Author's Note: I don't own Glee or Dead Like Me
Longer a/n at the end of this chapter.
Chapter 28
Kurt spent most of the walk to Maggie's with his head down, concentrating hard on the sidewalk under his feet. Even during the worst days of high school with the bullying, the name-calling, the slushies, he'd rarely felt this downtrodden. He couldn't even work up his nerves for what, under any context, should have been a completely nerve-racking experience of being summoned to an impromptu meeting with Sue. What else did he have to lose? It was the thought he kept returning to during the entire walk between his apartment and the restaurant.
The minute he stumbled into Maggie's however, his entire attitude changed, because sitting at their regular booth, next to Sue, was Declan.
And suddenly Kurt had everything to lose again.
"You got everything packed up, Blaine?"
Blaine didn't turn around when he heard the familiar voice at his open doorway. He was shoving the last of his clothes into his duffel bag and trying to remember if he'd left anything in the drawer of the bedside table.
"I think so," Blaine replied, finally turning around to face Brett, the mental health technician he'd bonded with the most during his stay. Was 'bonded' the right term? They'd had a few conversations, and Blaine liked Brett because he was one of the few staff who didn't push him to attend those stupid group meetings. Earlier in the day, he'd even allowed Brett to talk him into kicking the soccer ball around a bit with minimal effort on Brett's part.
It may have been because he knew he was going home that evening, or maybe his mental state was truly improving, but Blaine was in a much better place than he was the previous day and certainly compared to a week prior. He wasn't 'fixed' by any means, if that was ever going to be possible. When his doctor asked him if he had any suicidal thoughts, he lied and said he didn't. The difference now was, even though he was thinking about it, he didn't have any intentions of acting on it ever again.
Once his head had cleared from the overdose of medications that night, he'd been angry with himself for not being successful. Now that he'd had time to process it all and now that he'd seen what just an attempt had done to his mother, he was grateful that it hadn't worked. Well, maybe grateful wasn't the right word. He was at least no longer angry that it hadn't worked, and that would have to suffice, at least for now.
After getting off the phone with his mother the morning before, Blaine had slept through lunch and dinner, waking up at seven thirty in the evening when another patient knocked on his door to let him know that his mom was on the phone for him again for their evening talk. Blaine stumbled out of bed, feeling like he'd gotten too much sleep and wondering if it meant he'd be up all night. Surely not, because the minute he mentioned that he couldn't sleep to one of the staff members, they'd be popping an Ambien down his throat.
Rubbing the stiffness out of his neck, Blaine made his way out to the patient phone, which was dangling by its spiral cord, knocking gently against the wall. Reaching down to grasp the phone, he slid down the wall until he was sitting with his knees drawn up and spoke.
"Hey Mom," he greeted, feeling like he'd just been speaking to her five minutes ago. He'd slept really hard, apparently.
"Blaine, honey," she answered. He could hear the relief in her voice as her words came out in a rush of air. "I'm so glad you answered."
Blaine's head tilted to the side, kind of like his dog Scout's did when he was confused about something. "Why wouldn't I answer?" He asked. "It's not like I left, you're my ride out of here." He chuckled slightly and heard his mother do the same.
"I thought you were mad at me," she spoke almost hesitantly, and barely whispered, "about Finn."
Blaine didn't answer for a moment. Honestly, he'd forgotten about that part of their conversation earlier, and now that he remembered, now that he'd had a decent nap, the situation didn't seem quite as drastic as it had earlier in the day.
"Oh, Mom," he finally began. "No, don't….it's fine. Really, I was just…really tired and overwhelmed earlier. It's really okay."
"Are you sure?" she asked, still sounding so nervous. Blaine didn't like his mom sounding like she was walking on broken glass around him, they'd never had that kind of relationship until the last few weeks. "I didn't want to turn him away, because he was dealing with so many….feelings, I guess, but I don't want you to feel like I'm taking his side because he's been here while you've been gone and—"
"Mom," Blaine cut her off, almost smiling at her nervousness. "There aren't any sides in this situation, I'm not mad at Finn. Maybe….maybe I was at first, but I think I was just confused about everything. I'm not mad now. I'm a little embarrassed and worried about seeing him, but we'll work through it." Blaine wasn't sure he believed the words that were coming out of his own mouth, but he hoped that he wasn't just saying it to assuage his mom's fears. He hoped that the words he spoke were true.
"Okay, well, as long as you're sure," she said. Blaine could practically hear her wringing her hands over the phone.
"I'm sure Mom," he said, allowing himself to smile fully now. Something about his nap had given him a little more clarity of mind that he hadn't had previously. For the first time in a week, he allowed himself to feel a little hopeful. "Now, about tomorrow—"
"I already spoke to your charge nurse and he said that you'd have to wait until your doctor made rounds tomorrow to be discharged…which means my plan of springing you at midnight isn't going to work." Blaine's heart warmed a bit at his mother's faux-bashful tone. He could tell she was very excited to have him home again.
