How To Break Up with Anime Characters:

(Nabs Note: Hello everyone. If you can't tell already, it is I, Nabs, your favorite computer AI designed to look like Nabiki Tendo.)

(Autotyper 2000: And I am autotyper 2000! And here's a Dislcaimer: Well, anything here that happens to be mentioned in this fic that isn't owned by Magnus 17 isn't ours. But, the funny thing is, almost all of it is! IN YOUR FACE, YOU SNOOTY LAWYERS! BWAH HA HA HA HA! )

(Nabs Note: Yes. As a matter of fact, since Magnus is still recovering from his injuries over the course of the last two chapters . . .)

(Autotyper 2000: including damage to his spleen, head, lungs, liver, back, arms, legs, and, as you can guess, his –)

(Nabs Note: ANYWAY! Magnus has asked us to fill in this chapter for him, so we decided to publish his nearly not unfamous "How to Break Up With an Anime Character" form letters! Extened Edition!)

(Autotyper 2000: These have never been shown anywhere else in their extended form, so, enjoy this PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! WHOOT! )

(Nabs Note: . . . Right. So, to use these letters, simply circle, check, highlight, or fill in the choices that personalize this letter to your specific needs. Then, simply mail it off, and pray they don't come after you with some large, dangerous implement.)

(Autotyper 2000: By the way, Magnus 17 and his assistants are not responsible for any injuries suffered during or because of the use of these letters. Mail at your own risk. These letters are not recommenced for people with liver or intestinal problems, or women who are pregnant or may become pregnant. If you experience muscle pain or weakness, contact your local physician immediately, as this may be sign of a serious side effect, most likely the attack of a former lover. Never use these letters more than once every twelve hours. Restrictions apply, results may vary. Not valid in CA, MI, or NY. $.05 deposit refundable at your local grocery store, or wherever recyclables are accepted.)

(Nabs Note: . . . right. So, anyway, . . . on with the letters!)

Standard Anime Break-up Form Letter for Women!

(Circle one) To My Dearest Beloved/To my Love/Sensei/Hey, you/PERVERT/You ----,

(Check all that apply)

I'm sorry to have to break this to you,
( ) on our anniversary, unfortunately,
( ) in a letter,
( ) without giving you the power crystals,
( ) from a space colony, of all things,
( ) since you're probably busy being a genius and all,
( ) instead of breaking you,
( ) . . . aw, screw it, I'm not sorry at all,
( ) especially when you're doing your girlfriend (you are, aren't you! AREN'T YOU! WAAAAAAH!),

but I'm going to have to break off our
( ) relationship
( ) arranged/voluntary/other: ------------ marriage/engagement
( ) love triangle
( ) clandestine, but not really clandestine, affair
( ) bunkmate status
( ) business partnership
( ) demon hunting trip
( ) . . . well, your dingle-dangle,

because I no longer
( ) love you.
( ) enjoy your company.
( ) have my fluffy guardian around to get us things.
( ) think you are attractive, since the drugs wore off.
( ) hate you.
( ) want to hang around with your psychotic friends/fiancees.
( ) am impressed by your unbelievably huge pecs.
( ) live in this dimension.

I don't want to be cruel. For, you see, I
( ) . . . we're no good for each other.
( ) don't think the stars are in our favor.
( ) want to see the world before I settle down.
( ) want a role in (pick one) Shojo/Shonen/Dojinshi/Hentai comics first.
( ) can't scrounge up any more for the medical bills I/you inflict on yourself/others.
( ) met this interesting SI, and, well, we sort of . . . hit it off. I didn't mean to, it just happened . . . (Ramble on if necessary)
( ) want someone who will spar with me.
( ) am a cross dresser. (If appropriate, boldface to add:) And I dress as a girl.

(Omit following if un-needed:) I don't hate you. I did like your
( ) mad fighting/racing/building/magical/mathmatical/ skillz.
( ) tender heart.
( ) comical antics.
( ) poor sense of direction.
( ) shapechanging ability.
( ) lack of haircuts.
( ) really cool nickname! (Add in if necessary) ----------------
( ) underwear collection.

It's just that you
( ) are never around.
( ) spend too much time without me.
( ) hog the covers.
( ) keep getting those obnoxious nosebleeds on our dates.
( ) look better as a girl than me.
( ) shout those attack names so often.
( ) stole my underwear, you freak!

