Well. Who hates me?
*show of hands*
Is it just me or have I gotten way lazier than I used to be? I think you all might've noticed…um…
So, yeah. Sorry, my bad, but I have been working on this chapter since the beginning of August, so I still care.
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No review replies today, I mean, it's been a while but that doesn't mean I didn't read or don't appreciate them. Because I did, and I love you all. :D
The Isadora Diaries:
I'll Be There:
Monday, March 5th
Today was a Split Day. Well, at least that's what Bea calls it. It's when you spend part of one day feeling one emotion and the rest of the day feeling a total different mood. For example, one could go to school in a super laughing mood, brightening up everyone's day by making them happy or cracking jokes and whatnot, and then have their mood drop after the smallest or most unexpected thing happens and their put in a downright sour mood.
That's a Split Day.
My Split Day today was quite melancholy for the first half, and for the second half I was…well, I'm not sure of the right word for it. It was a feeling of 'Oh my gosh, I don't want this to end ever'. If there is a word for that I'd really like to know what it is because I spent twenty minutes of my trying to think of/find a word like that on the internet, but I couldn't think of/find one so I had to settle for describing the feeling instead of using one specific word.
The melancholy part was a terrible feeling. I mean, who in the world actually likes walking around depressed without any specific reason, yet you feel like everything is a reason or something weird like that? If there is actually someone who actually enjoys that feeling, then they need to get sent to an insane asylum. Period.
It's a sickening feeling. I felt like there were so many things wrong with me that I just couldn't be happy. And how selfish is that when there are, like, 100 billion other people in the world and half of them are probably dying of starvation or something dreadful and a bunch load of others are poverty stricken or get abused, etc. People say I should be grateful with what I have. And I am grateful. But, as lucky as I may be, I don't know how to be happy every minute of every day. I'm happy with what I have, I'm just not happy all the time. Get it?
Well, you're a laptop, so you probably do. You know everything.
Anyways, I tried explaining how I felt to a girl in school after she asked me what was wrong, and she said "Well at least you don't have a flesh eating disease or are dying of starvation like those poor kids in Africa."
Was that honestly supposed to make me feel better? If anything, what she said only made me feel worse, because:
1: I felt like a brat for feeling depressed when I don't a flesh eating disease.
2: I felt stupid because there were poor kids in Africa with flesh eating diseases and couldn't do anything about it because I was stuck in school and I don't have my mom's brains in the medical area.
The wait for third period to come around, my first class with Klaus, was long and boring. I couldn't wait for that class because if anyone could make me feel better, it was Klaus, because he didn't bring up dying kids. He understands me and why I do things…most of the time, at least. And he always knows how to make me feel better. Even when we were little and we didn't get along as good as we do now, he was still the one I went to. He just always understood. I've never thought of a bigger way to thank him than saying 'Thank you', but I sure do plan on doing something bigger one day.
Finally, third period came around and I was excited as a kid on Christmas. It was then I realized that I didn't even need him to try to make me happy. Just knowing that I was going to see him and get to talk to him was enough to bring my mood up to a purely happy state.
As it turns out, he wasn't at school because he had to go to the doctors to see if he could finally get his cast off. I would've known this earlier if Violet had ridden the subway this morning, but her mom took Violet to school while she was on her way to take Klaus to the doctor's. Quigley is the one who told me this because, apparently he knew about this because Violet told him on Saturday when she went over to our house right before I left to go see Mark.
My mood was killed.
If anything, I bet my mood was worse after that.
I mean I was glad he was getting his cast off, but I kind of wanted to see him….
When I got home today, the first thing I wanted to do was walk across the street to see Klaus. But I was going to need an excuse…
I settled on thanking him for helping me with my essay again. That wasn't the entire reason I was going, but it made sense to my brothers when I said where I was going and Klaus really did deserve another thank you.
I walked on over to his house trying not to rehearse what I was going to say because I knew if I planned it out, I was just going to mess up big time. After I knocked, I was surprised to see Sunny open the door, standing on a chair.
"Uh, hi, Sunny!" I greeted happily. "Where's Klaus?"
Sunny tilted her to the side and began sucking on a popsicle she had in her hand. Then she climbed off the chair, took my hand into her free hand and led me inside. I made sure to close the door behind me. She brought me to the stairs let go of my hand, pointed upwards. Sunny then walked away, vigorously sucking on her popsicle that was labeled 'Throat Freeze'.
