A/N Longest chapter to this story yet I think...I'm glad that you like Tathardes and Erestor MistressofImladris. :) I like what I have done with them, and hopefully I can get them more involved in other places.


Elladan woke very early the day he was to leave. He came out of the dream world and simply could not fall asleep again. The older twin gave a resigned sigh and got up to prepare for the journey. When Elladan checked the position of the moon (or any sign of the sun rising), he became a little irked by the fact that there was far too much of a waiting time. Too much time to be left thinking about things again. Sleeping was not an option sadly, and Elladan resolved himself to find something to occupy his mind until an appropriate hour came to prepare his horse.

The elf looked across the dark room and regarded Elrohir sadly as the younger twin slept peacefully. Elrohir simply shut Elladan out and was even more stubborn with being uncooperative than usual. The day before was particularly bad when Elrohir nearly became catatonic again to the point Elrond was the one to haul his son out of bed to start the day. Last night Elladan had said his farewells, not expecting an answer, and he did not plan on waking Elrohir for something he apparently did not want to be involved in.

'It is not his fault,' Elladan thought absently. '…I just hope this will not be permanent.'

How close was that idea to being redundant: having repeated it every morning now? What if things did not improve? What if this was the best Elrohir would get in his mental recovery? Elladan shook his head and returned to the book he had grabbed from under his bed. He was not going to think about his brother while he was gone, as much as it pained him to think of doing that. The whole point of leaving would be moot otherwise.

A bang and rustle of leaves sounded right outside his wall and Elladan frowned. He turned his head toward the window right next to the bed and leaned out after closing the book. What he saw made him sputter briefly in surprise. "Estel! What are you doing out here like this?"

The man strained his neck to look up the wall, appearing sheepish as his upper body was in a growing bush. "I cannot sleep."

"Why are you wandering around in the night like a thief?" Elladan questioned confusingly.

"…Just to sneak in something in the stables," Estel admitted lowly. "And then I got lost. I cannot see anything!"

"You have no one to blame but yourself for that," Elladan commented wryly in dim humor.

"Why are you awake?" Estel suddenly asked. "I did not wake you, did I?"

The elf shook his head, becoming grim again. "No, I was awake long before then."

"You have a long way to go though."

"Elves do not need sleep as much as mortals do," Elladan reminded his adopted brother. "I will be fine."

Estel took that mutely and the young man was worrying over something in his mind. Elladan opened his mouth to send Estel off, but the adolescent got there first. "I am scared, brother."

This briefly made Elladan be still before he found his tongue again. "What are you scared of?"

It took a long while for Estel to answer. "…I am scared of Elrohir, to be truthful. I don't…I don't really know him anymore." He cast a forlorn gaze to the ground.

Elladan kept his face straight at this admission. The elf could relate…but he and his twin had been through many changes together over the course of their lives, and it became easier to deal with. It blurred into a continuous line of one bad thing after another, and then some good things for a time.

"I am afraid of what will happen while you are gone." Estel lifted his gaze up again. "I am not around Elrohir enough to know what might happen…"

"Ada and the others will manage him," Elladan spoke in a disconnected way. "Just continue as you always have been before the accident, Estel."

"I have not been doing that," the man pronounced softly. "…My avoidance is a sign of that, but I do not know what else to do."

Elladan bowed his head briefly. "This is another transition for Elrohir. He…needs to be brought back to reality and be reminded of the expectations that are present." He paused, "It is never easy for either party, Estel, that is what you need to understand: regarding any trauma."

"I am learning that painfully," Estel sighed. "I should get back inside." He pulled away from the wall. "I will see you in a few hours."

Elladan pulled his head back inside his room and rested against the headpost as he blankly watched space. On the bright side, he finally felt the craving to doze for a time. He exhaled softly and let his lids close halfway, hoping for dawn to come swiftly.

Indeed, none of this was ever easy…


Elrond, Glorfindel, Gilraen, and Estel stood on the stairs as Halbarad and Elladan mounted up. Elrond had already given his blessings, but the auras being radiated made the departure rather sad. Elladan had worry lines on his face while Halbarad just seemed at a loss on what to do. Elrond could feel the anxiety from Estel, and something told the elf-lord that it was not going to go away anytime soon.

His son and the ranger bowed their heads in farewell before they turned and spurred their mounts onward; the party of elves going with them followed behind. A slightly unsettling silence descended in the region and Elrond had to keep himself from sighing. Glorfindel was stoic, while Gilraen bit her lip and took her leave. Estel fidgeted in his place, unsure of whether to stay or follow his mother. The latter won out and soon left Elrond and Glorfindel alone on the stairs.

"That is one thing off the list," the gold-head murmured.

"I am not looking forward to what needs to come next," Elrond answered wearily and with mild dread.

