Hello all! I'm SO sorry this has taken me longer than I said it would but life happens. I really have nothing more to say about it than that. I've had a lot going on and this chapter was just one of those ones that was hard to write. I've been working on some personal writings of my own and am on the verge of getting published! I have a facebook account there where you can read about it if you would like: www. facebook pages / Yami-Hirugashi / 275070372651130 ?ref = hl
The last time I tried to put a link in it didn't work but it is also on my profile :) I hate to do this but this is going to be the last chapter until I have the first book of my series published. I am going to dedicate any free time I have now to that until the first one is out. However, this does not mean I am going to stop writing this...just that the updates are going to be very slow and I'm very sorry about that. The next two chapters will be the LA: BB Murder Case and then it will start with the anime story line.
Now about this chapter...as promised it's in BB's POV. It is a little graphic (chapter 10 Heartache Is Easy To Come By is talked about in here) Italics are memories.
Please keep in mind I decided to go with the route of BB being a sociopath, no not the stereotypical ones you see all the time. I put HOURS of research into this for months to do the best job I could. Please see this video for a quick rundown of what they are generally like (go to YouTube): watch? v=SpMfxW2zUD4
I hope you enjoy this chapter, please be warned this is my most disturbing chapter yet (according to my editor).
She doesn't understand; it seems to not be within her brain capacity to do so. Typical woman. How could she understand?
She couldn't, especially not with him controlling her.
He truly believes I don't care about her?
How could I not?
The first time I laid eyes on her, I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine and no one else's.
But no...he was already there and had put in a preliminary claim. How could I make her see he wasn't right for her but instead I was?
There had to be something I could do and I went with the careful assumption to test her, to push her more than anyone had before.
It seemed to be working until that day all those years ago...when she left with him...it was then that I knew I had lost.
Or had I?
I had to make her see...I had to make her notice how wrong they were together.
She had to see the truth...that L Lawliet, set to die November 5, 2007 was not meant for Takara Hirukashita set to die May 8, 2078. How is that fair to her? She has paired herself with someone that makes it just past his 25th birthday while she will live to see her 97th...
On top of that tragedy he doesn't appreciate her!
How can someone who can command such respect, has such intellect but lack of understanding of what others want or truly need care for someone like Takara? He shovels himself full of endless sugars, never sticking to one in particular, why should he have to? He can have whatever he wants whenever he wants.
I on the other hand appreciate strawberry jam and coffee, a splendid concoction that I have been loyal to since my parents were alive.
It would be to a great benefit if I were to have Takara by my side.
Though would she ever forgive me for taking away her chance at children?
I didn't want her to have children.
I wanted her to be mine and mine alone.
Children weren't a necessity and wouldn't be any form of benefit to me. Therefore, I wasn't truly sorry for doing that to her. I didn't even feel bad for doing what I did and I still don't. Why should I?
It angered me she had been pregnant.
That was not to my benefit.
How could she thoughtlessly have a child without thinking of my feelings?
Though...she hadn't known...but that didn't mean that she hadn't been trying to get pregnant.
How dare she conceive a child with him instead of me.
But I don't want children.
I want her.
By my side she would be a beneficial asset.
That's why I took that chance from her, because she would see, in time of course. What would she see? That children were not an asset, nor could they ever be. They take away constantly without giving anything more. So much wasted time and effort, for ungrateful brats.
Of course Takara's children would have been beautiful, there is no doubt about that. She is beautiful, another reason why she was an asset to me.
She was beautiful, brilliant and caring. She was mostly silent, which was good. She would be a wonderful prize to obtain and in time, she would learn to be completely silent. She wouldn't need to speak with me, no, I value silence with her.
She will be mine.
Did my heart-felt letter do nothing for her? I confessed how much I did love her, and still she stays with him?
I should have seen this coming, L is controlling her. I know it!
Someday Takara, you will be mine...you will be...
But how?
How could I get her to see...
Wait...if I were to show her that I could easily outsmart L...wouldn't that win her heart? After all, we shared many of the same quirks; we somehow looked surprisingly similar in appearance and even in manners of dress and were both socially inept. It must be his intellect; I'll show you Takara...I'll show you just how easily it is to take down L. After all, you did say if I wanted to challenge him to do it head on. Just myself and L.
I'll do just that. I'll make a challenge so great L will have no choice but to bow down to me!
I'll show you how much better than L I am. I'll win this ridiculous battle between me and that buffoon.
You will be my prize.
I'll show you that I love you more than that fool ever could. I value what an asset you are to have.
That's what it means to love someone, doesn't it? Value what benefits they can give you?
That's how I perceive love after all. It means you gain something from them, be it power, status, wealth, sex, or something else entirely.
I don't want sex. Frankly the act seems like a waste of effort to gain power. L's power.
It will be mine. All of it.
His power, his status, his wealth...his woman.
I will become more superior than L and I will have complete control.
Nothing will get in my way, and if it does...I will eliminate it.
I don't care how many lives I have to destroy or change. I don't care what I have to do, I'll do it. I killed to get a girl's attention.
I've killed for less.
After all, I had to practice didn't I? I couldn't be sloppy...I couldn't disappoint Takara with a poor execution of my messages.
