Summary: Pittoo invades the White House


Notes: Hello again everyone! I had to change my password YET AGAIN BECAUSE STUPID PITSTAIN GOT INTO MY ACCOUNT AGAIN!

Everything he says is a lie, so don't believe him! Pitstain secretly loves Donald Trump because HE'S A STRAIGHT CIS CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN MALE! Anyways with that being said, let me resume on with my news.

I'm so excited because it's only one week until Viridi's birthday! I hope she likes what I got her. Now if only Pitstain can stop hacking my story, then everything will be fine.

[I am sure some of you have caught on that I am leaving in some errors on purpose, particularly the misspelling of names that made me laugh hard from the raw. I might read back and fix some unintentional typos. In the meantime, you guys know the drill. Transcribed version at the top, original raw which reads like a trollfic at the bottom.]


CHAP 26: SNEAKING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE

That night, Viridi, Cloud, Fiora and I went into the White (MORE LIKE LIE) House in Washington, DC. We had to think of a plan to sneak inside. We went to the Starbucks in the city to talk about our plan because anywhere else would cause conservatives to eavesdrop on us and warn Donald Trump.

Suddenly as we were talking, Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren along with Former Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton walked into the fine coffee establishment.

"Hi Pittoo," Bernie Sanders said.

"Hi guys," I said.

"Darwin told us what you all were doing and asked us to help you break into the white house," Hillary Clinton said.

"Yes! We also need to get the plans to prevent Trump from abolishing the anti-slavery law to make black, Latinos and Asian people all slaves for the white people," Senator Sanders said.

"Of course Trump would want that." I grimaced. "Gaol said they're in the same room."

"Okay," Senator Warren said.

After that, we all went to the white house and entered through the front door. Suddenly a bunch of conservatives attacked us! Viridi, Cloud, Fiora, Clinton, Warren and I started fighting them. But theen Sanders pulled out a new law which said rich people had to pay more taxes to help with the poor neighborhoods and poor people because conservatives are rich and greedy with a lot of money and claim to help people but ONLY HELP THE WHITE PEOPLE! Then we looked for Donald Turnap's oval office because that led us to The Room. Suddenly Donald Brump came out of the room, wearing pajamas with pictures of Putin, Bannon, and Pepe the Frog, all with hearts around them.

"Hey what are you doing in my house!?" he said.

"Where is the vaccine that causes straightness!? Tell us or we'll beat the fucking shit out of you!" I yelled.

Suddenly Donald Trump pulled out a golden shower! He was fighting with his dick! It was weird that he was fighting with his dick but then again, I should have known Donald Taurds likes golden showers from Russian prostitutes.

"Go find the room! I'll fight the pissadent!" I told Viridi and everyone else. Then I started fighting Donald Treemap. We fought our way to the room in the white house. We were equally matched.

"How are you doing this!?" I questioned. My Silver Blades didn't cut through his dick.

"Because my dick is made out of gold," Trump replied.

"Ew that's disgusting!" I gagged. Trump laughed.

"Give up Pittoo! You will lose!" Trump said.

"No Trump! I will beat you because Darwin is on my side!" I said.

"No! I'm going to knock you unconscious and then get a straight woman to rape you so you'll be an evil straight like your brother Pit," Trump said.

"Why do you want everyone to turn straight, that would be boring!" I said. But then the unexpected happened! Melania Trump ran in and pulled off "her" entire body and revealed that she was... PITSTAIN!? WHAT THE FUCK!

"What the fuck?!" I screamed. I knew Pit wasn't trans and was a CIS white male but I didn't know he was married to Trump.

"Now you know the truth," Danal Trump said.

"But how did you have Barron?" I asked.

"Truth be told, he is the first clone of Donald made by Miss Pandora in the future when American is advanced in technology. I picked him up with our time machine to take him back to the past," Pit explained. "LOL I'm not married to Trump, I'm just filling in for Putin."

"Pit don't tell Pittoo about our time machine or Melania's secret!" Donald Trump said. "It was a gift from God!"

"So Melania is actually Putin?!" I gasped.

"Yes," Pit said like the stupid idiot he was. Trump slapped himself.

"Pit, you dumbass!" he said.

"It's okay. Weren't you going to defeat him and find a straight woman to rape him soon anyways?" Pit said. "You know Mom said only I was the one who was to ejaculate the cure in my brother."

"Damn that Palutena!" Trump cried.

Before I could do anything, Pit jumped in front of Trump.