"One more hour and Erestor will wake him up."

Elrond turned his head. "Are you sure having him do it is the best choice?"

Glorfindel shrugged. "You have options, my lord. I could do it, you could do it…"

"I would be more at ease if I rouse my son." Elrond finally said. "I had to do so once already, and I doubt Elrohir likes Erestor at this moment."

Glorfindel regarded his lord for a moment before nodding. "I will be at the training grounds if a decision is made on who his guardian will be. I have my second-in-command ready to take over if need be."

Elrond made no comment on the last part. "We will see what it comes down to." He nodded his head to the gold-head. "I will meet with you later."

Glorfindel bowed his head in turn.


Elladan tried hard not to look back, but the further they went: the more he felt bad.

Halbarad caught the fidgeting and bit his cheek. "Don't think about it, mellon. No point in turning back now."

"Have you ever been faced with a dilemma like this?" Elladan finally asked.

Halbarad smirked. "Kind of an odd question to ask, eh, given you are how old?" The man sobered up swiftly though. "Plenty of times."

"And what did you do?"

"Prayed for clarity that what I was doing was what needed to be done." Halbarad shook his head, "You can't trust your feelings or emotions-got to get outside clarity on if your gut feeling is what is right."

Elladan pondered over this statement and he looked up to the blue sky. 'I do not seek that kind of assurance as much as I should…' he thought to someone.


He was awake when Elladan said goodbye.

He feigned sleep though, so Elladan would never know that he was heard.

Elrohir stared at the ceiling with an arm swung over his forehead; Velegdal sat on his knee in the meantime. Elrohir thought he should feel guilty, but he could not bring himself to. As far as he was concerned, he did nothing wrong. Why did everyone else think his behavior was bad? He could not help it; it was not his fault that he was like this.

What else did they expect?

Elrohir rolled his head to the side so he was facing the wall. Yes, he felt guilty and ashamed of his behavior, but he felt resigned about it. There was too much going on for him to react accordingly. It all felt like a scramble for control…like the rocks slowly slipping away from the top of the cliff, falling to their final destination and to the calamity they would cause.

Once more the desire to be unaware of it happening came to his mind. Erestor's words about him not wanting to be semi-conscious floated up too, but Elrohir felt only apathy. He could go to sleep again for another ten years for all he cared if to get away from it all.

And the binding tugged at his soul again and he scowled, having completely forgotten about that tiny detail that held so much control over him. He should have sought to be released before Elladan left!

Of course, it never occurred to him that Elladan likely would not have released him; not with the younger twin's current state of mind.

Elrohir felt tears of frustration start to brim in his eyes and the self-disgust came back. Why could he not keep himself in control? Why was his leg healing so slowly? Why did Elladan want to leave?

Why did this happen in the first place?

There were so many whys and Elrohir forced his mind to go blank; the monotonous sounds coming from outside making him enter into another doze. His depression helped him along in that journey.

He never did quite reach that unconscious state. Elrohir heard someone walk into the suite, but the twin made no motion to see who it was. If he acted like he was still asleep they would go away…

"It is twenty past ten in the morning, my son." Came a matter of fact voice.

Elrohir fought hard to keep his bitterness down when he heard his father. He stubbornly kept his eyes closed.

Elrond placed a set of clothes at the foot of the bed. "I want you to get dressed and come down to the garden with me."

Elrohir said nothing and drew the sheets over his head.

He heard a sigh: a slightly impatient one. "I really do not want to repeat what I had to do yesterday, Elrohir. But I will if that is what you want."

"N-no," Elrohir hissed finally.

"Then please do what I ask and not fight: for yourself if not for me." Elrond pleaded and walked out of the alcove.

'Why can I not just be left alone?' Elrohir thought moodily and had to muster a lot of willpower just to sit up. Velegdal moved away from his knee and she sniffed the air thoughtfully. The sight of the bunny eased his nerves somewhat and he reached for the pile of clothes. Once dressed he grabbed his staff and stood up slowly ere purposely moving slowly toward the door.

Elrond stood there with an impassive expression. The elf-lord opened the door and the two elves walked out of the suite.

Elrohir could feel the eyes of other residents bore into his back and that was the only incentive to make him move faster than a slug. The rage started to boil in his chest again, and this time he knew he was justified.

He did not bother to count the minutes it took for him and his father to finally be outside. Elrohir felt a little relief to be away from prying eyes finally. When Elrohir looked up from the ground, a metal table and a couple chairs were present, and much to his chagrin a hammock hung from two trees. Elrohir did not bother asking where Elrond wanted him and instead sat down in one of the chairs.

Elrond's expression did not change. "Can I examine your leg?" he asked softly.

They were meaning to do that after Elrohir fell a few mornings ago. The twin remained cranky, but he gave a faint nod. Better get it done with now.

