopping me in my tracks. I wait for him to finish his question, but he just gathers some color onto his paintbrush and mumbles never mind as he strokes a few more lines on the canvas.

"Go ahead and ask me your question," I say, stepping closer.

He looks me straight in the eyes, trying to decide if he will share. After a loud exhale he goes on with his thought. "You know I respect you, and I don't want to overstep any boundaries or anything...so just remember that you can say no and I will totally understand."

"O-kay..." I answer, stretching out the word, uncertain of what is about to come.

Gage is quiet for a moment as he appears to gather his thoughts. "The person that came to interview me today asked me about the Bambina collection." He averts his eyes away from me and back again every few words. "He said the collection comes across as a boy seeing this girl's beauty for the first time, and that's pretty true. I mean, in the way I see you."

He pauses and I remain silent, knowing that he's uncomfortable but will eventually get to his point. He finally continues with, "He asked if I'd ever take it further…out of the innocent…and create something more mature."

I swallow, a small, "Oh," escaping my lips.

"I said I wasn't sure since my work is a very real part of my life, and as such, is changing and developing daily."

I nod, agreeing wholly.

"He said all artwork is very personal to the artist; that's what makes great art stand apart from okay art. I've been trying to capture you in a certain way, but I don't think my imagination does you justice."

"You...want me to pose for you?" I ask quietly, tilting my head to the side.

He looks into my eyes and swallows visibly. With a nod, the next word out of his mouth is barely audible.

"Topless."

I know Gage's style. You don't look at his paintings and see the subject, me, right away. They are abstract to a degree, but not so abstract that the woman can't be seen. If you look at the painting long enough you begin to see me. My cheekbones. My nose. My lips and hair. In other words, I know this won't be some kind of tits and ass porn.

"How do you want me?" I ask confidently, more than willing to help him take his career to the next level.

He clears his throat as I take off my shirt, then my bra. He stutters a bit as he gives me direction. "I-I…uh…I guess on the bed...maybe kneeling facing the window so I can do your profile." I follow his instructions which sounded more like a question than a statement. As I settle into position he asks me to gather all my hair so it falls straight down my back. Once I finish I hear him moan, "Perfect," as he begins to paint.

It takes very little time once he has everything laid bare before him. He becomes solely focused on one thing, capturing his vision. I know I made the right decision when I see the finished product. It's nothing I will be embarrassed for the public to see. They are the lines of a woman. The details are not of my body, just the illusion of it. He has captured my hair as thick black and green lines interspersed with thinner lines of blue. The painting is suggestive, not realism.

I smile as I look at his work. "It's beautiful," I say as I wrap my arms around his waist and feel his lips on my head.

"Only as beautiful as the inspiration." He takes my chin and turns my face to look at him. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Thank you for giving me every reason to trust you."

UtB

The summer runs by as a blur of art shows, cocktail parties, and Gage working on new projects. His career is in high gear and there is little down time. We agree to stay for an additional two weeks once the tour wraps up in August so we can actually enjoy Europe as a couple. See a few sights, enjoy the surroundings, maybe even have a few moments of quiet with no plans.

As the summer draws to an end I find myself thinking about how much I miss home with more frequency. I feel a little sad to be going straight to Chicago from here, without seeing Wildwood or any of my favorite people. As I think about that list of people I don't want to miss seeing, I hate the fact that Edward is on it. The last I heard from him was when I first arrived. In a nut shell, he said the only things he had left to say to me could only be done in person. That too much miscommunication was happening through these messages, and to please just give him a chance to explain everything - in person.

I've also talked to Rose recently. She has e-mailed me pictures of Cayden all summer long but his first birthday is coming up. His party is this weekend…and I'm going to miss it. This definitely makes me sad.

I've been thinking about that specifically when I enter the bedroom late this night to find Gage sitting on the bed twirling his phone around in his hands. He looks tired and I understand exactly why as I think back on our time together. His routine this summer has been grueling but he's always found time for me. We eat together at night, mostly room service at one in the morning. We spent time talking, kissing and touching each other softly, but nothing too serious. He has shown me that he respects me and I love him all the more for it. Today was the last official day of his tour and now we get to do whatever we want for the next two weeks. I would be thrilled if my mind wasn't clouded by homesickness.

"Hey," I say flopping down on my stomach, propped up on my elbows, on the bed next to him. He grins at me while he continues to twirl his phone. "What?" I ask, noticing a white envelope on the bed next to him.

"So I know we planned to stay here for a couple more weeks...but how would you feel if we went somewhere else instead?" he says mischievously.

I squint my eyes at him, trying to figure out what he's getting at. That's when it hits me and I hop up into a kneeling position. "To go home?" I ask with a huge smile, immediately thinking about calling Charlie or Renee. I have enough money in savings to get me to Wildwood.

Gage nods, picks up the envelope, and hold it out to me. "Open it," he says. I take the envelope and slide my finger under the flap to find two plane tickets. "How would you feel about showing me around Wildwood for two weeks?" he asks.

I crawl into his lap, reach out to grab his face and plant a kiss on his lips. "I'd love to. Thank you so much, Gage," I say between playful kisses all over his face.

He laughs at my craziness and finally says. "Start packing, girl. It's not going to be easy to have all our shit together so we can catch this flight in the morning." He slaps my ass and pushes me off of him.

As I run off to gather my things I realize how happy I am that I'll get the chance to see Edward…and then I'm overcome by grief when I realize that was my first reaction to going home. I brush it off as a simple reaction to seeing him for the first time since we reconciled, and get to work.

Okay, can't wait to here what everyone is thinking/feeling...if you are all seeing the reasons for all the drama now...Love you all! See you soon - hopefully no longer than 2 weeks!