Chapter 28 is dedicated to reader YoYoWarrior whom you can thank for getting this chapter up with INCREDIBLE SKILLS OF GUILT. XD Seriously though, YoYo, thank you for your awesome review – really most of all though, we can hardly let down a closeted lesbian, especially not after we just took a trip out to DC to march on Washington on Coming Out day. XD
For those of you in similar plight about this fic, we really do apologize for how slow it has been coming out. The thing is mostly done, it's just a matter of filling in a few holes so that it's in decent enough shape to post. We've been writing a lot on other fics and original work lately so admittedly, we've been distracted and sometimes those final details are the hardest to get through. But I promise we'll do our best to get the fic out in a more timely manner. Thank you all for your dedicated readership and patience!!!
As always, this fic is improved by the expertise of our wonderful beta, AvocadoLove
-------------------------
Irritatingly enough, after the incident with Katara, it was a soccer day and again Sokka was tempted to skip, especially when he met Zuko outside the school after last class. But he figured kicking something for an hour or two would probably relieve a little of his tension so he gave in. And though it did make him feel a little better, he knew there was something that would make him feel a lot better. So, flopping down in the grass and waving good-bye to his team mates, he fished in his bag for his phone.
Can I come over?
It was hardly a minute later than his phone chirped a reply.
yeah of course
Thanks was all he sent back. Twenty minutes later when he showed up at Zuko's door, he was still in his grass-stained soccer gear, sweaty and a little embarrassed to let Zuko see him such a mess.
"Sorry," Sokka said as the other boy let him in. "I'm all gross. Do you mind if I use your shower really quick? I didn't want to go home first..."
"I don't mind," Zuko said, eyes on Sokka as he closed the door behind him. "I-I mean, yeah, sure. It's-- well, you know where the bathroom is. Um. I'll get you a clean towel."
"Thanks," Sokka said with a fond grin. He felt the tension starting to bleed out when he'd walked in the house and the shower helped a lot. He would have lingered for a long time if it weren't for the awareness that Zuko was just a few doors down. That thought made him hasten to get back into clean clothes, his hair still damp when he slipped into Zuko's room to find him at his desk.
Stepping up behind the other boy, he put his arms around Zuko's shoulders, resting his chin lightly on dark hair. "Hey."
Zuko smiled and set down his pen, closing the textbook he hadn't really been reading anyway. "Hey," he answered, lifting both hands to take Sokka's wrists. "Feel better?"
"Yeah," Sokka murmured, taking a moment to press his nose into Zuko's hair. "I guess so." He was feeling a little self-conscious about coming over for exactly this -- that he was still a little shaken up from the afternoon and wanted Zuko's comfort. He didn't want the other boy to think that he was some needy wuss... but the truth was that sometimes he was and this was one of those moments.
"Is she really mad?" Zuko asked gently, a little guilty for having left even though Sokka had insisted. His fingers tightened a little on Sokka's arms, not turning around just yet, but letting Sokka take his time.
"I-- I honestly don't know," Sokka sighed. He pulled away to flop backwards onto Zuko's bed. "I think she's more mad that I didn't tell her than anything else. And she's being stupid and overprotective. Like I can't think for myself or something. But at least she's not going to tell."
Zuko nodded, quietly thoughtful for a moment before he stood and followed Sokka, easing onto the edge of the mattress and reaching out for the other boy's hand, squeezing it before pulling back and running a hand through his own hair. "Think she'll get used to it?" he asked, and tried not to sound too hopeful.
"Probably," Sokka said with a shrug. "But she'll probably be a real jerk about it for a little while. Especially to you." He was pouting full on now, feeling the same way he had when he'd finished the conversation with Katara. "C'mere," he mumbled, grabbing for Zuko's wrist and pulling him down onto the bed, demanding his attention.
"I'm glad you came over," Zuko said, when his nose was just inches from Sokka's, chest to chest as he leaned over the younger boy. "I couldn't concentrate at all after lunch," he admitted, cheeks just tinted pink. Sokka's skin was still warm from his shower.
Finally Sokka laughed, a genuine smile appearing. He lifted a hand to place on Zuko's side. "Because of my sister or because of making out?" he asked, teasing.
Zuko chuckled. "A little of both, I suppose," he admitted, "But I was talking about being interrupted in the middle of something so nice." A quick dip of his head, and he lay a chaste kiss and then another on either side of Sokka's mouth.
"Mm..." Sokka grinned faintly up at him. "It was pretty nice," he answered and bravely let his hand slide under Zuko's shirt -- his skin was always so warm. "We could pick up where we left off..." he murmured across Zuko's lips.
