Pattern
(Inadvertent Companion to Beloved, Chapter 19)
sixteen years old

"The tense has changed."

Cedric looked up from the book he held open with one hand. He was sitting in a chair beside Sofia's bed. His free hand was resting on the bed, pressed up against Sofia's arm. It was an offer of puritanical physical comfort that Violet had pointedly ignored when she had returned with a tea service several hours earlier. But they hadn't moved. Sofia fell in and out of wakefulness, silent until just now.

Cedric mentally marked the page number of his book and shut it quietly, laying it across his lap. He leaned towards Sofia slightly, listening. Sofia didn't shift. She stared somewhere beyond Cedric's shoulder, her face unnaturally blank.

"Everyone was referring to her wishes. What she wanted. What she would have wanted…" Her voice was hollow. "They were saying what she wants. She wants tea with breakfast. She wants but then they started saying what she wanted and I couldn't I just couldn't I couldn't listen to it anymore."

Sofia's eyes flashed to Cedric's, hungry for something he couldn't name. Instinct made him take her hand in his, his fingers laced between hers. She squeezed his hand as if it was the last thing tying her to earth as her sorrow tried to pull her away. Her voice was a tiny thing when she spoke again.

"I know she's gone, but she should still be present tense. I still feel her here. She's still...she still is, to me."

"It's how people try and move on," Cedric comforted patiently. "That's not to say it's wrong or right, but that's the pattern they fall into. Death follows life as surely as the moon follows the sun."

Sofia looked at Cedric, her eyes swollen and tired as she weighed his words.

"But just because she died doesn't mean she's gone. It doesn't mean she no longer is. We don't know what happens to the soul after death. There's no guarantee that she is only past tense, now. She may still….be. Death is only the end if we assume that the story ends with our physical bodies; if we assume that the story is just about us."

Sofia leaned closer to Cedric, her forehead practically touching his.

"You promise?" she asked in a hoarse whisper just for his ears.

"I promise."

Sofia's body shook with one, wracking sob and she fell forward into Cedric's arms. He held her there, somewhat awkwardly because of her higher position in the bed and his in the chair, and rubbed slow, sympathetic circles across her back. After a few minutes, Sofia pushed back from him and resettled into her pillows, pulling her blankets up to her chin.

"I'm a little hungry."

Cedric stood up in a fluid motion and walked across the room to the rope that tied to a bell in the kitchens. He gave it a little tug and then walked back to his chair beside the bed. He opened his book and found his arm resting on the bed again in the same position it had held for hours. He was pleasantly surprised at the hum of happiness around his heart when he felt Sofia's arm press beside his.

"Would you read it aloud, please?"

Cedric smiled. "Of course."

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A/N: I sincerely apologize, but Riches is going to be delayed. The chapter has been written for two weeks but my beta has had something very important and very personal come up so it won't be done for a while yet. I hope it'll be out before the end of October. If not, you'll be getting two chapters in November. Thank you so much for your patience and understanding and hopefully I'll be able to tide you over with Caveat and Drabbles :)