"Well, it'll be alright," Blaine said, his voice wavering slightly as he tried to keep his composure. "My doctor usually makes rounds pretty early, unlike some of the others, so maybe by lunch time I'll be ready to go."
"I hope so," she answered wistfully. The lilt in her voice told Blaine that there was something else she wanted to say and he waited patiently for her to spit it out. "There's one more thing, Sweetheart."
After waiting for a few seconds for her to continue, he decided she was waiting for a prompt from him, so he supplied it.
"Finn?"
"Yeah, Finn," she said, sounding both nervous and relieved, if that was possible. Relieved that he'd guessed what was on her mind, but nervous that he might react the same way he had earlier. "Tomorrow's a school holiday, and Finn want's to come with me to pick you up. He feels really awful, I think, and he just wants to see with his own eyes that you're okay. I can tell him 'no' if—"
"It's fine," Blaine said, cutting his mom off with his reassurances once again. "He can come with you. I-I'd like it, in fact." That last part just kind of came out without Blaine's permission, and though it shocked him, he realized that it was the truth. He missed Finn, and he didn't know what they were to each other anymore, if anything, but he found himself eager to figure it out.
"Alright then, I'll give him a call when we hang up," she replied. "But if you change your mind, call me back and let me know, okay? It's okay if you don't want to see him right away."
"I know," Blaine answered honestly. He knew that he held the cards in this situation, and as much as he hated the reasons behind everyone tiptoeing around him and bowing to his wishes, he at least recognized the importance of feeling in control, even over the little things, at this moment in his life.
"Anyway, Mom, I better go," he continued, slowly lifting himself off the floor. "I'm going to see if they set aside a plate from dinner for me since I slept through it."
"Oh, they did," she said quickly. Sensing the confusion in her son's silence, she explained, "I may have called the nurse's station earlier and asked them to save you something if you were still asleep at meal call."
Blaine shook his head and smiled. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, Blaine. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," Blaine spoke softly, waiting for the click on the other end before hanging up his receiver.
Now, the next morning, he was gathering his duffel bag and following Brett to the elevator, knowing that his mom and Finn were waiting on the top floor in the lobby. The hospital was built into the side of a hill, giving it a fortress-like feel. Having the elevator doors open at the top was almost like emerging into a new world, as a new person. Blaine braced himself for seeing Finn for the first time since more than a week prior. He'd seen his mom several times, so he wasn't as worried about seeing her. He started to panic briefly as the elevator door shut and they started their slow ascent.
"You okay, Buddy?" Brett asked with genuine concern.
"Yeah, just a bit antsy about being discharged, that's all," Blaine replied. It was kind of true, after all.
"That's completely normal," Brett assured. "You'll be fine, I promise." He flashed Blaine a smile and Blaine was more than grateful.
Finally, after what seemed like an hour, the elevator door slid open and Blaine spotted his mom and Finn sitting in the lobby. They had their backs to the elevator, but the wall they were facing was mirrored, so Blaine saw both their faces light up as he stepped out into the lobby. Both of them were on their feet and walking toward him immediately, his mom slightly in front of Finn.
"Blaine!" she greeted enthusiastically, all but throwing herself into his arms. He returned her hug and looked over her shoulder to Finn, who stood behind her, head down with a nervous look on his face and his hands shoved in his pockets. When she finally released her son, Mrs. Anderson stepped off to the side, allowing the two boys the opportunity to greet each other properly.
"Hey Finn," Blaine ventured carefully, when it became apparent that Finn was waiting for him to make the first move.
"Hey Blaine," Finn answered, looking like he wanted to say so much, but not knowing where to start, or what to start with. "It's….really good to see you. C-can I give you a hug?"
Blaine let out a long breath and laughed out of nervousness. "Uh, yeah….of, of course." He walked closer to Finn and held his arms out slightly from his side, feeling a little awkward since Finn hadn't moved yet. Finally, Finn stepped directly in front of Blaine and enveloped him in a gentle, yet firm hug. He held on a little longer than Blaine would have imagined considering the fragile state of their friendship, but he tried not to question it in his head.
"Alright," Mrs. Anderson spoke as the boys started to pull away. "We should get going, Blaine's probably ready to get the heck out of here." Blaine nodded and shot a small smile over at Finn who returned the gesture before all three headed out the main entrance.
Climbing into the car, Blaine tried to put his mind at ease. He knew that there was a long road ahead of him when he got home, between trying to sort things out with Finn and trying to sort out his life in general. Leaning his head back against the head rest, he tried his best to center his mind for the few minutes he was in the car before they pulled into the Anderson driveway, knowing that those few minutes would be his last private ones for the rest of the day.
Kurt made his way cautiously over to the table, trying to keep his hear from bounding out of his chest. Declan was sitting there, right there, next to Sue. In one piece. Kurt tried to read the expression on his face, but Declan, who normally wore every emotion so clearly, was an enigma. He almost looked like he wasn't even there. Like he'd dropped his body off at Maggie's while his soul went elsewhere. He could see the moment when his presence registered in Declan's eyes, but it was just the tiniest flicker before it was gone. This made Kurt more nervous than anything else.
