Chapter 28: You Grew on Me (Tim Minchin)

Days became weeks… Weeks became months… Harry kept on asking Hermione advices about the Phoenix Foundation, and Ron sent her enthusiastic letters about his business and French food. The new teachers eventually arrived and Severus was charged through Hermione with the task of training one of the rookies. The new Defence Against the Dark Arts was as sarcastic and poisonous as Severus used to be. Great, someone would carry on his legacy. But because she was quite the beauty, she would undoubtedly inspire a fan club he never got.

Although they continued their "physicals", Severus was getting more sickly-looking. At some point, he very effectively began avoiding Hermione. She tried to respect his need for space, which she frankly found quite rude. But, when she could not take it anymore, she suggested to Madam Pomfrey to do a "house" call with him. One Saturday night, he finally came to her as she was about to get ready to go to bed. He sat at the end of her bed, looking dreadful. He had lost weight, and had dark purple circles under his eyes. There clearly was not time to waste, and she herself had begun suffering from symptoms of low blood pressure. She began unbuttoning her shirt, but he stopped her with a harsh "No!" Something was definitely going on.

She took a step in his direction, but was stopped by the waves of hostility emanating from him. "What's wrong?" He was beginning to scare her.

He pointed his wand at her with a look of disgust. She panicked and tried to reach out for her own but was hit by his spell. How could he do this to me? It was not painful per se. Her skin was just buzzing and prickling. What the-? Her midriff was shining. "Protego", she cried. Even without her wand, it was enough to end the spell and make him back off.

"What's the matter with you? Have you finally gone around the bend?" She was dizzy. But it was he who fell to the floor, kneeling before her and mumbling incoherently.

Baffled, she pointed her wand at him. "What did you say?"

"I'm sorry." That was the most surprising thing of all, even if he sounded more irritated than sorry. What had he done that was so terrible that he deemed it worthy of an apology to her?

"I don't understand. Did you do something? Something other than attacking me just now?"

He kept his eyes glued to the floor, but gave an answer anyway. "I never knew the ritual would heal my body so completely."

"So what? How is it a bad thing?" Maybe being away from his body for so long has affected his mental functions. He seemed to pick up on the unspoken insult.

He finally looked at her and spat, "Isn't it obvious, you daft woman? You're pregnant. I'm pregnant. We're pregnant." That last sentence was told in such a disdainful tone…

As she was telling him to stop being absurd, she came to grips with the possibility and the reality of what he was saying. She sat on the bed. I am having a baby with Severus Snape. Severus Snape is carrying my baby, no, his baby. He is going to give birth. Or I might… I'm not- I'm not ready for this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no… Time appeared to stand still. The air was heavy with unspoken implications. The tension was so strong in Hermione's body, it might have made any discussion of the matter null and void, if she had been the one carrying that-… Oh, but how can this be happening? Well, I know how, but how? It was not fair. They had done everything right. They could not have known, could they? True, they had not used protection. But it was not supposed to be necessary in this case, and it could have countered their objective, somehow.

More confused, scared, and lost than ever, she got out of the murky waters of her mind long enough to invite Severus to sit on the bed instead of the cold hard floor. At a loss for words, she asked how he felt. He gave her a dirty look and said nothing.

"I see your point. But I…" She made a grunting sound as she bent over the comforter, the fabric muffling the sound of her voice. "What do you want to do?"

Surprised, he exclaimed "Me? I should think it's not my decision to make!" He shifted farther away from her on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, quite. Well, um… I know." She turned her head to the side and looked up at him, he was facing the wall. She sighed. "But I can't very well decide on my own, can I? It concerns the both of us after all. What's your opinion?"

He glanced at the ceiling, understandably relunctant to be responsible for yet another life-altering decision. He sighed too, a little longer than her, to give himself more time. "I don't think we should keep it. We are neither prepared nor equipped for parental responsibilities. It could ruin your future too. And I don't fancy being part of another dysfunctional family." And I don't want to be a father.

Hermione agreed. She also voiced the unmentionable reason why they should not let the embryo grow. "Also, it could be the loss we need."

He turned her way so fast, he might have wrecked his neck on top of everything else. It was like he saw her for the first time. Had she always been so cold and practical? Did being me change her in that way? He had expected her to react more emotionally. Even he could not help feeling something for the thing which was invading the body he himself was occupying.

