a/n: This chapter did great!
Dedication- InLoveWithEdward2: First off, thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you can sort of get where this story is going though I am very sorry for making you sad! Yes, Bella has taken on so much in about two weeks; it's only a matter of time before she breaks down. Sex is a way for them to find peace together; it might not have been a good idea for them to do it, but they did.
I meant for all of you to be shocked; it was pretty unexpected if you ask me. I can't really say if he will remember or not, you will find out, but Edward does need to understand that he is hurting Bella too. Think about it from his point of view; he looks for comfort in who ever he can, but can you blame him? It's not only hard for people who are bi-polar, but it is just as hard for the people that live around them. Being together so much might not be the best thing for both of them, but they find peace, comfort, and hope with each other; it's easy to see why they stay together so much.
I think in order for everyone to understand what exactly is going on thoroughly, we are going to have to hear everything in Edward's point of view. Most of the story is generalized around his painful life, so in order to understand exactly why he does what he does, we are going to have to wait and see exactly what is going through Edward's mine. It's a tough struggle I have set up for these two.
Oh you will see what I have planned for the monster that is his step-father, don't worry, he will get what he deserves. Oh the length of your review is amazing! I loved reading it, it made my day. It definitely makes up for not reviewing earlier, I loved reading it, make all your reviews like that! lol I'm glad you think I am doing such a good job of getting a big problem out there in the open. Sometimes we just need to understand something more before we can have the power to work towards a way to fix it.
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NatalieTheSaint: Oh I hope you finish everything you have to do! I hate when you have something really important to do and you find something that is much, much more exciting to do and you just get side tracked. I love homework, I love school, so that doesn't happen in place of my school work. Though it has happened when my friends are waiting for me or when my dad needs me to do something lol. I hope you got everything done, thanks for your review.
lillitgirlx2: I'm sorry I stopped there! If I didn't, you guys would have an over load of information and the tears would flow. It was a little confusing, I admit, but I'm glad you figured it out. Thanks for that little compliment, I try my best to surprise you guys with something that no one could ever expect. You will see what I do with the whole Edward kissing a guy thing, just wait and see!
Bethany Knight: That's alright, I'm glad you got the chance to review after all. Have fun with your sister! Glad you enjoyed it.
silver sniper of night: Okay, okay, so maybe I exaggerated a tiny bit, but to bad. I did love how long it was though! I don't think Edward means to hurt her, but you are correct; she is keeping everything inside, and we all know that, that is not good. If you couldn't tell, Bella is a very selfless person, especially when it comes to Edward. She doesn't want to hurt him any more than he is already hurting, but while she is trying to do that, she is hurting herself more. He did cheat on her, but it depends on how you look at it. When I write, I try to create a scenario where it depends on your personal opinion as to what everything means. Like in this case, Edward kissed another man while he was drunk and he seemed to enjoy it but on the other hand he seemed scared and his mind isn't stable. So it's your opinion if you consider him a cheater or not. It is one big circle, this story always is!
Olympic1340: Don't be depressed, I'm sorry it made you sad. I'm sorry it brought back unwanted memories for you, not my intentions. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that you can personally relate to. I agree with you, some people can spot the weakest link that has suffered the most. For someone like Edward, in that situation he might feel he doesn't have a choice and that he is to afraid to do anything about it. Bella is going to be needing help too soon, this is to much for her to handle all at once.
lakepup: It's nice to hear that you look forward to my updates, that's a very good thing to hear! I will make sure I throw in what they went as in this chapter, I sort of forgot to put that in there lmao. I am considering writing him into the story again, you will just have to wait and see. That was nice of you to help your brother, especially when you were so young. I hope you feel better!
Unseen Wonder: haha, another entertaining review by you. It put a smile on my face, thanks for that. Glad you are liking the story, love you too.
Lucigurl, Flymon, Nevaeh09, piratehannelore, tkzslover, VampireCat3, TotalTwilightAddict, icefang7, katykat18, Kinky-Vampire69 aka G.A.D.T...,andobsessedtwilightfan09: Thanks so, so much for all of your reviews. It always makes my day when I come home from school and check to see if I have any new reviews and I find that I have a bunch, it means so much. It makes my day, thanks again.