I went after couples simply to show I wasn't happy with the fact she was with him. I set them up so they could watch the pain the other would go through in their bedrooms where their sins of their love would most likely take place, because of the anger Takara stirred within me being with him and for having a sinful relationship with him. I would remove the male's fingers and toes because I wanted to show Takara how accurate my work was. I could remove all those annoying fingers and toes quickly and efficiently, with smooth even cuts...even with the male fruitlessly struggling. I would remove his genitalia simply because I wanted him to squirm...I would always imagine I was removing his genitalia...after all I was planning to do so after I had finished my work with Takara. I would stab the male in the chest one on each side of his heart so it could send the message to them that the heart is a fragile thing and it shouldn't be trusted.
After all...she left with him that day...leaving me at Wammy House...waiting for her return that never came. It was then I learned she could not be trusted...not while he was still alive...
Back to my brilliant work though, I would remove the male's Adam's apple and would place it on his pillow on the bed because I wanted to send the message that words could hurt. Takara was always so short with me...and it was always in his defense...I had to teach her a lesson that words are not easily forgiven or forgotten.
As I removed his Adam's apple, the male would die of exsanguination leaving his female companion with the realization that life fades too quickly. I wanted each woman to realize that their death might have been avoided so soon if they had chosen more wisely. I wanted Takara to see...he would be the death of her...
I would leave the body there for the woman to see, so she could continue to reflect on how her life went and to let her see if she would do anything differently.
Each time I would ask the woman, "Would you have chosen a different companion." And each time the woman said, "Yes, I would have. Please let me go now!" How sad...each one realized too late that they wanted to take back their fatal choice. I couldn't let Takara face that realization! It couldn't happen like that!
I would place the male genitalia where the woman's hips would rest on the bed to show that actions have consequences and that when something has been done you can't take it back. After all...once you sleep with evil...you're left with that...aren't you? I had to show Takara that she was choosing wrongly.
I would finally turn my attention to the woman and I would cause her pain, but it was to make her realize. You see, I would ask her questions about the relationship formed with the deceased fool in the chair across from her. Any time she would answer with fondness or joy, I would strike her somewhere that wouldn't be fatal. She had to learn, even though there were good times they didn't matter. I would return to questions and strike the same wound each time the fondness would return until she no longer showed any form of happiness at the mention of the memory. She was going to die because of her choice, she shouldn't know joy because of her fate. Takara had to see, she had to see the pain these foolish women were enduring because of their choices!
I would leave the woman with black eyes to show how blinded she was being by the so-called "love" she shared with the man. I would bust their lips to show they were out of line with words they spoke to describe them. The pretty face each one of them had was no longer as such, beauty fades and you can be robbed of it. I had to teach them that the hard way each time...Each time they would wail, "Not my face!" How sad...Deep bruises and fractures would take care of the rest of the body. The body they use to seduce these men would be stripped of the ability to ever do so; even in death they would not be beautiful or attractive. They would be physically ruined as they were emotionally.
When I was finally finished with my interrogations, I would remove the woman's nipples and then place them on the eyes of her lover. I had to show Takara that lust was a dangerous thing. To not be subdued by attraction, his wealth, intellect and power would all be taken away and then she would find him repulsive...I know it...
I would cut off the woman's earlobes next and place them in the shape of a heart in the man's mouth on his tongue. I would show the woman that listening to the silver tongue that these men possessed was dangerous. Words were dangerous to listen to if you weren't careful. Takara had to see, he was dangerous, his words were dangerous and if she kept listening to him...it would only cause her more harm.
Next I would get some sharp object, something that resembled something they loved in a vague way. I would proceed to rape the woman with the object telling her things such as "You made such a bad choice" or "Now you are being punished for your sins" or my favorite "If only you had chosen more wisely, none of this would be happening". I wouldn't do this long, I didn't want to risk them finding pleasure out of the act. I couldn't let that happen...they couldn't know any form of kindness or joy. This was a punishment! Takara, would you finally come to understand how dangerous your sinful relationship with him is? A woman such as you shouldn't be indulging in such sinful acts. Sex was a waste of time!
Finally I would put the poor thing out of her misery and would end her with a swift chop from an ax. Right at her neck, quick and clean. Nice perfect swing...after a few slow practice swings that I would stop short at. I would demand the woman apologized for what wrong she committed and ask her if she had seen the error of her ways. When she would I would tell her, "What a good girl you are...I'm so proud of you for learning from your mistakes. I will reward you with a quick death." right before I would cut her head off. I wanted to show Takara that once she learned her lesson, the punishment was over quick. I could be merciful.
Once she was dead I would remove her breasts, careful to get all the breast tissue and pick her most "pretty" bra and place each breast in a cup and hang the bra on the refrigerator door. I removed the breasts to show that without them, women weren't as attractive. They were just smaller objects on a bigger object. Takara had to learn this; she was a prize...not a human being.
I would hang the bra on the refrigerator to show the simple notion of: they're just pieces of meat and noting more. If he was so enchanted by Takara's breasts, he valued her like a piece of meat. Obviously not worthy of the prize...the asset she was.
I would remove the woman's ovaries and uterus, simply to show Takara that those body parts serve no real use. I would then place the parts in a pot of water and put it on the stove on a low setting to show that I was "cleansing" the woman's would be-future sins.