Her face fell before adopting a determined frown. That never bode well. In fact, she said, "We have to keep it."

It was not a simple hobby. She made an art form of ruining his life. He thought he had her figured out, but it seemed he had always had seen what he wanted to see. But he would not let her or anyone else dictate his life. Never again. "That's nonsense. I thought you agreed with me. Can't you see those are not the right circumstances? Nothing is right about this."

"It's not. I did. And I do. However, I don't want to be the sort of person who can coldly eliminate a life to save mine. If we were in our own bodies, I could probably find a way to make peace with the decision of terminating an unwanted pregnancy, even if it would be sad and painful. But now that I have thought of doing it just to comply with the terms of two lunatics, I find the idea repugnant and unfair. There has to be another way." Even if a being was not completely human, it did not mean it could be disposed of casually. It was against everything she stood for.

"You're being ludicrous and irrational. It is the same kind of reasoning that drove you to foolishly use that experimental ritual that led us to this sorry state." All his anger about that came rushing back to him. It made him tremble in frustration. It's all her fault! And she is the one who asked for sex, not me.

"And I don't regret it for one second." Her peaceful and determined posture was intolerable. He had to hurt her like she was hurting him. It was the only way to make things right.

"Well, I do! I would prefer death to this descent into madness. It's not a person. It has no feelings. It's nothing. I don't want that in my life, do you understand me? You have no sense of self-preservation. And you don't even care. You are just a fanatic, a dangerous fanatic! The hell with you, with all of you!" He had no control over the shrillness of her voice, and that was the last straw.

He stormed out. And she did not try to stop him. He was probably right. She was not thinking clearly. She put her cloak on and went for a walk on the grounds. The sky was devoid of clouds and unmoved by her turmoil. She lost herself in the contemplation of the myriads of stars. So far was she gone that she did not notice a shadow creeping up on her. With a growl, it hit the back of her knees. She yelped and fell on all fours. Promptly kneeling up and turning to face him, she whipped her wand out to protect herself from her assailant, who turned out even more of a surprise than she thought.

"Crookshanks?" He mewled angrily at his human who had had the audacity to abandon him and not give him any sign of life. "You recognise me? Oh, it is so good to see you! I have missed you so much." She leaned in to scoop him in her arms but he angrily spat at her.

"Don't be like that", she crooned. "I only did it to protect you. And I would have gotten you back, eventually, when things would have gotten back to normal. I promise. Please. I'm sorry…" She pleaded, "I really need your support right now." Only then, did he deign jumping on her lap. He used his paws to make her lie on her back and walked on her chest until he was close enough to her face to nuzzle his nose against her cheeks. Although he was not happy with the change in her appearance, the sharper cheekbones and longer fingers were appreciated.

"Hey, what would you say if I had a baby?" That sounded strange, least of all because she was talking to a cat. He stopped purring only to stretch a hind paw and lick his genitalia. Right, of course… What was I expecting? Expecting, what an appropriate choice of word… But she knew she would have his support no matter what. They parted ways at the front doors. He had patrolling duties after all.

When Hermione arrived to her door, Severus and the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher were talking in the corridor. They acknowledged each other's presence stiffly and she entered her quarters alone. In sync with her mood, the room resonated with sounds of an ocean storm. She was not mad, though. She was agitated. What if they were talking about abortive methods, "woman to woman"? She really could not imagine being a mother at that point in her life, but she needed to make the right decision. Yet, was there a right decision? Maybe nipping that thing in the bud was preferable, in the end. Deeply in need for stress release, she conjured snitch-like targets that she set about blasting all around the living room for an hour. After exerting herself so, she was able to fall asleep on the hammock.

The following day, Severus entered the sewage system of the Castle. He used the Bubble-Head Charm to avoid the revolting smell and looked for a specific tunnel. There it was, on his right. He walked closer to the back wall which slid noisily to the side, to give him the answer he sought. He was facing the Mirror of Erised, untouched by the environing filth.

