Sorry for the long wait. This chapter ended up being really long. So I hope you all enjoy it.
Chapter 28
Gaara's POV
I slowly opened my eyes. Naruto was still here. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. I inhaled his scent and sighed. This was nice. I can't remember I have been happier than at this moment. I ran my hand down his arm and interlocked our fingers. I had felt the small marks on his arm. I knew it would be wishful thinking that he would stop harming himself just because we had said we loved each other.
I nuzzled him. I didn't want this to continued, but I didn't know how to stop it. But it had to stop. What if it got worse? What if he ended up really hurting himself? He could die. I shook my head to get rid of the thought.
A while later I could feel him shift and turn in his sleep and soon after he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
"Morning" I whispered into his ear. He giggled and turned in his arms so he faced me.
"Morning" He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and looked away shyly. I couldn't stop the small smile that graced my lips. He was just too adorable. I loosened my grip on him and scooted away a little. I sighed. I had to talk to him now, even if it could ruin this happy feeling.
"I have to talk to you about something?" He looked curiously at me.
"What?"
"It's about you hurting yourself" He paled.
"Oh.. W-what do you…" He looked away.
"I don't want you doing it anymore" I said firmly.
"It's not so easy" He said softly.
"I have to. I don't want to.." He took a deep breath "I just want it to stop"
"Then come to me. Next time you feel bad, just find me. Don't do this again. Promise me" I tried to get eye contact. He looked down at the bed
"Promise me" I said a little more forcefully.
"Okay" I almost didn't hear it, but decided that it was fine and that I should give him a break from this conversation. I kissed his cheek
"Good."
We decided to stay in bed and enjoy each others company for a little while longer before we had to get up and meet the others.
I knew Naruto wanted things like holding hands, kissing, feeding each other and such things. I knew it since I could see how sad he became and from his longing glances at the other couples in the kitchen. I wanted to give him that too, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to handle that yet. We walked towards the kitchen and I was very aware of the small and quick touched we shared from time to time. I let him do what he was most comfortable with, and therefore I kept my distance.
He went over to the kitchen counter and began making both our breakfasts. I found a seat and sat down.
"Someone looks happy" One of the boys came into the kitchen. I saw the small blush on Naruto's cheeks
"Yeah"
"Did something good happen?" Naruto nodded
"Maybe you and your girlfriend are doing well?" The boy said with a smirk. Naruto's blush intensified. He looked over at me and then back down at the ground.
"Me and my… b-boyfriend are doing well. I just found out he liked me too" I almost couldn't hear him. The other boy looked shocked for a short while before he smiled.
"That's great. I hope you will be happy. Is it someone I know?" He asked excited. Naruto glanced over at me again.
"Uhm…" He said nervously.
"Yeah. It's me. So I would advice you to keep your hands off of him" He looked between us.
"So you guys… Hmm.. Can't say I didn't see it coming. If anyone could make that guy more human it's you Naruto." The boy looked at his watch
"Shit. I'm late. See you later Naruto" The boy ran out the door. Naruto came back with the food and gave me one of the plates.
"Thanks…" I frowned.
"What are you thanking me for?" I asked confused.
"For not denying being with me". I offered him a small smile.
"Of course I won't. Someone has to make them keep their distance" Naruto smiled.
"I'm glad Kiba wasn't disgusted with me." I was relief as well. I knew how upset it would have made him and then I would have had to do something about that Kiba guy.
We ate and went back to Naruto's room so he could change and get his things for school.
Naruto kissed my cheek and went out the door. I went back to my own room and sat by my table and found my assignment. I started to work on it, but I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept going back to yesterday. I hadn't had any idea what I was doing but it felt so good. Before I knew it, my fingers had taking me to new websites that hadn't anything to do with my school work. I wanted to make it feel good for him. Maybe I could get him to forget about his issues.
I found websites after websites and read and read. It was a whole new world for me and I couldn't fully understand all they were writing about. By accident I found my way into a bdsm website. Pleasure from pain. That sounded weird. Naruto couldn't like something like that. I wouldn't be able to hurt him. My mind suddenly showed me memory after memory. Me harshly biting into his lip. My fingernails drawing blood from his arms. Him moaning as I bite his nipple. Me tightening my grip on his hips and digging my nails into his skin. The memories keep on coming.
