Disclaimer: The Hetalia characters and their personifications belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. 日丸屋 秀和
What Not to do if You are a Knight by Gilbert Beilschmidt:
41.) Do not try to burn through people's skulls by glaring at them long enough.
42.) Making your love interest burst into tears and run from the table is a sign of a less than healthy relationship.
Cards on the Table
The next morning came.
Everyone was quiet at breakfast.
Antonio and Lovina seemed especially depressed.
The ordinarily strident Italian was perfectly silent and the cheerful Spaniard just sulked.
But on the other end of the spectrum... Elizaveta and Gilbert emitted frightening waves of HATRED toward one another, battling it out through epic death-stare competitions across the table. The atmosphere was thick enough to cut with a knife and intimidating enough to choke all attempts at conversation.
The day was spent packing up what little supplies they had, preparing the horses and... bull, mapping routes, and making plans.
Everyone was anxious, counting down breathlessly the last moments they had in this secluded little fortress of theirs.
Lovina and Elizaveta were sitting in the scroll room down below while Antonio guarded the top of the stone stairwell.
The soft words he heard floating up from below soon subsided and Antonio realized that one of the girls, Lovina most likely, had fallen asleep.
Sigh... He was going to miss her cute little siestas...
"Toni!" cried a rough German accent, breaking him out of his sorrowful daydream.
"Gah! What?"
"Come over here, ami."
As Antonio approached, he heard Gilbert continue...
"Alright, once we reach the kingdom borders, we have to tie up the princess. Toni, you will be the one holding a dagger to her throat. Francis, you're covering his back. I lead. We'll approach the castle from the north in that formation. Francis, you have to be ready with the arrows in case of snipers, but I doubt they'll pull a move with the hostage at our mercy. I'll give the command that we demand no less than 20 sacks of gold for her release. When they deliver it over the castle walls, we'll load up as many bags as we can on the second horse. Toni will ride off with the gold while I switch places with him holding the brat. Then, we'll load the rest of the goods on the first horse, push Lovina in the pond and gallop away before their archers even think to shoot! And if they do shoot, well... it'll be dumb on their part... they should be saving their ammunition for a certain army approaching... kesese!" He rubbed his hands together evilly.
"And where will our Lizzie be during this whole charade?" Francis inquired.
"Tied to a tree at the edge of the forest. We can pick her up on our way back."
"..." They stared at him with an 'are you serious?' expression.
"What?! It'll work!"
"Hhhh, Monsieur, if everything goes smoothly... if we beat the army to the castle, if we successfully make it to the castle and if they decide to pay a ransom for her with no tricks... if that all works... you are just going to force Elizaveta to come along with us?"
"Yeah. I am. So?"
"Gil, does she even want to come? You cannot force her to-"
"We're bringing her. Liz doesn't know what she wants. She's brainwashed or something."
"Mhm. So, we're all going our separate ways once we reach the Alps, and what about her? Hm? What is she going to do? You haven't thought this through, mon ami..."
"Hey! We'll burn that bridge when we get there, okay?!"
"The expression is cross the bridge, not burn it!"
"Shut up! That is the plan we are sticking to. It's all we've got right now. So, if you agree, hands in." Gilbert shoved his pale, scarred hand over the map upon the table. With a hopeless sigh, Francis placed his hand over Gilbert's.
...Antonio did not put his hand on the pile. He stared at his toes.
"Toni! Quit spacing out, man! Hands in!"
"I... I don't know if I can, amigo..."
"What the hell are you-"
"I'm not going to abandon Lovi."
"Ohhh no! You are not backing out of this now! Not for some skirt!"
"Hey, you get to keep your little-"
"Yeah well if you had half a brain-"
They descended into an anarchy of shouts and insults.
Francis banged his chalice on the table. "Enough!" he roared. "No, Antoine, it's not fair, but it's the best plan we have right now that results in ANY of us getting out of this mess alive!"
He breathed heavily. The others fell quiet.
For a long time afterward, the men worked in diligent silence. All the inhabitants moved around the premises in quiet pondering.