Why was Sunny trying to freeze her throat?
Pushing the thought aside, I walked upstairs, hoping to find Klaus in his room. I made my way slowly down the hallway observing the family pictures that lined the hallways.
I smiled at a picture where Klaus was missing his two front teeth. In first grade, this really mean kid pushed me off the swing set at the playground and Klaus got mad at him and they got into a fight. I remember how confused, yet grateful I was, because just ten minutes before (ten minutes at the most) Klaus and I had gotten into a little fight ourselves, except we were only yelling and not throwing punches like he was with that other boy.
There was another picture with him, Violet, Bea, Quigley, Duncan, and me in costume for the elementary school Christmas Pageant, The Nativity Scene.
Quigley and Duncan were two of the three shepherds; Klaus was Joseph; and Violet, Bea, and I were three of the seven angels that stood in the back and did nothing.
I remember how jealous I was of Haley, she got to play Mary and hold the baby doll. Almost every girl wanted to play Mary, including me and Bea. Violet thought the role was overrated, but I think it was because she had a secret fear of dolls at the time.
During rehearsal, Haley would always stick her tongue out at me and held the baby doll as if it actually was the baby Jesus while she gave me snobby 'I'm better than you' looks. Even when we were on break and weren't practicing.
Since the angels didn't do anything but walk on stage and stand in the background, the seven of us just whispered amongst ourselves.
The night of the play, some mother decided she was going to let her three-year-old kid run loose around the auditorium. He somehow got backstage and crawled onto the stage while the shepherds were talking. Then he pouncing like a lion all over the stage, making noises like, "Grr!" and "Rawr!"
Of course, Violet could not let the boy's genius move, as she had called it, go to waste and got all of the angels, including me, to do the same thing. Mrs. Harwin, the director of the play and meanest teacher in the school, had a look of horror on her face as the audience filled with laughter. At first, the shepherds looked confused, but then Duncan started doing some dance moves from the music video for 'Thriller' and, soon, Quigley and the other shepherd joined in. I guess Klaus didn't want to miss out on the excitement because he appeared on stage doing the same thing.
After ten minutes of scolding behind the curtain from Mrs. Harwin, the play picked up where it left off and returned to normal. Later that night we were scolded by our mother and called 'simply creative, little creatures' by our fathers.
I jumped out of my memories, frightened at the sound of a door opening two doors down the hall. I whirled around to see Klaus, looking sleepy, stepping out into the hallway (with no cast) wearing ripped sweatpants with the left leg rolled up, and a blue t-shirt with bleach stains.
I couldn't help but notice just how lovely boyish he was.
At first he looked shocked to see me, but his expression soon changed to a smile that brightened up his whole face, and my mood. "Hey, Isadora!" Then, as he rolled down his left pant leg, he asked, looking just a bit confused, "How did you get in?"
I gestured downstairs to where Sunny was. "Sunny let me in."
His expression changed to thoughtfulness, and realization. "What? Oh, Sunny!" He sounded frustrated. "I told her not to climb the furniture, especially to open doors. She could let a stranger in!" Klaus sighed and shook his head. "Kids are such monkeys."
I laughed. "They really are!"
We were quiet for a moment before I broke the silence by saying, "Anyways, I came by to thank you."
Klaus cocked his head to the side, "For what?"
"Helping me with my Hitler paper. I honestly wouldn't have had it finished if you hadn't helped me."
Klaus smiled and he blushed just a little bit. Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, "Hey, what are friends for?"
I did my best not to cringe at the word 'friends'.
"You know what, Iz? Let's go out and play!"
Play? I thought to myself. The only time I had ever heard Klaus used the word 'play', since elementary, was when he was talking about sports.
Before I could respond, he said with an upset look "But I have to stay inside with Sunny… Wait right here!"
He hurried down the stairs, leaving me in confusion. Klaus came back upstairs, holding Sunny's free hand as she sucked on her popsicle. "Come with me," he said to me. I followed him down the hallway to the front of Violet's room. Klaus suddenly threw open the door and stomped into the room. I followed closely behind him and Sunny.
"Hey, Violet, wake up, the house is on fire!" Klaus shouted. I turned to the left and saw Violet sprawled on her bed her back to us snoring gently.