"PITTOO!" he shouted. "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU MAKING FUN OF ME! THAT'S IT! I WILL NOW BANISH YOU INTO THE PITS OF HELL!"

Pit murmured some words as a portal opened up and sucked me inside. I absolutely forgot Rod gave him the power to banish gays to hell.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I cried.

Suddenly Viridi, Cloud, Fiora, Sanders, Warren and Clinton ran past the door.

"We got the vaccine and the plans to undo slavery!" they said. Viridi noticed I wasn't in the room.

"What did you do to Pittoo?" she said.

"I sent him TO HELL!" Pit said. While Pit bide their time, Donald Trump ran away and took off into Subspace World. Unfortunately I couldn't tell them the dark secret I learned because I was on the highway to hell.

"Now give us the plans and vaccine. We'll take the vaccine to Gaol and make the plans public so we can add more to help impeach Trump and his possible lover Putin and foil their evil plans," Sanders said. So Viridi gave the plans and the vaccine to the two liberal politicians and former presidential nominee Clitoris but they started laughing evilly. They ripped off their masks and reveled that they weren't the real Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton at all! They were Phosphora, Palutena and Linkle in disguise!

"Where are the real people!?" Viridi questioned.

"We trapped them in Subspace! Soon Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin will brainwash them and turn them into Russian spies for the Republican Party," Phosphora said.

"We have to save them!" Cloud said.

"You'll have to fight us first!" Linkle said. She tossed the plans along with the vaccine to Palutena who ran away with them.

"No! Let me handle this!" Pit flew back in. "Linkle, you go with the others!"

"No!" Linkle said. "I'll help you conquer these gay bastards once and for all!"

"Okay," Pit said. Pit and Link's evil clone are tag teaming together!

Oh no! Would I be able to escape from Hell in time or will Viridi and the other Atheist smashers be turned into straight conservative Christians? Tune in next time to find out!


RAW VERSION! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!


Summary: Pittoo invads the Wii Huse


Notes: Hello agen everone! I had to chang my paseward YET AGEN BECAZ STOOPID PITSTAIN GOT IN2 MY AKAUNT AGEN!

Everthan he says is a lye so dont belieb hen. Pitstain secretely luvs Duansf Tasdnjp becuz HES A STRAIT CES CONSERCATIV CHRISTEN MULE! Anywas with that bean sade, let me raysam on with my news.

Im so exited becuz its onely 1 week until Viridis Birthday! I hopd she licks what i got her. Now if onale Pitstain can stap haksing my storey than everythan will be fin.


CHAP 26: SNAKING IN2 THE WHY HAUSE

That nite Mee and Viridi and Clod and Fenao went 2 the Wie (MOR LIK LYE) Hause in Wassentan CD. We hed 2 thank ofa plane 2 sneck incid. We want 2 the Starbawks in the city 2 talk abot r plan becuz anehware elise wod caus conservativs 2 eevsdrap onus and warned Dold Tlump.

Sudanly as we were taking Sinator Burni Sandars and Eelisabath Waron and Fomer Presadantul Nomaney Hilari Clitoris waked in2 the fen koffing estabelsmint.

"Hi Pittoo" Bernad Sumenrs sid.

"Hi guys" I sed.

"Darwin telled us what u al wer dong and assed us 2 halp u broke into the y hause" Helery Cluntan sed.

"Yes we olso ned 2 gete the planes 2 pervert Traump frum abelasheng the anti-slavry law to maek bleck pepal and platanos and the aslans all slavs 2 the wite pipole" Senutar Saunders sed.

"Of carse Tramp wuld want that" I grumace "Gaol sed there in the sam rom."

"Okay" Sinatar Weran sed.

Aftar that we all want 2 the why hose and entred threw the front dore. Suddanly a buncha consercativs atacked us! Me and Viridi and Cod and Flaro and Cliten and Waron stated fitting them. Butthan Sandreas pulled ot a knew low wich sed rich pepol had 2 pay mor texas 2 help with the pore neihbarhuds and the poar pepal becuz conserativs oar gredy and rich with alota munny and clam to help pepol but ONLEY HELP THE WITE POPO! Than wee loked 4 Danold Turnaps ovary oriface becuz that leaded us 2 The Room. Suddonly Donad Brump cam outta a rome wering pajamas with pictars of Putan and Baron and Pipi the Fog al with harts around tham.

"Hey watter u dong in my haus!" he sed.

"Weere is the vaksine that cases straitness! Tellius or well beet the fukken sit outta u!" I yoled.