But, by mid-afternoon the solemnity and general moping attitude of the group had somewhat faded away. It was as if a new phase washed over them. They acted as though they were trying to cheer each other up. At least Lovina, Antonio, and Francis did. Gilbert and Elizaveta however, we could not say the same for.
When evening came, the southerners helped Francis make a final meal in the kitchen.
Just as the sun was setting, a certain "Dinner is served!" call they had grown accustomed to floated into the air.
Antonio, Lovina, and Francis chatted happily at the supper table.
Gilbert and Elizaveta sat at opposite ends, directly across from one another, glaring dangerously.
The others tried to entice the two into joining the conversation, but they would only receive mumbles or grunts in return. Eventually, the conversation died down to an awkward silence. That is until that one question came up.
"Alright, I know this is a terrible day, but you two," Lovina glanced between the green-eyed girl and the red-eyed boy, "why so quiet?"
Gilbert set down the leg of meat he had been gnawing on and leaned back. "I don't know, why don't you ask our dear little Liz?"
Elizaveta made no reply, only looked angrily down at her plate of food, hands tucked in her lap.
"Come on, Liz," Gilbert prodded, "why so quiet? For days now..."
"I don't want to talk to you," she said almost shakily.
"No, you know what? You've been holding a grudge against me since day one, Liz! Let's have it out! What's the real reason?"
"I said no!" she clenched her fists and kept her head down.
"Go on, let me have it. Why Liz? Why?! Spit it out!"
"BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME!" she suddenly shrieked, silverware clattering on her plate.
Antonio, Lovina, and Francis went wide-eyed, not daring to swallow another morsel. They stared apprehensively between the two debaters on either end of the table.
Even Gilbert looked a little taken aback by her outburst.
Her eyes suddenly welled up with tears. They began to stream down her hot cheeks as she went on. "You left me! You said we would do everything TOGETHER. That we were a DUO! That we were knights of a common creed, and you lied to me!" She was practically screaming.
"I did what I had to do to protect you, Liz! Ever think of that? What was I supposed to do, huh? Let you be married off to some 40-year-old creep? Or let you continue to rise in the ranks until I couldn't cover for you anymore and they found out you were a girl!"
The three onlookers' eyes darted back and forth in awe as the argument continued.
"You couldn't have at least told me? We could have made a different plan... I couldn't even say goodbye?"
"I didn't have a lot of time or options! You were on death row one way or the other. And how was I supposed to live with myself, huh? If you died? Do you know what it would be like living the rest of my life thinking about how you were dead, and it was all my fault?"
She was still crying, but her face went from a mix of pain and anger to disturbingly calm. "Yes," she answered darkly, "I do know what that's like."
Gilbert's face shifted slowly from contempt to realization... Oooh.
"Liz," he said softly, "I didn't-"
She turned and ran quickly out of the dining hall.
And Gilbert, cursing himself internally, let out a self-loathing sigh before going after her.
The three remaining diners sat there in bewildered silence.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Lovina erupted.
Antonio and Francis began to sweat.
"Welllll... I think I will just be cleaning up in the kitchen now..." Francis rose, stacking plates and leftovers on his arms before briskly pacing out the door.
"Uuh, I'll help you with-"
Suddenly, a claw-like hand gripped Antonio's forearm as he rose from his chair.
"I want some answers. Now." Lovina ground out.
Antonio sat back down and looked at her as if he were a child who had just been caught throwing a rock through a window.
"And I want the truth."
He sighed. It was their last day here anyway... might as well go out with a bang.
Historical Notes
* In the 13th century the castle kitchen was still generally of timber, with a central hearth or several fireplaces where meat could be spitted or stewed in a cauldron. Utensils were washed in a scullery outside. Poultry and animals for slaughter were trussed and tethered nearby. Temporary extra kitchens were set up for feasts. In the bailey near the kitchen the castle garden was usually planted with fruit trees and vines at one end, and plots of herbs and flowers - roses, lilies, heliotropes, violets, poppies, daffodils, iris, gladiola. There might also be a fishpond, stocked with trout and pike.