Although everything went against such a ludicrous development, he saw his real self, Hermione, and a little girl whom he knew at once took the best of both of them. She had long straight brown hair, swarthy eyes, a bright smile, and surely a vivacious intellect. She was looking at him like he was her world, like she was proud of being his daughter. It finally occurred to him that it may be the unbreakable bound he had always pined for, unconsciously. From what he could see, the "parents" were making an excellent team, very supportive. They were seating in a beautiful library and having what seemed to be a friendly debate. That did not look so bad. He stayed longer than he ought to, unconcerned by the orange cat that passed behind him in search for rats. Glancing through the looking glass, Crookshanks pondered what the best course of action was. He could not see what the human saw. But he saw himself enjoying the warmth of a well-mannered toddler. So mote it be.

Through their bracelets, Hermione and Severus decided to postpone their decision until the end of the following week. It was rare for them to be so indecisive. But while it had helped her two companions, Hermione would have considered using the Mirror cheating, had the possibility been offered to her. And Severus was not keen on giving her a mean to decide against keeping the baby, after going through all the anxiety over changing his mind. So what if that was sneaky and selfish? They both still needed that time.

Luna seemed to have picked up on something, as usual. She gave Hermione the paperback copy of their labour of love that would soon become available to everyone, and which distribution and advertising costs were covered by the Quibbler, Ollivanders and Wizarding Wheezes. Then, she matter-of-factly mentioned that Severus might be possessed because there was a new color insinuating itself in his aura, a swirl of golden and periwinkle slowly taking over. They might want to look into that.

On the seventh day after Severus' outburst, they met in her bedroom once more. They had not touched during that time so they were forced to start with a "physical." But it was just because they had to. Since they were still unsure of where they stood with each other, they resented the fact that their bodies were keen on it. Severus sat between her legs, his back against her heated flesh. She sheepishly encircled his waist so the palms of her hands rested on his belly. After a moment, he put his own hands over hers, and rested the back of his head against her chest. At once, they breathed more easily.

A while later, he managed to express his resolution in a roundabout manner. "So, what do you think of the name Lysa, if it's a girl?"

Treading lightly, and with her heart beating faster as she was panicking over the future, she asked in turn, "What made you change your mind?"

He remained unwilling to take the responsibility for a potential failure. "I still think it could be a huge mistake, and we would be opening ourselves up for even more trouble, chief of them being dying of soul exhaustion and leaving another orphan into this world. The Phoenix Foundation's first guest..." He accompanied his dark prediction by tapping a silent melody on her knuckles with light fingers.

"But?" She took hold of his fingers to pacify him.

"But I have decided to see it as an opportunity to have the life I never thought I'd have, and a real family." He was playing dirty, appealing to her sensitive nature. But after all, it was her decision, all of it, her fault, even. And it was embarrassingly true. She seemed to buy his change of heart, but not as much as he had hoped. He could feel her chest rise and fall as she took deeper breaths, surely preparing herself to say something unpleasant. And unpleasant she was, as she talked at a fast pace to keep him from yelling at her.

"I see. It's good- wonderful. But, ah, I have a question. I don't want you to get upset at me but I'm worried, about many things really. To put it bluntly, it occurs to me that although I have many shortcomings, I come from a family that brought me up in a way that could benefit a child. You, on the other hand have been mistreated, and bullied enough to nurture hate, prejudice, and an unfair behaviour towards your students, and pretty much everyone. I'm worried you could, unintentionally of course, become a destroying force in the child and mine's life, to be honest. So-"

He interrupted her, "Enough." It seemed to him one of the most offensive things anyone had ever said to him… How dare she? Even if that's true, especially if that's true. He began detaching himself from her in retaliation. But before he could remind her that a certain someone with a nice upbringing had destroyed her own family with the best of intentions, Crookshanks jumped out of nowhere, and forcefully settled himself against his belly.

Using his surprised pause to her advantage, Hermione went on. "Hear me out. I would never judge you for what was done to you. But you have to agree it affected you deeply, as it should. My question really is: Are you prepared to fight against that negative influence with all the good that is in you, so our child will never suffer like you did? Also, I wonder if you are ready to treat me as an adult and not impose your views on parenting. I want us to take decisions on equal footing, much like we had begun to do those past weeks."

