My heart was in my throat, throbbing violently in an effort to keep my body from collapsing in shock.
My happy ending was never meant to come true, and I was just getting used to that. There was something calm and reflective about keeping happiness at arm's length. Loneliness never actually killed anyone, did it?
We stared at each other, Draco and I. Was this what he wanted me to trust him about? Perhaps he was looking for the right time, and then it just came out. My own declaration of love was hardly a perfect moment either.
"You said...you had no heart." was all I could think to say. Draco appeared to be frozen, as if he actually felt betrayed by his own words.
"I don't know." Draco said. He looked very weak and tired all of the sudden, and I wanted so very much to hold him and kiss him and tell him I would take care of him forever. But I was uncertain.
He might have said he loved me, but he certainly didn't look happy about it. Perhaps he was ashamed or dismayed by this love. I suddenly felt that changing the subject was the best course of action.
"I could go for a butterbeer. All this standing around has made me thirsty." I said in an awkward voice. Draco's face warmed considerably and it was almost as if the moment had never happened. Once again, I didn't know whether to cry or punch him in the face.
"Me, as well." Draco said, pulling me by the hand.
"Draco?" I said after a considerable amount of time. We were enjoying our butterbeers and sitting across from each other at a table in the corner. Both of us seemed a little too timid to speak.
"Yes?" He asked. He looked over at me with one of his smouldering glances and all I could see was the light froth on his upper lip. I smiled.
"The day that I met your mother...the day we had tea together...she was awfully nice to me. I can't help but admit that it surprised me. She'd always had a peculiar...distaste, I guess you could say...for people like me." I said disjointedly. Sometimes it was extremely difficult to get my point across without offending him.
"You're asking why my mother was nice to you?" Draco wondered. I nodded somewhat lamely. Anybody could make it sound pathetic and stupid.
"I've just...never known her to be so agreeable. She does know who I am, correct?"
"She knows that you love me." Draco said. I got chills all over when he said that, but I remained expressionless.
"What difference does that make?" I persisted.
"I don't know. She is just as you would expect her to be around Pansy, even Astoria. Very polite and perhaps a little cold. But you apparently brought out something in her that the others didn't. That is something I truly do not know." Draco admitted.
I was still confused about the matter, but it made me feel good to have an ally. I had gotten the feeling that Draco's father despised me and would like to see me on the business end of a wand someday. To know that his mother kind of liked me, even in the littlest measure, was something to be glad about.
"I do love you. And I can honestly say that I didn't know that I loved you until our wedding day. It was as if all of the sudden it was real. The vows I made were real." I explained. Draco's eyes drifted downward, staring at the table in soft silence.
"All of our prejudices and misunderstandings didn't keep me from realizing that, Draco. I think my feelings are undoubtedly real." I added.
"Davis, there's something I have to tell you." Draco said in a rush. I perked up and wondered if he was going to broach the subject of loving me again. I wanted to know that he accepted his own feelings as well as mine.
"About our marriage..." He began. He stopped himself with great effort and looked at me strangely, as though he were pleading with me to release him from completing his thought.
"What about it?" I asked. I suddenly became quite worried. His tone of voice hinted at bad news. This was what I had been fearing.
"Nothing, I was just...planning on having a party. I can tell everyone exactly who I married, and I can announce that we are expecting our first child." Draco said.
I immediately felt that Draco was covering up the truth but I couldn't bring myself to ask.
"Our first child? You expect to have others?" I asked instead. This was news to me.
"I want whatever you want." Draco said, his eyes searching mine. I nodded, smiling in spite of myself.
"I suppose we should have this one first and then discuss it." I said delicately.
"Speaking of which, we still need to give him a nursery, don't we?" Draco said, his eyes taking on a certain excitement that made me shiver.
"Scorpius, is it?" I chuckled. Draco nodded emphatically. He looked quite the part of the happy expectant father. I was floored.
Perhaps I'd entered some other wizarding dimension in which all of these transpired events were perfectly normal.
I curled into my bed, exhausted once more. I felt lethargic and cheerless, though the day had given me some of the happiest moments I've ever experienced in my life. I didn't know how to deal with all this. So, to cope, I ended up throwing the covers over my head and hoping I'd wake up on the day of the party at Malfoy Manor and no matter how much Julianna begged me, I'd tell her no and keep my resolve firm.
Draco spent the evening downstairs doing Merlin knows what, but I was glad to be alone.
Secretly I'd always wanted to be alone, no matter how much I said I wanted love. Now that Draco had told me he loved me, I worried for the day when he would take it back. When he would hurt me. It didn't matter how much I trusted him, I still knew that people hurt one another inevitably. This happiness I was feeling...it would end.
I hated to cherish it when I knew it would not stay long.
"I'm scared." I whispered to my stuffed bunny. Just like things that go up must come down, the pendulum was going to swing. Tragedy could not have been more than a heartbeat away.
I heard the door swing open and within minutes I felt someone bounce on the bed beside me.
"Easy, I've had way too much to eat today." I mumbled beneath the covers.
"Davey, your Draco is quite smitten with you. I almost couldn't believe it. No offense." Julianna said.
"None taken, you twit."
"Dad was telling him all about you, showing him pictures, remembering funny stories, and when I left they were talking about little Scorpion or something or other." Julianna added. I groaned loudly. I could just imagine all the horrible little embarrassing stories Dad was telling him.
"It's like...he's so different from the way he was in school. He's really changed, Davey."
"Mmpff." I mumbled. I had noticed long before she had. But the truth was, he'd always been this way deep down. No one had bothered to understand him.
"I think you have everything to do with this change." Julianna said with a wistful air. It seemed even though she had matured, she was still incredibly dramatic at heart.
"I'm not responsible. This situation...the baby, getting married, all of it has really brought out the best in him. He's really a decent man, Jules." I said, pulling the covers down enough to expose my face.
"Well, whatever it is, even I can say that Draco is definitely growing on me." Julianna nestled beside me like my little sister and I realized our old roles were now restored. I had to admit, though I liked the motherly touch, I liked bestowing it better than receiving it.
"Me too." I said automatically. Julianna giggled.
"I can tell you're in love. You've got this funny glow about you whenever you look at him." Julianna said.
"I do not." I exclaimed. But I found myself smiling anyway.
