A/N: Hey, guys, thank you all for your most wonderful reviews! It's incredibly rewarding to know what you were thinking while reading it! I hope you'll like the next chapter just as much - it's a bonus for the Bonnie and Stefan shippers, but I guess Delena fans might like it, too. At this stage, it seems that the two of them are always interacting with each on a level even below their own awareness. It can't be much longer before they finally act on all those carefully hidden emotions, can it? ;)


ELENA

It took a great deal of arguing, begging and persuading to get Stefan to agree to Alys's idea of moving to their house. He finally relented, as his concerns of losing control with any of us outweighed his reluctance to deal with Damon.

I had to take Alys's word on it, because I hadn't seen Stefan since the day Damon had broken into his room. Stefan still refused to see me or Bonnie, not trusting himself around us. Only now did I realize what a vital part Stefan had become in my life over the last months – just a couple of days without him and I missed him dearly.

When he finally agreed to speak to me in person again – under Damon's supervision at the boarding house – he smiled at me from what he considered a safe distance and carefully maintained it. It seemed pretty exaggerated to me.

"So, how have you been doing?" I asked, feeling a little bit silly talking to him with an entire room stretching between us. Stefan shrugged. "Fine, compared to how I felt a few days ago. It's getting better."

"But you still think you can't handle it?"

"It doesn't work for me, Elena," Stefan said wistfully. "Feeding how Damon thinks it should be done... I can't bring myself to do it. It doesn't feel right. And it just isn't me."

"So what are you going to do then?"

"Sticking to blood bags, like Elijah and Alys do. Apparently, I won't ever get clean of human blood again."

I mused at his choice of words. Clean – like he was a drug addict or an alcoholic. But maybe he was. They couldn't even drink a glass of beer without having to go cold turkey all over again.

"I guess I will have to keep myself away from crowds and girls for a while. And that includes you. We need to keep a distance."

"How much is a distance?" I wanted to know, not fully able to keep the irony out of my voice. "Are you planning to move out of state?"

"No, of course not. There would still be humans around, with no one to control me."

"Who's controlling you now?"

"Damon," Stefan said matter-of-factly. "He won't let me kill you – or anybody you care about. That's the only reason why I agreed to see you."

I marveled briefly at his assumption that my human life held value for Damon – enough that Stefan was entrusting it to him. Of course, Damon wouldn't let me die – he'd proven that at least twice already – but would he really mind being forced to vamp me, if Stefan slipped?

"What if it's not going to work for you? What if you'll never be like before again?"

"Alys has been coping for many years," Stefan argued.

I reminded him that Alys had also been keeping a safe distance from humans of the opposite gender for as long as I'd known her. It was a lonely prospect for the future. "What about Bonnie?"

He dropped his gaze. "I don't know. I can't be around her just now – it's even worse than with you."

"That's because you want her," came Damon's snippy voice from the door that made us both turn. "And it's not always easy for a vampire to distinguish between hunger and – hunger, if you get my meaning." Damon was leaning in the doorframe, looking as if he was up to something. A nearly invisible smile played around his mouth. "I brought someone for you," he informed Stefan cheerfully, who responded with a distrustful and suspicious frown.

"I hope it's not another sorority girl, prostitute or vampire groupie volunteering as a blood donor... I told you, I'm not gonna do that again. It's revolting."

"No to the first and to the second. A definite 'maybe' to the third." Damon turned his head back to the hallway. "Come on in, Sabrina!"

He took a step aside to let another person enter. "Bonnie!" Stefan gasped in shock when he saw who Damon had brought along. "What are you doing here?"

"I asked her to come," Damon said without a trace of guilt. "Since we're having this little get-together, I figured she shouldn't be left out. After all, she's as much part of the problem as the solution to it."

"No – please, Bonnie! This is not good – you have to leave!" Distraught, Stefan scanned the room for possibility to back off even further, but there was no escape. So he just clutched the back of a chair as if that could prevent him from involuntarily flinging himself forward.

Damon shot him a disapproving glance and cocked his head to the side. "You have to excuse him, Bonnie. See, the reason why he is behaving like a jerk is this: No vampire can feel attraction for a human for long without feeling the hunger, too. Judging by his reaction to you, I'd say that Stefan has reached that stage already. So unless the two of you decide to never see each other again, Stefan has to learn to control his urges – so he won't accidentally kill you when his lower instincts are taking over. Unfortunately, he's been acting rather coyly up to now – at least towards the girls who were freely offering their services. He walks on a moral plane way out of our eye line, believing that feeding from the vein is unethical, immoral, politically incorrect... you name it."

