b14. Chea, I Can Do This Shiznet.

Part Two/b

"What else is there to do at night?"

What?

I let it go for the moment and went down the hall to the kitchen. She was there before me, needing no guide. She took a seat onto of Mom's counter tops, and I couldn't help but imagine myself on my knees between her legs. Her beauty lit up the kitchen. It was a moment before I could look away.

Okay, maybe a couple minutes, but still.

I concentrated on getting my dinner, taking last night's roast from the fridge, placing some on a plate, heating it in the microwave. I didn't take my eyes from the plate of food as I spoke.

"How often?" I asked casually.

"Hmmm?" She sounded as if I had pulled her from some other train of thought.

I still didn't turn around. "How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night."

I whirled, stunned. "Why?"

Whoa?

"You're interesting when you sleep." She spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk."

Oh shit!

No!

Hopefully she didn't hear any of those moans...or screaming of a certain name.

"No!" I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. I gripped the kitchen counter for support. I knew I talked in my sleep, of course; my father teased me about it. I hadn't thought it was something I needed to worry about here, though.

Her expression shifted instantly to chagrin. "Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" I felt and sounded like I'd had the breath knocked out of me.

She waited, swinging her legs lightly.

"On?" she urged.

"What you heard!" I wailed.

Instantly, silently, she was at my side, taking my hands carefully in hers.

"Don't be upset!" she pleaded.She looked into my eyes, holding my gaze.

I was embarrassed.

I tried to look away.

"You miss your father," she whispered. "You worry about him. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too ugly.'" She laughed softly, hoping, I could see, not to offend me further.

"Anything else?" I demanded.

She knew what I was getting at. "You did say my name," she admitted.

I sighed in defeat. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

Shit!

"Oh no!" I hung my head.

She pulled me against her, her, softly, naturally, with her head in my shoulder.

"Don't be self-conscious," she whispered in my ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

Aww.

That has to be the sweetest thing ever.

Then we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the headlights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. I stiffened in her arms.

"Should your mother know I'm here?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," I tried to think it through quickly.

"Another time then."

And I was alone.

"Ashley!" I hissed.

She disappeared!

I heard a ghostly chuckle, then nothing else.

My mother's key turned in the door.

"Spence?" she called. It had bothered me before; who else would it be?

Suddenly she didn't seem so far off base.

"In here." I hoped she couldn't hear the hysterical edge to my voice. I

grabbed my dinner from the microwave and sat at the table as she walked

in. Her footsteps sounded so noisy after my day with Ashley.

"Whoa, that was a busy day," She said leaning against the counter that Ashley had previously occupied.

I scarfed down my food as she told me how this one mother tried to out do her or some shit. The burned my tongue.

"How was your day?"

"Alright" I took another big bite.

"It was a nice day," she agreed.

What an understatement, I thought to myself.

I finished my food and throw my plate in the sink.

Paula surprised me by being observant. "In a hurry?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early."

"You look kinda keyed up," she noted.

Why, oh why, did this have to be her night to pay attention?

"Do I?" was all I could manage in response.

"It's Saturday," she mused.

I didn't respond.

"No plans tonight?" she asked suddenly.

"No, Mom, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" She was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.

Fuck.

"No, none of the bboys/b have caught my eye yet." I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful with Paula, but I don't think it is working.

"I thought maybe that Sean, you said he was friendly."

"He's Just a friend, Mom."

"Well, you don't need to worry about them anyway." Yes, every mother's dream.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," I agreed as I headed up the stairs.

"'Night, honey," she called after me. No doubt she would be listening carefully all evening, waiting for me to try to sneak out.

Damn, I'm not Glen.

"See you in the morning, Mom."

See you creeping into my room tonight at midnight to check on me.

God, she's such a weirdo.

I worked to make my tread sound slow and tired as I walked up the stairs to my room. I shut the door loud enough for her to hear, and then sprinted on my tiptoes to the window. I threw it open and leaned out into the night. My eyes scanned the darkness, the impenetrable shadows of the trees.

"Ash?" I whispered, feeling completely idiotic.

The quiet, laughing response came from behind me. "Yes?"

I whirled, one hand flying to my throat in surprise.

She lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, her hands behind her head, her curls creating a halo, the picture of ease.

"Oh!" I breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor.

"I'm sorry." She pressed her lips together, trying to hide her amusement.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

She sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then she leaned forward and reached out with her long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler. She sat me on the bed beside her.

"Why don't you sit with me," she suggested, putting a cold hand on mine. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me, I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I felt her quiet laughter shake the bed.

We sat there for a moment in silence, both listening to my heartbeat slow. I thought about having Ashley in my room, with my family in the house.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" I asked.

"Certainly." She gestured with one hand that I should proceed.

"Stay," I said, trying to look severe.

"Yes, ma'am." And she made a show of becoming a statue on the edge of my bed.

Fuck, she's sexy.

I hopped up, grabbing my pajamas from off the floor, my bag of toiletries off the desk. I left the light off and slipped out to my connected bathroom.

I meant to hurry.