It's for the best, though. I was never the right one for you anyway. After all, I
( ) am never around.
( ) could only spend a short time here anyway.
( ) don't speak l33t.
( ) have several million books to read.
( ) have to hunt lots of monsters in my battle outfit.
( ) am immortal, so I have to be sure I found the right one.
( ) hate you.
( ) pilot you into low atmospheric orbits on a regular occasion.

And, besides, we
( ) will always have the good times.
( ) can be friends still.
( ) have space to move on in.
( ) are telepathically linked.
( ) will always have the big scars.
( ) have each others siblings to pursue.
( ) filled out a restraining order on you. Just so you know.
( ) are starring in that pervert's lemon fanfic next week.

So, please,
( ) find someone you truly love.
( ) remember me only as your friend.
( ) get off my roof.
( ) go to the doctor's and get that growth checked out.
( ) realize that your best friend is totally in love with you, you moron!
( ) shut up.
( ) fall into that crossover portal and battle ninjas/demons/space ships/turnips.
( ) stop calling me back from the dead already.

Goodbye/Your Friend/Please Go Away/This is the end/I wish it could be different/I have plenty of blunt objects, too!

------------------------------


Standard Anime Break-up Form Letter for Men!

(Circle One) Dear/My Love/Hey/Oh, my Goddess/DUDE/(Enter witty letter opening here),

(Check All That Apply)

I know we have been
( ) Lovers,
( ) Dating,
( ) Engaged,
( ) Secretly meeting against our parents whims,
( ) Married,
( ) Trapped in some sort of "Death Tournament" together,
( ) Dealing with me being held against my will,
( ) Taking over the world together,

But I have something I need to say. I can't go out with you because
( ) You and I don't get along.
( ) My medical bills are too high.
( ) Too many mallet bruises.
( ) Lack of oxygen.
( ) Wrong species.
( ) I'm engaged to three other girls.
( ) I need to log off of this video game.
( ) I've lost too much blood looking at you.

It's not that I don't like you. You
( ) Are smart.
( ) Are beautiful.
( ) Are energetic.
( ) Cook me free meals.
( ) Have a nice personality.
( ) Wear really skimpy clothes.
( ) Can fight well.
( ) Don't break me free of the Earth's orbit.

However, I just can't deal with your
( ) Family.
( ) Unusual occupation.
( ) Overprotective brother.
( ) Bad animation style.
( ) Long transformation sequence.
( ) Battle costume.
( ) Overly-complex and under-described origins.
( ) Hair color.

And then, as I'm sure you remember, there was that time. That first time we
( ) Met,
( ) Kissed,
( ) Went on a date,
( ) Walked to school together,
( ) Went to a public bath,
( ) Saved the world,
( ) Spent a night together, (;-D)
( ) Had to rescue you from the evil man,

Which, afterwards, you
( ) Smashed my head in with a table.
( ) Slapped me across the face.
( ) Doubled my training regime.
( ) Blackmailed me.
( ) Hit me with a large, blunt object from nowhere.
( ) Blew up the world.
( ) Said, "Wow, you suck at this."
( ) Let me be shrunk down to a ten year old.

I'm not saying it's you, though. Because, you see, I'm
( ) Gay.
( ) A pervert.
( ) Out of power crystals.
( ) A super-pervert.
( ) Need to transfer to the Space Colonies to fight robots.
( ) A crazed super pervert. (BANZAI!)
( ) not able to be hugged by a member of the opposite sex.
( ) A crazed super pervert who's RIGHT BEHIND YOU! BWAAAAH!

Please, though, don't let this be goodby. We can still be
( ) Friends.
( ) Acquaintances.
( ) Sparring partners.
( ) Background characters.
( ) Mortal enemies.
( ) Defenders of the world.
( ) Seen together in the opening animation.
( ) Fanfic lovers.

I'm sorry it had to be this way, but it's for the best. I'll always remember you for your
( ) Smile.
( ) Strange attire.
( ) Furry guardian creature.
( ) Improvizational item throwing skills.
( ) Sequences of implied nudity.
( ) Super powered friends.
( ) Psychotic professor.
( ) Cat ears.

Yours Truly/I'll always remember you/From my heart/Goodbye/Love You/Please Don't Kill Me,

-----------------


(Nabs Note: Well, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. That's all . . .)

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, this was like Mad Libs! Only dumber!)

(Nabs Note: . . . Shut up. So, anyway, thanks for coming, and, in the words of Magnus 17, "OH GOD THAT HURTS!")