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Okay, since you got the 15 reviews I'll post the next chapter (which so happens to be the explanation chapter) in let's say an hour, unless you can convince me *wink*

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27. Useless

I don't know how he found me, if he saw me through the woods or smelt my scent from the wind, but suddenly Paul was at my side, dropping to the ground and dangling his long legs over the side of the cliff.

"You know, stargazing usually requires a telescope," he teased, smirking.

I closed my eyes again; it wasn't worth the sting in my eyes to look at him. "And wolves don't normally talk, but who am I to question things."

Paul chuckled by my side, we had a kind of competition of insults lately, most minor.

"You should probably put some make-up on before you see Jacob, having a heart attack after he just finished healing..."

"Ah Paul, if only make-up could fix everything, it might be able to help you."

"Sorry Squinty, guys don't wear makeup."

"Shame, now I still have to see your face."

"I'm grievously sorry for you Squinty." Paul's tone turned more sombre. "Seriously now, what's happened? Looks like you washed your eyes out with sand."

"Yeah well water was too mainstream."

Paul chuckled again, and sighed. "Sam's gonna kick my ass for this. I better get you somewhere and keep patrolling. Sam would kill me if I let a vamp in because I was looking after you, and Jake would kill me if he found out you jumped off a cliff because I left you early."

"I'm not going to jump off a cliff," I whispered, it sounded false in my soft, half hopeless tone.

"Well, with your luck you might trip, or a moose will come out of nowhere and push you off. Either way you'd be dead, so I'm taking you to the Black's. Jake probably still bored out of his mind, Dr. Fang won't let him phase yet in case it breaks his bones again."

I opened my eyes, seeing Paul already standing, holding a big hand out to me. Under his temper and tough exterior Paul was a pretty good guy. Rachel was a lucky girl, when she decided to come down here. He wasn't as hot as Jake, but I could be prejudiced – to me he felt a cousin, that annoying one that you weren't extremely close to.

"Thanks Paul, you know, for not seeing me here and pushing me off." It was hard to be serious with Paul.

"It was tempting," he smirked again. "Am I driving, or can you see through those swollen ass slits you call eyes."

I touched my eyes, feeling how sore they were, how much better it felt to close them. "I think you should drive, just don't crash 'kay?"

"I'll try not to."

Paul dropped me off at the Blacks (he had complained the whole while to me about not being in on the fight), and I let myself in, tiptoeing to Jake's room after a sidetrack to the kitchen. I was thirsty, very thirsty, I think I drank about six cups of water before I felt a little better – I took the seventh in with me to Jake's room.

Jacob was still awake, and jumped in fright when he saw me. It took less than a second for him to recognise me, and then he was jumping out of his bed, tackling me into a hug. My glass splashed onto us both and I laughed, pushing him back to take a big swig.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked, whispering. Billy must have been asleep, I hadn't seen him yet – in his wheelchair or not. He was making a good recovering but staying on his feet for more than ten minutes was beyond him, he needed breaks in between.

Jake's hands then went to my face. I placed my cup on his bedside table before turning my gaze to him, wanting to delay his inspection of me. Jake let go of one cheek to close the door (damn his arms were long) and then flicked the light on.

"What did he do?" Jacob growled after seeing my red nose, and puffy eyes.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Bella." Jacob's face was turning red and he was shaking. "You were crying all of the last time you saw me too. Did he hit you?" Jacob started pulling up my shirtsleeves before I could answer, bending down to search for bruises.

"No, he didn't hit me. Can we please not talk about it?" it was more of a plead than a request. "I'm really tired, can I sleep here tonight? I don't want to go back to Forks. I'll explain tomorrow."

Jacob sighed, but nodded, pulling me into a hug that was gentle and soft and very different than usual. It was ... nice didn't adequately describe it right now. It was like water when you're thirsty or food when you're starving, I needed it right now, like it was a natural instinct to crave human contact. It probably was, but it was more than a craving in that second for me, it was a necessity.

"Do you; um ... want me to sleep on the couch?"

I shook my head, laughing tiredly against his chest. "Since when have you not wanted me in your bed?"

Jacob chuckled at my half-hearted joke, lifting me gently to place me on the bed before lying down beside me. He watched me from there, supporting his head with his fist, creating a triangle with his bicep, forearm, and head to shoulder. His black eyes were warm, the smile on his lips slight.

"Can you turn the light off? You're closest," I smiled sheepishly.