"If you're not too worn out from soccer," Zuko shrugged, mostly failing to keep his voice teasingly indifferent as his hand found the back of Sokka's neck, and drew him up into a teasing kiss.
Sokka pouted into the kiss, his fingers moving to tickle faintly at Zuko's ribs. "Don't underestimate me..." he warned when Zuko jerked back, smirking up at the other boy.
Zuko pursed his lips, a huff of stifled laughter as he leaned back down, pressed his brow to Sokka's. "I would never," he promised, thumb stretching to graze as Sokka's jaw.
He was rewarded with a happy sigh. Sokka was unable to help himself as he soaked up Zuko's attention, arching his neck a little so that lips brushed again. "I just... wanted to do this all day," he murmured, a little embarrassed. His hands moved, arms lightly circling Zuko's neck instead, fingers trailing as he closed his eyes and kissed softly at Zuko's mouth.
And there was just something about it. Something that eased all tension from both of them, that reminded them they were in a place where they could just... relax. "So did I," Zuko breathed, not even pulling away enough to break contact. "I-- I really..." He trailed off, distracted by the curve of Sokka's mouth, the expectant set of his brow. Zuko chuckled quietly and kissed him again, deeper this time, hungrier, remembering how he'd felt earlier that day, in the classroom.
Zuko's enthusiasm was responded to in suit, Sokka's arms around his neck tightening a little, feeling his heart speed up as Zuko pressed him gently into the mattress. Fingers threaded into the older boy's hair, drawing and coaxing their touches even deeper. Finally relaxation did reach him and Zuko could feel as tension melted away beneath his lips from his high-strung partner. And then Sokka was nibbling at his lower lip, slowly but playfully -- completely at ease. There was no sense of expectation or threat of disappointment hanging over them here, and not for the first time it registered to Sokka how natural everything felt when he was with Zuko, touching Zuko. It just was and it felt good. Indeed it seemed the most natural thing Zuko could think of to slide a hand under the edge of Sokka's tee, warmth smoothing over hidden muscle, the strength concealed in Sokka's deceptively slender frame.
"Does that feel okay?" he breathed, kissing at Sokka's throat between each word.
"Yeah..." Sokka murmured back, shivering faintly at the heat of Zuko's mouth on sensitive places. "Feels really good..." He tensed a little when Zuko's hand dipped further beneath his clothes, feeling self conscious but not nearly enough to say anything about it. The pros of the other boy's touch far outweighed that single con. Breath slowed, Sokka feeling very warm between his shower heated skin and Zuko's attention.
Zuko sighed happily, kissed beneath Sokka's jaw, his hand sliding over the other's skin, slipping underneath, fingers pressing in the small of his back. "You feel..." he shook his head, kissed again.
Amazing, he finished in his head. And he knew then that he wanted more than this, than chaste kisses and aching touches. He wanted to do all the things he'd done before, wandered how they'd be different with Sokka. But it was fast. Too soon, he knew, no matter how his stomach twisted at not taking advantage of it. He titled Sokka's chin then, the kiss he offered deep and demanding.
Sokka sank only too eagerly into the kiss, his mouth welcoming Zuko's and tongue reaching for a sample of his taste. He breathed a sigh between Zuko's lips, arms tightening around his shoulders as his tongue lightly brushed at Zuko's. The soft, warm sensation made him feel heady, made him desperate for more while at the same time frightening him to some degree with his own want. But his neck arched and he pushed his mouth firmer against Zuko's, unwavering. Wanting.
A deep rumble of pleasure slid between them. Zuko's hands tightened on the soft flesh of Sokka's side as his tongue followed his voice, demanding entry into Sokka's mouth, caught up in the moment, excited by the other's tentative touches. Had his mouth not been so occupied, Sokka would have cursed, for the way Zuko's tongue felt, pushing limits that they hadn't yet set with its temptation. He wrestled the other boy's tongue with his own, sucking, stroking, fingers tangling and clenching in his hair so that he couldn't get away. Part of him -- the part of him that had experience in these matters -- wanted to push Zuko down, press him into the blankets. There was still that thrill of fear though, his mind racing too far ahead and not really having thought what would come after this. He had a few ideas though and they made his cheeks flush just thinking about them and before he could stop himself, a moan was slipping free of his throat, felt on Zuko's tongue.
Zuko swallowed the sound, stole away his taste, every second that passed pulling him closer to the unspoken limits they'd yet to cross. It was hard, though, to separate his sense from his desires and Sokka, flushed and wanting and laid out beneath him, just waiting for what he might do next... was an invitation impossible to refuse. He paused only long enough to draw a steadying breath, and then his mouth was on Sokka's jaw, on his throat, and his touch sliding from Sokka's side back to the hot skin of his stomach, then higher, pushing the edge of Sokka's t-shirt as he moved.
