This Is Where Things Go Really Wrong

Wizard City was burning.

The first thing Ash had done was to liberate the prisoners of Wizard Jail and destroy it. That only took twenty minutes. Then he moved onto the city itself. For years Wizard City's focus had been to keep out threats from the outside world.

The city was unprepared for a massive attack from within.

The second thing that happened was Ash destroying the Wizard Council building with a huge explosion. That was the signal for his army to unleash themselves upon the unsuspecting city.

Chaos erupted through the streets. Ash's army attacked with no plan or remorse. Several wizards were terrified at the attack and fled to safety. Some wizards were fighting each other, eager to confront old grudges or simply defending themselves. Others were looting stores and treasuries in order to gain wealth and acquire magical items for themselves. Some of the wizards even joined the rioting, eager for any excuse to cause chaos.

"Look at all these charms and potions!" Forest Wizard laughed as he and his cohorts looted a store. "Hey anybody see any good animal spell books lying around?"

"Nah there's nothing in this dump like that," Laser Wizard grunted as he stole some charms.

"Hmph! Easy picking boys!" Bufo laughed. He gasped as he barely dodged a magic arrow. "AAAH!"

"Drop it!" Huntress Wizard appeared with her magic bow and arrows. "This store belongs to a good friend of mine. So you donks better put stuff back!"

"Or what?" Forest Wizard snorted. Huntress Wizard shot out several more arrows before he could blink and they pinned him to the wall. "Oh…"

"I don't know what got into all of you crazy people and I don't care! The Council is never going to let you…" Huntress Wizard began.

"The Council is dead!" Laser Wizard snarled. "We killed 'em all while they were arguing over takeout."

"Dead?" Huntress Wizard gasped. "Even the Grand Wizard…?"

"Old guy didn't even see it coming," Bufo snorted. "Ash got him with one shot!"

"No way. How could a loser like Ash take out the Grand Wizard? The Grand Wizard's magic…" Huntress Wizard was stunned.

"Let's just say Ash found some stronger magic," Peppermint Butler appeared. "And the fact he shot him in the back didn't hurt."

"I figured that part but…You're that butler from the Candy Kingdom aren't you?" Huntress Wizard realized. "What's going on? And what's your part in this?"

"That's exactly what we want to know!" One of the Wizard Police shouted as the squad flew down among them. "You are under arrest for rioting and being a non-wizard in…"

"Oh for crying out loud! You know what? I've had it!" Peppermint Butler prepared his own magic. "You fools have underestimated me for the last time!"

With speed no one could have imagined Peppermint Butler pulled out a gold wand from his sleeve and zapped the Wizard Police. "AAGGGGHHH!" The Wizard Police yelled in agony.

"Incenterio!" Peppermint Butler cackled as the wand sent out a dark fire around the Wizard Police. They were incinerated on the spot.

"Whoa. Candy dude has some serious wiz magic goin' on," Forest Wizard whistled as he pulled himself off the wall.

"Didn't know the little guy had it in him," Bufo whistled.

"Well I do! I just don't throw my magic around carelessly like some wizards I know!" Peppermint Butler snapped.

"How the hell could you be part of this?" Huntress Wizard yelled as she pulled out her bows and arrows. "You're destroying Wizard City you butt!"

"Honestly I don't care what Ash does to Wizard City as long as he keeps up his end of the bargain," Peppermint Butler snapped.

"Don't worry Dude," Ash chuckled as he appeared around the corner with Fang and Slam. "I intend to keep that part of the bargain. After we finish up here, we're off to trash the humans. You have my word."

"Then I'm not needed here," Peppermint Butler fidgeted.

"Nah, go back to the Candy Kingdom," Ash waved. "We'll uh, meet you there. By the way nice job taking out the cops."

"That part was my pleasure," Peppermint Butler grunted. "Just remember our deal. I'm going back to the Candy Kingdom. I've been away long enough as it is. The Princess is bound to get suspicious."