After I finished leaving the messages for Takara I would make a sugar-water type substance with red dye and leave notes all over the house. I wanted her to see it was me doing all of this. Surely she would think of the time we made strawberry jam together.
How could she be so surprised that day when it was me she woke up to see? I don't understand how all the signs were there...how could she not recognize the brilliance of my work? Was he diluting her mind so deeply that she couldn't recognize something right in front of her?
No...this wouldn't do...
I felt joy spread through me that day...when I had to carry her limp body back to the operating room. She was letting me carry her...she trusted me enough to succumb to sleep. She let me hit her in the back of the head that day; it was because she wanted to come with me. She just didn't want to say it...she couldn't admit it to herself yet. Someday I knew she would.
I set her down on a bed; she had to be comfy for the operation. I stripped her bear and marveled at the sight of her body. It was a beautiful sight and made me reconsider my disregard for sex...perhaps if she was good, in time, I would reward her with physical pleasure. I ran my hands over her body and savored the feel of her flesh under my hands. She was soft, but obviously strong. I had to make sure she wouldn't break free while I was working...if she did she would easily bleed out and die.
I couldn't have that happen.
I made sure her body was in a relaxed position but stretched out enough where she would have no form of leverage. I tied her wrists and ankles to the bed, carefully so it wouldn't cause damage visible to others. She would be no use to me if she was damaged where eyes could see. I knew she would scar from the operation I had set for today but that wasn't a visible area...or at least it shouldn't be.
I looked down to her and watched her face as she lay there. She looked so peaceful...more peaceful than I thought someone could look while alive. I don't know what came over me, perhaps the curiosity of the action's motives, but I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. It was my first kiss and I admit that it brought me some pleasure. Her lips were soft and very sweet. I remember pulling away from her after a moment and brushing her soft cheek. I told her how valuable she was and that after this, her value would only increase.
When she woke up I was excited...now the real fun would begin.
I called L with her phone...the fool was so excited to hear from her. Surprise! It wasn't her! His shouting and promises to harm me if I harmed her were nothing but a bore. Soon he would know real pain.
I knew what I did to Takara would hurt L more than her. Because he failed her! He failed to protect her. I had control over her and he couldn't stand that someone else had hold over his beloved.
Wouldn't she see now? See that L views her as an asset? If he really loved her he would have gotten there in time to stop me from even touching her...but he didn't. Or another question to pose, why didn't he go with her on her trip to the bakery? Why had he stayed back and she left the safety of the hotel they were in? Hadn't he realized a woman alone is asking for trouble? They are weak and defenseless. They are objects...possessions...prizes. Nothing more.
When would Takara see she would be a greater asset to me than L?
No matter...in time she would see...
Why hadn't she realized it the moment we met?
I looked around Watari's office carefully then back to him. Quillsh Wammy...the numbers above his head indicated he would die November 5, 2007. Only 71 when he dies...not a young age but not a full life either. How sad.
"Just a moment B, I'm going to make a phone call to two of our top residents. The should meet you before anyone else." Came the man's gentle voice. He had grandchildren I'm sure.
I said nothing but my eyes never left his face. I watched as he picked up the phone and dialed four numbers, it had to be an extension somewhere in the building for only that many numbers.
"Hello?" a scrambled voice asked, they sounded uncertain and possibly tired. Though the voice was scrambled I could hear femininity in it. Why would he be calling a woman?
"Tsuki...L...there's someone the both of you should meet could you please come down to my office?" the old man said.
Tsuki...and L?...The L? This should be interesting...
"Of course Watari." The scrambled voice said easily, I could tell it was L speaking. There was no emotion in his voice, the woman had sounded weak.
"Very well, I'll be expecting you." Watari responded before ending the conversation.
"I get to meet L?" I asked; I had to seem interested. After all...I was his Backup. Backup...such a boring name to be saddled with. Could the man come up with nothing better?
He smiled, seeming fooled by my fake interest. "Yes; and his partner Tsuki."
"Why would L have a partner? He seems like the type to work alone." I asked, there had to be a reason L wanted a woman by his side.
"They challenge each other while they work on cases together. They make a game out of who can solve it first. Since they started working together their success has become something none of us here has ever expected." He answered proudly. Hm...there was more to it but I wasn't sure what. What could the old man be hiding?
I looked at the door slowly as I heard the handle turning. I was slightly surprised but mostly amused by what I saw.
I looked almost exactly like L. And the woman beside him looked like she would do nothing but drag L down. She challenged L? I almost laughed.
"Ah, Tsuki...L...this is B." Watari said. "He is the second child I have taken in to become L's successor."
Tsuki looked very surprised, confused as well. I couldn't blame her...I mean she is a woman. Women are easily confused and painfully easy to upset or manipulate. L looked at me with no expression, but I could see him evaluating me. I could see his wheels turning and his mind turning over possibilities of our appearances being so similar.