Roaming fingers elicited a sigh -- cool air on his heated skin -- and then a gasp as Zuko's warm fingers brushed tentatively, lightly, maybe even on accident over a nipple that instantly hardened, over-eager. There was a brief moment where Sokka thought there was no way he could stop, not with Zuko kissing his throat like that and his heart racing and arousal pooling in his stomach and his fingers itching to touch more, to pull at buttons and taste more places. But before abandon was able to set in, he reached for the other boy's shoulders, just barely easing him away, not wanting him to feel like he was being pushed away.
"Zuko..." he murmured and a sheepish, helpless laugh fell from his lips, good natured. "We probably shouldn't..." Ugh, those were difficult words to force out. Blue eyes were apologetic and his flushing cheeks communicated that there was definitely a difference of opinion between body and mind.
Zuko stilled quickly, shaken from the spell by Sokka's voice. Though his fingers lingered a moment longer, after a breath Zuko withdrew his hand, reluctantly tugging Sokka's shirt back into place as he did. "Mm." He nodded, flushed pink, and more than a little embarrassed. "Yeah," he breathed, arms still bracing him in an arch over Sokka's body. He couldn't quite meet those eyes and he licked his lips nervously, willing his pulse to slow. "Yeah, you're right," he mumbled, loathe to admit it. But if both of them weren't completely ready, it wasn't worth it, no matter how good his body told him it might feel. "Sorry... I just--"
"I know," Sokka interrupted, grinning into Zuko's cutely embarrassed face. He hadn't really moved either and let a hand slide from the other's hair to instead rub at his neck. "I... I want to just... maybe not just yet," he murmured, swallowed and pulled Zuko in to nuzzle the bridges of their noses together. "It's awful hard to stop though..."
"Yeah," Zuko breathed back, in total agreement with that observation at least. After another moment, he eased himself down onto the bed beside Sokka, head on his shoulder and knees touching his thigh. "Yeah," he said again, when he was somewhat settled, hand on Sokka's middle, a much more innocent touch than moments before. "I... I don't want to push you. You know, if it's just... if you aren't, you know... ready." He realized then that he had no knowledge of this part of Sokka's past. He knew he'd had a girlfriend, but he didn't know... anything else, if that meant he had any sort of experience with... anything like this. The thought helped sober Zuko somewhat.
Similar thoughts were mirrored in Sokka's mind as he reached back to tuck the pillow under his head. He relaxed a little, arm curling around Zuko's shoulders while the other hand rested on Zuko's on his own stomach. A few slow, deep breaths made his racing heart calm down a little and made the excitement in his belly slowly start to fade. He swallowed and turned his head to press his nose into the pleasant smell of Zuko's hair for a moment. He didn't know if it was okay to ask but he really wanted to know. If only because there was a certain determination that lingered in the back of his mind that told him he had to do everything better than Jet. He had to make the sacrifice that Zuko was making to be absolutely worth it in every way... "Did you ever..." he murmured against Zuko's temple. "I mean -- when you and Jet..."
The older boy said nothing for a moment, surprised to hear from Sokka's mouth the same question he'd almost asked. "Um," Zuko began, flushing to even bring it up. "Yeah... we-- uh, yeah," he finished lamely. Neither he, nor Jet had taken their relationship particularly slowly, each too desperate for something to wait. He couldn't say it had been bad, just perhaps not quite well thought through.
Sokka nodded against Zuko's cheek. A fingertip traced idle patterns on Zuko's shoulder. Sokka kind of wanted to ask exactly what they had done. From the er -- research that he had done on the subject, it seemed like the concept of what 'sex' was in this sort of situation was more open-ended than with a guy and a girl. But he was far too mortified to ask for further details -- he wasn't sure he really wanted to know anyway. There was already a weird sort of jealousy that he felt in the back of his head concerning Zuko's ex that made him wish he'd been the first boy to get his hands on Zuko. He hated that Zuko's first experience had turned out to be such a negative one. With a slow breath, Sokka tried to push those thoughts away as he pressed a kiss to Zuko's temple, arm sliding tighter around him, feeling greedy and protective.
The other boy didn't seem to mind the move, taking the chance to shift closer as the heat in his blood was finally cooling. "Does it... bother you?" he ventured, trying not to sound at all worried. And he wasn't, really; he just didn't want Sokka thinking it made any difference to how he felt now. He's spent a lot of time getting to a place where he acknowledged that his relationship with Jet was different in almost every way to this one and though both were with other males, the similarities ended there. He carried over no expectations and, he hoped, as little baggage as possible.