"No problem. See ya later," Ash waved. Peppermint Butler went off. He turned to the other wizards. "Well I see that you lot are handling things so well."

"Yeah we're really cleaning up…" Bufo began.

"I was being sarcastic you idiot!" Ash snapped. "Seriously? You had to rely on Pepp Butt to save you from the cops? On top if it all Huntress Wizard is giving you grief and you're taking it? You losers wouldn't last ten minutes without someone covering your butts!"

"Interesting choice of words," Huntress Wizard snarled. "What's going on Ash? And don't give me any lies about helping your fellow wizards or whatever lie you told that Mint Moron."

"Gotta admit, Huntress. You're a lot smarter than the usual donks that run around this town," Ash smirked. "So I'm gonna let you in on what's happening. Give you a chance to join the winning team."

"Let's face it, we could use someone with talent here," Fang sneered as he glared at Forest Wizard and the others.

"See we're all sick and tired of the way things are in Ooo," Ash said. "So we're gonna shake things up and change it. For the better. And when I say for the better I mean better for the wizards. Mortals aren't going to be so lucky but who cares about them anyway, am I right?"

"And what's this about humans?" Huntress Wizard asked.

"Oh that. Peppermint Butler came crying to the council about these humans that showed up in Ooo with guns and stuff," Ash shrugged. "Made a little deal with him. We're gonna take care of his little human problem in the Candy Kingdom."

"And replace it with a wizard problem! Am I right?" Huntress Wizard snarled.

"Yeah I guess I didn't tell him that I'm planning on trashing the Candy Kingdom too," Ash smirked. "My bad."

"I don't know how you pulled this off Ash," Huntress Wizard snarled as she readied her weapons. "But I know that you're too big a donk to keep this together forever!"

"You know Huntress you'd be a babe if it wasn't for that attitude," Ash snorted. "And what about that name? Huntress Wizard? Seriously? Everybody knows that the technical term for female wizard is witch. AKA below wizard!"

"You sexist donk!" Huntress Wizard snarled as she threw some magic at Ash. "Enchanted Vine!"

A large green vine appeared out of nowhere and snaked towards Ash and his lieutenants. "Seriously! My name is Ash! You really think I wouldn't know a good fire spell?" Ash snapped as he used a fire spell to attack the vine.

"Actually, I was counting on it," Huntress Wizard smirked.

"What?" Ash blinked. The fire didn't burn the vine. In fact the fire seemed to make it bigger and faster.

"Hey! Yow! HOT! HOT! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Ash and the other wizards jumped around as the firey vine started to entangle them.

"I picked up that particular spell from a friend of mine in the Fire Kingdom," Huntress Wizard smirked. "It's called a Fire Vine. Meaning fire makes it grow!"

"Okay? Who knows a damn water spell?" Ash yelled as he tried not to get burned.

"Bufo! Water is your specialty! Do something!" Laser Wizard yelled. "YEOWW! THAT'S HOT!"

"Uh uh…" Bufo looked confused. So he did the only thing he knew how to do.

He threw up. Spilling the water in his sack along with mucus to put the fire out.

Of course he also got Ash and his wizards. "Thanks a lot!" Ash snapped as he was dripping wet.

"Hey he put the fire out! Give him some credit!" Fang snapped at Ash.

"Yeah you have a guy who throws up on things," Huntress Wizard sneered as she did a roundhouse kick and knocked down Fang. "That's such an important skill!"

Before Ash knew what was happening, Huntress Wizard had knocked down his wizards and then found himself on his backside. "Now who needs who to save your butt?" Huntress Wizard snarled as she pulled a knife out.

Ash then saw something. "Will you hurry up and help me here?" Ash yelled.

Before Huntress Wizard knew it, something huge knocked her off Ash and through the window of another building. "NOW KNOCK THAT BUILDING ON TOP OF HER!" Ash yelled.