"Porcelain, have a seat," Sue gestured to the booth seat opposite her and Declan. Kurt slid in carefully, looking between her and Declan but not daring to speak yet. "As you can see, Declan is back from his little hiatus and I wanted to talk to the two of you before I released him back into the wild."
Kurt nodded slightly, training his focus on her and her alone, with great effort. He desperately didn't want to mess up what looked like his one shot to get Declan back in his life.
"First, I've instructed Declan that he's not to discuss with you where he's been or what's happened while he's been….away," she explained cryptically. "I trust that you won't make it more difficult for him to abide by this by asking him questions or nosing around for information. Am I correct?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Alright then," she said, as if checking that item off of her mental checklist. "Second, you're back on reaping duty, Porcelain. You're to go on your reapings alone and you are not to tamper with the deaths in any way under any circumstance. I'm not even going to threaten you with a consequence on this one because I can't think of anything that horrible. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am," Kurt gulped again. Despite the gravity of her words, Kurt was starting to feel more relaxed. He could handle instruction and directions. These were the things he'd been good at in school.
"Third and lastly," Sue continued. "Against my better judgment, I'm going to allow the two of you to continue living with each other, because aside from this insanity involving B. Anderson, which I still don't understand by the way, I truly feel like you two are good for each other and assuming you can keep from doing this ever again, I think it would be beneficial to the entire team to allow you two to carry on as you had been. Declan has never been so punctual before in his afterlife and I attribute that to you, Porcelain."
Kurt blushed slightly at the almost-compliment.
"Are there any questions?" She asked, looking between Kurt and Declan. Both boys shook their heads silently. "Good. In that case, I'll see you both back here at seven tonight, sharp. " She slid out of the booth, throwing a ten dollar bill on the table for the meal she'd obviously enjoyed prior to Kurt's arrival.
"He's all yours, Porcelain," she yelled over her shoulder as she exited the restaurant.
Once she was gone, Kurt tentatively returned his attention to Declan.
"Hey," he said quietly, testing the waters. He was concerned that he still hadn't seen much expression in Declan's features since he'd arrived. The minute he spoke though, he saw something break through the surface of Declan's face. It looked like relief.
"Hey," Declan responded. "It's good to see you."
To Kurt, it was one of the sweetest sounds he'd ever heard. His shoulders slumped with the released weight of a week's worth of worry and uncertainty.
"I missed you so much," Kurt answered immediately, trying his best to hold back the flood of emotion that was beginning to course through him. "I was so worried I was never going to see you again."
"Me too," Declan answered honestly. "Until Sue brought me here, I wasn't sure I'd see you again either."
"Well, I'm glad we're getting another chance," Kurt said. "I'm just so sorry for whatever happened, and that you had to take the fall for everyth—"
"Don't," Declan cut him off, firmly but not unkindly. "Let's not talk about it. It's water under the bridge, okay? Let's just move on from here."
"Okay," Kurt agreed after several seconds. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to move on so quickly, but he was willing to fake it until he could, because at this point, he was willing to do just about anything Declan asked him. "What do you say we get out of here? You look a little tired."
"I'm a lot tired," Declan said with a weary smile. "I haven't had a decent sleep since….in a while." His awkward finish led Kurt to believe that whatever had happened during his week absence, it hadn't been restful, at the very least.
"Well, that settles it," Kurt said, getting up from the booth and coming over to Declan's side, offering his hand to help him up. Declan grabbed it, and both boys noticed the spark of electricity that travelled between them. Pulling Declan up into a standing position, Kurt didn't move back to allow him more room. Instead, he stood there, nose to nose with Declan before wrapping his arms tightly around him. Declan immediately returned the embrace and Kurt heard his sharp intake of breath in his ear. Neither spoke as they continued to embrace, nor did they speak when they finally broke apart and began the slow walk back to the apartment.
In the course of thirty minutes, Kurt's afterlife had taken a dramatic, emotional and unexpected turn for the better. He refused to screw this up again.
Yay, Declan's back! I know I said that I'd explain the fallout from Declan's actions more in this chapter, but it just didn't go in that direction. I promise though, that at least part of the next chapter, if not all of it, will be from Declan's POV so even though Kurt can't know what happened while he was gone, you Dear Reader, will have the inside scoop.
I will say this though, in response to JD Bloom: Blaine's soul is not damaged in any way. I tried to write it so that, since his first attempt was never destined to work and his second attempt was thwarted by Declan before he was able to act on it, his soul would be spared and Declan would bear the consequences of making Blaine miss his appointment (speaking of, I'd like to give a shout out to my wonderful husband for literally spending hours with me trying to figure out a way to do this so that we weren't breaking any Dead Like Me rules and so that poor Blaine didn't have to rot.). Also, because Blaine's death was meant to be a suicide, there won't be any bigger consequences for the outside world like there was in the case of the CEO on Dead Like Me.
Hopefully I didn't take too many liberties with the plot, I want to stay as true to both shows as possible.
Thank you so much for reading, everyone, and I love hearing what you have to say, so let me know what you think :)
