Sasuke stands in the closet doorway, staring at his closed bedroom door. His mind had shut down with the shock of the way he'd just been treated. Slowly, he takes a step out of the closet, and the movement snaps his mind out of the numbing clutches of shock and anger begins to trickle back in. Taking another step he hears a grating crunch. The sound snaps his gaze away from the door, and he looks down, seeing that he was standing in the remains of the picture he'd thrown earlier. Frowning, Sasuke bends down and picks the picture up. Flipping it over, he stares at the image of himself and Naruto, smiling and so happy. Shaking his head, Sasuke walks across the room and sits on the edge of his bed, trying to remember how he felt at that moment, but the pain of Naruto's betrayal was a bitter edge to all emotion now.
Setting the picture aside, Sasuke picks up the picture of himself and Kakashi from the bedside table. Frowning, he stares at Kakashi for several minutes, then lets the picture drop, almost forgotten to his lap as his gaze moves back to the door. He was still angry with Naruto, but he was also beginning to grow angry with himself for acting just as Kakashi had accused him, like a spoiled brat when he didn't get his way. Lifting a hand, Sasuke pushes his fingers through his hair, then unconsciously rubs at the back of his head, a gesture he'd often witnessed Kakashi use when he was embarrassed by something he'd done. Turning his gaze back down, Sasuke stares at the picture of himself and Kakashi, then glances over at the picture of himself and Naruto.
Suddenly unable to remain still, Sasuke sets the picture aside and jumps up from the bed, pacing through the room. After several minutes of pacing does little to relieve the tension and roil of emotion inside of him, Sasuke turns for the door and hurries across the room. He stops with his hand on the doorknob, unsure where he meant to go, but knowing he needed to get out. Glancing back over his shoulder as he pulled the door open, his gaze settles on the picture of his family, and he knows where he wants to go. Where he felt he needed to be in that moment.
Hurrying through the empty house, Sasuke goes to the closest phone and calls for a taxi. The fifteen minute wait passes in a blur of time and yet seems to take an eternity to Sasuke. When the car arrives, he pulls his coat on and steps out into the cold. He glances up at the clouds moving in and sighs, hoping the storm that was coming would hold off, at least for a while, he didn't relish being caught in another snowstorm. Hurrying down to the waiting taxi, Sasuke hunches his shoulders against the cold, and just before he slides into the waiting car, he glances back over his shoulder at the place that had been his home for nearly two months. A cold gust of wind slaps Sasuke in the face and forces him into the warmth of the car. Settling in and closing the door, he absently gives the driver his destination, then crosses his arms over his chest, beginning to work his way through the mess of thought and emotion in his head, trying to decide what he was going to do.
Sasuke is drawn from his thoughts by the quiet music that was coming from the car's speakers. Lifting his head, he listens carefully to the song that was playing, then frowns as a wave of guilt rushes through him, stabbing at his heart. Hunching his shoulders and tightening his crossed arms, Sasuke tries to ignore the song as he continues to sort through the mess his life had become. The song continues to distract him until it finally ends, making Sasuke heave a deep sigh of relief. Glancing out the window at the scenery speeding by, Sasuke tries to judge how much longer it would be before he arrived at his destination. The next song begins to play on the radio and Sasuke forgets about everything but the song. Lowering his head and closing his eyes, he sighs as he listens to the song, feeling more and more guilty with each passing moment. When the car stops, Sasuke's head jerks up and he glances out the window, immensely relieved to see he had reached his destination. He hastily pays the driver and slides quickly out of the car, away from the music and the guilt it was building inside of him.
Sasuke moves quickly and without conscious thought to his destination, seeing and feeling nothing until he stood in the spot he hadn't been to in eight years. Sinking slowly to his knees, Sasuke gaze moved from his mother's headstone to his father's, then slowly slid to the ground between the two. Closing his eyes, Sasuke takes a deep breath around the lump that was beginning to build in his throat. Dropping back to sit on his heels, Sasuke opens his eyes again and looks at both headstones.
"Hello Mother, Father. I'm sorry I haven't been to visit before now. I guess I just didn't want to be reminded that you were gone and I'm still here. For so long I didn't want to be here either, and seeing your graves was just another reminder that I was alive. So much has changed recently though. I've found someone to love me and I love him. I've got a home and a new family. No one will ever replace you in my heart, but it's nice to be part of a family again, even if none of us are related."
Sasuke falls silent and closes his eyes again, feeling a strange warmth and peace slide through him. Smiling, he opens his eyes again and glances at his mother's headstone. "I think I miss you most of all Mother. I miss your hugs and your soft voice telling me everything was going to be ok, even when I felt my worst. I guess that's why I'm here now, I needed a hug."
Wiping at tears that had suddenly begun to slide down his cheeks, Sasuke takes a deep, shaky breath and continues. "I've made a mess of my life somehow and I can't see the way to fix it. I can probably fix things with Kakashi if I just apologize for acting like a stupid kid, but I don't know how to fix things with Naruto. I'm so damn angry with him, and I'm hurt. Kakashi forgave him for what he did to us, or rather, what he tried to do to us. I don't understand how he could forgive him so easily. I don't understand how he could not feel the anger and the hurt and the betrayal that I feel." Sasuke pauses, frowning, then shakes his head and continues. "Well, ok, I guess I can sort of understand. Naruto is my best friend, not his. He hasn't known Naruto as long as I have. Naruto doesn't mean as much to him as he did to me. But still, he loves me and because of Naruto we almost lost each other. I don't understand how he can just overlook that."