Well guys, my goal for this next chapter is to get the story up to 275 reviews. When it gets there, or close to there, I will update again.
Here goes Chapter 28!
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What a horrible way to start off a Wednesday. After Edward was done throwing up, I helped him shower. He was weak from his sickness; his whole body was resting on mine. I climbed into the shower with him; his eyes drooping even more. His body was covered with sweat and the continence of his stomach. I took the bar of soap and washed down his pale chest; reaching his hips. His hips pushed towards my hand as I washed his lower region.
I ignored his growing hardness and finished rubbing soap all over him; helping him rinse off. His hands found my chin, pulling it up until his lips found mine. Last night replayed in my mind. Edward's hands squeezing someone else's ass. His quiet groans as the other man gropped at his crotch;there lips locked together feverishly. I pushed him back, a little more roughly than I intended to, and he fell back into the shower wall.
His eyes snapped open and I couldn't meet them as I got out of the shower; wrapping a towel around myself and sinking to the floor. "It's last night, isn't it?" He was out of the shower now, wrapping his own towel around himself and sitting next to me. His voice was crushed, defeated. "I thought it was a dream, I thought I imagined it." He sounded as if someone stabbed him the chest. "Bella, you know I only love you, please say you forgive me. I didn't mean to, I just, I don't know what happened. I was drunk, he just started kissing me, I don't even remember it."
He babbled on, his voice panicked. His fear of loosing me was making me feel even worse. He needed me, how could I be so selfish and make him suffer more? "What happened exactly? I didn't..." His voice was so quiet, I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not. I forced myself to look up at him, watching as small tears fell from his eyes. "I don't know how it started. You went to the bathroom and didn't come back for a while, so I went looking for you. I found you kissing...a guy..."
I didn't hate him for what he did, that I was sure. I did feel like a part of my chest had been ripped out, and it was a feeling I couldn't ignore. "Oh god Bella, I'm not gay, I swear to you. I don't remember how it started, all I remember was dancing with you, than him pushing me against a wall and asking me if I ever gave he-." His stopped abruptly, his eyes widening.
"Oh fucking shit, I gave him head." A look of pure disgust and pain flashed across his face; I had to help him. "No, no Edward, love, you didn't. I saw you two kissing, and I was going to leave, but he was going to get you to suck him, I stopped him." He looked slightly relieved, but he was still stressed. "I wanted to do it..? Everyone was right, than? I'm gay..or bi?" The pure pain in his eyes melted my heart. My internal battle was still ragging inside my head.
He obviously didn't mean for any of this to happen, but that didn't make it any more right, did it? How much pain would it cause him if I were to leave? I had no plan on leaving for good, maybe just a break. I loved Edward, I really did, but what I saw last night was something I couldn't just forget. "No, that doesn't make you gay. You were drunk, besides, you didn't look like you wanted to give him head; you looked more scared."
He said nothing, he didn't even move. I didn't break the silence; waiting for him to say something. Finally, he did, "I don't remember much of it, I do remember I was scared, and..." He took a deep breath, glancing over at me, "And that I felt I didn't have a choice. I wanted you to be there and make everything better; you always do. Than you were there, just like I wished. Bella you're my own personal angel, without you, I would die." I bit my tongue, him and I needed to take a break from this. I needed to get over what happened last night and he needed to make sure I was really who he wanted.
"That is exactly why I think we need to take a break." I didn't want to stay away from him, but we needed some time to put our thoughts together. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about us taking a little break. Not for long, I just need some time to catch up with the rest of the world. We spend so much time together Edward, and I love being with you. It's just that, I'm not used to spending so much time with someone like you, and I need a little break."
His eye brows pulled together in confusion, his eyes glued to the floor. "I get it, thanks for spending so much time with me." He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing roughly, "I shouldn't have forced so much at you, it was wrong of me. People shouldn't be forced to deal with someone like me." He got to his feet and headed to his bedroom without looking back. "Edward, you got it wrong. I love you. You are not forcing me to deal with anyone. There is nothing wrong with you, I love you for just who you are, you're perfect in your own way. I just need to think about everything right now."