"That's because I still have moral principles, whereas you don't give a damn who you hurt, who you use or who you kill, as long as it suits your needs! I'm not gonna become like that! I'd sooner die!"

"Only you can't!" Damon said with a sarcastic smile. "You're immortal!"

"But not immoral!"

"Yeah. That's a hell of a mantra. You should tattoo it somewhere." Damon rolled his eyes. "Given that you don't want to feed on a girl who gets paid for it, the most reasonable thing to do is to feed on one who'll do it for free. That's why I asked Bonnie over."

"What?" Stefan and I stared at him, totally aghast.

"If Bonnie is willing to sacrifice a few pints of her blood, this should not put you in an ethical predicament, right? You like her and she likes you... nothing to get your morals worked up about."

"Damon, will you please shut up before I make you!"

"But he's right. I want to help." Bonnie seemed neither surprised nor shocked about any of this. Obviously, Damon had given her the details beforehand, and she had a good idea about what she was getting herself into. I had to admire her courage. If I hadn't been so much of a coward, I might have offered myself, but I had recoiled from that thought the moment it had crossed my mind. Just as Stefan felt that he wouldn't be able to sink his teeth into anyone's flesh, I could not stand the idea of having anyone sink his teeth into mine again. Not after what had happened. I was glad that Damon hadn't suggested it.

As sound as his arguments were, I could understand that Stefan was seriously pissed with him for including Bonnie in this without consulting him first. But of course, he wouldn't have considered it – not for a second, just as he was not going to consider it now. "Bonnie, no – stay away!" Stefan implored, clearly taken aback. "I don't want to feed on any human, least of all on you!"

"Now, Stefan, there is no reason to be rude!" Damon chided, turning to Bonnie again. "Don't listen to him, I'm sure he didn't mean to be offensive. He'll love your blood – just as much as he likes everything else about you."

His gaze wandered from her to me, so when he continued, I knew this wasn't just about Stefan and Bonnie any more. "The more he falls for you, the more he'll get attracted to it – until he'll no longer be able to resist. It's inevitable."

The warning was also directed at me. Either I stayed away from him, or I'd suffer the consequences. There was no pure and untainted love to be had with a vampire. No kissing without biting.

Bonnie put down her jacket. "Please, Stefan – why won't you let me help? You've saved me, before. I'm not afraid."

Her pleading voice made him look at her, but his face was like stone. "I'm not gonna do this to you – nor to anybody else. Using people as if they are walking blood bags – I don't want to be like that."

Damon snorted. "Ah, Stefan! Always the white knight! Well, here's some bad news for you: You already are! And there's nothing you can do about it! Face it – you are a vampire! Feeding on humans is what we do, so you might as well enjoy it." His words were harsh, but there was no denying the facts. Yet Stefan could be sarcastic, too.

"Sorry if the idea of hurting someone does not really excite me. Something must have gone seriously wrong when I got vamped!"

"It surely can't be that bad..." Bonnie shrugged her shoulders. "Otherwise Damon wouldn't find anyone willing to become his playmate. Just try to be careful."

"I think they're right, Stefan..." I reluctantly put in, only to have Damon interrupt me. "Of course I am!" he said cockily. I scowled at him, then, on turning to Stefan, softened my glance. "Being a vampire doesn't change who you are. You can still be a decent person, you can still make the right decisions. And you don't have to become flippant or cynical about it, nor ignorant of people's feelings." Like certain other vampires.

"It's not the fact that you need blood that makes you a bad person," Bonnie added, "it's what you're willing to do to get it that makes the difference. And you don't even have to make a habit of it."

Damon nodded. "Certainly not. You can always go back to chasing squirrels or sucking food from bags – provided you don't mind a little fur between the teeth or the plastic taste."

"Will you please stop being snarky?" I begged him, exasperated. "This is not helpful."

Damon shrugged. Then, with another totally unexpected move, he grabbed Bonnie's arm and pulled her over. "Well, then maybe this is," he said, bending his head down and sinking his teeth into her wrist. Bonnie visibly flinched.

"No!" Stefan shouted, instinctively jumping forward and only stopping dead in his tracks when Damon immediately looked up again, licking his lips. "There," he said, and softly pushed Bonnie towards Stefan. "See if you manage to resist her now."