Soddanly Oland Troomp puled ot a galdon showar! He was fiting with his duck! It was werd that he wuz figting with his deck butthan agen i shuld hav knewn Donadl Taurds liks goldan showars frum Rossan prostates.

"Go find The Room ill fit the pissadent" I tolled Viridi and everone elsa. Than I startad fitting Donadl Treemap. We fot r way 2 the rom in the y hause. We wear equity mashed.

"How ar u dong this" I qostened. My silva bledes didant cut threw his dic.

"Becuz my duck is mad outof guld" Turmp repeled.

"Ew thats dicussing!" I goged. Trmasp laffed.

"Giv up Pittoo u well loose" Taump sed.

"No Tame I well beet u becuz Darwin ison my sid" I saod.

"No Im gonna knok u unconshus and than get a strait wimmen 2 rap u so ull be an evul strait like ur brothar Pit" Trama sed.

"Wy do u went everone 2 tune strait that wode be boran" I sed. Butthan the unaccepted happoned! Mulenia Terump runned in and puled off "her" and reveled that "she" was... PITSTAIN!? WHAT THE FUK!

"Wat the fuk?!" I scamed. I new Pit wasnt tans and wuz a CES wite mail but i didant kno he wuz marrid 2 Tromp.

"No u no the trooth" Danal Truep sed.

"But ho do u hav Beren" I assed.

"Tuth be tald he is the fist clon of Dolan med by Ms Pandora in the futar wen Amorikuh is advonced in techalagie and i puked him up with r tim masheen 2 taek him back 2 the past" Pit sid. "lol im knot merry 2 Tramp Im jest fuling in fore Putan"

"Pit dont tell Sara abot r tim masheen r Mullanas sekret!" Doand Trumap sed "it was a gif from God!"

"So Mulanei is ascholly Pootan?!" I gespad.

"Yes" Pit sade like the stoopid ideot he wuz. Tramp slopped himsalf.

"Pit u domass" he sed.

"Its ok werent u gonna defet him and find a strait wumin 2 rap him son aneway" Pit sed "U kno Mom sade only I wuz the wan who wuz 2 ejaculate the cur in my brutar."

"Dam that Palutena" Tramsp crayoned.

Befor I can do anytan, Pit jomped in the way of Truamp.

"PITTOO!" he shatted. "I AM SIC AND TIRAD OF U MOKAN FUN OF ME! THATS IT! I WILL NOW BANEESH U 2 THE PETS OF HELL!"

Pit mormoned sum wards as a porthole opaned and succed me incid. I absoolutly forgat Rod gav him the powar to banese gays 2 hell.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I crayoned.

Suddanly Viridi and Clad and Firoa and Sandars and Waron and Clenton runned passed the dore.

"we got the vaksine and the planes 2 undo savory" they sed. Viridi notecd I wasant in The Room.

"What did u do 2 Pittoo" she sade.

"I sant him TO HELL!" Pit sed. Wile Pit biled their tim Dold Trom runned away and taked off in2 subspas world. Unfartenately I coldant toll them the dark secrete I lerned becuz I wuz on the highway 2 hale.

"now giv us the planees and the vaksine and well take the vaksine 2 Gaol and make the planes pubic so wecan add moar 2 help impasse Toomap and his passible luver Poutine and fail there evil planes" Sendirs set. So Viridi gav the planes and the vaksine 2 the too librul poletishens and presadant nomanee Clitoris butt they stated laffing evully. They riped of there musks and reviled that they werent the reel Burnie Sandors and Elizobuth Waron and Hiliry Clentan atall! They were Phosphora and Palutena and Linkel in disguys!

"Were r the reel pepole!" Viridi qostened.

"we tarped them in Sunspas and son Dolan Tramp and Vladomer Pootan will branwish tham and tune them in2 Rossan spys 4 the Repubikan Party" Phosphora said.

"We have 2 sav tham!" Clod sed.

"Ull hev 2 fite us firts!" Lankol sed. She throwed the planes and the vaksine 2 Palutena who runned away with them.

"No lettme handel this" Pit flued bak in. "Lonkale u go with the otters!"

"No" Lenakle sade "Ill help u conqar these gay basturds oce and 4 al!"

"ok" Pit sed. Pit and Lunks evil clon ar tag teeming!

Oh no! Wuld I be abel 2 escap frum hale intim or will Viridi and the otter Athist smashars be tuned in2 strait conservativ Christens? Tone in next tim 2 fin OoT!