CHAPTER 28

"We shouldn't be doing this. You shouldn't have done that. Not this ..." I wave the letter frantically not letting it go. Then point to the button. "…That. We shouldn't, you shouldn't. Oh my God. You know I'm pretty sure that's illegal, I mean there's probably security guards on their way here now. Shit. There's probably cameras in this lift, watching us now, knowing you did that."

Where is all this rubbish coming from? I can't stop talking. I'm frantically pacing across the lift floor, trying to collect my thoughts and words so they make some sort of sense before I open my mouth again. This lift is so small. I'm not a claustrophobic by any means, but this tiny space seems to be getting smaller by the second. We haven't been this close, alone, since we were together. All of my confidence from reading his letter is rapidly disappearing. Now I have to actually face him and tell him what I think, what I feel, what I know. I can't do it.

Suddenly Freddie's hands are on my waist and he's pulling me towards him so close, I stop breathing.

"Annie, look at me."

I slowly raise my eyes to his, letting my heart continue beating, only faster than ever.

"Stop pacing. Stop talking. Stop thinking. Please. Just listen. Now its my turn."

He still has his hands on my waist, his thumbs stroking the tops of my hips. Each stroke putting me more at ease. Suddenly its quite easy to do all four of those things.

"I kind of think you already did that," I wave the letter I realise is still in its vice like grip in my hand. "Did you, do you mean it? These words? Are they true?" My voice sounds urgent, desperate, but I guess I am.

Fred's hands reluctantly leave my body and he replaces them on his own hips moving away from me. He rubs the back of head with one hand the other remaining on his hip.

"Annie, I tried to forget you okay, I really thought I had. But you, you ..."

He looks to ceiling as if for answers. Like he's frustrated. With what? Me? Us?

"Jesus Christ, can't you see what you do to me? You Annie- you were the one who ended things, you turned me down, you broke my heart."

He repeatedly jabs at his chest with his thumb, as if trying to get the point through to me more clearly. When in reality nothing was more clear. I knew I had broken his heart. I knew I had ended things. I knew I had caused us both so much pain. No one else to blame but me. I look at the floor biting on my fist trying to hold back the tears I know are aching to fall. but its too late, they start to cascade my cheek.

"I'm sorry Freddie, I'm so so sorry. I can spend the rest of my life telling you how much I regret everything that happened between us that day. Your face, the way you looked when I gave you back that ring, has stayed with me always, it was the worst mistake of my life. It always will be. But I can't change what is past."

By now I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I've made another huge mistake. He didn't want me back. It was all some kind of sick joke, a way of getting back at me. He still hated me after all this time. Everything that happened over the past few weeks was all in my imagination. He had no feelings towards me. I feel myself shudder and I feel sick. I reach for the emergency button. Fred grabs my arms.

"No Annie. Don't." His voice is so soft. He doesn't sound angry. "Shit, I didn't want to make you cry. That's not what this is about. I didn't say I hate you or that I blamed you. I said, I tried to. But the truth is I never could. What I thought was hatred towards you, was hatred towards our situation - what was happening to us. I loved you Annie. I still love you. It's always been you and it always will be."

Before I can even react, his lips are on mine just a sweet brush of the lips kiss as if in warning for what was coming next. He slowly drags his hands up me until they are resting, one in my hair, the other on the back of my neck and deepens the kiss. It feels ... wonderful. Like we belong here, like it should always be, like this is what I have been missing for eight long years. After a far too short space of time he releases me. I stumble a bit forward still floating from the kiss. He catches me and stands me right. Then wipes away my remaining tears with the pad of his thumb.

"Soooo ..." I flutter my eyelashes at him. Knowing I must look like a puffy eyed freak.

"So?" His hands travel down my arms, leaving goose bumps in their wake. He holds my hands. I notice how they seem to fit together, perfectly.

"I can't believe this is happening Freddie. I mean really happening, some one like me shouldn't be allowed to feel this happy."

"Hey, don't do that! Stop putting yourself down all the time. My God, Annie for a gorgeous successful singer, you really should have more self confidence you know!"

"I know, its something I need to work on. Maybe you could help?" I grin.

He's leaning towards me, kissing my neck trying to gain access to my mouth again.

"Freddie I wish we could stay in here all day. But ..."

He halts almost instantly pushing my back flat against the wall of the lift, a hand on either side of my head, as if frightened I might bolt at any moment.

"But?" He sounds panicky his whole body is tense.

"But ...we need to talk."

He relaxes and goes back to kissing my neck, I feel him smile against my skin.

"Annie there's a lot of things I want your mouth to be doing right now, but talking was not high on my list."

I immediately blush and blow out a long breath calming myself down. Sliding under his arms, I put some distance between us and try to give him a stern face. He groans and slides down to the floor, I join him and just to make sure we're still on the same side I snuggle up to him, knees knocking together. I can see he's intrigued.

"Okay then babe, what do we need to talk about to get this wonderful thing perfect?"

I giggle at him calling me babe, it doesn't sound like when Richard called it me. It sounds like it should, a term of endearment, not 'I've forgot your name so this will have to do.'

"Well first, I think I should talk about what happened before, when we were together."

I feel, rather than see him tense again, I lace my fingers through his, my thumb drawing patterns on his wrist, trying to get him to relax and listen, it works.

"I was wrong, I know that now. I shouldn't have let myself be guided by others who didn't know you, didn't know us. I let myself be persuaded by those who thought they knew better, but they didn't and in all honesty, if that was me in their shoes and someone was asking me for my opinion I would advise very differently. But my dad, and more likely, miss Russell, they were just trying to look out for me and I can't blame them for that. I don't want you to either, or this will never work. They are both a part of my life, for better or worse, and I need you to all get along."

I look at him pleading, he lets out a breath I think he may have been holding the whole time through my speech.

"I cant promise anything Annie, but yes, I will try. I have thought back too, and although I will never forgive them for their part in splitting us up, I can see they loved you and thought they were doing the right thing. And in some small tiny way, I can say it didn't harm my career having all this bitterness building up inside me, it made for some great songs!"

I laugh at this and he's laughing too, he kisses my hand, "I missed this. I missed us. So much sometimes I couldn't breathe, like you really had broken my heart. But what's past is past I want to concentrate on our future, together." He murmurs.

At these words I give in and kiss him till I forget why I stopped us in the first place.

"Um what was I saying?" He laughs. "Oh yes, the first class wanker. I want, I need you to know. There was no truth in any part of it. A publicity stunt from start to finish. He convinced Viv, it would be good for me, but it was all about him. He orchestrated the whole thing, the kiss included. I was never with him, I still loved you. Always."