He patted my head, "Only if I get a goodnight's kiss."

I shook my head, slightly exasperated. I guess it was good he was still fighting for me, Edward was probably about to chuck me out soon anyway. "Light first," I ordered.

Jacob grinned, moving slightly faster than it was humanly possible to turn off the light and jump back into bed. He was like an over-eager puppy – I think I liked that about him. He was grinning, I could tell that even in the dark. I leaned in closer to him and the smile dropped as he too leaned in. My lips brushed against his, and he leaned in further, trying to capture my lips with his own. I leaned in for a second before pulling quickly out.

It wasn't because I was tired, or I didn't want to lead him on. It was because I didn't want to lead myself on, because in that second I wanted to throw myself at him. Maybe I was going into kissing withdrawal.

I was definitely in cuddle withdrawal, so I snuggled closer to Jacob. He wrapped his warm arms around me. A large part of me was disappointed – they were not the arms I was craving.

Jacob threw the covers over us with the arm not under me, and then moved this arm to pull me close. He left his hand at my waist. It was warm, it was nice - objecting didn't even cross my mind.

"Night-y, night Jake," I whispered.

"Night Bella, I love you," he kissed my forehead, and then settled his head comfortably on his pillow.

"Love you too," I whispered feeling myself drifting to sleep. Jake's bed was comfortable – I had bought the best for him.

888

I woke to find myself very, very warm. A sheen of sweat was covering my body and I was craving a cool swim in the ocean. I think I had even dreamed of the ocean.

The memories of last night's dream did come back. I was drowning, having jumped off the cliff. Wait, I didn't jump, I was pushed. Edward pushed me away to go to Izzy, and I had fallen.

I shivered, no longer caring about the heat in my body - the cold spike down my spine more than made up for it.

I realized then that Jake wasn't asleep. My eyes were closed but his hand was moving in a way I doubted was unconscious. My shirt was have ridden up through the night, because his hand was on my bare stomach, tracing the planes of my faint six-pack that was growing more defined day by day. I'd forgotten the body fat percentage I needed to have my abdominals showing but I knew it was very low. Another reason I was dieting, Alice had been all but starved as a child and didn't have enough energy to grow muscles, and Rosalie hadn't been unfed, neither vampire girl had abs. I wanted to test if they would show after the transformation... if I got the transformation.

Jacob moved his hand higher, to my hip. His thumb stroked along my hip-bone. I shivered again, this time it was not from fear. I didn't like the way my body responded to Jacob's touch.

This time Jacob noticed the shiver, and brought me closer to him. Did he think I was cold? I felt like someone had sprayed me all over with water, like I was a plant in a green house. I'm sure my body temperature was approaching his.

I decided it was time to announce to him that I was awake. I started moving, stretching, then yawned loudly – cutting the motion short when I thought of how bad my morning breath would smell, especially to someone with such a good nose. That made parts of me war with myself – Edward's part was yelling that I shouldn't care if he thought my breath smelt, that I should eat some garlic and breath on him until he ran away clutching at his nose. The Jacob part of me wanted to grab a mint and wished the toothbrush in my overnight bag was being in use.

"Good morning, Bella," Jacob whispered as I opened my bleary eyes. They stung, and I could feel the crystallized sleep at my tear ducts.

"Good morning, Jacob," I replied. I blinked my eyes a couple times, wishing I had a tissue or was in a bathroom so I could wipe the sleep out of my eyes. My cheeks felt strangely restricted, like there was tape on my face. I felt it, and felt dried tear streaks going sideways across my face. But I wouldn't think of what had caused those streaks, looking instead back to Jacob who was smiling sweetly down at me, hand still stroking my side. "You have drool marks," I commented, giggling.

"Maybe we should both wash our faces." I was glad he hadn't outright commented on the state of my face, but I knew I looked like crap – I felt like it.

My face was… just as I expected when I looked in the mirror. My eyelids were red and puffy, my face streaked with thousands of glittering trails of dried tears – it actually looked like a snail and crawled all over my face from under my eyes. Purple bags under my eyes were so deep a colour it looked like someone had punched both of them. My lips were chapped and dry, a blood stain from where I had bitten it raw sometime in the night. My hair was, well … I hadn't brushed it since yesterday afternoon, I had tossed and turned in my bed before visiting the Cullens, and had probably tossed a little last night as well if not been able to completely turn from Jacob's hold. It had so many knots it looked like several rats had taken up home in it, and it was matter in the areas my tears had soaked it.