Sasuke falls silent and leans back, shifting his legs out from under him and sitting directly on the cold ground. Drawing his legs up in front of him, he wraps his arms around them and rests his chin on his knees. "Naruto took Itachi's place in my life," he continues. "He's been like a brother to me since the day we met. I feel like I've lost another brother, been betrayed by my big brother all over again. Maybe I'm being too hard on Naruto because he took Itachi's place in my life and because of what Itachi did, but I can't help it. Kakashi is the best thing that's happened to me since Itachi went crazy and killed everyone, and if I were to lose him I don't know what I'd do." Sasuke sits silently for several minutes, thinking, a frown sliding onto his face. "I think maybe I've grown to love Kakashi so much that he's become more important to me than Naruto. Maybe Naruto saw that, and that's the reason he did what he did. I don't want to have to choose between them though. I love them both."
Sasuke buries his face against his knees and laces his fingers together over the back of his head, hiding from the world, and trying to hide from his thoughts. When the warm peace slides through him again, Sasuke lifts a tear stained face to his mother's grave and smiles wanly. "Mother? Is that you? Are you hugging me? Thank you, Mother."
Turning his gaze to his father's grave Sasuke takes a deep shuddering breath. "Father, I hope I'm becoming the man you wanted me to be. I hope that where ever you are, you're proud of me. I love you, Father."
Wrapping his arms around his legs again, Sasuke rests his chin on his knees and stares sightlessly at the two graves. He doesn't notice when the snow begins to fall, and he barely registers the passage of time as he sits at his parents' graves. It's nearly dark by the time cold and hunger drives him back to himself. Lifting his head, Sasuke glances around at the snow that had piled up around and on him. Frowning, he uncurls himself and climbs stiffly to his feet. Shaking and brushing the snow from himself, Sasuke draws a deep breath of the biting, cold air and shoves his hands into his pockets. He stares silently at the two graves one last time, then turns and starts to walk away. He pauses after a few steps, then turns back.
"I think I'll try to go make peace with Itachi, if he'll see me, and if the doctors will let me see him. I need to let go of all the hurt and the anger so I can go on with my life. And I promise I'll come visit more often from now on. I'm sorry I haven't before now. It took me a long time to reach this place in my life." Sasuke pauses and smiles before adding, "And I'll bring Kakashi out to meet you both next time. I'm sure you'll love him just as much as I do."
Turning around, Sasuke heads off. He glances around the nearly fully dark graveyard, trying to remember where the office was located. Spotting the bulky shape in the dim distance, Sasuke turns and heads in that direction, hoping that the pay phone that had been there eight years before during his last visit was still there. He barely notices the other graves he walks past, his mind shying away from acknowledging so much death in such a small area. His mood was dark and he was even more introspective than usual by the time he reaches the cemetery office. Walking around the building, he finds the pay phone right where he remembered it to be, and was relieved to find it still worked. Fingers numb with the cold, Sasuke automatically puts the proper change into the phone and called for a taxi to take him home.
Sasuke leans against the old building as he waits for the taxi to arrive, his thoughts dark, but no longer a confused mass of emotion. He still didn't know quite what he was going to do beyond apologizing to Kakashi for the way he'd acted, but in that moment he didn't care. He just wanted to be home and warm once more. Sasuke knew that eventually he'd figure out what he needed to do.
When the taxi arrived, Sasuke quickly climbed in, shivering in the sudden warmth. He gives the driver Kakashi's address, then settles back in the seat, eyes closed as he enjoys the heat, feeling himself warm slowly. He hadn't realized just how cold he'd gotten sitting next to his parents' graves until he began to warm up. Feeling the pins and needles stabbing at his extremities, Sasuke shudders, wondering if he'd have sat there until he froze to death if he hadn't been so hungry. He wasn't nearly as cold as he'd been after leaving Naruto in the Carriage Motel and walking to Kakashi's several nights before, but he was cold enough to appreciate the warmth of a home, and he was glad to be returning to his home.
They had nearly reached their destination when Sasuke finally managed to draw himself from his thoughts and enjoyment of the warmth in the car to hear the music drifting from the speakers. Leaning his head against the back of the seat, Sasuke smiles as he decides he likes the song. When they reach his destination, Sasuke takes his time about fumbling his wallet out and pulling out the proper payment so that he can hear the ending of the song. Giving the driver a sizable tip and a smile, Sasuke steps out into the cold, singing softly under his breath and runs for the front door, hoping that he'd find Kakashi home.
AN: This chapter was actually written early this afternoon, but as soon as I finished it, I had to go do something, so I didn't get a chance to edit until late in the afternoon, but by that time my muse was riding me hard to start chapter 29, so I did. Then I was distracted yet again by the time consuming process of rearranging the living room. (We're been puting it off for months. lol) By the time we finished with that it was late. I sat down and finished chapter 29 however then immediately edited 28. I'm here now to post it. Since it's so late, 29 won't be up until some time tomorrow. If my muse doesn't ride me too hard about starting 30 when I get up, I'll edit it then and post it first thing before running errands. Otherwise, it'll be tomorrow afternoon when I finish errands before I get it posted.
Also, I just wanted to say... Damn you Sasuke! Just when I think I know when this story is going to end, Sasuke does something else that adds more chapters to the story. lol
