"I'm sorry Bella." Although his words were simple, it was easy to see that he honestly meant them and while inside the relief was coursing through me... on the outside I still wanted to be careful, still needed to be sure that he wouldn't change his mind again.
In the days that followed Edward was on his best behavior. Things calmed down among the family and Edward respected my need for space but he was also still both worried and in awe. We fumbled through it though, me learning to trust him again, and him keeping to the boundaries that I set into place.
Unfortunately life couldn't stay this simple forever.
"Here you go Love," Edward handed me my cup and I smiled up at him in thanks as he shifted to sit on the bed beside me. I took a long sip of the blood as his hand found it's way to my belly and found the spot where our son was gently kicking me. His hand was soothing and his voice loving as he spoke to the baby, telling him how much he loved him and his sister and kissing gently before moving to look back at me.
Once I was finished the cup of blood I set it down on the table beside our bed and sat up a little, leaning against the headboard for support and moving my own hands to my belly to feel the small movements of our tiny little beans.
"How are you three feeling this morning?" Edward asked me the same question every day, and every day I thought through my answer before speaking, noted the tiniest differences in my body from one day to the next and tried to answer him honestly.
"I'm feeling about the same as yesterday... maybe even a little better." I felt a hard kick and looked down to see my belly shifting as the twins battled for space inside the large beach ball that was my stomach. The past few days had been slightly better, Carlisle thought that maybe it was because their growth seemed to be slowing down and evening out a little bit, Edward thought it was the non-stop blood they were feeding me, but I didn't really care what it was... as long as they were healthy and I seemed to have a little more energy again I was happy.
"Really?" He asked with a slight look of surprise and I rolled my eyes at him. It was still difficult for him to trust me when it came to telling him how I was feeling, and although he was trying, sometimes it was just plain irritating.
"Yes Edward. Just like yesterday, I still feel weak and sore and achy... but I do have a little bit more energy again." I tried to remain calm as I spoke and not get angry but it wasn't easy when I felt like he wasn't listening and didn't trust me completely. "I'll tell you if I don't feel okay." I added on softly and I felt my eyes begin to well up with tears, something that only made me angrier.
"I'm sorry Bella." Edward's face took on an apologetic look and I knew that he had quickly realized what had upset me. "I didn't mean to doubt you... I just worry... about all of you." He said and took my hand into his, pulling my knuckles up to his lips and kissing them gently.
"It's fine. It's just me, being overly-emotional again." I sniffled gently and used our still joined hands to bring him closer to me, reaching my free hand up to his hand and tangling my fingers in his hair, making an unexpected and sudden decision, pulling his lips to mine.
Our kiss started out slow and sensual, but there was no way that my raging hormones were going to let me stop at one kiss, my hand holding him against me as his body shifted to press just slightly against mine. It had been a long time since we had been this close and as I broke away from him to breathe and felt his lips travel down to my collarbone, I could feel my heart rate skyrocket, my breathing quickly becoming labored.
"I've missed that." He brought his lips back up to mine softly and then pulled away, my hands still wound around his neck, and his hands resting on my stomach as we both struggled to calm back down. For once he didn't say anything about my heart and I was grateful as it slowed back to normal, thankfully it was only the heat of the moment that had caused it to race this time and for once, not my health.
I was enjoying laying with him, both of us relaxed as my stomach jumped softly between us, the feeling relaxing me so much that I was almost asleep again... at least until one of our little ones pressed down, nearly causing me to lose control of my overly full bladder.
"Ughh..." I groaned as I blinked my eyes back open and pushed back from Edward, his face quickly becoming concerned. Before he could ask I put my hand up to stop him, while I sat forward on the bed,
"Kicked my bladder... I just have to pee." I said and in an instant he was back by my side, his arm around my waist as I stood up wobbly and took a moment to get my balance. My legs were weak still, and Edward still had to practically carry me to the washroom, but it felt better to at least be taking some of the steps myself.
I wasn't even sure why it mattered, but over the past several weeks I felt like I had become too dependent, too unable to take care of myself and it bothered me. Small things like this made me feel a little more myself, maybe even a little more in control.
Once I was done in the bathroom, Edward's arm wrapped around my waist again and he began to lead me back towards the bed. "Can we go downstairs? I'm actually feeling a little bit hungry..." I trailed off as I felt the phone in his pocket begin to vibrate against me. Using his other hand to pull out the device, he glanced down at the display before quickly answering it.
"Charlie? Is everything alright?" Suddenly his worried expression made sense. While I had talked to my dad on the phone somewhat regularly, it was always me who called him – he never called us. We were paused in the middle of the room, Edward's arm practically holding me up and as I tilted my head up to look at his face I instantly began to worry even further.