Elrond knelt on the grass and started testing the bone. "Does it hurt when you stand on it?"

"W-weak," Elrohir ground out.

Elrond did not ask any more questions beyond that. After a long silence, he finally spoke again. "This might be healing slowly because of your negative emotions, Elrohir."

The statement made Elrohir felt like he blacked out again from the anger it incited in him. "W-wonder w-why," he muttered sarcastically.

Elrond leaned back and met his son in the eye. "Changes are bound to happen, my son, and sooner is better than later. I do not know what leniency Elladan has shown, but we need to have you do something productive. This inactivity has made a rather large impact."

"I-I don't w-want to do a-anything."

Elrond became a little sad. "You were pining for something a month ago…and I apologize for letting it go this far."

Elrohir narrowed his eyes slightly.

Elrond did not give the look he got much note. "I want you to help Erestor and Tathardes in whatever they assign you to do, starting tomorrow."

Elrohir felt indignation rise and he turned away in his seat. Why was he being ordered now? "I-I a-am n-not a child!"

Elrond stood to his feet. "We have let you make choices for yourself, and they have made things worse instead of helping. As far as I am concerned, I am not going to allow you to wallow in bed all day because something did not go your way. The whole point is to make you independent and capable of handling unwanted occurrences maturely, not remain in this perpetual loop."

"S-serving as a s-scribe!" Elrohir also stood and had the chair between him and his father. "N-not t-that low!"

Elrond moved to the next objective. "You can choose who you want to be your guardian until your brother comes back."

Elrohir felt more emotion well up inside and he shook from the intensity. "N-no o-one," he pleaded desperately. He did not want these forced changes. He did not want things to change. Why did they not understand that?

Elrond appeared plaintive. "I am afraid that is not an answer."

"I d-don't w-want a-any of this!" Elrohir finally burst out. His breath hitched, and he swayed slightly. "Y-you d-don't get it; n-no one d-does!"

"We cannot understand if you never talk to us," Elrond said bluntly. "That is an unreasonable expectation to have."

Elrohir huffed and shook his head. "B-beyond t-that…d-don't k-know w-what it f-feels like."

Elrond gave a long pause. "Try me," he finally said.

Elrohir looked up with confusion as he had his head bowed a little.

"It hurts me to see you this way, Elrohir. It hurt me to see you wither away to almost nothing. It hurt to see you afraid of the stars because of the nightmares your brain conjured up while you were trapped in the darkness."

Elrohir blanched slightly at the old memory…

Elrond continued gently, "It hurts us to see you isolate yourself and become someone we do not know. Cast aside the thought that you suffer alone because you do not."

Elrohir got onto his knees and pressed his head into the chair. "I-it f-feels l-lonely," he said thickly.

"Stop isolating yourself, and even if this feels like coercion, trust that we are doing this because this will benefit you." Elrond placed a hand on Elrohir's head after he moved a little closer, "Have we ever done you harm?"

'Never,' Elrohir answered mentally and he let the fire of his rebellion die, draining him of whatever energy he had before. He felt defeated and resigned, and it made him even more depressed despite his father's attempt at comfort. Elrohir closed his eyes.

"Who do you want to be your guardian for when you are not working?" Elrond asked again.

Elrohir felt empty, finding no point in fighting anymore, given that part of his independence had been taken away. "G-glorfindel…" he answered in a whisper.

Elrond nodded absently. "I want you to try putting more weight on your leg to strengthen it. Take some time each day to stand on it before you try to walk. Start small and gradually add more to it."

Elrohir did not care about his leg at that moment. "I-I want Elladan…"

Elrond breathed softly. "I know," was all he said.


From the balcony, Estel watched with his face between the bars. He worried his lip and when his brother and father held companionable silence, the mortal retreated into the room on all fours before getting to his feet. He held his book and the paper he had been writing a little too tightly, and he walked out and headed to the library.

Erestor was at his desk, and the mortal caught the elf fingering his flute. Estel briefly wondered why, but he set the objects he carried on the table and waited.

Erestor did not give him any heed.

"What are you doing?" Estel asked after waiting five minutes.

Erestor blinked and raised his head, "Thinking." He lifted a brow, "What are you doing?"

"Waiting," Estel responded in turn, smirking slightly at the question before he became serious again. "I…finished."

Erestor nodded, "Well done."

Estel was not sure how to react and he quietly stalked away and sat on a couch. He thought about what he overheard, and he played with his fingers. Elladan told him to stay the same he had always been, but Estel was not sure he could keep a façade up…

"Music can ease all troubles and irritations," Erestor finally said.

Estel blinked a few times as the elf answered that question he had in his head. The pieces came together, and a little bit of hope sprang in his heart.

Hopefully what Erestor was planning would work.