A week after they returned from their honeymoon, they packed up the kids and took a tour of the house Jack had found for them. Two days later Jack and Kate signed all the paperwork and hoped to be moving into their home in a few weeks. It had been almost a month since the wedding and Carly was enjoying her one on one time with Kate, but was also missing the social environment of school so as soon as the loan on the new home had been approved and they were sure they were going to move, they enrolled Carly in the public school she and the other children would be attending after they moved. With spring break just around the corner and only nine weeks of school left after that, the other children were given the option of starting with Carly or finishing up at their current schools and waiting until the following fall to start at the new one and they were all currently sitting around the dining room table voicing their opinions on the matter.
"Do I get to ride the big yellow school bus to the new school?" Simon asked.
"Yes, you can ride the bus to school." Kate answered.
"But you'll still drive us if we want you to?" Kenny asked.
"For now she can, but next year all of you will be riding the bus. There's no way she can chauffer six kids around with three little babies." Jack clarified.
"Why can't you drive us?" Kenny asked, his tone a bit hateful.
"Some mornings I probably could, but most mornings I'll be up and gone before you get out of bed." Jack answered.
"Probably because you're never going to be around." Kenny huffed.
"Kenny, this will be so cool. You'll be at the middle school with me next year. That means no little kids on our bus." Carly jumped in attempting to save her new brother before his mouth got him into trouble.
"I want to stay at my old school for the rest of this year." Kenny sighed.
"I'm never leaving my school." Jordan said.
Kate and Jack both looked at each other and decided they'd tackle the Jordan issue over the summer, not on this evening.
"What about you Tuck? Where do you want to go to school?" Kate asked.
"I go to school with bubba!" Tucker said happily.
"Okay, that's Carly starting at the new school next week, two boys staying at the old school, Simon possibly transferring for the big yellow school bus, and Jordan hanging on for dear life. That just leaves you Kendall . Do you want to stay at your school for now or go to a new kindergarten?" Jack asked.
"I don't care. I just want juice and snacks after quiet time." Kendall answered making both Jack and Kate laugh lightly.
"Have I told you lately how much I love that kid?" Kate whispered.
"Are we done?" Kenny grumbled.
"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" Kate asked.
"Would it matter if I did?" He mumbled.
"Did you have a bad day at school sweetheart?" Kate asked.
"He didn't go to school." Simon offered.
"Shut up Simon!" Kenny spat angrily.
"What's he talking about Kenny?" Kate asked.
"I don't know mom. He's just being a stupid little kid as usual." Kenny said and stared angrily at his younger brother.
"But you said fifth graders didn't have school today and I'm not stupid. I'm the smartest kid in the whole second grade." Simon argued.
"Oh wow, now there's something to brag about. Only a real dummy would believe the whole fifth grade didn't have school today." Kenny said hatefully.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Simon asked with a quivering lip, clearly hurt by his brother's behavior.
"Geez, now you're going to cry? Better get the inhaler ready for the big crybaby, but you like that don't you because if you're sick you get all of Jack's attention." Kenny continued on with his unwarranted attack against his brother.
"Kenny that's enough! Apologize to your brother now!" Kate demanded.
"You apologize to him." Kenny countered.
Kate rose from her chair, walked over to Kenny, took hold of his arm and attempted to pull him up out of his chair. He pulled away from her and shrugged her off.
"Move it mister! Now!" Kate ordered and pointed toward the back of the house.
"Make me." He shot back defiantly.
Kate sighed heavily, crossed her arms over her chest and looked up toward the ceiling, obviously trying to not let her son's behavior get the best of her, but not really succeeding.
"Do you want me to make you because I will? I'll carry you if I have to." Jack said sternly.
"Carly, can you..?" Kate asked on the verge of tears.
"Come on you guys, it's time for baths." Carly said and began rounding up all the younger children and leading them out of the dining room.
Jack took hold of Kate's arms and looked into her eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, it's just the hormones and well, the fact that I don't recognize my son anymore." She said and quickly wiped away the one tear that managed to escape.
They both sat down, one on either side of Kenny.
"What's going on with you Kenny?" Jack asked.
"Nothing. Can I go to my room now?" He asked.
"No, you can't. Did you really skip school today?" Kate asked.
"Yeah, so what." He mumbled.
"How did you manage to do that?" Kate asked.
