A/N: INTERMISSION, PART 1 – BEGIN


551 years later

Smoke cleared from a scene of absolute devastation.

Buildings lay in scattered heaps. Glass littered the remains of the street. Pipes jutted, as angular as broken bones. They had bent under some unstoppable force. Concrete and refuse was shoved to the side in piles reaching three stories high, curling back inward like ribs. Somewhere in the ruins a single pathway led through, a twenty-foot wide channel that wound and wove as it pleased. Devastation followed on all sides. The trail of destruction traced through the corpse of the city, and the buildings were its shattered bones.

Entire swaths of the metropolis had been conquered in an instant. Smoke rose up from the wreckage, billowing skyward in great gray clouds that dropped soot back onto the pavement. The gray concrete was pressed down around the outline of a few gigantic footprints.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Muffled thuds shook the cityscape. Buildings shivered, huddling together like refugees afraid that they would be the next ones sent to join their mangled brothers and sisters. The silence was eerie—nothing but barked orders and the sound of distant gunfire.

At the edge of the destruction was a mass of thick black clouds. Whatever was causing them moved further into the city, smashing office structures while obscured by the dust and fumes that arose. Something could be seen lurking beyond the veil.

Suddenly the cloudhead flinched. A shape had darted into it from above. The shape flew through the smoke, appearing in short bursts, flitting around part of the shadowy figure within.

The shadow halted. It shook itself, moving something that looked like a head. It made a noise like a rumble.

Then it lunged upward, breaking the cloud cover with a mighty squeal.

The animal had golden fur, shaggy and straw-like. Its body was as wide and square as its face. Its eyes were narrow; its ears rounded like a bear's. Soft whiskers extended from its muzzle. Its legs were brown, leading down to four paw-like feet. A single horn jutted from the beast's forehead.

As it opened its mouth, four sharp buckteeth caught the light. The animal was gigantic, standing twice as tall as the average city building. It could crush them without a thought.

It was a capybara.

When the animal lunged, the flitting shape had been hit. The shape came falling down from the sky, plunging toward a hill of rubble. A jet trail streaked behind it. At the very last moment, the figure opened its wings to break its fall. Still, they landed with a crash.

"Ugh!" The demoness spat. She leapt back up onto four legs after only a second. "Damn that water-rat!"

A vicious scowl was on her face. The demoness appeared to be a cross between a skunk and a flying squirrel: quadrupedal, with skin-fold wings and one long, striped tail. She wore a set of aerial goggles. Two leather straps ran in an X across her chest, loaded down with weapons and tactical equipment.

Voices came over her radio between bursts of static:

"Rekar! We can't hold it back!"

"Lost contact with squad H!"

"Head Officer Hesia Rekar, do you read? Requesting additional-"

The skunk demoness grit her teeth. She patched herself in. "Rekar here, copy. First of all: CALM DOWN, YOU WHINING NITWITS! You sound like a basket of mewling kittens. And you call yourselves demons?"

"Aerial attacks are negative," she continued. "I launched an assault but got repelled. All follow-up operations cancelled. That pondsucker's horn is deadly. Regroup and-"

She was cut off by a building collapsing.

A skyscraper groaned and creaked as one foot from the capybara pressed against it. Glass windows shattered as its skeleton buckled. It made a horrible noise, like that of metal screaming, before falling down in one slow, horrid motion.

More dust erupted into the air as the structure collapsed. Hesia flattened her ears as tremors rocked her small hill. She clutched her radio through the sounds of muffled screams. Somewhere in that wreck was one of her squads. Many of her units could have been lost.

She cursed up a storm vile enough to rival the destruction around her. "Blast that beast's soul!"

"All units, do you copy?" Hesia barked into her microphone. "Squad leaders report status. Any survivors regroup and continue tactic 'Surround and Confuse'. Pull back from its front, repeat, pull back! The rat's sense of sight is too good. A frontal assault at this point-"

"-would be unwise."

Hesia nearly hurled a bomb at the new voice. When she turned, she saw a stranger standing at the top of her hill.

The demon was an avianoid, brightly colored with feathers of blue, white, and purple. He stood, one foot nonchalantly resting on a concrete block. Two ridged horns swept up from his skull, along with hair as blonde as electricity. He stared at the devastation with an amused expression, as if watching cities turn to dust was his hobby. The look in his eyes made Hesia's tail twitch.