I brushed my teeth fiercely, trying to be thorough and speedy, removing all traces of roast. But the hot water of the shower couldn't be rushed. It unknotted the muscles in my back, calmed my pulse. The familiar smell of my shampoo made me feel like I might be the same person I had been this morning. I tried not to think of Ashley, sitting in my room, waiting, because then I had to start all over with the calming process.

And I would have to do other things.

Wetter things.

Finally, I couldn't delay anymore. I shut off the water, toweling hastily, rushing again. I pulled on my tank top and basketball shots. Too late to regret not packing the Victoria's Secret silk pajamas Emily got me a couple birthdays ago, which still had the tags on them in a drawer somewhere back home.

I rubbed the towel through my hair again, and then yanked the brush through it quickly. I threw the towel in the hamper, flung my brush and toothpaste into my bag. Then I dashed down the stairs so Paula and BEn could see that I was in my pajamas, with wet hair.

"'Night, Mom, Ben."

"'Night, Spence." She did look startled by my appearance. Maybe that would

keep her from checking on me tonight.

I took the stairs two at a time, trying to be quiet, and flew into my room, closing the door tightly behind me.

Ashley hadn't moved a fraction of an inch, a carving of Aphrodite perched on my faded quilt. I smiled, and her lips twitched, the statue coming to life.

Her eyes appraised me, taking in the damp hair, the tattered tank top. She raised one eyebrow. "Nice."

I grimaced.

"No, it looks good on you."

"Thanks," I whispered. I went back to her side, sitting cross-legged beside her. I looked at the lines in the wooden floor.

"What was all that for?"

"Paula thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh." She contemplated that. "Why?" As if she couldn't know Paula's mind much more clearly than I could guess.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

She lifted my chin, examining my face.

"You look very warm, actually."

She bent his face slowly to mine, laying her cool cheek against my skin. I held perfectly still.

"Mmmmmm," she breathed.

It was very difficult, while she was touching me, to frame a coherent question. It took me a minute of scattered concentration to begin.

"It seems to be, much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" she murmured, her nose gliding to the corner of my jaw. I felt her hand, lighter than a moth's wing, brushing my damp hair back, so that her lips could touch the hollow beneath my ear.

"Much, much easier," I said, trying to exhale.

"Hmm."

"So I was wondering," I began again, but her fingers were slowly tracing my collarbone, and I lost my train of thought.

Oh, fuck me.

No, seriously.

"Yes?" she breathed.

"Why is that," my voice shook, embarrassing me, "do you think?"

I felt the tremor of her breath on my neck as she laughed. "Mind over matter."

I pulled back; as I moved, she froze, and I could no longer hear the sound of her breathing.

We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, and then, as her clenched jaw gradually relaxed, her expression became puzzled.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, the opposite. You're driving me crazy," I explained.

She considered that briefly, and when she spoke, she sounded pleased. "Really?" A triumphant smile slowly lit her face.

Aww, that's my little tiger.

"Would you like a round of applause?" I asked sarcastically.

She grinned and nodded her head.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," she clarified. "In the last hundred years or so," her voice was teasing, "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with, in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it, at being with you."

"You're good at everything," I pointed out.

She shrugged, allowing that, and we both laughed in whispers.

"But how can it be so easy now?" I pressed. "This afternoon."

"It's not easy," she sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still, undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," I disagreed.

"Thank you." She smiled. "You see," she continued, looking down now, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough," She picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to her face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be, overcome," she breathed in the scent at my wrist, "I was, susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would, that I ever could."

I'd never seen her struggle so hard for words.

It was so, human.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter," she repeated, smiling, her teeth bright even in the darkness.

"Wow, that was easy," I said.

She threw back her head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still exuberantly.

"Easy for you!" she amended, touching my nose with her fingertip.

And then her face was abruptly serious.

"I'm trying," she whispered, her voice pained. "If it gets to be, too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

I scowled.

I didn't like the talk of leaving.

"And it will be harder tomorrow," she continued. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," I responded, unable to hide the longing in my voice.

"That suits me," she replied, her face relaxing into a gentle smile. "Bring on the shackles, I'm your prisoner." But her small hands formed manacles around my wrists as she spoke. She laughed her quiet, musical laugh. She'd laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd spent with her.

"You seem more, optimistic than usual," I observed. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" She smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," I agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example," her words flowed swiftly now, I had to concentrate to catch it all, "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me," She grimaced. "Do you remember the day that Antony asked you to the dance?"

I nodded, though I remembered that day for a different reason. "The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt, I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming," she chuckled.

I scowled in the darkness.

Ehh.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Antony, or Leslie, someone like them. It made me angry.

"And then," she whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." She was silent for a moment, probably listening to the suddenly uneven pounding of my heart.

"But jealousy, it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Paula asked you about that Sean," She shook her head angrily.

"I should have known you'd be listening," I groaned.

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," I teased, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Aiden...Aiden was meant for you. Madison or no Madison, how can I compete with that?"

Well, unless she's gay, but still!

"There's no competition." Her teeth gleamed. She drew my trapped hands around her back, holding me to her. I kept as still as I could, even breathing with caution.

"I know there's no competition," I mumbled into her cold skin. "That's the problem."