"It was easy. Jack was busy on his cell phone and only paying attention to Simon and Tucker and I just walked away. Didn't even notice did you Jack?" Kenny asked with an edge of sarcasm.
"I did notice. I assumed you were walking to your classroom like you always do. Where did you go?" Jack asked.
"I went down the hall and out the back door. I spent the day in the woods behind the school with a couple of other guys." Kenny told them.
"What other guys?" Kate asked.
"Just some guys. You don't know them. They go to the middle school." Kenny said.
"Why didn't the school call me when you didn't show up?" Kate asked.
"There was a girl with us. She called and said she was you and told them I was sick." Kenny explained, not the least bit sorry or even scared there might be repercussions.
"How old were these kids Kenny?" Kate asked.
"They're about 14. They're pretty cool. They taught me how to smoke a cigarette." Kenny bragged.
Jack could see how upset she was becoming and placed his hand over hers.
"Kenny go wait for us in the formal living room. We need to talk." Jack said.
"I hate that room. I'll wait in my bedroom." Kenny huffed.
"You'll wait where I told you to wait." Jack shot back harshly. So harsh it got all of Kenny's attention and he quietly and compliantly walked out of the room and into the formal living room to wait for them.
"He's cutting school and smoking." Kate said sadly.
"Baby, it's not the end of the world. He's testing us, or more specifically me. Apparently I'm not giving him enough attention. I do think we need to discuss pulling him out of that school and getting him away from those influences sooner rather than later though." Jack said.
"He's already so angry Jack. If we take him away from all of his friends he's going to hate us." Kate argued.
"Yes, he will, but Kate, he's hanging around with delinquent teenagers and we've both seen enough to know that can lead to nothing but bad things. How do kids that age even have access to kids Kenny's age?" Jack said in a frustrated tone.
"I know you're thinking it, so go ahead and say it." Kate said.
"Say what?" He asked.
"That my boys go to a shitty school because their mother couldn't afford to live in anything but a shitty neighborhood." She accused.
"Are we seriously going back to this Kate? It's not the best school out there, but it's not the worst either and it's the school that was in district you lived in, but that's the not case anymore. I think we should go ahead and transfer all of them." Jack said.
"We can't do that to Jordan, but you're right, we need to get Kenny away from those influences." Kate said.
"It's a temporary fix. Bad influences are everywhere." Jack said.
"Then what's the point?" Kate asked.
"It buys us some time to make him feel more settled at home and buys me some time to try to make him feel a little less left out then he's apparently feeling at the moment." Jack said.
"Jack, this isn't your fault. You don't favor the younger boys over him." Kate said.
"Maybe not, but maybe he needs more of my attention right now than they do. I mean, he sees all the time Carly is getting with you and maybe he feels like he should be getting the same from me. Maybe we should include him tomorrow. They're both used to being the oldest child and now Kenny has sort of lost his place." Jack offered.
"Do you really think an eleven year old boy wants to come watch a sonogram?" Kate asked.
"Probably not, but he probably would love to be included. They're the oldest and they get a lot of responsibility placed on them and the trade off for that should be that they also get to be included in moments where it's just you and Carly and me and him." Jack reasoned.
"Okay, but should we really be rewarding him for skipping school?" Kate asked.
"No. He's going to be suspended from school when they find out what he did and he should be. He can spend the next few days with me. I can find some odd chores for him around the office and I promised Candice I'd move some things for her this weekend so he can help me with that. He'll be so sick of working and not getting to play that he'll be begging us to let him to go to school anywhere by the time Monday rolls around." Jack said.
"He's supposed to be going to the hockey game with the Hoopers this weekend. We can't let him go Jack. He's going to be crushed, because he's never been before and was really looking forward to it, but what he did is very bad and we have to let him know there are consequences and I don't think having to spend his days with you is going to be something he feels is punishment." Kate said.
"I promise to make him work really hard." Jack said and smiled at her.
"You're a bigger softie than I am. No hockey game. Do we agree?" She asked.
"Can I take him another time? I mean weeks from now after he's learned his lesson?" Jack asked.
"Only if you promise not to tell him you plan to do that." Kate said and smiled at him as she stood.
"Oh, so I guess I'm the one that's going to do the punishing?" He asked and pulled her into his lap.
"He's screaming for your attention so he's all yours baby. I need to help Carly corral the kids." She said and kissed him fully.
"Mmm….what was that for?" He asked.