Huntress Wizard barely had time to react and put up a protective bubble as the house fell down all around her.

"Took you long enough!" Ash was shouting at someone.

"Is she dead?" Forest Wizard asked.

"Probably. Doesn't matter. Nobody can stop us now," Ash grunted. "We've done enough damage here. Now we're gonna go off and trash the humans! We're gonna make 'em wish they stayed extinct!"

More noise was heard and yells and cheers. Then they faded away, leaving only the sounds of the city burning. Huntress Wizard gritted her teeth and used her strength to force the magic barrier upward.

SMASH!

"Ash you donk…" Huntress Wizard snarled as she crawled out of the rubble. "You just made the biggest double mistake of your life! Insulting me and not making sure I was dead!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I'm telling you Dr. Nadal I'm fine," Betty protested as she sat in the examination room. "I had more furs on me than a polar bear." She was now wearing a green nurse's scrubs with green shoes. Her hair had been unloosened from its bun and was down to her shoulders.

"I just want to make sure you're healthy," An Indian man in his forties with dark hair and a white doctor's uniform smiled. "You were outside for a long time."

"And you could have gotten sick being stuck in that ice cage," Sandy gave her a look. She and Tim were there as well.

"I'm fine Sandy. Simon would never hurt me," Betty shook her head. "He thought he was protecting me. Even from himself. He's extremely confused."

"That's putting it mildly," Tim grumbled.

"Can I see Simon now?" Betty asked Dr. Nadal.

"You want to see him? After what he did to you?" Sandy was angry. "Betty I can't believe…" Tim cautioned her from saying any more with a look.

"That's up to my superiors," Dr. Nadal said tactfully. "But I will be examining him later."

"Dr. Nadal listen please," Betty said. "He's underweight and has been though severe mental trauma. I've gotten some food into him but…Let's just say how he is now is an improvement to what he used to be."

"I don't understand you Betty," Sandy shook her head. "Even if what you say is true, he's not the Simon you knew. He's not even human anymore! He's a monster!"

"No, not deep inside he isn't," Betty protested. "He's confused and scared."

"He's a monster," Sandy glared at her.

"He's a person! He is a man that needs help!" Betty stood her ground. "Why can't you see that?"

"I can see you have a good case of Stockholm's Syndrome," Sandy gave her a look.

"He would never really hurt me," Betty said. "He needs help."

"And I will see that he gets it," Dr. Nadal spoke up. "I promise Betty. I'll try to arrange a visit once I've made a diagnostic and gotten him started on treatment. Right now you should concentrate on your recovery."

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine!" Betty protested.

"That is a matter of opinion," A tall red haired woman wearing a doctor's outfit and an attitude walked in. "As head of the Biology Department and your superior I am placing you under quarantine. Just be thankful that you are being held in your quarters and not in the lab where you should be."

"Quarantined? Why Carol? I'm not carrying any diseases," Betty said.

"That we know of. You have had more contact with the mutated anomalies than the rest of us," Carol gave her a look.

"They're people!" Betty snapped.

"Hey Damon next time we run off to rescue someone, make sure the dame wants to be rescued," A soldier was heard from outside. "From what I saw the doctor was into it."

Damon walked in. "Dr. Bennigan," He said formally.

"Damon," Betty glared at him. "Are you here to try and kidnap me again?"

"I was merely enforcing your contract," Damon said stiffly. "From what I've heard you seem to have some kind of damsel in distress disorder."

"Cut the bull Damon! You kidnapped me when I tried to go back for Simon and…" Betty began.

"And then you end up in an ice cage but you protest that you weren't in any danger," Damon said. "You've clearly developed some kind of complex!"

"That's a lie and you know it!" Betty snapped.

"Doctor Nadal this woman is clearly delusional and should be under heavy medication," Damon said.

"The only delusional one here is you!" Betty snapped.

