A/N: I am sorry for the delay. Life has been crazy.
Dear Diary,
Homecoming is this weekend. I'm taking Jacob. I know that I'll get all of these weird looks because the whole school thinks I'm with Nathan. And they're right…to a point.
I spoke to him. I told him that I know what he is and his response was "what took you so long?" He apparently had figured me out when we met. He said it was my smell. How the hell did I not figure it out sooner? I live with full-fledged vampires; how could I not smell a half-ling?
Anyways, we've talked. And we want to continue seeing each other. He is so good for me. Now that I know, the family is more willing to have him around. They didn't want to grow too attached because they feared that I wouldn't want to be with a half-ling. They figured either only werewolves or humans for me. But they are happy that I met another one like me.
So why am I taking Jacob to the Homecoming dance? Nathan is out of town and I said that I needed to spend time with Jake. He's been patient with me and I wanted to reward him.
Is that weird? Is that weird that although I'm seeing Nathan I'm going to the dance with another guy? Probably. But I refuse to feel guilty. How many times have I said that I don't belong to Jacob? Well, I don't belong to Nathan either. I belong to my family. I will do what I think is right for me and for them. Yes, I hope to get enjoyment out of being with both Jacob and Nathan, but ultimately I will make the decision as to whom I choose.
I can't risk exposing us. It's a fine line that I walk. Jake knows, of course, because he used to be in love with mom. He's more human than Nathan is. But falling in love with a human who has no idea can lead to unexpected consequences. I would hate for us to break up and he reveals what we are. Then my family would have to kill him and for what? For being with me. It's not fair to the human or me. Or mom or dad.
I'm keeping my options open. I've made it clear to both of them that I'm not going to be in a committed relationship for awhile. I'm seventeen; give me a break. I'm going to live forever, why would I want to get tied down now? Forever is a long time and I don't know when I'll find that special person. Mom will forever be frozen at nineteen but she made the choice to be with dad. I hope she won't regret it. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad with every fiber of my being, but I wonder how she puts up with him sometimes. His mood swings are erratic. Yes, he's happy but he still has his days.
Like yesterday. I came home from school to hear him yelling at Uncle Emmett regarding a bet he made. Dad really isn't one for gambling, but took a chance on this one and Emmett messed up. He thought for sure that Lucky Strike would be the horse to win and he came in dead last. Dad had put up $5000 and lost it all. To be fair, Aunt Alice saw that horse winning as well. But her visions are subjective and the jockey at the last minute couldn't pull it out. So needless to say dad was furious.
Then I mentioned that I was taking Jacob to the Homecoming dance and dad blew a gasket at that. He said that I shouldn't be leading him on when I have Nathan; I need to grow up and make a choice. I told him I'm seventeen; I deserve to be a kid. Then he really went off. When he does that, I generally tune him out. His tantrums do not help anybody and he knows that. Mom told him to chill but he left to go hunting. When he returned, he apologized to me and continued to give Uncle Emmett grief. But at least he was better.
Still, mom is a strong woman. To put up with dad when he acts like that is amazing. It really shows how much she loves him. She is willing to overlook his shortcomings because she knows he is a loving husband and father. And in the end, isn't that what counts?
Yet, I don't know if that's enough for me. What if I commit my existence to Nathan and he turns volatile? He's proven to me that he has a temper. And when the vampire side of him appears, he doesn't hold back. He attacks humans. I would have to try and convince him to be a vegetarian and what if it doesn't work? My family will hate him for that. Will they accept him? I don't know. They accepted Uncle Jasper even though he's struggled with it. But he tries. He wants to be a vegetarian. Nathan seems to enjoy the dark part of this curse. I'm just not sure about him.
But I do enjoy spending time with Nathan. And the good thing about him is that he will live forever like me. So at least if I choose him I can be guaranteed that he won't ever leave me or this world at least. He may decide to leave me if I get too annoying for him. Or if Uncle Emmett scares him, which he's promised to do.
Anyways, I am going to the Homecoming dance with Jacob. Nathan is fine with it. I will be spending time with him the next weekend so he can't complain. As of right now, I want them both. And until I make a clear decision, that is how it will be. Hey, I'm selfish. Definitely my father's daughter.
A/N: Nessie is following in her mother's footsteps.
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