Clearly, he wasn't managing it. His nostrils flared, and a desperate, animalistic sound tore from his throat. Something indefinable happened to his features – they sharpened, suddenly turning darker and less human. His eyes seemed to sink into dark hollows, which, I soon realized, weren't shadows at all: rather, the thin layer of skin beneath his eyes was all of a sudden showing a fine net of veins that hadn't been there before. While the white of his eyes appeared bloodshot, his pupils had contracted to mere pinpoints in the unholy glow of his irises, emphasizing his non-human appearance. It looked alien, unsettling and definitely threatening. I knew that if he were to open his tightly pressed lips now, his mouth would show fangs. Instinctively, I stepped back.

Stefan averted his face, obviously aware of the change. I could see that he was breathing hard. Yet Bonnie's eyes remained fixed on him and she kept drawing nearer. Amazingly, she still seemed very composed as she stood in front of him, gently putting a hand on his chin to make him face her again. On doing so, she also brought her bleeding wrist close to his mouth, and that's when he lost control.

I turned my back on them, unable to watch, I heard Damon calmly say: "Okay, that's it – let go of her for now." His slightly strained posture made clear that he was ready to jump in any moment, if need be. But Stefan seemed able to cope. He raised his head and slowly lowered Bonnie's arm. His face, which still bore a trace of that unfamiliar strangeness, was slowly transforming back to normal, but he remained tense and keyed-up.

"There," Damon said again, satisfied. "That wasn't so bad, was it? Seems like our practice is paying off."

I looked at Bonnie, who was a little paler than usual, but most likely, that was due to the situation as such, and not a result of the blood loss. Stefan surely couldn't have taken that much in such a short time. She sat down on the sofa with slightly shaky legs, careful not to look at her wrist.

Damon poured a glass of bourbon into a glass and offered it to Bonnie. "Have some – it'll calm your nerves. If I can persuade you to have some more after that one, we might even enjoy seeing Stefan drunk for the first time in – well, probably at least ten years. Provided he ever got drunk while he was still human."

Bonnie accepted the drink, but declined a refill. "I might be a little shaken, but not that much, thank you. I'm a witch – I'm familiar with the concept of spilling a little blood. Like you said: It wasn't so bad."

"Well, good for you, because he'll have to chomp on you again. The idea is to make him learn how to stop any time. So you just stick around a little longer and – and then let's see if he can do it once more." He looked at me questioningly. "You look as if you could use a drink, too."

I shook my head and turned to the kitchen. "I need a glass of water." Above all, I needed to get away from Bonnie, whose wrist was still bleeding slightly, and Stefan, who stood with clenched fists beside her, not really able to turn his gaze from it. Whatever it was that he was fighting, it scared me. Maybe because seeing Stefan, who was always so calm and composed, this worked-up at the sight of blood did not make him feel-good company. I could only hope that he would get things under control, because I definitely did not care to see that expression on his face ever again.

"Are you all right?" I looked up to see Damon leaning in the kitchen's door frame. From there, he still had a view of the living room – just in case. "I think I've seen dead bodies with a healthier glow than yours just now..."

"I've never seen him like this," I said, hunching my shoulders. "It's like he turned into a completely different person... His eyes – they were like..." My voice faltered, I was unable to describe what I had seen in them.

"Just a very visible sign of hunger or heightened emotions," Damon said calmly, "nothing to be concerned about."

"It's unsettling – as is everything else that's going on in there."

"Awkward and about as sexy as artificial insemination," he agreed, then gave a snort. "And you call me a freak!"

"Well, I guess there is simply nothing sensual in being bitten," I said, which earned me one of his penetrating stares.

"Oh, but there is!" he objected with utter conviction, before gesturing towards the living room with a slight movement of his head, a touch of disdain back in his face. "This, on the other hand, is disgusting to watch – makes me feel like peeping Tom. Just instead of seeing a naked woman on a horse, it's more like observing an uninspired coupling in the dark for the sake of reproduction."

"You are feeding from Marisol," I reminded him, recalling how aghast he had been on my presumption that he was sleeping with her. Obviously, sensuality was not a part of it.

Damon frowned. "Bonnie is not a middle-aged, slightly overweight housekeeper, but an attractive young woman. Besides, even my feeding from Marisol has more sensuality to it than this."

I had troubles imagining it – but then, the whole concept of having a personal blood servant seemed strange to begin with. "Stefan just isn't comfortable with it."

"Yes, and it shows," Damon said reproachfully. "How could he ever make Bonnie enjoy this if he himself is so awkward about it?"

I thought about the few times I had witnessed those teeth in action. It was nothing I cared to repeat. "I can't see how anyone could enjoy being bitten," I said, shifting uneasily.