"Start from the beginning Keira. What happened to Charlie?" The room began to spin at his words. Charlie. Something had happened to my dad. And whatever it was it had to have been serious if Keira was calling Edward. I could feel my legs give out, but my body never fell as Edward's grip on me tightened and the next thing I knew I was in his arms, my eyes closing as the room continued to revolve around me. My mind was going a mile a minute while he carried me to the bed, setting me down gently but keeping his arms around me as I heard him continue to speak into the phone, his words not clear to my mind.
"Bella? Can you look up at me sweetheart?" Carlisle's voice was soft but firm and I groaned as I looked up at him. I hadn't realized that I had somehow lost consciousness but the light as I blinked my eyes open sent the memories swirling back into my mind.
"What happened to Charlie?" My eyes moved beyond Carlisle and quickly found Edward, the expression on his face not giving anything away – except for his eyes. His eyes were the only thing that prepared me for what he said next.
"I'm sorry Bella." his whispered words held the same sadness that I could see in his eyes as he came back to my side, Carlisle stepping back out of his way and into Esme's arms. They were both giving me a look that told me that Edward had already filled them in and it wasn't good.
"What happened to Charlie Edward?" There was a large lump already forming in my throat and I blinked back tears as I focused in on his face, waited to hear the words that I somehow already knew were coming.
"There was a fire Bella..." The tears were dripping down my cheeks now and I didn't try and stop them, "Charlie was trapped inside... there was an explosion and he wasn't able to make it out." I didn't say anything – I couldn't. My throat was aching as the tears flowed freely and my mind tried to understand what he was saying. Charlie – Charlie was gone.
"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice but my mind was still swirling with the news he had just given me.
"Bella?" His voice was more urgent and I turned my head back to him, blinking through the tears, his face becoming relieved at the small motion. I didn't say anything and in the next instant Edward had me wrapped up in his arms, rocking me gently like a child while my crying became harder, my sobs louder.
"What can I do to help you through this Bella?" Edward sounded pained as my sobs began to die down, my chest aching both from the heaviness of my heart and the physical effort that crying took on my body. I didn't have an answer, I didn't know what to think or say or do. All of my thoughts were revolving around my dad and the short time I had really known him, the special relationship that we had forged, and how much I was going to miss him.
"Bella?" I had kind of zoned out and Esme's voice took me by surprise from the doorway. My eyes flickered to where she was standing, a small tray of food in her hands. "I heard you say earlier that you were a little hungry so I thought I'd bring you up something light." She said and I tried to smile my thanks, but it only caused my tears to begin again as I realized that Esme and Carlisle really were the closest thing to parents that I had left. Renee still thought that I had died in the hospital and Charlie...
"I'm so sorry Bella." I was pulled into Esme's arms my head resting against her shoulder and I cried harder again, with her rubbing my back and rocking me in a similar way to what Edward had done earlier. I don't know how long we stayed like that, my eyes closing and my body falling asleep when my tears once again quieted, waking up in Edward's arms later in the afternoon.
"Hey," he whispered softly and I felt his fingers as they trailed down my cheek to my neck, and down across my shoulder.
"Hey," I whispered back, my voice hoarse as I snuggled in closer to him.
"How are you feeling Bella?" I could hear the hidden question in his words, in the tone of voice he used. He was afraid that I had forgotten what he had told me, that I was going to break down again at any second.
"It's... it's okay. I'll be alright." I fought the urge to cry and opened my eyes to see the late afternoon sun shining through the window, Edward's skin reflecting brilliantly in the light. Seeing him beside me, feeling his arms around me was the only thing that comforted me, that could keep me together in this time.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward's voice was still cautious and I gave him a weak smile as I shook my head no, but then I changed my mind. I had questions I needed answered. "Can you tell me what... what happened?" I asked softly and I saw him grimace slightly, Edward obviously not expecting me to ask for details yet. "I need to know." I whispered again, knowing that he was going to ask if I was sure.
"Charlie was at the police station... Sue Clearwater was meeting him at the end of his shift last night. They're still investigating how it started, but for some reason Charlie and Sue both became trapped in Charlie's office... by the time they realized that Charlie was still inside it was too late, there was an explosion that ripped apart the back of the building." He spoke slowly and I could tell it pained him nearly as much to tell me what happened as it did for me to hear it. Several tears began to trickle back down my cheek, but I quickly wiped them away.
"Do they know anything else? What started the fire, how my dad got trapped?" I tried not to think too much about it as I asked the questions and Edward shook his head. "No, the fire is being investigated by both the fire department and the wolves." Of course the wolves were investigating. My sadness quickly fueled my anger as I realized what Edward had said. The wolves. The wolves had assured us that Charlie would have one of them with him at all times. The threat of Victoria hanging over our heads had sent both us and them into protective mode.
