Steve watches me cautiously over breakfast. He's tried talking to me all morning and so far I still haven't said a word. I simply nod, shake my head or shrug. I can see the worry in his eyes and its breaking my heart; I just can't bring myself to talk about it with him, to explain what the dream was about and how I felt after.
Once I finish eating I shuffle to the shower and lock the door behind me. I know it was only a dream but for some reason I can still smell him, I can still feel him pulling my hair and my bones ache with whatever he made the staff do to me in my dream. I shudder as I turn the shower on, waiting for it to heat up.
My skin was red and sore by the time I climbed out. I had turned the heat way up and scrubbed madly, desperate to get rid of whatever kept his smell lingering around me. I felt clean at least but for some reason I could still smell Loki. It was driving me crazy.
Towel tucked tightly around me, I opened the bathroom door, pausing when I heard Steve's voice. "I'm just worried about her."
"Steve, she's a big girl she can take care of herself." I heard Nat's voice reply. "It was only a nightmare, how bad could it be?"
"You didn't see her Nat, it was like seeing her after Farthing again. She hasn't said a word all morning."
"I'm sure she'll snap out of it, she probably just needs a while."
"But we're meant to make a move soon. I'm worried she won't be up for it."
I heard Natasha sigh. "You won't be able to convince her not to come, Steve. She's been training with Barton as much as she can. And now she has her memories back, Barton thinks she'll remember all the training Loki gave her." There was a pause. "She's determined to stay with you."
"I just don't want to see her get hurt."
I must have leant too far forwards listening or something because the floorboard creaked and they stopped talking. I froze for a moment. Realising they weren't going to continue I tightened my towel and headed out towards the bedroom past them in the living room, nodding to Nat. "Morning." She smiled and greeted me likewise as I hurried away.
With the door of the bedroom closed so I could get changed I couldn't hear the rest of their conversation. It wasn't long before Steve came and joined me in the bedroom. I was sat on our bed, dressed, clutching the necklace he had bought me for Christmas.
He knelt by my legs, hands curling softly around my own. "Jess?"
I sigh. "I'm sorry about earlier Steve, I just…"
He shook his head, getting up and pulling my head to his chest as he kissed my head. He sat down next to me. "I'm just glad you're okay."
I pull back to look at him carefully. "I am sorry though." I sigh. "I know I'm not the easiest person to be with right now."
He stroked my hair softly. "It's fine, I get it." He paused. "Would it really be the best idea to come with me?"
"You're not getting rid of me that easily." I smile as I get up and start packing a bag. Unzipping it on the bed next to him I hesitate, darkness taking over my vision momentarily. It didn't send me into the panic induced frenzy the abyss used to, but it still caused fear to tighten my heart and leave me a little breathless.
Another of the little things that annoyed me about not seeing Loki, he had seemed to experience this too. Since our dream connection the abyss had featured in many of my nightmares. While the nightmares had stopped it occasionally did flare up in my waking life. I hadn't brought it up with Dean; I doubted there was anything he could do about it. Loki was probably the only person I could talk to about it.
Steve laid a hand on my arm. "You're sure about this?"
"I'm not letting you go find Bucky on your own." I tell him as I start collecting my things. "I'll be fine, I can handle it."
"I know you can." He flashes me a weak smile. We had set to training in the gym. There was no way I could ever hope to beat him in a real fight but with Loki's lessons now remembered and Barton's training I could at least hold my own while Steve went easy on me.
He pushes himself off the bed and also begins packing. While we move about the room gathering our things he runs through a bit about the city we're going to, the plan he has to get to Bucky, the information he has on him so far. It doesn't take long until I'm bored though, I end up throwing a roll of socks at his head and before long there are more clothes scattered across the room than there are packed. Laughing, he comes over to me and scoops my face between his large hands, bringing me forwards to kiss his lips.
"What would I do without you?" He sighs contentedly.
"Mope?" I joke, kissing him again as I zipped up the final bag. I glance about us. "We've made a bit of a mess, haven't we?"
"I'll clean it, you take the bags downstairs." He offers.
"Nah, I got it, you've got bigger muscles than me, all the better for carrying bags. I'll clean this, it won't take too long."
He nods, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek as he gathers the bags. "See you downstairs."
"Yeah." I watch him leave with a goofy smile still plastered over my face. Turning, I start to fold some of the clothes when a sharp pain shoots through my skull. I gasp, doubling over, clutching my head. The pain begins to subside and I move to continue packing only for the attack to flare up again, sharper this time. I screw my eyes shut tightly, waiting for it to end. It hurts so badly I can barely even breathe.