"I guessed as much." Damon gave me an intense look that was impossible to read. "But there is a reason for people to become vampire groupies. You know, Elena – quite a few women actually get off on it..."

I felt myself blushing. For some reason, I also felt a bit defensive. As if he had just called me a prude. "Well, Bonnie and I both have had our first hand experience, and there was nothing even remotely enjoyable in it – not when I was attacked in the car, not when Bonnie got bitten or when you bit me last Saturday."

His reaction was astonishingly frank. "That's because those were all acts of violence," he said matter-of-factly. "They were never intended to be anything but cruel."

Although I had been careful not to let any sign of reproach tint my voice, I was a bit surprised that he so readily filed his own actions into that category. It was impossible to tell if he had regrets about it, but he obviously knew that by biting me, he had left his mark on me in more than a literal sense. I might not be afraid of him for what he had done, but I was afraid of becoming the subject of his most primitive urges.

"Then how can she do it?" I wondered, not really having meant to say out loud what I failed to understand. "Why isn't she scared to death after what happened in the library?"

"Because Bonnie doesn't remember any of it. It was easy to take the memories from her – the biting at the time didn't fit into her perception of events. In fact, everything made much more sense without this particular detail. For you, it was different. You were aware of what had happened, even though I erased the details from you mind. Unfortunately, your imagination filled in the missing pieces. Adding that to your other experiences, which admittedly haven't been pleasant, I guess we can call you traumatized, after all." He leaned closer and, with a purring voice and seductive - albeit smug - smile, added: "But you know what? I'd be perfectly willing to help you get over it! I can be patient... and gentle... and I'm really good at making it pleasurable..."

I merely stared at him and audibly swallowed. Well, if that didn't make everything so much less disconcerting!


BONNIE

There was an awkward moment when Elena left for the kitchen and Damon followed close behind. Not because I was scared – I wasn't. But Stefan and I were both fully aware of the intimacy involved in his feeding on me, and we had taken that step before having had a chance to sort out our feelings and admit them to each other.

After Friday night, there had just been that one phone conversation, before Stefan had visibly distanced himself from me. At first, I had been afraid that he had become aware of my feelings and didn't reciprocate them. When it became obvious that his detachment didn't have anything to do with me, but all to do with Stefan's predicament, I had felt relief rather than worry.

So when Damon had shown up and told me what he wanted me to do, I hadn't thought twice about it. Still, this would have been easier if our relationship had at least been acknowledged.

Stefan obviously felt the same. He was standing beside the window, turning his back on me and avoiding even looking at me. "Why did you agree to this, Bonnie?" he asked, staring into the green that was slowly turning dark grey with the fading light.

He probably was going to delve into guilt and self-loathing again, and even though I felt a little unsure myself, I slowly walked over to him. Silently leaning against the window, I looked up into his tense and anguished face, wishing I could wipe the hurt, the pain and the fear from it.

"Because I wanted to," I told him honestly, hoping that I'd be able to make him believe me. "Because I care about you. And because I want nothing more that to get near you again."

There was doubt in his eyes, though probably not at my words. But there was also a glimmer of something else – hope?

"Did you ever know that you were my very first real love?" I asked, smiling in memory of my childish, eight year old self, and smiling at the man who the hero of my childhood had grown into. "You were so cool, so kind and caring. I always felt like there was nothing in the world you wouldn't be able to put right. My diary from back then has your name in it on almost every page, mostly framed with hearts."

This had him finally turn his gaze on me. The ghost of a smile twitched the corner of his mouth. "No, it hasn't!" he said in honest disbelief. I noticed that some of the tension seemed to leave his body.

"I still have it if you want proof," I said solemnly. "When I met you at the library that day – before Elena even laid eyes on you – I had this feeling again. Like the day you saved me from Jimmy Jenkins." Given that he obviously didn't remember, I related the incident that was still etched into my memory in detail, making him smile for real this time.

"I didn't have the slightest idea that I was superman in your eyes back then," Stefan said softly and a little sadly. "I wish I had known."

"You still are, Stefan." Reaching out, I gently touched his face, fully aware that I was bringing my wrist with its oozing wound dangerously close to his mouth again. The veins around his eyes immediately became prominent and his eyes darkened. He was about to turn away, so I quickly put my other hand to his chin, cupping his face and holding it in place. "Don't..." I begged, hoping that he would not shut me out again this time.

"How is that even possible?" he whispered, holding my gaze in wonder. "How can you love me still, seeing what I have become – a monster?"