"Just reminding you that Kenny isn't the only one screaming for your attention." She teased.
"I like it when you scream." He teased back.
"I love you." She said and kissed him once more.
"I love you too. Now go, help Carly and I'll deal the little delinquent." He said and scooted her off of his lap.
Jack entered the room and watched as Kenny turned away from him and went to stand in front of the window as though he could see anything outside in the darkness.
"Come sit down." Jack said as he himself sat on the couch.
Kenny sauntered over slowly and threw himself down onto the cushion, laying back and propping his feet up on the coffee table, refusing to look at Jack.
"You are certainly put out with the world these days aren't you?" Jack asked.
"What does that mean?" Kenny asked.
"It means you're mad at everyone. Want to tell me why?" Jack asked.
"You're no different than him you know." Kenny said.
"No different than whom?" Jack asked.
"My dad. He was just like you. He just made my mom pregnant all the time and spent all his time at work. He never did anything with me. I bet you have girlfriends too." Kenny accused.
"How do you know about that?" Jack asked.
"I read about it on the internet." Kenny shrugged.
"I really wish that wouldn't have done that Kenny. I guess your new buddies helped you find that information?" Jack asked.
"Yeah Derek helped me look stuff up. He thinks it's cool that my dad killed somebody." Kenny admitted, his tone so emotionless it startled Jack.
"Derek sounds like a real piece of work." Jack huffed.
"At least he doesn't lie to me!" Kenny shouted at him, suddenly full of emotion.
"We didn't lie to you Kenny. We were trying to protect you. There's so much about what your father did that is too complicated for an eleven year old boy to understand, but I can promise you that I am nothing like him. I love your mom very much and I would never hurt her. I certainly wouldn't have girlfriends, especially ones that young and I do have a very demanding job, but I also make time for all of you." Jack said.
"Whatever Jack. Am I grounded?" Kenny asked.
"Not so much grounded as too busy to do anything fun for awhile. We're going to go talk with your principal in the morning and you're going to tell him what you did and give him the names of the kids you were hanging out with." Jack said.
"No I'm not telling their names and there's nothing you can do that will make me tell." Kenny said.
"Fine, I get it. I probably wouldn't have shared that kind of information when I was your age either. I'm sure the school probably knows who they are anyway. You'll be suspended for a few days so you're going to come to work with me." Jack told him.
"Why can't I just stay home with mom?" Kenny asked.
"Because staying home nagging your mother and playing video games isn't much of a hardship now is it? Saturday you're going to help me organize Candice's garage and you'll have a bedtime of eight o'clock for the next week." Jack remained firm.
"But what about the hockey game? You guys promised I could go." Kenny asked, upset and looking at Jack for the first time since he'd entered the room.
"We didn't promise anything, we gave you permission and that permission is now being revoked because apparently you think it's okay to skip school and smoke cigarettes, not to mention the whole being on the internet unsupervised thing." Jack said.
"No Jack please don't make me miss it. I'll say I'm sorry and I'll do whatever chores you make me do and won't complain. I have to go to the hockey game. Teran's dad knows one of the coaches and is going to take us into the locker room before the game. Please Jack." Kenny begged as his eyes filled with tears.
"I'm sorry, not this time." Jack did his best to hold firm, the child's face and eyes making the task nearly impossible.
"No! I have to go! I'm so stupid! Why am I so stupid?" Kenny shouted, becoming almost hysterical as the tears streamed down his face and he began hitting himself in the head with his fists as he chanted over and over about how stupid he was.
Jack took hold of Kenny's wrists and held tightly so he couldn't hit himself anymore.
"Daddy, what's wrong with Kenny?" Jordan asked.
Jack looked up and saw Kate standing in the doorway with three of the children. Kate abandoned the three children at the doorway and made her way over to the couch where Jack and Kenny were struggling.
"Let go of him! What did you do?" Kate accused angrily and pulled her sobbing, hysterical son into her arms.
"Jordan honey, he's okay he's just really upset right now. Can you take Tucker and Kendall into the family room while your mom and I help him feel better?" Jack asked as he quickly checked his hurt feelings at the door and remained calm...for the moment.
"I didn't do anything Kate." Jack said calmly as he watched her coddle the child.
"He's never been this upset before so you must've done something." She said in a low shriek the look of distrust in her eyes and on her face more than he could bear to look at.