"Betty, don't overexcite yourself," Sandy warned.

"Sandy you can't believe that I'm…" Betty began.

"Honestly Betty I don't know what to believe about you anymore!" Sandy snapped. "I'm not so sure that some of Simon's insanity hasn't rubbed off on you."

"Sandy!" Tim protested. "Look Betty, we're not saying you're crazy it's just…"

"Just what?" Betty gave him a look.

"You're the only one of us who's had prolonged contact with the outside world," Tim said. "And on top of that you had a head trauma which you only recently recovered from. We just want to make sure that your body isn't suffering some after affects."

"Plus who knows what kind of diseases you may have been exposed to," Carol sniffed.

"Betty I promise we'll get help for both you and Simon," Tim said to Betty. "But for now the best thing you can do for yourself is get some rest."

"I don't need rest! I need to see Simon!" Betty snapped.

"What you need is a psychiatric evaluation," Damon snapped. "Your obsession with that freak is a textbook case of insanity if there ever was one. You have a habit of ruining things for yourself, Betty. What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with you? You ruined everything! You ruined it for yourself and me!"

It was then Betty remembered. She remembered everything. It hit her like a brick wall.

"No…" Betty stepped back in shock.

"Betty are you okay?" Tim asked.

"I…" Betty gained control over herself. "I'm fine. Just…A little tired. That's all."

"I think the best thing to do right now is to rest in your quarters," Dr. Nadal said.

"Quarters? I've been living with…" Betty said.

"It's time you stopped playing Wendy and Peter Pan," Carol spoke up. "I heard about your living conditions from Captain Starr. A tree house filled with talking insects and other creatures? Who knows what diseases they are carrying?"

"Which is why you are under quarantine," Damon glared at her. Two soldiers entered the room. "Take Dr. Bennigan to her new quarters and lock her in."

"Lock me…? What am I a prisoner?" Betty was stunned. "Tim! Sandy…"

"It's just for now Betty," Sandy said. "Just to make sure you're not in any danger."

"Or you're putting us in danger," Carol sniffed.

Betty was stunned as she was escorted to a room. "You know Dr. Bennigan I guess you weren't as intelligent as I thought you were," Damon couldn't resist a parting shot. "Perhaps it was for the best that I didn't get together with you."

"I could say the same for you," Betty snapped before Damon had her shoved into the room and locked the door behind her.

Betty looked around. First thing she did was to make sure there were no cameras in the room. To her relief there weren't any. She supposed that Damon was too arrogant to install them or to have her watched. He obviously didn't think she was a threat.

Of course she was trapped with no allies. And her own friends thought she was going crazy so she couldn't expect any help from them.

She was on her own.

"But there's no way I'm going to sit back and let Simon get dissected," Betty looked around and noticed a large air vent in her room. "Not if I can help it."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Just let me do the talking," Princess Bubblegum told Jake, Finn and Jake Jr. They were standing outside the Ark waiting for permission to be let in. "I'm sure I can make the General listen to reason."

"Hey where's BMO?" Jake looked around. "I could have sworn he was with us when we came in."

"I'll go find him. I think I saw him crawling through that vent in there," Jake Jr. pointed to a small vent on the side of the Ark. She teleported into the vent. "I'll meet you outside later with BMO."

"Don't stay too long," Bubblegum said. "I don't think the general will appreciate you crawling around his ship. Just grab BMO and get out without being unseen."

"No prob, Prubbs," Jake Jr. gave a thumbs up and went after the tiny robot.

"There are vents in a spaceship?" Jake blinked.

"To circulate air. They were obviously sealed when the ship was in outer space," Bubblegum explained.

"Man the one time I didn't want to rescue someone from the Ice King…" Finn groaned. "You didn't see it Bubblegum. Betty didn't look like she was in any real danger even though he put her in the ice cage. She was trying to talk him down when…"

"He was having some kind of break down and not even trying to fight back. I just feel so bad for him and Betty," Jake sighed.