My appearance was amusing to myself now; I looked so much like L. How entertaining this was! I could see L's attention was fully on mine while Tsuki seemed to be glancing back and forth between myself and L. Evaluating how different we were. I could see with how close the two were standing together they were closer than Watari voiced. L's form was slightly in front of Tsuki but was minimally turned enough to be facing her, an obvious sign of protection. Tsuki was likewise turned just enough to indicate closeness to L. Her body language was soft; it showed obvious concern for L.
Of course...they're in a relationship. How amusing L is...he has a personal plaything.
I smiled at them; it was a warm smile to make them feel at ease. I practiced my smiles carefully, I had to show care and warmth when it suited and now was a time. I should appear awkwardly friendly and I knew I was. I excelled at this meager task.
"It...it's a pleasure to meet you B." Tsuki spoke quietly, I noticed faintly as she and L finally stepped into the room to give us some privacy to converse in. "And as Watari said...I'm Tsuki." Her tone was careful, calculating, unnerved.
How to respond...hm...go for the typical response...
"Yes, a pleasure as well, Tsuki..." I stood slowly, moving carefully as I had often practiced. Awkward and friendly I reminded myself. Awkward and friendly. Hm...Tsuki seems unnerved...what movement has chilled her in such a way? Time will tell...don't let your amusement show
I moved over to them and stopped in front of them. They were both around my age, Tsuki seemed to be a bit older, or at least gave off more maturity than L. However, that didn't seem too hard.
Takara Hirukashita...May 8, 2078...97 when she dies...a full life...how lucky...
L Lawliet...November 5, 2007...only 25...heh heh or is she?
How clever Tsuki chose "moon" in her native tongue, or at least a language she learned early in life...her mother's side I'll assume...She can't be of complete Asian decent...she looks to be of some other country...Italy perhaps?
And ingenious L...his own name...his name doesn't give a clear country of origin...possibly some Russian in him...maybe some Japanese in him as well...perhaps some English as well...
Smile now; make it pleasant...innocent if possible...yes that would suffice. "A pleasure to meet someone with so much life..." I murmured to Tsuki so the old fool couldn't hear me, "...and someone severely lacking in life..." I said as I turned my eyes to L. "What a shame that is..." I couldn't hold back the chuckle I felt swelling within me. I felt such joy at my words. Did it make them think of death?
I couldn't resist responding as I had. It amused me knowing they would turn it over until they figured it out...if they ever did. Could they tell I could see their lives in front of me? Could they feel the grip of death that much closer to their hearts now? I hopped so...I hopped I could chill them in this manner. Let the constant reminder you shall be torn apart over half a century away from the other be there. Should I tell them the exact numbers? Hm...should I?...Perhaps I'll tell Tsuki...it would give me absolute joy to see the idea of impending doom douse any idea of growing old with him. Now...or later...now...or later?
Ah what a wonderful day that was...I had thought so negatively of Takara...but seems I was proved wrong...she was not a terrible annoyance I had believed her to be.
She proved me wrong the first time we competed against one another with an anatomy test. She hadn't known we were competing of course, at least not until I told her we were. She couldn't figure it out herself I suppose...
I frowned slightly at my test, I got two marks. I turned my eyes to where Tsuki was and felt a small grin cross my face. I made my way over to her, what better way to make myself feel better than to show my superior knowledge of anatomy to her. Surely I did better than a woman..."Come now Tsuki, I want to see how you faired during this exam." I said walking up to her.
She turned to face me, "Why does it matter how I did? Shouldn't you be worried about your own exam results?" Avoiding the inevitable I see.
"Yes, but I would like to see how I fair against the woman that works with L." I grinned slightly at her in challenge, I had raised my tone slightly, just enough where someone could hear us if any closer. Watari had stressed I let no one know she worked with L but...she was being uncooperative and that was unacceptable for her. Women don't know their place.
She sighed and handed me her test, "Here...knock yourself out." She replied dryly.
I stared at her score and looked between ours, she scored higher than me? I looked at the test and held back a glare. She got both questions right that I had missed and the one she had missed was one she just didn't read close enough. It was a purposeful typo to see if you were paying attention and she had marked that one instead of the right answer beside it. I silently cursed that she knew more on the matter than me. I had guessed on the two I had gotten wrong.
With a surprised expression, I was sure, I handed the exam back to her, "You got a higher score than me...in anatomy no less...I love the subject." I didn't try to hide my surprise.
She gave me a small smile "I love the subject as well B." I handed her my exam, I had to seem like a friendly classmate. She skimmed over to see what questions I had gotten wrong, probably not realizing she got the two I got wrong right. "I didn't do much better; it was only one more mark that separated our scores. I'm sure we'll rival each other in this subject...I'll have to try extra hard now." Aw...a playful tone...how cute...
I gave her a thoughtful look, why would she try to be playful. Hm...return it with kindness, I smiled at her, "Yes, and it seems from now on I'll actually have to try..." I inwardly rejoiced at the frown and eye roll that escaped her.
Of course, I was superior in emotional control to her. I learned that one day after she had obviously finished a difficult case. It was the perfect time to speak to her and test her emotional strength.
I looked up hearing the familiar sound of Tsuki's footsteps drawing near. She was obviously very emotional and stressed. She looked exceptionally tired. I decided now was the best opportunity I would have to initiate the test I had stored for her.
"What's wrong Tsuki?" I asked walking behind her silently. She visibly tensed and continued her steps, faltering slightly.