The demoness unhooked a knife and jabbed it at him. "And who the Hell are you, macaroni-hair? Explain yourself!"

"Me?" The demon said. His voice was an easy drawl. "My name is Neuro the 'Braineater', and-"

He paused. "What did you just call me?"

Hesia spat at him and turned her attention back to the capybara's rampage. "Civilians are prohibited. Either get back, or throw yourself forward now and die with the rest. You'll only be in our way."

"Get in your way? I don't think so."

"This ain't the place for hotshots, kid. I don't give two grubs how many souls you've eaten or if you've been to the flaming human world itself. Go back and play on the playground or something."

"I'm your backup," he said, a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth the only clue to his annoyance.

"And I'm the Queen of-" Hesia paused. "What'd you say?"

"The Order Branch sent me. They received reports of the developing crisis and I was in the area." The demon looked over at the giant animal crashing through the city and frowned. "Ghastly. Absolutely repulsive. Of all the assignments I choose to take…"

Hesia scowled, keeping one eye on the battlefield. "Have you come here to fight or to sneer? This ain't a movie-show, buster. My units' guts aren't the flavoring for your popcorn."

Neuro nodded. "Oh, I know," he said. Then he muttered to himself, "So haughty. So proud."

A flash of anger burst through Hesia's chest. She raised a deep growl from the back of her throat. "I warned you, blondie. Badmouth my soldiers one more time and I'll shove this knife so far down your-"

"But it is, isn't it?" Neuro looked at the demoness. He stretched one finger out and pointed at the battlefield. "Every single one of them. Capybaras," he said the word as if loathing the demon who had come up with it, "There's not a single animal in Hell more worthy of spite."

As if on cue, another building collapsed and shook the hill beneath them. Hesia cursed, yelling more orders through the radio.

"Flat-faced. Stupid. Square." Neuro continued to mutter. Pure disgust lined his voice. "All the worst animals in the world have muzzles."

"Shut your own beak, chicken-nuggets!" Hesia snarled. She hunkered down behind a block of concrete as chunks of rubble sailed their way. "What makes those overgrown vermin so special, anyway?"

"That's precisely it," Neuro proclaimed. He began to gesticulate out of passion. "'Overgrown'! They're huge, the rats, as large as an entire city! And they are strong enough to topple nigh-anything in their way. Do you know what any one-star, no, half-star demon would give for power like that? But it is wasted on mindless beasts! Where do they get off being so powerful? Why are they so annoyingly large?"

"They are granted effortless power, yet they don't do anything with it. Such a disturbing lack of intelligence," Neuro snorted. "Animals."

On the battlefield, the capybara groaned. A few demons under Hesia' s command had started crawling up its sides, digging their weapons into its fur. Before their very eyes, the animal shuddered. A dark wind began to swirl and spiral back in towards it, drawing in countless miniscule particles. The air became thick around the animal's form, gathering in a layer on the outside of its hide.

With a shriek the animal reared back and stomped, forcing the gathered aura off of its sides in a small shockwave. Demons fell, howling and coughing. When they stood again, they all carried hands in front of their noses and bent at their waists. The capybara must be using its stench as a musky shield.

"I see. Miasma manipulation, huh?" Neuro smirked. "Reminds me of a demon I know. Plus, its stench is almost as bad as his."

Hesia stood at the crest of the hill. She adjusted her toolbelts as if preparing for takeoff. "Quit yapping. We have to stop it!"

"I agree. All members of their species are completely unforgivable."

Neuro raised one finger—the middle digit of his left hand. "This one is trampling a particularly good hotbed of crime. Do you know how often new mysteries pop up for me? Not often. Demons are all terribly unoriginal. Anger, fight, murder, blah, that's all there is nowadays. Barely any puzzle is made."

"Right. Now-" Hesia faltered. "Wait… Did you say this place was a hotbed?"

"Yes. It was on the rise in rankings for violent crimes, and there was a good chance a particularly juicy incident or two would have happened soon." Neuro frowned. "So much for that. Honestly, these beasts would starve me if left to roam wild."

Hesia's eyes flicked towards her radio. "Then maybe we should just let it rampage…"

"What? No!"

"Yes! All units listen up-"

"No! Kill it now! Kill it before it ruins any other potential mysteries!"

"Damn your mysteries and Damn you!"

They scrabbled for the radio, talons and sharp nails slipping off of its metal surface.

REEEEEEEEEEET!