"Of course Aiden is beautiful in his way, but even if he wasn't like a brother to me, even if Madison didn't belong with him, he could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." She was serious now, thoughtful. "For almost more than a hundred years I've walked among my kind, and yours, all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," I whispered, my face still resting in the crook of her neck, listening to her breath come and go. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," he agreed with amusement. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." She freed one of her hands, released my wrist, only to gather it carefully into her other hand. She stroked my wet hair softly, from the top of my head to my waist. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity, what's that worth?"

"Very little, I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." And her voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.

I tried to pull back, to look in her face, but her hand locked my wrists in an unbreakable hold.

"What?" I started to ask, when her body became alert. I froze, but she suddenly released my hands, and disappeared. I narrowly avoided falling on my face.

"Lie down!" she hissed. I couldn't tell where he spoke from in the darkness.

I rolled under my covers, balling up on my side, the way I usually slept. I heard the door crack open, as Paula peeked in to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. I breathed evenly, exaggerating the movement.

A long minute passed. I listened, not sure if I'd heard the door close. Then Ashley's cool arm was around me, under the covers, her lips at my ear.

"You are a terrible actress, I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," I muttered. My heart was crashing in my chest.

She hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.

He paused. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," she reminded me.

"But I didn't know you were here," I replied icily.

"So if you don't want to sleep," she suggested, ignoring my tone. My breath caught.

"If I don't want to sleep?"

Oh yeah, score!

She chuckled. "What do you want to do then?"

I can think of a few things

I couldn't answer at first.

"I'm not sure," I finally said.

Coward.

"Tell me when you decide."

I could feel her cool breath on my neck, feel her nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," she whispered. "You have a very gorgeous smell, like cinnamon or apples," she noted. "It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

She chuckled, and then sighed.

"I've decided what I want to do," I told her. "I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

I sifted through my questions for the most vital. "Why do you do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

She hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others, the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot, they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been dealt a certain hand, it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above, to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.

"Did you fall asleep?" she whispered after a few minutes.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds, why only you? And Kyla, seeing the future, why does that happen?"

I felt her shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Christine has a theory, she believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified, like our minds, and our senses. She thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Kyla had some precognition."

"What did she bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Christine brought her compassion. Raife brought his ability to make outstanding, earth shattering music. Aiden brought his strength, Madison her, um, tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." she chuckled. "Christopher is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him, calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

"And Adelaide?"

She paused for a second and thought, then answered, "Adelaide, she is different, but not completely different, she brought her unconditional love. When you are with her, you can feel this overwhelming since of love. It's really amazing, really."

I considered the impossibilities she described, trying to take it in. She waited patiently while I thought.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Christine changed you, Kyla, and Adelaide, and then someone must have changed her, and so on."

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight, I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." She laughed, and something touched my hair, her lips?

I wanted to turn toward her, to see if it was really her lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for her than it already was.

"Are you ready to sleep?" she asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next," she reminded me. I smiled, euphoric at the thought.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be certain. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." Her voice had the seal of a promise in it.

"One more, then, tonight." And I blushed. The darkness was no help, I'm sure she could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Spence, you can ask me anything."

I didn't answer, and she groaned.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" Her voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.

I shook my head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," she threatened darkly. "Please?" Again, that pleading voice.

"Well," I began, glad that she couldn't see my face.

"Yes?"

"You said that Madison and Aiden will get married soon, Is that, marriage, the same as it is for humans?"

Common, a girl has to ask.

She laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what you're getting

at?"

I fidgeted, unable to answer.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," she said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was all I could say.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well, I did wonder, about you and me, someday..."

She was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of her body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.

"I don't think that, that, would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Spencer, simply by accident." Her voice had become just a soft murmur. She moved her icy palm to rest it against my cheek. "If I was too hasty, if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn't. "Are you scared?" she asked.

I waited for a minute to answer, so the words would be true. "No. I'm fine."

She seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," she said, her voice light again. "Have you ever?" She trailed off suggestively.

"Of course not." I flushed. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

True.

"I have...urges...but those feelings apply for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," I sighed.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." She sounded satisfied.

Wha?

No way?

Really?

"Your human instincts," I began. She waited. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

She laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.

"I may not be a human, but I have those urges," she assured me.

I yawned involuntarily.

Damn.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," she insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" I said too loudly.

She laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.

More tired than I realized, exhausted from the long day of mental and emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in her cold arms.

biBeing made of stone will make you strong

But I've been alone for oh so long

Then there you were a silent mind

And beauty that I thought I'd never find

Something Strange is happening

And I don't know what to do

I haven't felt my heart beat in over 90 years

I love the way you look at me

When you're thinking no one else can see

I feel like someone different when you're near

So sleep now and hold me tight

Everything will be alright

Just lay down and rest your waery eyes

Calm down, you're safe with me

I love you more than you can see

You need your rest and so I wrote you this

Lullaby

Could someone who has a soul

Have such a hard time staying in control

Eternity can wait a while

I'll miss the way you blush when you smile/i/b

bEnd of Chapter 14

Yeah, I'm good./b