Jake just splashed his face; I stood back a little, still grimacing at my reflection. "Um, Jake… can I had a shower?" I asked. "It's gonna take a bit of work to get this better," I pointed to my head.

Jacob nodded and quickly walked out, averting his eyes like I had already removed my clothing. I smiled at him. As gross as his comments could be he was really innocent at heart. I forced myself not to watch his butt as he walked out, clad only in boxers, or his broad back.

I shook my head at myself when he closed the door, pulling out my hair tie (and a handful of hair with it). It broke in the struggle; I threw it in the bin. I stripped quickly and jumped into the shower, party of me worried someone was going to walk in, another part not wanting to be alone for too long in case I broke down again.

I focused very much on scrubbing myself head to foot and attacking my hair with shampoo. After rinsing I used half of Jake's conditioner bottle (okay, maybe I was over exaggerating) and found a comb to brush out the knots.

I felt extremely refreshed when I was done, my hair smooth if drenched. My face looked much better now it was blotched with white, and my eyes were only slightly bloodshot. I healed my chapped lip, it had started to bleed again when I moved it, and now it was smooth and whole.

After this assessment I felt my stomach drop. I didn't have a towel. I grimaced, seeing only two towels on the racks, Jake's and Billy's. "Jake," I called, walking carefully to the door, dripping on the tiles.

"Yeah," I heard him on the other side of the door.

"I uh… don't have a towel." It was cold in the bathroom now that the steam from the shower had dissipated.

Jacob didn't answer for a few seconds, and then I heard his footsteps as he moved away. He was back a few moments later, and knocked on the door. "I have a towel."

I smiled, opening the door and fraction and sticking my hand out. I felt the fabric in my hands and quickly snatched my hand back. "Thank you Jacob."

"You're welcome," he said, voice a little deeper. He usually adopted that tone when he was about to make a gross joke. I dried myself, waiting for his comment. It didn't come, so I wrapped the towel around my chest tightly like a sarong. I fetched my dirty clothes, and opened the door slightly, peeping through the crack.

Jake was there, so I ran out, holding the towel closed as I sprinted to Jacob's room. The door was closed, I knocked. "Jake are you in there?"

"Bella," Jacob replied.

"My stuff is in there Jake. Can I kick you out for a second to get changed?"

Jacob came out quickly. He looked away almost as soon as he saw more, putting a hand over around his eyes to block me from his sight. "Go ahead," he said gruffly. I felt bad for kicking him out, but hurried inside, shutting the door and changing as quickly as I could into my clean underwear. I didn't think to have packed more than that last night so I just changed back into my dirty jeans and top.

I dried my hair with the towel and brushed it quickly, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste after.

I carried the towel out to the kitchen. Jacob was sitting with Billy, who had once again resumed sitting in his wheelchair.

Jacob had two bowls of cereal out, one for him and one for me. I smiled and sat beside him, taking the spoon he had already placed in the bowl and taking a bite. He had only given me a little – he knew me so well. Also he didn't like to have to wait for me to finish – his bowl was filled to the brim but he all but inhaled his food.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Jake asked, both of us wiping the milk off our faces. I went to the sink to clean the bowls.

I thought about that for a moment, hands moving almost unconsciously in the routine. "Are you up for some surfing?" I asked, grinning. I felt energetic for the first time in two days, possibly because I had barely eaten for the past two days – crying, sadness and anger made a terrible mix for the stomach – I could barely stomach water.

We swam until my fingers were so wrinkled I swore I was a grandmother. Jacob caught all the biggest waves, the dumpers that sent him crashing to the sand below. I supposed it was okay for him, if he broke his back it would probably fix itself by the time he came to the surface. I wished I could've caught those waves, not for the tumbling dumping under the water, the sand in your eyes, hair and everywhere, but the drop on those waves looked epic.

The only problem was I hadn't brought swimmers and had to swim in my bra, panties and one of Jake's old shirts. I almost lost the bottoms several times.

"So what do you want to do now?" Jake asked when I had crawled onto the sand, lying in the half-light of the cloud obscured sun. The water tickled my feet, swirling sand though my toes.

"Sleep," I said, closing my eyes. Jake's shirt was big; almost a dress on me, but it was black and was warming me.

"Bells, all I've done the past few days is sleep and eat. Can we talk at least?"

"Sure, sure," I replied, grinning as I used his trademark phrase.