"Do you really think I'd do something to hurt him Kate?" Jack asked.
"I...I...What happened Jack?" She cried the hurt in his eyes and all over his face making her realize she'd just screwed up badly.
"Why did you agree to marry me Kate?" He asked.
"What? Jack I'm sorry, I just..." She struggled for words.
"No Kate, I'm sick of the apologies. If you don't trust me and if you really didn't want me to be a father to your sons, why did you marry me?" He asked.
"I do trust you Jack. I just..." She continued to struggle.
"You just what? You just thought I'd done something to physically or emotionally harm a little boy? What in the hell would even make your mind go there? No, don't answer that. I'm sure it's the same old bullshit. David was a manipulative, womanizing son-of-a-bitch so therefore all men must be." Jack said, his tone sad and resigned and quiet, hoping to keep Kenny from hearing what he was saying to her.
"Jack." She said.
"No, not now. Just...just, take care of Kenny. I can't do this with you right now. I'm going to go get the kids ready for bed." He said and stood to leave the room.
She reached out and took hold of his hand.
"Jack, please don't walk away." Kate pleaded.
"I'm not walking away. I'm leaving the room. Oh, and for what it's worth, which apparently isn't much, he's very distraught emotionally, confused and angry. He needs to be allowed to ask questions and get honest answers regardless of how difficult it may be to answer those questions. He also needs to be allowed to go to that hockey game on Saturday." Jack said, pulling his hand away from her and walking away.
"Mom, I'm really sick." Kenny groaned and ran for the bathroom.
Kate followed Kenny into the bathroom, waited until he was finished, applied a cool cloth to his face and forehead and walked him into his bedroom. He lay on his bed with the cool cloth on his head and settled down.
"Mom, is Jack mad at us?" Kenny asked.
"No, he's mad at me and he has every right to be." Kate sighed.
"Why? What did you do?" Kenny asked.
"I accused him of doing something to hurt you and that's really bad because he would never hurt you baby. You know that don't you?" Kate asked.
"Did my dad hurt me?" Kenny asked.
"No, not physically, but he's hurt you in so many other ways, ways that I never wanted him to." Kate said sadly.
"Is Jack mad enough to leave us?" Kenny asked.
"Kenny, he's not going anywhere. He and I have some things to work out, but he's not the kind of man that runs when things get tough. He loves you a lot you know and no matter how mad he may be get with me, he's never going to stop loving you or wanting to be a part of your life." Kate explained.
"My head hurts really bad. Can I go to sleep now?" Kenny asked.
"Yes, but after the sonogram tomorrow we're going to sit down and talk about your dad. Okay?" Kate said.
"Is Jack going to the sonogram? He said he was taking me to see the principal." Kenny said.
"We're both going with you to see the principal and then we'll swing back by and pick up Carly and go see what kind of babies are inside my tummy." Kate said.
"I get to go with you to see the babies?" Kenny asked.
"Jack thought you should be included and I think he's right. What do you think? Do you want to see what they look like inside my stomach?" Kate asked.
"Can they see me?" Kenny asked.
"No, but they can hear you. If you ever feel like you want to say something to them, just put your mouth close to my belly and say whatever you want to say." Kate said.
"That's dumb mom." Kenny said with a light laugh.
"It is not dumb. I used to talk to you every day when you were in the womb and Jack talks to them all the time. It's never too soon to let a baby know how much it's loved and wanted." Kate told him.
"My dad never talked your stomach did he?" Kenny asked.
"You know son, who your dad is or was has nothing to do with you or with Jack. You aren't going to be like him just because he's your father and Jack isn't like him just because he's a man." Kate explained.
"Then how come Jack said you didn't trust him because of David?" Kenny asked.
"Because I messed up and assumed he did something bad because of the way your father was for so many years. I was wrong Kenny. Jack is nothing like your dad and you are nothing like your dad and I think that both of us need to try really hard to remember that. All of us, we can be whatever we choose to be and you are such a terrific son and brother that I have no doubt you're going to be a really good, loving, wonderful man some day." Kate said.
"I'm really tired mom. I don't want to talk anymore." Kenny said.
"Okay baby. Goodnight. I love you." Kate said, kissing him on the cheek and leaving the bedroom.
Kate passed Jack in the hallway with the two boys in tow. Since they'd returned from their honeymoon, the routine had been that he tucked the boys in and she tucked the girls in, the kids wanting their new parent to have the honors.