"Nothing's wrong, I'm just going to play the piano to relax my mind." I could hear she was trying to keep her tone even.
"Oh...yes you must need to relax your mind...after all the cases you and L work on are quite strenuous...and you are a woman after all..." I said innocently. Now how will you react woman?
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" She almost snapped. I could see her temper was fighting to control her reactions. She needs a little more of a nudge it seems...
"Hm? Oh you didn't understand what I meant...I'm not surprised of course. I simply mean that you are not as mentally strong or prepared for the tasks asked of you." I said in the same innocent tone. Now what will you do?
"Excuse me?" That did it. She stopped mid step and turned to face me. Her expression was hard and her eyes were blazing with annoyance. I was sure she wanted to hit me.
I slightly tilted my head, to seem confused and innocent, "Hm...I have to further explain myself...very unlike you...very well. What I mean is that you need to find ways to relax and take your mind off of these tasks while L handles the burdens so well." I said smugly, it was only a matter of time now until she acknowledged she was no match for L in any sense.
"Actually B," Such venom in her voice! If she were a snake surely she would have struck me by now. How delightful! "L has ways he deals with the stress of these cases as well, so please don't assume that it's just me. Everyone needs an outlet for the stressors in their life or we would all crumble under what is expected of us. Playing music just happens to be the way I choose to handle my stress when I am able to. I find it's very relaxing to let out the things I have had to think about or see in the form of art. I can mourn the pain of others and allow my mind to recuperate so I can be just as sharp and useful on the next assignments. When I am unable to play the piano I do other things as well that don't require me to leave my room. I won't indulge your curiosity further but just because you can't see someone doing something, or you want to jump to conclusions about their behavior or reasons for things does not give you the right to judge. I have been working on cases much longer than L, so please, next time you wish to make an assumption about me think before you speak. It's rather beneath both your and my intelligence for you to not do so." She let out a small breath and appeared instantly calm. How bizarre. She has much more control over her emotions than I thought. She quickly turned and continued to the music room.
I murmured just loud enough for her to hear, "Yes, it seems I was mistaken...color me intrigued Tsuki...you have my respect..." I let out a chuckle and turned to return to where I was perched. How amusing you are Tsuki...seems I was wrong about you...How delightful...I can't wait to speak to you again!
L was interesting that day too...how funny he felt the need to follow her...I'm glad he did...a few things were made clear...
I stopped seeing L not far from where I was and could see that I had somehow unnerved him. He fought to regain his composure as I walked over to him silently. It was odd to be face-to-face with him but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It was as if I was looking at a would be weak side of myself. It was utterly amusing.
"Just had to come check on your little girlfriend hm?" I smugly voiced. "Don't have faith in her inability to cry?"
I could see L's annoyance with me. So defensive of her. Hm...what makes you feel the need to defend her so strongly. Something must have happened to make you so protective of her.
"When you care for someone you feel the need to check on them when you know they are distressed." He said flatly.
I slowly tilted my head, innocence, and grinned slightly at him, "She doesn't have the need to check on you it seems..."
I could see L wanted to roll his eyes at me; he was so childish after all. "She did actually, before she left the room." He tried to sound smug and in actuality he sounded like a buffoon. He moved around me and continued to the kitchen. I rolled my eyes. Must be on his way to getting more sugar to shovel in his grotesque mouth.
"You're a fool and she's wasting her time with the likes of you." I said darkly, he truly didn't appreciate the interesting woman he seemed to have as his plaything.
I quickly turned and made my way to my domicile, growing tired of being there any longer. L was a fool. Takara was wasting her time and energy on him. When would she realize that?
He angered me greatly that day. That was the day I learned he didn't deserve Takara.
"Tsuki!" I looked up hearing L's loud voice call to the girl. They weren't aware I was even in the room. She looked at him and gave a little grin, chocolate all over her face and the fragrance to strong I could smell it from the area of the room I was perched at.
"Yeeessss?" She spoke in a sing-song sort of tone as she threw her arms around him. I could instantly see his form relax slightly. How infuriating that the mighty detective L was weakened by her.
I could tell from his stance he wasn't as annoyed as he had been, but tried to seem it. "Did you have to eat those ones?" he sighed at her hopelessly returning her embrace.
"Yup! Know why?" She asked with a playful grin, "Cause they're yummy in my tummy!" she knew how to get out of trouble with L. How...interesting. Even someone as selfish as him could be swayed. I would have to keep this in mind.
I couldn't hold back the laugh that knowledge stirred within me. Tsuki's eyes landed on me and it was a perfect moment for them to do so. I was staring at them, my eyes wide and unblinking, as L's were. I had my fingers covered in strawberry jam, my flesh slightly stained red and some of the jam was falling from my mouth in a manner that looked like blood seeping from my lips.
It has crossed my mind many a times to just kill L. It wouldn't be hard and no one would be able to stop me if I really wanted to do it. I envisioned myself plenty of times just stabbing him. It would be the easiest way and he would die with the realization that he never deserved Takara.
But no...I restrained myself. I would win, but not by killing him...first. First I would outsmart him...overpower him somehow. I would make him admit the humiliation of defeat and then I would end him.