The two demons dove for cover as the capybara's heat-ray vision swept past. It had fired beams from its eyes in an arc, kicking up dust that made them both choke. The creature must be getting distressed. A line of burnt umber now traced across the hill.

Hesia kicked at Neuro. "Forget all this arguing! Do something, flyboy."

"'Flyboy'?" he muttered. Then, louder and with a certain dryness, "Like what?"

"Something smart. That's what your brain's good for, ain't it?" Hesia rolled to a standing position and glared death at the demonic capybara. "You're operating under my orders now, zootsuit. And I say attack."

Neuro patted down his feathers. His fingers flexed in and out, as if reaching out for something but never quite grasping it.

Hesia threw bombs. They flew far but exploded without reaching their target. Each one left a small cloud of gritty, red dust in the air. Off in the distance, the police force rallied for a counterattack.

The capybara smashed its front feet into the ground, knocking all of the demons back again. It shook itself to reinforce its miasma-musk shield.

"What are you waiting for?" Hesia yelled at Neuro. "Attack! That's an order!"

"I'm trying!" The avianoid appeared to be hesitating. His eyes blinked rapidly as if searching through an invisible catalogue. "What to do? What fits this situation? So many to choose from… I don't know. I never trained for this!"

Out on the battlefield was a different picture. All demonkind cowered before the most deadly animal in Hell. Brutal carnage and destruction followed its every move. Buildings flattened like paper. Bodies and dreams were smashed to peices. Demons were crushed underhoof, giving gurgling cries of agony and reaching their hands out in one last grasp towards the sun.

The capybara gave a low rumble like a purr. Slowly, it turned its head and shuffled off in a slightly different direction. The warm sunlight was making it sleepy.

"What a horrid brute!" one of the police demons cursed. "Damn the heartless beast!" Demons ran across the ground in all directions, screaming in horror.

The capybara turned its head from side to side. It slowly lowered its muzzle to the ground. It sniffed at the grass with its soft, wet nose.

"It's picking up scraps!" came a wail. "It's going to eat us all!" A fresh round of panic started. Bullets from twin machine guns went rat-tat-tat-tat and bounced uselessly off the animal's furred side.

"Look in its eyes! It has no remorse!"

The capybara blinked doefully. Its long eyelashes brushed against its cheeks.

"Oh, cruel!" came the sobs. "Oh, the demon-manity! Oh, the suffering!"

The animal turned away. It blinked and plowed straight through another building.

As it approached Hesia and Neuro's hill, the capybara's demeanor changed. Its eyes flicked up and focused. Its nose twitched. Then, with a grunt, it surged forward.

"It's coming this way!" Hesia screamed as the ground beneath them rocked with the impact of four charging feet. "Go, Operative!"

Neuro huffed. "You know, I don't like being told what to do. I think that's the problem here. I am not part of your squad, so don't-"

She whacked him in the face.

"Move!" He heard the order echo as Hesia took off, her skin-wings already spread to catch the air. By the time he recovered, she was leagues away.

Neuro stood shocked for a moment. She had hit him. She actually hit him. Did she realize what she just-?

REEEEEEEET! He was interrupted by the beast's squeal.

Neuro turned to face his opponent. "Oh, I see," he said, noticing a line of drool hanging from the animal's mouth. "Those were meat-scent bombs that she tossed. Every animal in Hell is a carnivore. The skunk must have meant to lure you this way. How very…noble of her."

The capybara charged. Neuro bristled. He could see every detail of the beast now—its terrible, straw-like fur; its horrible, curved teeth; its noxious stench; its beady rodent eyes. His ancient enemy.

The beast grew closer and closer. Buildings no longer slowed it down—they burst upon its chest as easily as plates tossed against a floor. It gained strength and speed as it ran, like a furred barrel with jet-fuel propulsion.

REEEEEEEEEET! It squealed.

"Neuro!" Hesia called.

"Aaaaaaah!" Neuro shouted.

"Fine!" He tossed up his hands. "I didn't want to use this, but I have no choice."

Neuro crouched, bringing his arms to his side and channeling aura through them. A sickly green glow gathered in his palms. He stared the capybara right in the face. "Here it is," he intoned. "My secret weapon…"

He wound up and pitched something forward. "Taaaaaake this!"