"No!" Sokka answered too quickly, then tried on a light shrug. "I just... wanna know what I'm up against." He forced a chuckle, feeling awkward. He knew he was probably being silly for worrying about such a thing. But at the same time, he knew logically that it was a legitimate worry. If Jet's personality was any evidence, he likely had a lot more hands on experience when he was with Zuko than Sokka would have. Probably even with guys. In general, Jet was so in control and confident about everything -- Jet was what Sokka tried so hard to be and always inevitably failed.
But Zuko was shaking his head. "You're not up against anything," he said. "I didn't tell you yes because I wanted a replacement for Jet. I like you. I don't expect you to be what Jet was... I don't want you to be like him." Zuko fell quiet suddenly, aware of the sudden outpouring of words and just a little embarrassed for them. "What about you and your girlfriend?" he asked suddenly.
Sokka was busy hiding his face in Zuko's hair, embarrassed himself by Zuko's seeming ability to read his thoughts. The words made his chest a little tight but they were exactly what he wanted and needed to hear. It took a moment for Zuko's question to register in his pinkened ears and even then, he was silent for a very, very long moment. "Suki and I never met in real life," he finally said, taking the easy answer and then falling quiet again. The swallow that he pushed down sounded loud in his head then, trying to find the words that he needed to say. "Y...Yue and I did," he murmured, his voice barely audible. "We were way too young... I was barely fifteen," he continued, prying the words from his own lips. "But... with... the circumstances... we wanted to. And I don't regret it." He fell silent for a moment before adding softly, "I never told anyone that."
"Yue," Zuko breathed, a whisper after a long silence. "It's a pretty name." He found himself pressing his brow against Sokka's cheek, lips just over his pulse and for a moment he felt guilty for bringing it up. Then, "I'm glad you told me. She must have been really special to you." He wished he could think of something better to say.
The dark skinned boy breathed in deeply and let it out in a long sigh, lifting his other arm to curl around Zuko's shoulders. "Yeah," he answered softly. He wished he could say how grateful he was for the gentle understanding in Zuko's voice. For the sweetness of his words. But all he could bring himself to do was hug tightly to Zuko's shoulders and let gratitude and happiness war with sorrow and fear. It might not have been about his sexuality but he had faced his own demons when working up the courage to ask for Zuko's companionship. "Thank you," he whispered into Zuko's hair. For so many things -- from not being threatened in that moment by his fond memories of a past lover to helping him overcome fear enough to experience that again.
Zuko swallowed hard, a little overwhelmed by the weight that had settled on them, and he tightened his own grip on Sokka's waist, breathing in deep the clean scent of him. He shook his head faintly against the unneeded gratitude; he knew what it felt like to lose someone, knew how important it was just to have someone understand. "I won't let her down," Zuko said suddenly, then immediately flushed at how silly the words must sound. He couldn't really explain, though, how he felt like this girl must have regretted having to leave Sokka alone. He couldn't help hoping that she might somehow approve of of him, of Zuko looking out for Sokka, caring about him like maybe she once had.
Though he couldn't say anything, Sokka smiled into Zuko's temple and turned to rest his cheek there, soaking in the comfort that the other boy's touch offered. His tension melted away and he relaxed, marveling that no tears had spilled from his eyes, though he did blink back the shine he knew was there. He laughed suddenly, a tiny little huff of a laugh. "Talk about an emotional day," he said and Zuko could hear the sardonic sort of grin in his voice. He dipped his head a little to kiss the other boy's cheek lightly.
Zuko flushed faintly and bit back the unneeded apology for their mutual misstep at school that day. "Yeah," he agreed instead."Glad you came over, though." He punctuated this with a chaste kiss to Sokka's clothed shoulder.
"Me too," Sokka responded, sinking back against the blankets, smiling softly. For a long moment, they were silent and he just enjoyed the feeling of being together, letting all that emotion run its course. Finally, he spoke up, "Are you done with your homework?"
Quiet laughter met his question. "No," Zuko answered. "Don't really care though." As if to emphasize this, his arm tightened around Sokka's waist. "It can wait a little longer."
Sokka's laughter answered Zuko's and in agreement, he also squeezed tighter at Zuko but he didn't say anything. He just stayed there, adding his own sense of disinterest in school work to their thoughts. Soon Iroh would be home and they could help him make dinner and do some studying after. He could relax, hold off thinking about home for a little while, somehow Zuko's attention allowing his characteristic worry to ease with the other boy's company.