Somehow...someway I would prove to her I was superior than L. In time...in time...
Perhaps the most interesting day I spent with Takara, the day I learned she was pleasant to be around in a casual setting...the day we made jam, April 4, 1994.
"Oh Tsuki...good I caught you." I voiced as Tsuki made her way smoothly through the hallway, a book in her soft hands. She stopped mid-step, her footing faltering slightly as I broke her train of thought. Her eyes landed on my slightly sluggish appearing form leaning against the hallway wall. On a day like this most of the children were in classes or doing a meaningless task believing they were bettering the world in some way.
"What is it you need B?" She sounded like she was trying to be polite. I could hear the edge in her voice.
"I wanted to ask if you wanted to make jam with me." I smiled at her, it should have held care and sweetness, my expression was innocent. "Well?" I pressed when she remained silent. I could see her wheels turning, so many options going through her mind. I wondered briefly what she thought of me before I gave up the train of thought. It wouldn't matter in all honestly.
"Sure." I was surprised by her answer. She was actually accepting my invitation to make jam? How intriguing this was going to be. "Let me go put my book up and I'll meet you in the kitchen." Her smile she gave was full of kindness. I could see the weariness in her eyes. The case she was working on was taking its toll on her. Perhaps that is why she agreed? Despite her obvious discomfort and dislike of me...I was a distraction.
I knew my face lit up, as I intended it to, and gave her a wide grin that she most likely perceived as adorable. "Alright." I turned and headed towards the kitchen, I had to appear eager. In truth I didn't want her to change her mind or risk L pulling her from me.
I went outside and grabbed a nearby bucket and began filling it with strawberries. I made quick work of this so Tsuki wouldn't come out to help me and wouldn't get distracted by someone else. I lugged the bucket inside just as she came into the kitchen. I grinned at her, my timing was flawless. I carried it to the sink, making my movements awkward and most likely cute. I dumped them into the sink and turned on the water. I watched as hints of red were washed away from some of the strawberries. It reminded me of blood. Tsuki walked over to me and we washed the bucket out that had some dirt, leaves, and some red juice from the strawberries. I imagined L's head had been in it and I had buried it in under a tree and I had carved Tsuki's real name into it. We began pulling off the stems and tossing them onto a towel I had placed out for them to dry. Each stem I pulled off I imagined pulling off one of L's nails and hearing his sounds of pain.
We blended the strawberries, partially liquefied per my request, and put the substance back into the bucket. I imagined we were liquefying L and we were going to dump him down the drain. I knew I looked happy, but it was not as Tsuki believed I was sure. Silly girl. I walked over to the area the spices were kept and came back with a large bag of sugar.
I caught glimpses of Takara's face and eyes. She was believing I was having fun. I was, I suppose, but this was all a test for her. Her emotions were controlling her. She was so wrapped up in seeing that I was "having fun", she failed to notice my evaluations of her. Seems she is not as careful and observant as I believed her to be. No matter, in the future she would be able to charm all those I needed her to with her gentle heart.
She moved away from me and grabbed a container of honey. I gave her a perplexed look. What was the woman up to now? I tilted my head, adding to my innocence I was sure.
"Tsuki, what are you doing with the honey?" I asked curiously, I made my eyes seem slightly wider, as most people have happen when deeply curious.
"Going to add it to the jam of course! It makes it extra sweet in the most wonderful way." Her response was...cute? How interesting she's trying to be nice to me. She's enjoying herself. Good I knew how to bond with her now and if need be I could easily extract information from her I was positive.
I beamed slightly at her and gave an enthusiastic nod. She looked even more happy at my reaction. "Please let's continue then. I can't wait to try the jam with honey in it." I made sure to sound very excited.
She began to hum Mozart's 40th Symphony. I felt my eyes land on her more often. I began watching her more closely now. If she was being kind to me now, it was only a matter of time until I gained her trust and was able to use it at my full disposal.
We used many of the large pots to accommodate for the large quantity of jam we were making. Tsuki began laughing here and there as we seemed to wordlessly synchronize our movements to keep the jam from burning or boiling over.
I aided her in sterilizing the jars needed to store the jam and set them aside on the counter to cool. We made labels for my jam stating: "B's Strawberry Jam: April 4, 1994". When all was completed I gave her a small smile. I made sure it was the most genuine of smiles I could muster; it had to convey many things to her and be used in the future.
I could see she was taken aback by my smile. Most likely believing it so much because of L. Maybe because she was also just that gullible. I could see a softness in her eyes at my smile. I got to her. I almost grinned.
"Thank you for assisting me Tsuki. I could have easily done it on my own, but with your presence I found that I enjoyed it 60% more than if I were doing so alone." I spoke as I continued to smile.
She gave me a warm smile. "I enjoyed helping you B. If you ever want me to help you make more, and I am able to, I would love to help you again." I wasn't the only one surprised by her offer. I hadn't accounted for this, seems my ploy worked more than I had originally thought. I made myself beam at her, I would take her up on that again I was sure. Each time I would wind myself closer to her heart until she was mine.
"I would thoroughly enjoy your assistance in the future." I went to the refrigerator and retrieved a jar of jam before walking away, not caring to close the door behind me. I knew she would get it so why waste my effort?