I followed him into his bedroom, stopping at the door. He was fiddling with one of his many knives on his bed. The blade was open but not touching his skin yet. His eyes slowly met mine, a small smile on his lips. "You should probably leave." I rushed to his side, dropping to my knees next to him. "Give me the knife Edward, I love you. Don't hurt yourself," I pleaded quietly, holding his wrists in mine tightly.
His wrists were small and bony; I never noticed how small they were before. I loosened my grip; I was afraid that if I squeezed any harder they would break. "I won't be gone for long and I will still be seeing you, just not as much. I just need a week to myself, than everything can go back to normal. Look, I'm missing school, I haven't been seeing my father a lot, I havn't talked to my mother, I just need to remind the rest of the world I'm still alive." His hands were shaking in mine and my throat tightened slightly in my effort to not break down in tears.
"I said I understand, please go." His voice was void of all emotions, hiding everything from me. "I don't want you to hurt yourself," I sounded so pitiful. I shouldn't have said anything, I shouldn't have even brought it up. "I will always be hurting Bella, face it, I'm fucked up." His sadness was masked with disapointment at himself, he let himself down. "You are to good for me Bella, everything about you is to good. You deserve a guy who can take care of you, not a guy who needs you to baby him all the time because he can't take 5 steps without falling." He was getting even more frustrated; his hand gripping the knife in his hand even tighter.
"That's not it Edward, I just wanted to go see my father and catch up at school, I won't though if it is going to hurt you more." He snorted, laughing slightly. "I don't want you to be anywhere you don't want to be. Go, now, get the fuck out of my room. Leave Bella, come back to me whenever you want. I will still be here, I have no one else anyway." He threw the knife at the wall, sticking it straight into the wall. His eyes were wild with pain, fear, and even worse, hate.
"Bella you're selfish, get out." He stared at me, his eyes burning into mine. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't sit here with him and pretend I was happy. I loved Edward, with all my heart. I understood him, I knew he didn't mean any of this and that he would regret it sooner or later, but I was 16, I couldn't handle someone as fragile as Edward. He needed 24/7 care, and I just couldn't give that to him, not yet.
"I'm sorry Bella, I love you." He sounded sorry and I knew he was, but I knew he knew in his heart that it was time for a break. "I love you too Edward, I do." I kissed him quickly and pulled on my cloths from last night and left without looking back. The past 2 weeks I spent with Edward had been 2 of the greatest of my life;I learned so much from him. It wasn't goodbye, I would be back with him in a few days.
Alice caught me at the door, a small smile on her lips. "Please don't be mad Alice, I'm not leaving you, your brother, or the rest of your family. I love you guys, I just need to get some time to myself. This is so much at once, I need to come up for air." I knew Alice, she would understand. "I know Bella, I knew it was only a matter of time before you needed to leave for awhile. Just promise it won't be for long, I need my best friend." I launched myself at her, hugging her tightly. "You are great Alice, I promise it will only be a few days."
That's when we both heard it, a broken sob from down the hall, from Edward's room. I inhaled shakily, backing away from her. "Write down my number and give it to him, if he needs me at anytime, if any of you do, call me." She smiled and I recited my number for her and she entered it into her phone. "Don't worry about him Bella, I will look after him and everyone else. We understand this is new for you. We have been putting up with all of this forever and who are you kidding? We know Edward can be a handful, but you love him and that is all that matters. He will be okay, he knows you love him and I'm sure he loves you too."
I smiled at her again, leave it to Alice to make me feel so much better. "Take care of him, Alice, and yourself." I turned and headed back out the door, calling over my shoulder, "I will see you in a few days." I got in my car, not stopping to look back at the house as I drove back towards my fathers house. Tears stung my eyes, but I didn't bother to clear them away. Charlie's cruiser was already in the driveway, I didn't know why he was home so early, but it was a good thing. Him and I needed to have a long chat about everything going on right now.
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a/n: That's it! Please don't get to mad at me for this. You all knew Bella was going to need a break sooner or later, so it was time she got one. Don't worry, it's not permanent. I promise happier chapters are to come, you will just have to suffer who some of the sadder ones. Remember, you get the next update when we get to around 275 reviews! Thanks for reading, hope this chapter didn't disappoint you.