She really was fearless to try his patience in that way. Certainly, it was a testament to his self-control that he had not hexed her insolent mouth off. But that would defeat his purpose, and prove her point. In a far-fetched way, she was right, of course, and her worries were legitimate. But had he not proved he had exceptional control when he wanted to? That was what he asked her despondently.

In that moment, she felt really adult: having that conversation with him, validating his character, and it mattering to him. "You did. I just wanted to make sure you wanted to."

He shifted around in order to face her and show how determined he was.

"I do. I know that we can make it work, together." Did I say that right? Did that sound sincere enough? "I promise to protect and care for that child more than I ever did anything else."

"And I do too." As they were trying to adjust to the life-changing decision they had made in almost a heartbeat, she had to say: "Are we really going to do this?"

He settled himself cozily against her again. "We are."

Even if he had not brought it up, she pensively added, "I don't think we should get married, though. I am not saying you would not make a fine husband. But it would not be right, would it?"

She was right, but it did make him feel a bit rejected. "That's true. And perhaps we should not tell anyone I am the father. It would not do to give it prenatal enemies."

Her voice did not change, but he sensed her frowning. "Please, having me as a mother will already take care of that. I do think we should hide the pregnancy until we get back to normal-ish. But, administratively at least, you should have rights over it, just in case something happens to me. I meant it about us being equals. The information can still be kept private, if we feel it's safer." Obviously, she was worried about what people would think if they found out, especially the ones she loved. But at that point of her life, it did not make it to the top of her list of concerns.

Once again, he was surprised at how considerate and strong-willed she was. He was lucky to have a child with her. Now, that was a thought he never ever expected to have. "Thank you." To avoid making the moment any sappier, he turned his head to find something else to talk about. He saw the skin above her clavicle looked a bit irritated. He had noticed it earlier too. He turned his head towards it. "Isn't it too red?"

"What is? Oh, that? Don't worry about it. It just itches a little. I think I scratched myself while I was asleep." He was too hopeful to notice she was purposefully changing the subject. "So, Lysa? That's pretty… About Harry and Ron…" And they began discussing the logistics of their future together. They moved on to childcare, and from that day on, Hermione went into serious research mode. No one noticed the hurricane of change that was going on in their lives. Severus' skin and hair were getting oilier. He began eating more leafy vegetables. He used a kind of aromatherapy to combat the constant nausea, and heartburns. Hermione was very supportive and helpful, even if she could be overbearing and relied too much on the written word rather than his blooming maternal instincts. She was so worried that she took on eating too much. But her current metabolism made the weight gain quite fitting. It seemed she was not taking care of herself enough, because her neck began to really hurt. She kept that development quiet, so as not to worry Severus unnecessarily. There was nothing he could do about it. But she did begin considering Kyra's option more seriously.


Christmas Eve was upon them. Severus invited Hermione over. They slept curled up together with her hand protectively draped over his midriff. They spent the day together too, tranquil and undisturbed. At dinner, Hermione received an amber bracelet from Luna which she claimed was a necklace. Well, that's Luna… Back in his quarters, while he was enjoying a healthy drink, she was massaging his feet. He decided to give her one of her Christmas gifts there and then. He took one of her hands in his and placed it over his navel.

She reminded him, "Hum, I am not going to feel a kick or anything."

"Shushhhh." His brow was furrowed in concentration. Little by little, the room began to pulse. The palpitation reached her head and toes to travel to that hand.

She breathed out, "Heartbeat…"

"Uh-huh. But it never felt so huge before."

"Really? Oh…" Her collar began to fell wet, but she could not remember starting to cry. Come to think of it, her vision was not even blurry. The throbbing against her palm seemed to have travelled to her neck and settled there. It really stung. Her breath grew short. "Argh, I don't feel so well."

"What?" He looked up and finally noticed the smell of blood, and the dark liquid spreading through the fabric of her collar. So much of it. She slid to the floor with a groan. He broke in cold sweat. There it was, the crushing blow he had expected but had gotten too complacent to worry about. It was just their luck that Madam Pomfrey had left for a much needed vacation. He Levitated the convulsing unconscious body to the wreath and destroyed the regulatory obstructions. An alarm would warn Minerva, but it did not matter. He used his Floo powder to transport the both of them to St Mungo's. He was holding her by her armpits, but he could not carry her in his state. So, he magically moved her towards the closest Healer he could find. He told him Nagini's bite had mysteriously reopened. A team quickly took Hermione to the right level and specialist. Severus insisted to tag along, and after he had threatened them, they let him.