I heard her close the door and headed to her room. I had no particular reason for doing so. I heard her coming and I turned myself so I was facing her. I licked jam off my fingers as I stared at her. I could tell it, at one point, unnerved her to be stared at in such a way.
"Yes?" I grinned as she finally spoke.
I motioned for her to move closer to me. I was going to make sure she didn't push this aside as a one-time moment between the two of us. I was going to gain her full trust with two words I hadn't spoken in years.
When she moved close enough I leaned forward to her, I could tell she wanted to move away. "Beyond Birthday." I whispered before I walked off casually, as if the incident between us hadn't happened.
I had saved a jar from that day and preserved it perfectly. I knew I would need it in time. I looked down to the stuffed raccoon in my hands and turned it over slowly. She treasured this thing as I had made the impression I treasured that jar I had given her. The action of leaving her that jar would be in the back of her mind when I next came up in her life.
She was always kinder to me after that day; the next incident between the two of us was so much fun.
I was walking down the hallway that contained Watari and Rodger's offices. I was tempted to break in and look up information about L, at the very least Tsuki. I moved closer to the door to Watari's office about to do so when voices stopped me.
"Are you in or not?" a young boy asked roughly. I wondered who he was speaking to.
"In? No way! That's against the rules!" Tsuki cried out. I could hear the boy laugh and ran towards my desired destination. After a silent moment I realized Tsuki was most likely debating whether to get involved. It was enough time for the boy to get a good lead start on her towards the office. I looked at the boy and lunged at him, surprising him, and knocked him out with little effort. A few moments later I heard Tsuki's footsteps running towards me. She rounded the corner and jumped in surprise to see me. I gave her a dry smile, I wanted to show my displeasure with her but not reprimand her. Her smile was unsure, seemingly guilty.
"Thanks BB." She spoke quietly. She let out a sigh and picked the boy up and moved him to a bench close by. She continued to head to another faculty member's office, seeming content with our encounter ending there but I was not satisfied. I walked up to her quietly. I found it slightly amusing that she now called me 'BB' instead of just 'B'.
"No problem." I spoke easily; I left my words hanging with an unsaid 'but' for a moment. I was only going to lightly reprimand her I decided. Just a verbal scolding would do it. "But you know...you could have easily prevented my involvement if you weren't so hesitant." I made my tone kind, or at least it was close enough to it.
I grinned slowly at her after a moment of silence. "Tsuki...I find it odd you never returned my gesture." My tone full of accusation.
My words confused her enough for her to stop and look at me perplexed. "I'm afraid I don't quite know what you mean BB?" she ended up asking more than saying.
I leaned close to her; I could see she wanted to move back. "The gesture of revealing yourself to me as I have done to you." I said.
"Excuse me?" She sounded lost.
"Oh...seems I've lost you in that manner of explanation...allow me to try again." My tone bore the insult of her intelligence, "What I mean is that I revealed my name to you, but you have not returned the courtesy." I made sure to sound somewhat sad.
"I wasn't aware it was a requirement." She said casually.
"It wasn't a requirement, it's just polite." I sounded somewhat smug.
She gave me a look, "How can I be certain you even told me your real name? I could tell you mine and you simply told me an alias." Oh, ice now hm? What a cold tone Tsuki...how unfitting for you.
I paused and looked thoughtful, "Hm...I suppose you are right...but I assure you that was my real name...though I guess how much weight that holds depends on yourself and your ability to believe me." I gave a slight shrug.
"Yes, and in an orphanage where we are specifically told not to reveal our true names, I find it highly improbable that you told me your true name. And even if you did, it takes a great deal of trust and respect to tell another your name. I'm not saying I mistrust you," I sense something, "nevertheless the fact still remains that I would rather not reveal my true name to you. No one knows my real name and I intend to keep it that way." She lied to me.
"Something you just said to me was a lie." I called her on it.
"No, I assure you-"
"Please Takara," I replied, perhaps sounding colder than I intended "I am not senseless and would rather you not lie to me." I began to walk off. I slipped on purpose; it would keep her on edge and give her the need to further prove herself.
"Why did you call me that?" She asked she was trying to sound confused.
"Call you what?" I asked as I turned to face her. "I called you Tsuki didn't I?" I made sure I sounded innocent.
"No...you..." she paused, "wait...yes...I guess I misheard you." Ah, good girl Takara...you're learning...
"Ah, yes women seem to have problems hearing don't they?" I almost smiled at her. "Take care." I said before I continued onward away from the area.
I almost grinned at the double meaning in my words.
From that day forth, I had been under her skin. I unnerved her by slipping and hinting I knew her name. I had her right where I wanted her. I knew she would tell L and that he would fear me. Fear what I could do to him...and to Takara...
Though there were times I wanted to invoke fear in Takara...there were times that I wanted to stir other emotions within her as well.
Confusion.
"You should put strawberry jam in them Tsuki, it will increase their deliciousness by 50% easily." I said from beside her. She was making brownies and she wasn't making them right.
"BB...I appreciate the advice and I will consider it, however, this batch I would rather keep as I wish to make them." She said trying to sound calm as possible. I knew she was on her cycle and wanted chocolate but I also wanted her to try it my way. My way was better.