A small, flesh-colored object flew through the air. Its shape was that of a cylinder, curved as if to clamp over somebody's tongue. One side of the contraption had a slightly-raised ridge. A face of its own was printed on the side, including two eyeballs and an open mouth. A tattoo of a tongue protruded from between the mouth's teeth. The tattoo-tongue had a simplistic face on itself as well.

Immediately, the capybara screeched to a halt. Two thirty-foot-deep holes were dug where its feet plowed into the earth. When the animal stopped, it raised its head. Part of its tongue stuck out of its mouth. The tip was colored dark fuchsia—the tint of Neuro's Tool.

The capybara blinked. The look in its eyes was one of gentle confusion. It looked around, swinging its enormous head from side to side. Almost as if an afterthought, the creature licked its lips and pulled in its tongue. Then it turned and walked away with a huff. It plodded back through its path of destruction, headed out of town. The police demons cowered on the sidelines, finally given a few seconds to lick their wounds.

"Phew," Neuro breathed. He smoothed down his feathers. "777 Tools of the Demon World- Evil Taster. The clamp switches around its wearer's sense of taste—essentially reversing their perception. Sweet becomes sour, bitter becomes spicy, and appealing foods will become unappealing. It seems to have shocked the beast out of its rampage, at least."

"Squawkboy!"

Neuro looked up to see Hesia swooping down. She folded the skin of her wings into her sides and stood, four-legged, in front of him. "I…I can't believe it," she said. "That water-rat's leaving. Too late for most of the city around here, but we did stop it in its tracks, at least."

"Oh, goodie," Neuro said. "Always a pleasure to help out with an extermination."

"Damn right." Hesia dug out a log and jotted something down. "This is the fifth time in two month's the city's been destroyed…not the worst season we've had, but still. I'm gonna hang those trashsniffers in the zoo business."

"Nevermind that," Neuro said. "We must act quickly. Evil Taster only lasts for about an hour." He held up one finger. "Listen. While Evil Taster is still in effect, if you set a trap with poison, I imagine that animal would find the scent most delectable. We should be able to kill it easily."

"Oh?" Hesia smirked. "Evil. Worth a shot." She took up her radio. After snapping a set of orders into it, mostly about tracking the beast, getting poison-eers involved, and how this was totally 100% completely homegrown her own idea, the plans were made.

"There you go," she said. "We'll be getting some nice capybara steaks out of this, I expect. I'll send some along to the Order Branch."

Neuro tried to hide his revulsion. "That…won't be necessary," he said. "Truly, the most valuable part of this for me was the opportunity to familiarize myself with the Tools."

"Even though there was no mystery," he muttered.

Neuro held up one hand, staring at the energy left in his palm. "A Tool that is small, with unique abilities, requires negligible energy to summon, and so surprising that my opponents will never see it coming…"

He squashed the vision in his fingers. "It's completely useless. I can't imagine when I'd ever use it again."

Hesia chuckled. "Well, it came in handy today. Maybe the upper cronies were right in giving those Tools to someone." She looked at Neuro for a few seconds.

Then Hesia held up a knife. Her voice took on an edge as rough as its jagged blade. "Now, we're writing you up for insubordination! Get your tailfeathers over here, cockatiel."


Asanteoh sat behind his desk. The small wings on the furniture's sides twitched as he looked at the paper before him.

It was a report. At least, according to the title. Given its harsh wording, composed by some Head Officer named Hesia, and the outlandish events of which it told…

"Still full of energy, I see," Asanteoh said. He tossed the report into a growing file folder with the same air as one throwing something into the trash. "My puzzling detective."


Somewhere, another folder on Neuro was growing. For the past 551 years, the crime detective had been steadily munching, eating his way one by one through Hell's mysteries. Less and less of them were made each season—more and more of them disappeared in gulp after ravenous gulp. The crime organizations were growing restless. Whispers spoke of a demon with legendary powers, hunting down criminals to consume their thoughts, their soul, and even their plotting brain. In fact, it seemed as if soon he might actually succeed in eating up all the mysteries in Hell. That could not be allowed.

Within a micrometer and a million miles, the Natural Order began to move.


Afterword: INTERMISSION PART 1 – END

This (joke) chapter is based on a little piece of trivia in the published manga volumes. Apparently Neuro's "most disliked animal" is the capybara. :I (Some translations say it's his "most feared animal", but I think "not good with" is the literal translation. "Feared" would certainly be interesting, however). I can't really imagine why, but I tried to come up with some sort of explanation to use here.