"Why wasn't there a wolf with Charlie?" I suddenly demanded and Edward pulled back from me, obviously surprised by the venom in my words. "They were... chasing Victoria out of the area." he sighed and watched me for my reaction, my heart aching at the thought. Of course Victoria was involved. "Did she..." I didn't get the question out before Edward shook his head. "No, the wolves didn't find any vampire scents anywhere near the police station. Victoria wasn't involved in the fire." he answered and I began to shake. She might not have been directly involved, but if she hadn't been in Forks at that exact time, then Charlie would have had a wolf with him, someone would have been there to help them out of the fire.
Pushing Edward back from me I struggled to sit back up, my legs moving slowly to swing over the side of the bed. I didn't have the strength to stand up and run like I wanted to do, to pace the floor or hit the walls, so instead I did the only thing that I could. I grabbed the tray of food from the nightstand and without thinking, I flung it across the room, watching as my pathetic strength caused it to fall midway across and just land on the floor sadly, the food that had been there flying across the carpet. Grabbing the next thing I could, I whipped it across the room as well, the empty cup from my blood actually hitting the wall softly and bouncing to the floor with a soft thud.
"Come on Bella," Edward gently grabbed my hands, coming around to stand in front of me and pulling me into his chest. I was breathing heavily and could feel my heart pounding but I didn't care. I was angry and frustrated and I wanted Victoria dead.
It took several days for my anger to begin to subside. It was easier for me to deal with the hatred and blame I was feeling then to admit the sadness and devastation that I was feeling over the loss of my father. Once the anger did begin to fade though, the sadness quickly rolled in, flooding through me.
I didn't want to admit it, but I was deeply affected by the idea of my dad no longer being alive. In a way I had been prepared for it, knowing that one day I would have to say goodbye. But after he had learned the truth, I had thought we would have much longer before that day. He had been so excited to become a Grandpa, every time I had talked to him on the phone he had seemed ecstatic, always trying to make sure that I was taking care of both them and myself. After the first week I began to feel myself spiraling into a slight depression, my thoughts taking on darker themes. I tried to ignore them, fought against the urges to hurt myself – the constant pummeling in my belly reminding me why I couldn't do it, why I couldn't make even just one little tiny cut.
"I know that you're hurting Bella, but you need to eat a little more and take care of yourself or it will begin to affect them." Alice's voice was unusually firm and I zoned back in to see her sitting across from me in the living room, her legs crossed under her as she stared me down. I didn't answer her, instead picking up the cup of blood from the table and taking a small sip. My appetite had decreased substantially and while I knew that I – that my children – needed the nourishment, every bite, every sip, had to be forced down.
"You know you can talk to us about anything, right Bell?" Alice asked seriously as she continued to watch me take small sips of the ruby red liquid in my hand. I nodded softly and she continued. "We're all really proud of you, you know that right?" I looked at her quizzically, not expecting that and shook my head. I hadn't done anything worthy of their pride. "All those ideas you've had lately... I know it isn't easy, and that when we were... gone... it was your way of coping – to cut yourself. But you've been able to hold yourself back even when the urge to do it has hit you so strongly that I think you're about to do something and then you just stop." Alice was still watching me when she finished her speech and I took another small sip before I replied.
"I'm sorry... I don't mean to worry everybody. I just... I... we thought we would be able to keep him a part of my... of their life." I whispered softly and swallowed back the tears that threatened to once again burst out, focusing back on trying to finish the cup of blood in my hand so that I wouldn't break down.
"Of course we're worried about you Bella, but we understand. We just want you to know that we're all here for you, that you can talk to any of us about what you're feeling... you don't have to go through this alone." This time I couldn't stop the tears and I put the cup down on the coffee table, reaching my arms out to Alice who came rushing over and hugged me gently. After a minute I felt Alice stiffen as she pulled back from me, her hand coming over and hovering over my massive stomach nervously.
"Alice, I trust you... go ahead." I told her and pulled her hand down to my belly, feeling the non-stop kicking against her icy touch.
"They're getting so strong!" She squealed suddenly, excitedly and then she pulled her hand back, her face turning apologetic. "It's okay to be excited Alice... they're my little miracles and I know I'm not showing much of it right now, but I'm still excited about them too." I told her and she smiled back at me. Our talk had managed to lighten my mood a little bit, reminding me that even though I had lost Charlie I still had an entire family surrounding me, supporting me.
"Thank you Alice..." I turned serious again and she seemed almost surprised by my words – her reaction nearly making me forget what I wanted to say. "Thank you for being my best friend – my sister." I finished and she smiled again, her eyes filling with venom as she pulled me back in for another hug. This was exactly what I needed right now. My family.
A/N: I'm going to run away and duck right now. I don't know if anybody saw this coming but it was just one more thing that had to happen and I've been planning since the beginning of this story. It's a little up and down, and I also just want to say that I loved this version of Charlie so I found this chapter particularly emotional for me to both write and then to read/edit. Anyways, I hope I at least got the writing of it okay. Poor Charlie and Sue.
** All twilight references, characters etc... are the property of S. Meyer I only play with her creations to see what I can do with them :)