"What a pity...you're going to miss out...it makes them so good." I grinned slightly.
"Then it seems I will miss out this time. I will take your advice next time." She spoke firmly. I almost grinned wider. Such a firm attitude. Good she is very useful and a wonderful asset to be had. I looked to her concoction and withheld the urge to raise an eyebrow: dark fudge brownies with dark chocolate chunks, white chocolate kisses and walnuts. And she's not going to put in strawberry jam? What a pity the woman needs to learn how to properly make something.
"Very well." I sighed dramatically, it had to seem playful yet discouraged. I stared at her for a few silent moments and leaned closer to her. I looked at the smooth pale flesh of her face, her complexion lighter than mine. I looked at her slowly taking in the details of her face. I knew she would age well and have many fawning after her, even in her twilight years. I moved and quickly pressed my jam covered mouth to her cheek giving her a chaste kiss. The jam was slightly dry so my lips stuck to her cheek for a moment before pulling away from her. I could tell from her expression that she didn't realize what had happened yet.
I quickly turned and shuffled out of the room as if the event didn't happen. I dug out a glob of jam and ate it as I moved to a spot I knew she wouldn't notice I was watching her. She touched her face and winced, as if in pain, from touching something foreign on her flesh. She looked at her hand and her eyes widened realizing it was jam. She seemed to put two and two together as a faint blanket of pink made its way across her visage. I couldn't hold back the grin I felt growing.
You will be mine Takara.
Empathy.
I needed her to feel empathy for me...it would be my greatest asset with her. A woman that feels empathy for you is your trump card. I was sitting beside her reading quietly, she was working on a crossword puzzle.
"Tell me Tsuki...do you know what 'B' stands for?" I voiced quietly, I sounded sad, distantly sad. Perfect.
"No BB, I'm afraid I don't know." she said softly. I could hear her she was cautious of where this was going.
"It stands for Backup." I said quietly, I let anger coat my tone.
She gasped. "Backup?!" She was very close to shouting. This is better than expected.
"BB..." She whispered as she reached out slowly to me. This was something I hadn't expected. "I...I'm so sorry...that you are stuck with such a horrid name...I do understand what Watari was thinking but...I'm so sorry." I left my expression unreadable. I wanted her to believe I was feeling too much to know how to express it. I felt my eyes widen slightly as she pulled me to her. I hadn't expected this. Think quickly. Tense up...yes...that seems appropriate.
I tensed myself against her warm form. "What are you doing?" he asked tensely. I had to seem uncomfortable. Hm...she's very warm. Naturally very warm...interesting...
"Hugging you..." Her tone was so gentle; it seems she believed I would break if she spoke any differently. "I want you to know something BB..." I remained silent, very curious of what heartfelt thing she was going to say to me. "You are not a Backup. That may be the unfortunate thing you were called but that does not define you or control who you become. You are your own person. Just like everyone else you are beautifully unique. I don't ever want you to think of yourself as 'Backup' or 'B' anymore. You are 'BB', your own identity and your own person." I could tell from her tone she was close to tears and her body temperature dropped slightly, signifying great sadness.
"Tsuki..." I spoke quietly. She tightened her embrace and I slowly returned it. Awkward and unsure it had to be. Hm, still tense? Yes, still slightly tense. Can't forget sad as well. "Thank you...even if...to the rest of the world...all I am ever seen as is 'Backup' for L...I know to one person...I am not such a thing." I said quietly, I lightly touched my head to her shoulder indicating the need for comfort I should be needing.
"No BB, you never will be. You're always going to be BB to me; I'll never look at you as just someone there to replace L. You are you and I will never see you as anything but." She spoke so gently, so caringly. This went better than expected.
That was most likely the best encounter yet. It was a moment she connected to me and believed she was giving me complete and total comfort. It was perfect. She believed I was so broken-hearted by that, that I could no longer bear to have that weighing on my heart unspoken to another sole.
There were many more memories with Takara, but those were insignificant to my luring her into my clutches...
The letter I left her would seal the confusion and empathy she had for me. She was angry with what I had done but I had manipulated the situation and her enough for her to genuinely question her feelings for me. I spoke words of undying love and care...understanding and longing...passion and sadness...
It took only two hours and it was perfect.
I knew L would doubt my words but Takara would be so sore on the matter he wouldn't dare voice them. I ensured that my words would stay with her, no matter what L could say to her in reason. Her heart ached because she despised me as well as cared for me. She was confused on her feelings and wouldn't sort them out any time soon.
It was only a matter of time until I could have her right where I wanted her.
"Sir...excuse me...Sir?...Sir..." I looked over to a flight attendant trying to get my attention.
"Yes?" I voiced dully.
"Um...we've arrived..." She spoke slightly nervous. Susan Aspen Berry...July 2, 2015...how sad for you...I got up slowly and made my way to the open door where another flight attendant was standing, a large smile on his face.
"I hope you enjoyed your flight sir, welcome to Los Angeles, California." He spoke warmly; he seemed to really love his job. Johnathan Mitch Smith...April 1, 2005. I almost laughed...not much more life in you is there?
I looked at the horizon and grinned.
One more test L...we'll see who wins this time...all...or nothing...