"The general is a reasonable man," Bubblegum said. "I'm sure once we explain things to him he'll release the Ice King."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"You want me to release the Ice King? Are you out of your minds?" General Barton barked at Bubblegum. He was in his office with Damon as well as the princess, Finn and Jake and a few soldiers.

These people are even more ridiculous than I thought, General Barton thought to himself.

Bubblegum was still wearing her ball gown which made the whole thing even more ridiculous to the general's point of view.

She really thinks she is some kind of royalty doesn't she? General Barton thought to himself.

"I know the Ice King can be a bit of a nuisance sometimes…" Bubblegum explained.

"Nuisance? Doesn't he have a habit of kidnapping you and the other princesses?" General Barton asked in an annoyed voice. "Sounds like more than a nuisance to me."

"Why are you here arguing on his behalf if he's such a problem for you?" Damon snapped.

"So you can understand the situation," Bubblegum explained. "The Ice King is mostly harmless. Sometimes we just lock him up for a few days then let him go. Usually Finn and Jake just beat him up and leave him in the Ice Kingdom. I mean he is royalty after all…"

"And he does create all the ice which turns into all the water around Ooo," Finn explained. "If you think about it, he has a really important job."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Damon held up his hand. "Your entire little kingdom's water supply depends on an insane old man who routinely kidnaps you and other princesses. And you all depend on a teenager and a magic dog to save you from the insane old man who you depend on? Do I have that right?"

"Well when you put it like that…" Bubblegum realized. "I guess it does sound kind of whacked out…"

"Look the Ice King wasn't always like this! He used to be a human until the crown changed him," Finn tried to explain. "He was Betty's fiancé until…"

"Her fiancé is an insane freak who quite frankly is better off locked up!" Damon snarled.

"Betty's trying to help him regain his sanity," Finn interrupted. "Normally somebody's always watching those two to make sure nothing happens but this time we slipped up. It was our fault."

"Won't happen again," Jake said.

"You're damn right it won't!" Damon snapped. "I'm gonna kill that…"

"Hold on here!" General Barton snapped. "Back up! What's this about the Ice King being Dr. Bennigan's fiancée?"

"Before the Mushroom War happened the Ice King used to be a human named Simon Petrikov," Bubblegum explained. "Until he put on the crown that destroyed his mind and changed his body."

"Betty was his fiancée until the crown made them have a fight," Finn said. "She was gonna go back but this dip wad here stole her and threw her in a stasis pod against her will!"

"I am aware of that part of the story," General Barton gave Damon a look.

"So dude you have no leg to stand on either when it comes to kidnapping people and throwing them in an ice cage," Jake folded his arms and glared at Damon.

"Are you saying he survived all these centuries because of a crown?" General Barton was stunned. "That's ridiculous."

"It's true," Finn said.

"That's ridiculous! Magic does not exist!" Damon scoffed.

"SIR! SIR! WE HAVE A SITUATION IN THE LAB!" A voice yelled out over the intercom. "It's that crown! One of our assistants tried to touch it and it froze him solid!"

"What?" Damon gasped. He touched the intercom. "Another one? I'll be there later. Just stay calm."

"Still think magic doesn't exist?" Finn gave Damon a look. "Look just give us the Ice King and we'll go. I guarantee he won't bother you anymore."

"I don't think so," General Barton smirked. With a motion of his hand he indicated the soldiers behind them to surround them. "You're not going anywhere. Any of you."

"What do you mean? You can't just keep us here," Finn frowned. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. You're just a boy. A mutated boy that doesn't know any better," Damon waved. "Although I must admit your DNA doesn't look as damaged as I thought any survivors would be. I bet the lab results will be interesting."

"Lab results? What are you talking about?" Finn was confused.

