She arrived at his house nearly thirty minutes later, having walked the entire way in unforgivably cold rain and thirty mile per hour winds. She hugged her arms close as she walked and stared down at her favorite pair of now mud stained Jimmy Choos that her mother had bought her a few months before. She shied away from the approaching cars on the road who drove by so quickly that their wheels kicked up rainwater in every which direction. Her hair was drenched, her mascara had noticeably run down the sides of her face, and she was freezing but the cold was the least of her worries. She knew Jess had come home the same way she had, walking the full two mile stretch in the upstate downpour that most people wouldn't drive in much less walk. She stopped when she approached their street, crossed the last major two lane road adjacent from his house, and sprinted into his drive way.
The front door had been left open and as she walked in she slammed it shut in her frustration and annoyance at him. As she walked up the stairs she tried to sort out her feelings, and realized how mixed and jumbled they were given the circumstances. She was worried and frightened for him but also frustrated and confused, similar to the way a parent feels throughout the struggle to find what's best for their child. She wanted what was best for him. She didn't want to see him hurting or suffering to the extent that he was. Though he annoyed her to no end with some of the things he did or said, boy did she love him, and it was that seemingly unbreakable link between them that kept her with him, but was it guaranteed to last? She ignored her boyfriend-induced anxiety and took off her shoes at the bottom of the stairs and slowly began to ascend them, while listening to the sound of her feet pound against the wooden floor. He would hear her coming, and judging from his earlier behavior she wasn't sure how he was going to react to her being there. As she came closer to his bedroom door she suddenly felt uneasy, her confidence in him wavered for reasons she didn't understand. Her train of thought was interrupted when she reached for the handle and he opened the door.
"What?" he said coldly. She stepped back away from him, a bit startled by the look in his eyes and searched for some sort of reply.
"Jess are you alright? You ran off in the middle of the service. I was worr…" he cut her off mid sentence.
"Why are you really here?" he remarked again, each one of his words jarring and defensive. She looked up into the grey green of his eyes hoping to find some implication of the Jesse she was used to there, but saw nothing but hollow color cones.
" Jess…what's wrong with you I…" he refused to let her finish once again.
"You what? Came here to give me another one of your pep talks? I'm not interested thanks. There's the door." He said as he turned away from her and pointed back down the stairs.
Jen swallowed hard to keep herself from crying. She felt the corners of her lips tremble and her eyes briefly blur in and out of focus as she looked at him. He stood there against his bedroom door, in his suit pants and wife beater, his hair was slicked back, still drenched from the rain and specks of mud dotted his face. He was visibly worn down and leaned against the doorframe as though it were the only thing still keeping him standing. Though Jesse had demanded her to leave she didn't move. She stood firmly in front of him as if every nerve in her body had instructed her muscles to stop contracting.
"I said GO!" He shouted. She could smell the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath. She stared at him, her focus cold and unmoving.
"You want me to go? I'll go, and since we're making plans why you come with me. Why don't we go for a drive Jess? Sound good? You get in your car, I'll give you the keys, you take the wheel, it'll be just like old times right? Hitting the highway drunk off your ass. You really know how to party huh?" she fired back. He struggled to keep himself upright.
"Shut your mouth. You don't know what the fuck your talking about." He said through clenched teeth.
"And you don't know who the fuck you're dealing with." She replied ruthlessly, and then stepped up to him, making sure her face was too close for comfort. He swallowed hard, and choked back his own tears. He loved her so much but was too afraid to let her in, yet the consequences of shutting her out a second time would be more than he could handle.
"Just leave me alone. Get out of my house. I don't want you here. There is nothing left for you here, just go…" he said with his voice raised and cracking like the fifteen year old he used to be. She looked right into his eyes and shut him out, right then and there.
"Then we're finished. Give this back to your dad and save your bullshit for someone else." She said as she slipped his ring off her finger and shoved into his chest. She turned around and walked away from him, just beginning to understand the implications of what she had just said and done. She ran down the stairs and in her frenzy slipped and fell. Jesse came running to her side and helped her stand.
"Are you alright? Becare…" she wiped away the tears from her eyes then slapped him as hard as she could.
"Don't touch me." She said furiously then picked up her shoes and walked towards the door. She turned around to face him once again. "
Just remember to keep your fucking distance, I don't have the time to waste on you anymore. " She said as she slammed the door and headed back out into the rain.
"Oh G-d…" Jesse said as he dropped to his knees sobbing.
"I lost her."