Jake settled beside me, I heard the tiny squelching of the wet sand under him. Then he took my hand in his own.

"Bella, what happened to you the last few days? I've never seen you so sad before, you've definitely never cried like that in front of me."

"I've never cried like that in front of anyone. Think yourself privileged to witness my snotty-faced." I had to joke, had to laugh. I had my walls, my defences, down for a few days, now they'd been rebuilt, stronger than ever. I even sounded happy to my own ears; the tone was contradictory to my words.

"Bella, can't you tell me?"

I turned my face, opening my eyes, leaving myself smiling. "If you knew you wouldn't be here. Can't we just enjoy the moment now?"

"No," Jacob was serious now, sitting up and turning his torso to me. His brow was furrowed and he looked was concerned for me and annoyed at me. I could understand, I didn't like it when people hid things from me, I needed to know everything.

I pursed my lips, groaning as I sat up. I was actually quiet tired, we had been surfing for almost three hours now. The sun was almost at its peak – I was surprised Jacob wasn't complaining about his empty stomach by now. I almost used that as an excuse, almost asked him if he wanted to grab some grub. I didn't though, Jacob should know.

"It's Edward. There's this girl."

"Oh," Jacob seemed shocked. Understanding dawned on his features, as well as hope and anger. His smile turned cocky. "I never would have thought the leech would slip up like this, you want me to kill him for you?"

I pretended to ponder that for a moment, but inside I had immediately responded 'NO'. "Nah," I responded eventually, "I think I'll want to do that myself."

"Bella, you don't have to pretend to be happy about this. You can cry in front of me. Cry on me if you want, you did last night."

"Sorry about that," I let a tiny bit of the sadness inside me out, just to appease him.

"So, what's this girl like? Is she blonde? Is she a bitch?" Jacob asked, not so subtly moving his arm to my waist and bringing me closer to him.

"No," I answered. I was hesitant to explain much about her, I didn't want Jake panting after her as well – I would die then. "She's the brunette newborn that broke your side."

Jacob growled loudly, deeply. It wasn't a human imitation of a growl, it sounded like the wolf inside him. He wasn't shaking though, I could trust him not to phase near me. His self control was close to Sam's. "Really," he said eventually, sounding almost interested.

"Yeah, apparently he's teaching her to hunt and stuff, be a vegetarian vampire. Don't worry about having to take her out, she's only a few days old and she could stand beside me and not attack. She'll have great self-control – and I took her thirst away anyway."

"You do that?"

I nodded. "Edward was smiling at her the whole time I was there."

"Doesn't feel good, does it?" There was a bitter edge to Jake's voice now. He dropped his hand from me. "Guess you know how it feels to be the outsider in a love triangle. There is such a thing as karma."

Each of his words were like a stab to my already disintegrated heart, like pouring gasoline on top and lighting a fire – just to make sure it definitely was destroyed. I hid my pain behind my walls, face turning expressionless. Was Jake enjoying my pain? Was it payback in his mind? I wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing my grimace.

I stood, raising my chin a little. "You're right, I put you through hell. I won't hurt you with my presence any longer."

I started to walk away, but Jake was soon following, reaching for my hand. "Don't go, Bella, please. I didn't mean ... well I did, but I didn't mean I didn't want you here. Think for a moment about how I feel. Would you want the bloodsucker to never see you again, or would you be happy with every moment you got with him."

The latter, always the latter, as much as I knew it would hurt me I would take each second with Edward I could get. It made me feel so guilty for Jacob's situation – I had one this to him, built our relationship knowing Edward would return. At least Edward hadn't known he would find the other Bella.

Tears threatened to fall, pricking at the back of my eyes. But I wouldn't cry any longer, it did not help to cry, all it did was give me a mega migraine and make me even uglier than the other Isabella.

So I turned, facing Jacob and gave him one better than my hand. I ducked under his arms for a hug, wiping the pleading sad expression from his face. "I'm so sorry, Jacob. I hurt you too much; you shouldn't waste your time on me."

"It isn't wasted time," he whispered, kissing my forehead, "it is time well spent."

I stayed there for a few minutes, safe in the cage of his arms, warm and soft around me. He swayed slightly with the ocean; I did to, leaning my face on his chest. I probably looked strange, holding him so tightly but with a blank face. Did I look like I didn't want to be there? Truthfully I was just hiding the pain from him; he needn't worry longer about me. His happiness was rarer these days; I wouldn't hurt it just to indulge in useless sobbing.


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