Smoothing my fingers over my dress I listen to the sound of Effie and Haymitch whispering desperately to each other, I know they're having an argument and I also know that it's about me. Why they even bother to whisper is beyond me but I'm too tired to care. My stomach keeps flipping and I feel like I might throw up but I fight the feeling down knowing that Peeta is already on edge and my throwing up is just going to make it worse. A small shiver slips down my spine as I think about what is about to come but I feel heat against my skin as Peeta's hand appears there.
"I think I have to give Cinna a present to say thank you," he whispers his face pressed against my neck.
I can't help but smile at his words but I know exactly what he means. If Peeta had a thing for my bare shoulders, he definitely has a thing for my bare back. Cinna has dressed me in an emerald green slip of a dress that has a back that dips straight to my waist stopping just at my hips. I'm not really sure how he keeps the material in place, and I don't care about its mechanics, all I know is that it actually looks pretty good. There's no sleeves to this dress, just spaghetti straps to hold in place. It's more skin than I have ever show before especially since my hair has been pulled back into my signature braid thus leaving my skin completely open.
I lean back into the feel of his hand letting the warmth of his skin sink into my body. I can't help it when my eyes close at the feel of his touch and when I open them again he's circled around to stand in front of me. His smile is so bright and genuine that it takes my breath away momentarily, I haven't seen a smile like this from him in some time. I want to laugh at the fact that it takes a backless dress to get a smile like this from him but I don't say anything as I take in the sight of him.
Portia has dressed him a coal grey suite complete with jacket and a green tie made from the same material as my dress. For once they haven't jelled his hair back which I'm glad of, reaching up I slide my fingers into his hair feeling the downy softness of it. Brushing the strands back from his forehead my fingers trial down the side of his face until I can press them against his jaw.
The whole time he has kept his hands at his sides letting me explore but now his hand snakes out around my waist and pulls me in against his body. Hidden between our bodies his other hand rests against my stomach in a gesture that is becoming very familiar. We haven't had a moment to talk about what is happening, the fact that we are going to have a baby, and the fact that the chances of Peeta being here for it are very slim.
"Are you alright?" he whispers against me skin and I simply nod not trusting my voice.
"All right love birds team meeting," Haymitch's voice interrupts our moment and with a sigh Peeta steps back but his smile doesn't slip for once.
Wrapping an arm around my shoulder he leads me towards the sitting room where everyone is waiting for us. The sky outside the windows has grown black and I know that it's getting late, but this is all on Snow's time table and he wants things to run late.
I settle myself onto one of the sofa's expecting Peeta to sit with me, instead he stands behind the sofa and watches the room. Frowning at him I nod towards the vacant side of the couch but he just shakes his head at me, with a sigh I settle back against the sofa ignoring his suddenly possessive self. His hand slips down to caress the side of my neck and I have to suddenly really concentrate on what Haymitch is saying to take it in. his gruff words take a moment to come into focus and I bat at Peeta's hand trying to tell him without words what he's doing to be but he doesn't seem to get the message.
"Alright love birds I want you to mingle well tonight, talk to people and really get involved. Every other tribute has a few years jump on you already and we can't rely completely on the whole star crossed lovers bit to get us everywhere," even though Haymitch's words are rough I know that what he's saying is true.
Everyone else has already built up ties with people who could be possible sponsors over the years that they were mentors or simply in the capitol. I didn't know of any Victor who didn't work in some way with the capitol eventually. Some became artists with shows that sold to the movers and shakers, others went into the politics and became the people other tributes had to win over and of course other still became mentors. The mere thought of their head start was a little intimidating.
It was only as Peeta's fingers grazed over my skin pulling me back to reality that I realised Haymitch was still talking. Gritting my jaw I listened as he listed off people he wanted us to search out and I knew I would never remember what he was saying but I thankfully could rely on Peeta to take it all in. Glancing up at him I could see his steely resolution in the set of his jaw and knew that he would be able to keep on top of things for the both of us tonight.
Soon it's time for us to leave, and I stand steadily with Peeta, his larger hand enveloping mine. The car ride is steely silent, no one sure if they can find any words. I know that I can't and every time I look at Peeta all I want to do is cry, thank god Cinna had the forethought to put me in waterproof makeup.