The Healer they were taken to was a severe-looking woman, in spite of her beautiful face and figure. Her afro was adorned with moving snake illusions. They appeared to wake up cranky from their slumber, as she glowered at the young woman she had recognised from the Prophet articles. Who did she think she was to burst in and tell them how to do their jobs? However, her stern glare became one of concern when she noticed her eyes rolling to the back of her head. She swiftly conjured a stretcher to catch her before she hurt herself. Even war heroines fainted, especially overstressed and, she quickly realised, pregnant ones. Right, she had three patients for the price of one. She pulled up her sleeves and ordered her team around.


Severus woke up once but became so agitated when they refused to tell him what was happening on the other side of the curtain that they forced a Calming Draught down his throat. He was helpless to stop them. Although they may have messed up that body because of the ritual, there was comfort to be found in the fact that it was not harmful to developing fetuses. He did not know what day it was when he finally resurfaced. Minerva was by his bedside. He convinced her he was all right, and not to tell anyone he had fainted. She offered to contact the Salem Institute on her behalf to warn them "he" would come in a little later for personal reasons. He gratefully accepted.

When she eventually left, he went over to the other side of the curtain. Hermione looked terrible, as terrible as he might have when he was bitten. But while he was staring at his body, he saw only her. She was bleeding, much more faintly, but still. What was that Healer doing? He had told her everything she needed to know. He touched Hermione's jugular. The heartbeat was very faint. Why had it happened then? Was because of the baby? It did not make sense. Her eyes fluttered open in her sallow face, and they were bloodshot. The sheets and her breath smelled of at least three different potions including the right antivenin. But it appeared to be an ineffective course of action, most likely because of the ritual.

She spoke first. Her voice was feeble. She panted between each sentence. "Hello there… How are you feeling? How is the baby? I heard you fainted."

That made him inconceivably angry. How can she worry about others in her condition? "I'm fine. You on the other hand have seen better days. How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I just wanted to save you, but I messed everything up."

That you did…You would not be in that sorry state had you not been such a foolish meddler.

She made a strange gargling sound and tenuously clutched his wrist. With her other hand, she made a piece of parchment slide their way from her clothes on the chair.

"Have you taken leave of your senses? This is no time for Wandless silent magic!"

She ignored that and told him to just follow the instructions. She cast a desperate look his way before surrendering to her fatigue.

That idiot! She wanted him to use Kyra's spell, and had already signed the parchment for the both of them. He basically just had to say the words. The best outcome he could hope for was to save Hermione and the baby, but he could end up killing one if not all of them. And that was not an option. The magic at work was too intricate to be tampered with. Concerning himself, frankly, he was just grateful to have had that reprieve. But because of it, there were many things he wanted to experience, like travelling, meeting new people, and seeing his child grow up... Nevertheless, as he gripped Hermione's shoulders, wishing for her life force to stop flowing out of her, he let it all go away. He would gladly die right there and then if it meant for those two to be safe and sound. He held her close, and talked directly into her ear. He used his most compelling teacher tone.

"Listen to me, Hermione Granger. I am ordering you to heal." I'll give anything to have you back in your body, free to continue all that you have started this year. You have so much to live for, so take my life, put it to good use, and live, damn it! All of the sudden, he felt something, a shift in the air. It was working. Wait… No, that's just one of the hot flashes... Before losing consciousness because of the heat, he slid a protective hand against his belly. Hold on!

Under his hand, the womb began to radiate a white light that revealed the chains that still linked them, and energy began travelling through them, back and forth. The energy became a green light that gathered on the wound and back down, only to leave an almost imperceptible scar circling the navel. When the deed was accomplished the chains began fusing into one chain, blackened, distorted, and shorter. It contracted on the sheet one last time and projected some kind of invisible force field through the room and out. Its magic was still slowly mending the bodies, giving them a healthy and youthful glow that they had not shown in long time. Hermione's sleeping face resting on top of Severus' torso was soon beaming.


