Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You have all been wonderful.
Warning: Tony's dirty mouth. Let me know if you think he's starting to push us into M territory. I'm sure he'll get us there eventually, especially if he ever successfully convinces Steve to try any branch of telecommunications sex. I am now accepting bets on if Tony will succeed at accomplishing that.
Conversation 23: Please Stay Away from Jack, Jim and José
Anthony: You'll be happy to know that I'm perfectly okay and have survived my first day of everyone knowing that Pepper dumped me without incident. No snide remarks from other members of the board. No long-suffering looks of pity or condemnation from total strangers. The stocks have even gone up two points, because apparently most of Wall Street knew what was going on and now are relieved that Pepper is staying on despite our personal issues.
Anthony: Okay, somebody posted images of me visiting Dr Suarez's office in Midtown and apparently that is quelling Wall Street's worries.
Nomad: That's good.
Nomad: I mean, not that I think someone posting pictures of you going to therapy is good because it's not. I hate that people don't respect your privacy like they should. I am glad that things are not going as badly as you feared.
Anthony: Or you feared. BTW, I know you asked Friday to keep an eye on me, but there's no point. I have not dived headfirst into the nearest bottle of Jack, Jim, or José. Nor have I gone to the nearest bar or club to pick up a Jack, Jim, or José for a post breakup rebound fuck.
Anthony: I haven't even locked myself in the lab with 2 gallons of coffee, let alone with Jack, Jim, or José, either version. This is probably the healthiest way I've dealt with a major crisis ever.
Nomad: Also good. Especially the part about avoiding Jack, Jim, or José. I don't think sex with random strangers is going to make you feel better.
Anthony: No, they would make me feel better, at least until the orgasm high wore off, but then I would have to deal with the post one-night stand crash. It turns out I like relationships. I'm shit at them, but I like them.
Nomad: So everything's okay?
Anthony: Friday locked me out of my twitter account, but everything else is good. Really if twitter rants are the worst thing I'm doing, this is going really well.
Nomad: Why did Friday lock you out of your twitter account?
Anthony: Your closet case ex made a nasty comment about Pepper. He said something about her being ousted as CEO of Stark industries at any moment because she is no longer sucking my dick. Apparently, he's too stupid to comprehend that some women are just better at things that him. Okay, most women are better at things than him.
Nomad: I doubt he said that. Considering he was the worst sex I ever had, I completely agree.
Anthony: He actually said "I wonder how long SI_CEO_VPotts will stay at SI now that she is no longer "fully servicing" Iron_Man". Go check his twitter account if you don't believe me. He has yet to have the decency to delete it despite having 20 comments by other people telling him to do so. Actually, most of them are telling him to delete his account.
Nomad: Because he had very little decency to begin with.
Anthony: Agreed. The misogyny came out loud and clear in those 100 characters. I don't really care about what he says about me, but Pepper doesn't deserve this. Pepper didn't even have sex with me until months after she became CEO.
Nomad: And you tried to defend Pepper's honor?
Anthony: Yes, and instead of posting my tweets, Friday emailed it to Pepper who told me she was flattered that I was defending her, but would prefer if I did it in a way that wouldn't cause her to spend more time with PR than absolutely necessary. Then she said that she was really proud that I've managed to stay sober for 50 days and she's really hoping that I make it to 60.
Nomad: So am I especially with what's going on.
Nomad: Friday, what did Tony try to Tweet out that made you go first to Ms. Potts?
Anthony: You don't trust me to tell the truth? I'm offended.
Nomad: No you're not.
Friday: WHiHOfficial_JWest either someone is overcompensating for their tiny dick or jealous that V Potts has the career you wish you had.
Friday: WHiHOfficial_JWest or maybe you're just bitter that Iron_Man is an out and proud bisexual and you're a self-loathing closet case
Friday: WHiHOfficial_JWest SI_CEO_VPotts was a goddess among CEOs long before she was screwing Stark and will be so long afterwards.
Nomad: I now know why they locked you out of your twitter account. I never told you that his penis was small.
Anthony: But is it? It definitely seems like he is overcompensating for something. You did say it was the worst sex you ever had. There had to be a reason for that. Unless that reason is total lack of skill. I have neither of those problems.
Nomad: I'm not answering that question.
Anthony: You are no fun.
Nomad: You should be happy that Friday kept you from sending that out. Twitter is forever.
Anthony: I wasn't going to send it from the Tony Stark official Twitter account.
Nomad: That is actually Iron_Man
Anthony: Because the other option was already taken. I was going to send it from my Anthony Carbonell account. I use that account to follow all of my favorite food trucks and make snarky comments anonymously.
Nomad: I'm not even surprised.
Anthony: That I would call out your ex on twitter? Of course I would because he is a hypocrite. He doesn't want to live side-by-side with enhanced people, but he has no problem fucking one or most likely being fucked by one.
Nomad: That you have a twitter account just to follow food trucks. Honestly, it was mostly oral.
Anthony: The Greek fries at DC Ballers are awesome. I bet he had an awful time getting you off and that's why you found the whole thing so awful.
Nomad: You now have DC food trucks? I told you it was a disastrous two weeks, what do you think?
Anthony: That I should've put some 'toys' in your care package.
Anthony: We are both at the State Department way too much. Also there's Rock Salt with the fried pickles. I have to find them when I'm in DC again next week.
Anthony: I just have to say I would do so much better. You wouldn't even be able to remember your name when I'm done with you.
Nomad: You're going back to DC so soon?
Anthony: Yes. More meetings. Remember I told you that Dr. Suarez cleared me to start putting the new Avenger team back together again. I'm supposed to meet the new recruits soon.
Anthony: Of course they're expecting me to hand over the shield first so they can pick a new paragon of virtue to masquerade as you. Well everybody but Agent Scary and Coulson as well as their team, that is. Apparently it's not an Avenger team, if you don't have a guy on there looking like the living interpretation of American nationalism. I feel like Coulson should count, but the acting dictator thinks differently.
Nomad: I wouldn't be that upset if you gave the codename away to someone else. I don't want to be Captain America again. It's too hard living up to everything that means.
Anthony: That still doesn't mean I'm going to let them give your shield to the first hot guy that kind of looks like you so they can use the legend of Captain America as a propaganda tool so people won't look too closely at people like Ross who are misapplying the Accords. That's not right either.
Nomad: If it keeps you from getting arrested, just turn it over.
Anthony: You're telling me to give in? That's weird.
Nomad: I'm telling you to be safe. Remember, I have different standards when it comes to the people I care about.
Anthony: I'm aware of that. I'm having dinner with friends tonight so I have to get dressed. So no hiding in my lab to cry about the fact that I will be a lonely bachelor for the rest of eternity for me tonight. But that does mean I need to cut this conversation short.
Nomad: You're going out with the Colonel?
Anthony: Actually Queens and his aunt, but don't worry, we're going out because I didn't think it was possible for someone to be worse at cooking than me. And yet I have met her. Although we could get some KFC and then yes, the Colonel would actually be there.
Nomad: You are so ridiculous sometimes. I'm glad you're making friends. I think it's what you need right now.
Anthony: I am too, but I still miss you.
Nomad: I miss you too.
To be continued
All the twitter names in this chapter were fake (I hope) except for the official Tony Stark account because I actually used the official Tony Stark account for that one.