Maybe… Maybe we actually like this a little. But.. I wouldn't do anything before I had talked to him. I knew he had a lot of problems with physical contact, even now, even with me. So I wouldn't make matters worse by doing something like this. I quickly closed all the sites and tried to focus on my homework again. I haven't seen him in a couple of hours and I was somehow feeling restless.
Naruto's POV
It was a few days since we had officially became boyfriends. I still had trouble touching him freely and it was even harder if it was him touching me. But we were slowly making progress. Or I was hoping we were. I had just gotten home from school. I decided to go get something to eat before I went to see Gaara again. I went to the kitchen and saw Sai sitting by the table. Sai and Gaara still didn't get along well, so I hadn't talked to him much. I felt a little guilty and went to sit beside him.
"Hey, how are you?" He looked at me.
"Fine. I'm trying to get a clue on how to help you" He said and I could sense excitement in his seemingly expressionless voice and body language. I still had a hard time reading him sometimes. I sighed. I had been force to give him a reason after Gaara had threatening him to stay away from me. I still didn't feel comfortable talking about my past, so I just told him I didn't feel comfortable when other people touched me.
"This book said that you have had a traumatic experience and that's why you can't touch other". I nodded. Tell me something I don't know. I knew he was just trying to help and that I shouldn't be rude, but I just didn't like having him look into my past.
"And I have read that you have to confront what you're afraid of to get better. So we just have to find out what you should confront"
"It's fine Sai. You don't have to do this. I will get over it soon." I hoped he wouldn't keep trying to help. I had a bad feeling that it wouldn't go too well. I put my plate on the table and began eating. Suddenly I felt a hand touched my cheek. The fingers brushing over the scars
"You still haven't told me how you got these" My breathing quickened.
"I think I'll just eat this in my room" I got up.
"Stay, I'll keep you company." little Naru-chan. Don't worry, I'll keep you company a voice in my head echoed. The voice sending shivers down my spine. I dropped the plate. I could still feel the warmth from Sai's hands on my cheeks. Suddenly it felt like hands slowly glided over my skin. I felt sharpness. A scorching pain and fear. The fear overwhelmed all my other senses other than the feeling of someone setting my cheeks on fire. I ran blindly out the kitchen. Gaara. I had to find Gaara. I got to his door but it was locked. My knees crumbles and I fell to the floor.
I'm starring straight ahead. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. A voice inside my head told me. Too much! Breathe slower, you're hyperventilating now. The voice was beginning to panic.
"Up" I felt someone grab my arm and pulled me up.
"We have to get you to your room. I know you don't want to be seen like this".
"Shika.. I.." I was hyperventilating too much. My breathing was so shallow I was almost choking myself.
"You need Gaara, don't you?" He said seriously. All I could do was nod. He had to drag me to my room. My body wasn't cooperating anymore, and my mind was slipping away from time to time. Slipping away to that place. He pushed me onto my bed.
"I'll go find him. So try to stay calm" He was quickly out the door again. I tried to focus on the world around me, but I still felt trapped in my nightmare. I had opened eyes. My eyes were opened. Why. I wasn't sleeping. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't sleeping. Please. Please make it stop
Gaara's POV
I ran with all my might. Of course this had to happen the only time I was leaving my room for a bit. I was just thankful that Shikamaru had come and got me. I opened the door and locked it behind me. Naruto looked over at me. He began crawling towards me. I was a little freaked out. I still didn't know how to handle these situations. He stretched his arms out towards me. For a split second I touch he wanted a hug, but it was naive of me to think he would be able to handle such things in this condition.
"Please" He begged.
"Please. Touch me" He was sobbing so badly now. I stiffened. I couldn't believe he had just said that.
"Touch me, hurt me. Do something to make me realise I'm right here and not back a that place. Please make me realise you're here and I'm not alone anymore" Hurt him. Did he want me to hurt him just like he usually hurt himself? I fell to my knees in front of him and reached out to touch him. I felt the dampness on his cheeks. I had no idea what to do. This was a shot in the dark. It could work or it could make it all worse. I sank, my throat suddenly felt so dry.
"He made you associate gentle touches with fear and pain. Let me change that. Let me make your brain and body connect pain with pleasure and love instead. Maybe then you won't fear pain so much" I felt him nod. I took a deep breath and decided this was the best plan I had right now.
The next chapter will be the last. I might do a epilogue, but that depends on how I'm going to end it.