"You didn't really think you were one of us did you?" Damon sneered at Finn. "Oh sure you do have human DNA and maybe you are what passes for human among these other creatures?" He indicated the others. "But your mutations although mild still set you apart from the rest of us."

"I don't understand," Finn looked at him.

"Let me make this perfectly clear and I will use small words so that you will understand," Damon said in a patronizing tone. "Your body, your blood is tainted. Affected by radiation so that it deviates from the norm. That means that even though you are technically human, you are still considered a mutant. Not one of us. We left this planet so that the human race, human DNA would be unchanged. Un-mutated. Pure."

"Finn is the most pure human I know," Bubblegum spoke up. "And as ruler of the Candy Kingdom I demand that you release us."

"You are just a mutant freak who is deluded enough to believe she's some kind of royalty," General Barton gave her a look. "I'm tired of pretending that you're anything more than that. Creatures like you and this…Ice King or whatever his name is only exist because of a mistake."

"Mistake? Or the arrogance of the human race?" Bubblegum spoke with authority. "You know what I think? I think you're one of those people who not only started the Mushroom War, you contributed to its end! And nearly the end of your own species!"

"I was in charge of several nuclear and biological testing programs if that is what you mean," General Barton gave her a disdainful look. "My dear you have no idea what I have done in the past and what I have sacrificed for the greater good."

"Greater good? How exactly was the Mushroom War for the greater good?" Finn asked. "Explain that to me!"

"Well it cut the surplus of fools and simpletons down," Damon sniffed. "Then again based on what I see before me…"

"And what I see are two arrogant fools. The Ice King had you pegged pretty good," Bubblegum glared at him. "And I should have listened to him. The Ice King is smarter than you think. And so are we. I was just foolish enough to believe your kind had learned its lesson. More's the pity."

"Save that pity for yourselves," General Barton looked at her. "Now that I know that your species is harmless there will be no problems retaking our world."

"What do you mean reclaim your world? The world just doesn't belong to you!" Finn said. "It belongs to the Candy people and all the other people too!"

"It was our world long before they came," Damon snapped. "We're just reclaiming our lost property."

"Speaking of which," General Barton remarked. "I'm going to need that sword you have stuck to your arm Finn. We should study its properties."

"Uh no way," Finn glared at him.

"Suit yourself," General Barton motioned. Before Finn knew what was happening he was knocked out.

"Hey what's the…?" Jake began. Only to be shot with a tranquillizer dart. "Oohhh!" He passed out.

"Finn! Jake!" Princess Bubblegum tried to go to them but she was restrained by the soldiers. "You can't do this! I am the Princess of the Candy Kingdom!"

"Let me explain something to you, Princess…" General Barton growled. "I spent my life defending my country and democracy only to see it crumble and shatter because of the stupidity of men and women…people who I supported with my actions and my blood and the blood of my men…People I trusted to protect our sacred and cherished way of life…Who betrayed me! They betrayed all of us! And because of that betrayal, everything I loved and protected was destroyed! Gone forever!"

He threw up his hands. "And replaced by…a grotesque parody of the human race. A warped land filled with freaks and…princesses! Instead of American Democracy…There are kingdoms filled with…Princesses! And you all just sit around in your pretty dresses and fancy parties and weird…things as if nothing I ever did mattered!"

"General…" Bubblegum tried to speak.

"But I am going to fix this," General Barton snarled. "I am going to fix the mistakes of the past and put the human race back on the proper path."

"This isn't the way to do it," Bubblegum told him. "If you keep me hostage that is practically a declaration of war! Sooner or later the other kingdoms will find out and…"

"Bring it on," Damon smirked. "I'm pretty sure we can handle a bunch of bananas and candy people."

"Actually you've made this very easy for us. I was just wondering how to get you and your kingdom under control when you simply walked in here and gave me the opportunity. You and your little friends here are going to help us take back our world," General Barton grinned at Bubblegum. "Whether you like it or not."

Now Bubblegum was truly afraid.