"Get up, Vi!" Klaus yelled again. He lifted her left leg and dropped it back on her bed.
Violet continued to snore.
Klaus frowned. He reached for the alarm clock on her nightstand and set the alarm for the next minute. A few seconds later, the alarm clock beeped. Then again. The beeping began speeding up until it was just one, long, high-pitched beep, like the noise the life machine thing makes in the hospital when someone dies. (My mom works in a hospital, why don't I know what it's called?)
"NO!" A scream came from Violet, making the three of us flinch.
Klaus quickly reached over and pressed the snooze button. "Vi, I need you to do me a favor."
Violet changed her position to where her face was on her pillow. "What do you want?" Her voice was a little muffled from the pillow, but Klaus understood her. "I'm going out with Isadora, so I need you to watch Sunny."
Violet groaned loudly and removed her face from her pillow. "Just because you finally got the guts to ask out Isadora, doesn't mean you're suddenly in charge when our parents are gone, leaving us with a sick two-year-old."
"Violet—"
"No, Klaus, you listen to me! I have gotten no sleep for the past week! I have to get up at five every morning to get ready for school, but I don't get to sleep any time before then because once that moon comes up, I'm wide awake. And once that moon goes down, I'm a dead tired zombie. Do you know why I'm having this problem, Klaus?"
"No, but—"
"I don't know either! It's crazy! I can't sleep at night and I don't have as much time to sleep during the day! Did you know I skipped two days of sleep?"
"No, I—"
"I would like to sleep for just one measly afternoon, but no! You come and tell me to stay up more than I already have to!" She turned around to face us and before she could yell anymore, she looked at me and stopped. A look of realization spread across her face. "Ohhh…Hey, Sunny, come take a nap with me."
Sunny shook her head.
"Sunny!" Violet shouted.
Sunny crawled on the bed.
"You have kids have fun," Violet said as she hugged her pillow.
"Are you sure, Violet? I didn't know you had it so bad."
"I'm sure. Go."
"Vi—"
"Go! I'm losing sleep."
Klaus smiled and saluted his sister. "Thanks, Sis."
"Yeah, whatever," Violet snuggled into her pillow. "Close the door on your way out."
"Get better, Vi," I said as Klaus and I walked out of the room, Klaus closing the door behind us.
"Don't talk to strangers!" Violet called from her room.
Klaus sighed. "Yes, Violet."
"Don't pick up any garbage you find on the street!"
"Yes, Vi."
"And bring me home some sanitary napkins!"
"Ew, Violet, no!"
"KLAUS!"
Klaus and I cringed. "Yes, Violet."
We looked at each other, both wondering if Violet was finished. When she didn't say anything, we quietly walked down the hallway. Klaus stopped in front of his room and asked me to wait a minute. He went inside and closed the door behind him. He stepped out a few minutes later, having changed into jeans and a sweatshirt.
"So, you wanted to play?" I asked with a smirk after he stepped out of his room.
He smiled. "Yeah, let's go play!"
"Where do you want to go?"
Klaus seemed to be pondering the thought for a moment. He said, finally, "Let's go to the park."
That was a place we definitely hadn't been to in a while. It's not too far from our neighborhood, but with becoming a teenager comes laziness. And with laziness comes not wanting to walk so far. Its bad enough I have to continuously walk up and down the stairs to get to my class at school, why walk more than needed? And this day in particular I was way lazier than usual. It had taken all my strength and will power to walk across the street to Klaus's house.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Just a little bit.
Anyways, since I was feeling kind of tired, and I was mostly in the mood to just sit down, my normal response would be to convince him to go some other time. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. His smile made him look so excited and I could practically feel the energy radiating from him. Klaus was like a puppy that needed to go play outside, and he needed to go soon or else he might go insane. I had to go with him, because it would make him happy.
I smiled at him and said, "Okay."
Suddenly, my imagination filled with the possibilities that could happen at the park and how much fun we could have. Then I didn't feel so tired anymore.
Klaus looked very excited. He reached for my hand and took off running, almost ripping my arm out of its socket. We ran down the steps and out of the door and didn't stop until we got to his houses garage. He typed a code in a keypad and the garage door opened up.
"Do you want to borrow Violet's bicycle?" he asked me.