When the car reaches the front of the house and I can see attendants helping people out of cars, I get a sudden flash of fear that grips me so tightly I can barely breathe. As always Peeta is so attuned to me that he's there instantly his hand dropping from mine long enough for him to wrap his arms around my body and pull me in against him.
"We will be fine, we just need to get through tonight," its lies really, we won't be fine, but he's right we do need to get through tonight.
Swallowing hard I nod to him and he gives me a weak version of the smile he only gives me.
When we reach the door everyone piles out first, including Peeta, but then he stoops down holding his hand out to me so that he can help me from the car. His eyes tell me that this is when the act begins and I plaster my capitol smile across my face. As I slip from the car I'm momentarily blinded by the flash of all the cameras lining the street. I know our faces will be plastered everywhere by the end of the night but that's just normal. I fight the urge to lay my hand over my stomach knowing that the cameras would see the gesture and broadcast it across the nation.
For a while we are stuck in a whirl of introductions and camera flashes and I'm able to push everything to the back of my mind, able to slip into the capitol Katniss guise that I've built to protect the ones I love. Peeta beside me is doing the same, smiling and laughing when he needs to. All I want to do is crawl onto the couch with him and curl myself around him, to grieve for what is happening, but I know that's not an option. So I'll keep my smile in place and wait.
About an hour and a half into the party Snow finally makes his appearance. I have to fight the urge to stab something in his eye when he approaches us, instead I cling to Peeta and smile warmly even if it does leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
"Evening mister President," Peeta's voice is cool as he talks but I feel how his hand tightens on my hip pulling me in against him harder.
"Good evening Mister Mellark," Snow's eyes flick to me and his smile deepens, "Miss Everdeen," my name sounds like something dark on his lips but I don't say anything I simply nod.
"I hope you are enjoying the festivities," his voice is sickly sweet as usual and I can feel the bile rising in my throat.
"A wonderful party as always, though I wish we were here on better circumstances this time."
Snow simply nodded as if he too was pained by us being here, but he didn't say anything more and I was glad of it, unsure how the churning in my stomach would have handled his words.
"Well I hope that you enjoy your time here in the capitol as you have before," his eyes flash to me then and I have to bite my tongue not to say anything.
Thankfully with a bow he walks away in search of the other victors, or should I say tributes, and once he's behind me I can't help but release the breath I have been holding.
All of a sudden it's too much for me and I press my hand to my stomach feeling it roll.
"Peeta," my voice is weak to my own ears but I can't seem to muster much at the moment, and when Peeta looks at me I can see the concern breaking through his mask.
"Katniss, are you alright?" his words seem distant and I know what's happening but all I can do is shake my head before I feel my legs going weak.
Instantly Peeta's there his strong arms sweeping under my legs and soon he has me cradled in his arms my head resting against his shoulder. I can't help it as I fold my hands over my stomach and the bump that is more prominent from this angle. I swim against the darkness determined not to let it pull me under, I can't be weak not now.
"Had too much to drink already then," damn it just what we need, Finnick's cool words whip over my body and I open my eyes to see his blurry image not far in front of me.
"I need somewhere to put her now," Peeta's voice is quiet but I can hear the darkness colouring it, his worry overriding everything.
There's a pause and I know Finnick says something, something that isn't a cutting remark but I can't pick it up, but then Peeta's moving again and I simply concentrate on not throwing up.
Closing my eyes is so much easier than fighting but I don't succumb to the darkness, instead I listen to his steady breathing letting it calm me. Thankfully we leave the glaring brightness of the great room and when I open my eyes again I find myself being laid down on a chaise lounge and Peeta carefully propping a pillow behind my head.
"I'll be right back love, I just need to find Haymitch or Cinna," his words are soft as he leans in to brush a kiss over my cheek and I want to reach for him to make him stay but he moves to quickly.
Once again I simply close my eyes again, letting my head fall back against the pillows as I press my hand against my bump feeling its rigid hardness under my fingertips. All too late do I realise that I'm not alone in the room.
When I open my eyes again it's to find Finnick hovering near me and uncharacteristically nervous look painted across his features. As he hovered near my head I couldn't help but smile at him.
