"I watched the veins under my skin
Moving, changing from blue to red
Those colors battle to repent
Fighting some kind of punishment
For loving you."
- Color of Blood, Chelsea Wolfe
()()()
I woke up with Sam on one side of me and Emily on the other. The entire wolf pack surrounded the couch, minus a few boys, and Ivy rested by my feet.
I smiled, lightly. Mom's vision had come true, Jacob had hurt one of us, but at least it wasn't Ivy.
"Oh, thank God." Emily moaned, pulling me in for a hug, wrapping her arms around me. "I was so scared, Serena. We all were."
"I knew you would wake up," Ivy said, smiling widely.
"Ivy," I scolded her, shooting her a look.
"It's okay," Sam sighed. "We know, she told us. She had to, Ivy was insisting we not take you to a hospital, we put all of our trust into some concoction she mixed together from a bunch of forest plants. But it worked."
"Smart girl," I winked at her. I reached out a hand to grab hers, looking at my wrist as I did.
Four long claw marks laced their way down and around them, similar to the ones that graced Emily's face. God, it looked like a snake tattoo gone wrong, four times over.
The rest of the pack followed my gaze.
"He didn't mean to, Serena. He really didn't." Sam said, looking at Emily with a similar pain in his eyes.
"It was my fault," I shook my head. "I reached for him when I shouldn't have, when I should've known better. Please, Sam, if he'll listen to you, I need you to tell him that."
"We're all trying," Said one of the boys. "Seth and Embry are out there right now, trying to talk to him."
Sam nodded, acknowledging that this was true.
"How are you feeling?" Emily said, brushing some hair out of my face. "You hit your head pretty hard."
"I haven't eaten in a while, I'm exhausted," I admitted.
"I'll go make you a plate while you relax," Emily smiled, patting me on the shoulder.
"God," I groaned, looking at Sam. "One day back and I'm already causing drama. I'm sorry."
"Don't be, Rena. This is your home, if you want it to be. You're always welcome here. Jacob, he really cares about you. He needs to learn how to control himself. We all need a lesson in that, sometimes."
Looking at Emily's face, I could tell I had likely gotten off lucky - at least my scars could be hidden.
With Ivy's help, I rose from the couch and crossed to the bedroom. Thanks to her potion, I was healing quickly, the scars already scabbing over nicely, and I wasn't feeling any pain. I pulled on a sweatshirt and pulled back my hair before curling up in my bed, urging Ivy to do the same.
I would never admit it, but the harsh creaking of the twin mattress made me miss Dan's bed in San Francisco. Still, exhaustion overcame me fairly easily and I'd fallen asleep before Emily had even come in with food, before Ivy had finished her nighttime prayer, and before the lights were turned out.
()()()
I wasn't asleep for long when a familiar warmth spread through my body.
The back door swung open and shut, and I heard it lock before a long, hard body crawled in beside mine.
"Jacob," I breathed out, feeling him reach for my face, cupping it in his hands.
"I hurt you," He said, his voice faltering. "Show me where I hurt you."
"I'm fine, Jacob." I told him, my eyes practically glued shut. I could feel his hot breath in my ear, on my neck, as he checked me over for visible damage. "Shh, go to sleep."
"I could feel the skin ripping through my fingers, Rena. When I ran off, I could see it in the others thoughts. I hurt you, tell me where. Show me where."
"It doesn't matter," I urged, reaching to stop his hands from covering every inch of my body in his search for scratches. I pulled them up to my mouth, kissing both of his palms. "It doesn't matter to me, Jacob."
It really didn't matter. He hadn't done it on purpose, nor was it irreversible damage, and I was grateful it hadn't been done to Ivy, like in my dream.
It seemed all of Mom's visions were coming true, only they were warped and wrong, changed somehow by fate. I was grateful that, this one at least, had been changed for the better.
I had made the choice to be with Jacob, to stay in La Push, and there was no reason Ivy should'v been scarred - emotionally or physically - for my decisions.
"You did nothing wrong," I reminded him. "Please, stop looking."
"Are you worried of what I'll find?" He sighed, lifting up my sweatshirt and looking for any scars.
I sucked in a breath, grateful he hadn't gotten to my sleeves yet. I pinched my eyes shut as he lifted my arms into the air, slipping the sweatshirt up over my head.
Laying beside him my favorite lace bra was a lot less sexy than I imagined it would be, under these circumstances at least.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Jacob said, gasping loudly.
i had to admit, the scars weren't pretty. They were long and purple and bloating lightly - they were deep. But, I knew they were nothing that couldn't be covered by bracelets, hidden with long sleeves. Unlike Emily's scars, Jacob wouldn't have to look at this reminder for the rest of his life. For that much I was grateful.
"It's okay, it's okay." I repeated, yanking my arm away from his eyes. Ignoring the sharp pain it gave me, I hid it under my body.
"Can you forgive me?"
"What? Jacob, you didn't do this on purpose. There's nothing for me to forgive you for, I was standing too close, pushing too hard."
"You can't possibly blame yourself for this." He rolled his eyes, trying not to snort loudly.
I bit my lip - I blamed myself for all of it. Sometimes, I wondered what would have happened if Ivy and I had never come here, but it was too late to find out.
"There are a thousand different ways this could've gone, Jacob. A thousand decisions you could've made, or I could've made, to avoid this. But we don't move backwards in this world, Jacob. We have to keep going on, keep existing." I pulled his face closer to mine, kissing him gently. "Nothing, not this whole San Francisco thing, or what happened tonight, has changed the way I feel about you."
"Maybe it should." Jacob said, locking his jaw firmly, pulling away from me. "I could hurt you, I already have. Fuck, Serena, I could kill you."
"You'll stop yourself." I said, correcting him gently. "i trust you, Jacob."
"I don't think you should. I'm dangerous."
"Of course you are, wolf boy." I joked. "But so am I."
He groaned, burying his head in my neck.
"You're mine, witchy woman."
"No, Jacob." I said sternly, correcting him. "I'm not anyone's, you understand?"
Slowly, his eyes widened, his mouth gaping wide.
"That's what got you so upset? I told you never to leave me?" Slowly, I nodded. "Fuck, Rena, I don't mean it like that. If you want to leave me, take off with this Dan guy, it's going to break my heart. It's literally going to fucking shatter me, alright? But if it's what you want, I'm willing to let you go. All I ask is that you call me once in a while, let me know you're all alright. I don't want you to pull another stunt like this again, where you just take off and don't tell anyone and no one knows if you're alive or dead or hurt or what. You're too important to me, Serena, you should know that by now."
"You're important to me, too." I smiled, kissing him firmly.
Somehow, those words seemed more important than 'I love you.'