I was doing my best not to breathe so hard. I am terribly out of shape. My dad's right, maybe I should work out…
I was so relieved. I thought we were running there.
So maybe I wasn't tired mentally, but I was tired physically…if that makes any sense. Yeah, biking is a workout too, but you get farther in a shorter amount of time than running.
Man, I hate running.
We rode our bicycles for a few blocks, past busy streets, until we got to the city park. It hadn't changed much, really. There were swings, monkey bars, a jungle gym, seesaws, slides, and a large fountain in the middle. Throw in a few benches here and there and you've got our park.
In a few words, Klaus tired me out that day. It was like we were kids all over again, and I enjoyed it just as much as he did. It was like an escape from all things complicatedly middle school and academically difficult. I've forgotten how easy it was to be a kid. As we lay in the grass of his front yard, after playing in the park for a couple of hours, and we watched the sky grow darker, I became melancholy with the thought that I was going to have to go back to regular teenage life. My regular teenage life where I have little self-confidence, where I have to go to school with idiots, where I'm scared I might fail my next algebra test , and where I'm scared Klaus might actually end up with Haley, or maybe even Kaley, whether he says he likes them or not.
Being a kid was too much fun, I didn't want to go back to all that. But I knew I'd have too.
Klaus and I weren't talking we were just lying down, staring at the sky. Actually, I thought he had fallen asleep. We were both pretty tired. My assumption was proven wrong when he made me jump by breaking the silence, "How do you think you feel about dying when the time comes?"
I sighed. I wasn't sure how to answer his question. I thought about it for a few moments, probably making Klaus think I was ignoring him. My mind finally settled for saying, "I'm not sure. I just know that I'll have to accept it when the time comes. Why do you ask?"
Klaus was silent. I didn't want to pester him, so I didn't say anything either.
Klaus broke the silence, making me jump again. "After I got my cast off we went to go visit my grandfather in the hospital. He was very weak, but he still looked happy, if you'll believe it. He told us he knew he was going to die soon and he didn't want us to be sad about it because he wasn't sad about it. He told us that he had a good life and that all good things must come to an end. I was glad he was peaceful about the whole thing, but I just couldn't understand how he could be so peaceful about it."
I couldn't help but feel so sympathetic. Klaus's grandfather was a great man. He reminded me of Santa Claus, the way he was always so jolly and funny. I knew it'd be hard on him and his family to lose him. But the man lived a good, fun life. I could understand how he felt like he was ready. He had almost ninety years behind him as a doctor, donating to charity, working with programs that have to do with ending hunger for children, dressing up like Santa Claus for the children at Christmas Parties, and being one of the most outgoing people I've ever met.
"Well," I began "his life wasn't wasted. Maybe he knows that he did all he could to fulfill his like, and he's satisfied. And now he's ready."
"Yeah," Klaus said quietly. "But I'm going to miss him."
I almost got the feeling to cry. It was at that moment that I knew how to repay Klaus for all the times he made me feel better when I was having a bad day. He was always there for me, and now it was my turn to be there for him. This was only the least I could do.
I reached for his hand and held it. "No matter what, Klaus, if you need me, I'll always be there for you."
He turned his head to look at me and smile. Squeezing my hand gently, he said, "I'll be there for you, too."
"I know."
Oh. My. Gosh. I'm done.
It only took two months but I finally finished it! :DD
And I am very sleepy. But who cares? I finished! :D
I really hope you guys liked this chapter, because it took me forever. :p On a note: I feel like I should have included Klaus's grandfather earlier in the story a few times to make this chapter more emotional. Unfortunately, I didn't know I was going to do a chapter like this when I first started. Well, children, now we know to plan ahead. But hey, I learned from my mistake and I'm going to be doing that for a while. Besides, if my writings didn't have any mistakes, I wouldn't have to be on fanfiction, and that would stink because I love this place. :)
Oh, and I would like to thank FreezingSapphire for helping me get out of my Writer's Block. Who knew rain could be so inspirational? :)
Well, everyone, I am very sleepy, so I'm sorry to have to leave you right here, but I must go to bed.
"One day when the sky is falling, I'll be standing right Next To You, right Next To You. Nothing will ever come between us, I'll be standing right Next To You…"
~ Next To You by Justin Bieber
I'm not really a Bieber fan, but this song is really cute. :)
Good night!
;)