"I'm not going to break, please sit down before looking up at you makes me dizzy," my words are breathy and before I realise what he is doing he's pressing a cool glass to my lips.
For a moment I simply stare into his eyes before I tilt my head and open my lips so that I can sip at the cool water. It feels wonderful as it slides down my throat and helps to quell the churning in my stomach.
When he removes the glass I let my head fall back and listen to the sound of him pulling a chair across the floor. When I open my eyes again he's seated next to me frowning slightly as if he's trying to puzzle something out.
"I thought the star crossed lover thing was a rouse," his words are low and I know he's worried someone could over hear him.
"It was," for some reason I find myself replying to him ignoring my earlier fears, this man sat nervously at my side doesn't seem to be a capitol puppet, "or at least it started that way, a way for us to survive the arena. But Peeta, well he could win anyone over," I can't help but smile at my last words.
Before he can say anything though there is a ban behind me and I know we have company, my body tenses for a moment until Cinna comes into view quickly followed by Peeta. Finnick steps back when Peeta moves up to my side allowing him to drop into his vacated chair. I can't help but watch Finnick as he steps back against the wall, where Haymitch greets him and the two start a very hushed conversation.
My mind is pulled back from them when Cinna presses the back of his hand to my forehead and then to my cheek.
"You seem a little flushed," he says as he reaches for the glass of water on a low table at my elbow.
He hands me the glass and this time I can wrap my fingers around it and lift it to my own lips.
"She almost fainted on me," Peeta's voice has gone back to being slightly distant and I know that it's the worry for me that's done it so I can't help but reach out and wrap my fingers in his.
He squeezes my hand when I look at him and I know that he'll be fine as soon as we're back in our own room.
"I feel better now, just a little tired is all," I do feel better now that I'm away from Snow but I don't say that out loud knowing that its words best left to where no one can overhear us.
"I think it's just been a rough couple of days, to many shocks to your system," Cinna smiles at me and I return it knowing that he's definitely right.
But this highlights something to me, I need to desperately take better care of myself. I will not be a liability in the arena, I will not get Peeta killed simply because he can't help his need to protect me. I've had my few days to wallow now I will do more to make sure I keep my strength up.
"We can't leave yet sweetheart," Haymitch's rough words pull my eyes to where he's still stood with Finnick, who now looks more put together.
"That's fine it was just a funny turn I'll be alright now," sitting up slowly I throw my legs over the side of the lounge and feel Peeta's steady hand on my back and I know he's ready to catch me.
For a moment I simply sit, breathing deeply to keep the churning from returning, my hand pressed over my stomach.
"Your pregnant aren't you," Finnick's words drop into the silence like a stone and we all turn to look at him.
What I see when my eyes collide with his wipes everything I had ever thought of him from my mind. The pain and the sorrow in his eyes tell me that this is a man that has lost just as much as Peeta and I have at the hands of the capitol. All I can do is nod in reply to his words and his lips come together in a grim line. For a moment he looks at my hands were they are pressed over my stomach protectively and then his eyes turn to Peeta's face and a strange determination flitters in their depths.
"I'm sorry," his words are for Peeta and there's more meaning to them than my still slightly foggy brain can digest at the moment.
Peeta nods in reply, one of those stoic manly nods that I have no hope of understanding at the moment. Instead of trying to decipher the under current in the room I push up from the lounge and feel the world tilt for a moment before I regain myself, in time to realise that four sets of hands have reached out to steady me.
"Easy men I'm fine," I reply feeling for some strange reason like I want to laugh at them.
Reaching out I snag Peeta's arm, wrapping my fingers around it as he bends it, and I steady myself against him.
Cinna smooths my dress for me, making sure I haven't smudged any of my makeup, before we all leave the side room with Finnick trailing behind us. Whatever lies at our feet I have a strange feeling that we might have just gained ourselves and ally.
A/N sorry for my long absence have been battling getting used to a new laptop (yay finally have my own!) dealing with stresses untold at work and then other no forgiving factors in my life. (including dilating drops in my eyes! if you have never had that done don't let anyone come at you with them they are sods and they take forever to ware off!) anyway I hope that this chapter is enough for you all to forgive me, and next chapter look forward to the interviews!