"The girls are waiting for you in their bedroom." He said softly
.
"You tucked them in already?" She asked.
"No, they wanted you. I told them I'd be in to kiss them goodnight after you're done with their story." He said and moved past her.
Jack put the two boys to bed and read them a story. He attempted to tell Kenny goodnight, but the child rolled onto his side and ignored him. He left the boy's room and headed for the girl's room, passing Kate in the hallway again and still so angry with her that it took everything he had to remain civil. He kissed the girls goodnight and made his way to the other end of the house to their bedroom. He entered the bedroom and she was sitting on the bed waiting for him.
"Can we talk?" She asked.
"I'm going to take a shower." He stated flatly and began walking toward the bathroom, pulling his shirt off along the way.
She followed him into the large walk-in closet off the bathroom and watched him continue to strip down.
"Want some company?" She asked.
"Not really." He said as he slipped out of his boxers and walked past her and out of the closet.
She watched him reach inside the glass enclosure and start the water, his nude body on display and his lack of interest in her clearly evident. She left the bathroom and the bedroom, deciding that she'd give him some space and straighten up the house before she retired for the evening. When she returned to the bedroom he was in bed and watching television. She took a quick shower and slipped into the bed beside him.
"Are we going to talk or are we going to stew?" Kate asked.
"Neither. I've got patients to see in the morning before I deal with school principals and sonograms so I'm going to sleep." He said and handed her the remote.
"How long are you going to stay mad at me?" She asked.
"We aren't children Kate and this isn't a game so it's not about me staying mad or not staying mad at you. You seriously thought I had hurt Kenny tonight and if you can't see that we've got a real problem, one that can't be solved by you offering another empty apology and more empty promises to do better, then we probably aren't going to make it. You need to figure out what you want Kate and you need to figure out a way to trust me." He said.
"I do trust you Jack." She insisted.
"No you don't Kate. If you did, you wouldn't have had that look on your face earlier. You would've known, no believed somewhere deep down inside that I could never hurt any of these children." He argued.
"Jack, I let you cut into my son's throat in the middle of a restaurant. That's not trust?" She asked.
"No, that's you trusting my medical skills and being desperate enough for your son to allow me do it. I know David did some damage Kate, but I'm done paying for what he did to you and your kids. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you get past it, but I'm not going to sit back any longer and pretend that you're okay with me and us and this life we've put together because obviously you're not." Jack said.
"God Jack, I'm sorry. Can't a mother just over-react? Does it have to be tied to some deep-seeded trauma? I know you would never hurt the kids. I know that. I just saw how upset he was and how you were manhandling him and I freaked." She said desperately.
"If you truly believed in your heart that I would never hurt you or the children you wouldn't have freaked Kate. Can't you see that?" He asked.
"What do you want me to do Jack?" She asked.
"I just want you to admit I'm right. Just be honest." He said.
"Okay, you're right. I'm damaged goods Jack and no matter how much I love you, I can't let go of that fear that I'm missing something with you and that some day you're going to be just like him. Are you happy now?" She asked and angrily wiped away the tear that escaped down her cheek.
"No, I'm not happy Kate, but at least it's a start." He said.
"What about you?" She asked.
"What about me?" He asked.
"You and your freaky dreams about the children disappearing and me leaving; don't you think that speaks to some level of emotional instability that you need to deal with?" She asked.
"I do deal with it Kate. I admit that what Jennifer did has left me somewhat unstable. I don't keep making empty promises about how it's all about me and how I'll try to be better. I admit I worry about losing it all and that I worry that you'll get overwhelmed. You don't admit anything Kate. You just keep pretending you've buried David in your past and that everything is hunky dory when clearly it's not." He stressed, trying not to get frustrated with her.
"Okay so since you're the expert on what haunts me, how about you tell me what I should do." She said sarcastically.
"See that's it right there. Rather than admit there are issues, you jump straight into sarcasm. God damn Kate, just be honest and admit that you are not completely comfortable with me being a father to your sons because you don't completely trust that I won't hurt them or you!" Jack finally blew up at her, unable to hold back the hurt and anger any longer.
"Maybe you just don't want to be their father anymore because things have gotten difficult." Kate accused.
He looked at her for a moment and shook his head.
"Goodnight Kate." He said as he lowered his body down to a sleeping position, put his head on the pillow and turned onto his side.