Rita Skeeter was flying through St Mungo's all the way to the room where she was told she would get a juicy story. She flew under the door. The only sounds echoing in the room were her buzzing, and the deep breaths of the couple. The sheer shock made her turn human again. That kinky power-hungry trollop! How she would enjoy writing that article! The mere titles she thought of sent jolts of pleasure from her toes to her head. "Hermione Granger, or how to sleep your way to the top." "Ever wondered how far Hermione Granger's love for disgusting creatures went?" "Scandalous affair at Hogwarts!" It was disgusting, quite frankly. She was seating by his bedside and half-lying on top of him. The hand that was not on her lap was by his neck. Every breath they took, her fingers seemed to caress a strand of his hair. Puke! Maybe she even loved that creepy man. Ha, they deserve each other! Although, they looked rather good considering everything they claimed to have gone through. The public would enjoy her taking those so-called war heroes down a peg. She really was performing a public service. She used the Summoning Charm on her assistant's camera and took a few photos.

But Hermione was stirred awake by the noise and the smoke. Rita got momentarily paralyzed by the memory of getting caught and trapped by the witch and she forgot to use magic to put her back to sleep. In a rush, she hid the camera under the bed, changed form and flew to the top of the curtain. The Little Miss Perfect opened her eyes and readily checked her, ugh, companion's pulse. With a cheerful smile she stood up and stretched. And, she seemed to realise something. She looked down her own body, watched her fingers flex with a ridiculous amazed expression, hugged herself, and began jumping around in pure glee. Totally bonkers, I knew it… Oh, this article's going to make my day. Then, Granger took a minute to compose herself, opened the door and called out for a Healer to check up on Snape. What followed was pretty boring.

The dreary Headmistress of Hogwarts came in to check up on them. She had a hard time convincing the prissy girl to let her take over looking out for that very sick man. Their discussion gave Rita the inside scoop on the direction Granger's life was taking. It was no surprise that she would join the ranks of those holier-than-thou hippie feminists. Granger pocketed a blackened chain from the bed (What's that? Dark magic?), gave an excuse to make the other one turn around so she could do something to Snape's ankle, and exchange the wand in her pocket with one taken from the clothes on the chair, and left. What is the meaning of all this? Granger had shown a light guilt at some point. Maybe Rita could write a series of articles on that appetizing story.

The Headmistress remained in the room in her cat form to notice any sign of change in the patient. After seven hours of watching her do nothing but stiffly observing him, Rita's attention began to dwindle. She was usually more enduring but had just come back from a long and boring investigation on the whereabouts of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. And her spineless boss would berate her for the lack of results when she could go back to the office. But, she would surprise him with her article about Granger. They would surely have an enjoyable "brainstorming" session. Cute and easy to control, that was how she liked them.

But, at that moment, her body began to bobble. She was fighting sleep. Luckily, she was able to grab onto the curtain without making her presence known. Lady luck smiled on her again as the Headmistress went back to her human form and left, most likely to go to the bathroom. Rita quickly flew down and followed her example. Well, not completely. It occurred to her that she had at least two minutes to get another type of information. She magically stripped the sleeping body off to take a photo that could make her rich, one way or the other. She paused momentarily as she contemplated the view. Well, there was no way a little blackmail and pleasing rich devotees were mutually exclusive. She would soon have her own magazine delivering the truth about what really interested people. But before she could press the shutter, Minerva blasted the door open and shattered her dream.

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This chapter was NOT BETAED. Please, send me a PM if (when) you see any mistake.

THANK YOU, sweet reviewers: bluefirefly5 (Yes, tenderness had to be a part of it. Presto, you have some of the answers!), LoveInTheBattleField (I'm glad you liked that. You too! ^^), violet1994 (Still wow? ;)).

You say "weird," I say "different and interesting." :D

GREAT SONG by the incomparable Tim Minchin

"You grew on me like a tumour

And you spread through me like malignant melanoma

And now you're in my heart

I should've cut you out back at the start

Now I'm afraid there's no cure for me

No dose of emotional chemotherapy

Can halt my pathetic decline

I should've had you removed back when you were benign

I've left it too late to risk an operation

I know there's no hope for a clean amputation

The successful removal of you

Would probably kill me too

I should've consulted my local physician

I'm stuck now forever with this tunnel vision ;)

My periphery is screwed

Wherever I look now, all I see is you"