"We can never choose who we love. And you are no more a monster in my eyes than I am just food in yours. I know that I'm not."

Stefan slowly raised his own hand and covered mine, gently caressing it with his thumb. His gaze held me captured, and though his eyes looked alien and unhuman right now, the passion in it didn't. "In my eyes, you are the most beautiful, courageous and selfless woman I ever met," he said almost reverently. "You're sweet, and warm, and I find myself drawn to you more that I ever thought possible. I can't resist you, Bonnie."

"Then don't," I whispered, seeing the veins around his eyes darken at my words.

He turned his face slightly sideways until his lips were almost touching my skin, his cheek rough against the soft skin of my wrist. He took a struggled breath, taking in my scent and that of my blood. I slightly nodded my head, silently telling him that it was alright.

He wasn't able to fight it any longer. Or maybe, I hoped, he had finally stopped feeling that he had to. Giving in to his instincts, he sank his teeth into my flesh again, his left hand firmly holding my wrist in place, his arm encircling my waist and pulling me close to his body. Despite the slightly burning pain that soon ebbed off, I felt good in his embrace.

When he managed to release me after only taking about three gulps of my blood, he slowly lifted his head and searched my gaze. His face no longer looked dark and forlorn, but was filled with immense relief, wonder and hope. Stefan reached out a hand to tenderly touch my cheek. "I might not have known it when I was still human," he said, his voice slightly shaking, "but I know it now: I love you, Bonnie. You're coming to me in the heart of all this darkness, like a beacon of light, and I can't even begin to describe how that makes me feel..."

"Ahhh, please!" Damon's contemptuous voice interrupted our moment. "No need to get so nauseatingly cheesy on top of it all!" He stepped into the living room again, contorting his face in mock disgust. Elena, who was close behind him, smacked his arm. "Damon!" she chided in outrage. "There is also no need for you to be an asshole again!"

I felt myself blushing, which fortunately did not show on my dark skin. I disentangled myself from Stefan, but when my fingers slipped away from his face, he quickly took my hand into his and refused to let go.

Having untied the knot and strings that had kept us wrapped up in our emotional turmoil, I was overcome with joy and happiness. But I also found renewed strength and determination. I knew exactly what I wanted now, and I was going to fight for it.

"Your timing sucks," I said to Damon, lifting my chin. "Though I really appreciate your concern, we were doing just fine without you."

Damon actually chuckled. "That's the spirit!" he said approvingly. "Soppy ending aside, that was a vast improvement to the pitiful show you gave us before. Keep it up, but..." he raised a finger in mock warning, "... don't try anything kinky yet! You don't want Stefan to get carried away."

Elena rolled her eyes and mouthed an apology. Though Damon probably enjoyed embarrassing us, I still thought that his advise had some merit. If control was the issue, we had better avoid situations in which control was easily lost. For now. I wondered if there wasn't a way to protect myself. I was a witch, after all. According to grams, the dark ones were fearful of witches, and there must be a reason for that. I decided to consult the grimoires and look for some hints on the matter. It'd be nice if I could threaten Damon with something... like turning him into a frog.

"Now," Damon poured himself a whiskey and sat down on the sofa, fixing Stefan with his gaze. "I suggest you keep practicing your control by getting into a routine. Have a little bit of Bonnie for breakfast every morning – just a few sips, just like you did now. For added security, do it somewhere semi-public, where the fear of discovery will help you not to get lost in rapture – provided you don't like being watched. If you do, you can always ask Alys, at least she'll be able to stop you, if need be."

Geez. Did the man ever form a sentence that didn't ooze with sexual innuendos? Catching Elena's flustered gaze, it dawned on me that Damon's intent was not provoking me or Stefan – he was trying to get under Elena's skin, and he was succeeding. For her sake, I hoped only figuratively speaking. If the frog thing didn't work, cursing him with warts shouldn't be so hard to do...

"Every morning?" Elena asked, concern in her voice. "How will that affect Bonnie? Isn't that too much blood to lose?"

"Well, we don't want him to still his hunger on her. On the contrary: She'll be something like an appetizer. The idea is to learn to stop at any given time." Damon turned his gaze to Stefan and added with a disdainful smirk: "Just always make sure you have a few squirrels at hand for the main dish!"


A/N: I hope that this wasn't to kitchy for your taste, but since we have a character with Damon who cleary isn't all hearts and flowers, I thought it would be nice if Stefan as his opposite was more the romantic hero - the one who might even secretly write love poems to Bonnie. I bet he does!