Selfish
It had been three weeks since Punk was told the truth about Amy, Nico and his child. He had avoided everyone successfully during that time including Colt and Cliff. April had been so amazing and supportive, he felt bad that she distanced herself from the group herself but she insisted on it. She was spending her lunches with him even leaving the office to meet him at the shop and cutting out early to be home to cook dinner before he even got home. She had been trying really hard to cook good for him even though she was still struggling. Since moving together they ate at Nico's most nights so this was an adjustment.
April was also getting anxious to start planning the wedding and looking at venues. They put it off after he first found out about his unborn child and hadn't mentioned it since. April didn't want to come across as insensitive or pushy but it was now May and she had hoped to be married by Christmas but it wasn't looking good. You'd have to reserve venues for the most part at least a year before the actual date. She was also avoiding Celeste who hadn't reached out to her either so she had no one to even look at dresses with and not to mention being on the outs with Nico. Her dream wedding was turning into a just that, a dream.
"I'm definitely going to have to stay late for work tonight." April warned him as she poured coffee into her canister.
"Just call me and I'll swing by and pick you up." Punk said watching her scurry around the apartment.
"You don't have to do that." She said searching her purse.
"I don't want you taking the train late by yourself, I'll get you just let me know what time." He said to her.
"Ok." She said to him. "I shouldn't be too late we can have a late dinner."
"I'll take you out." He said to her. "We've eaten in every night for a month it feels like."
"Think of all the money we've saved." She teased. "Are you just starving because you're sick of my cooking?"
"No not at all." He scoffed. "I love your cooking."
"Uh-huh." She smirked.
"I just think we deserve a good night out that's all." he said to her.
"Actually I want to talk to you about something at dinner." she said to him.
"You're going to make me sweat all day now?" He asked her. "Now I have to know."
"It's nothing bad." She smiled.
"So tell me now." He shrugged.
"It's just, we haven't discussed the wedding much." She pointed out. "I really want to be married before the book was done but if you want to postpone it I totally get that too."
"I don't want to." He assured her. "We'll figure it out during dinner, ok? Make those appointments and we'll get back on track with it."
"If you're still not ready I understand I just kind of want a roundabout date that's all." She said to him. "Not that it even matters because who is even going to come?" she laughed.
"What do you mean?" he asked her.
"It's nothing." She smiled.
"No it's something." He argued.
"It's just I don't even have anyone to walk me down the aisle, my maid of honor is MIA and I'm not even sure the groom wants to be there." she said to him.
"Of course I want to be there." He said to her. "I've just been a little distracted obviously."
"I understand that and I know you're still hurting but-" she stopped herself.
"But what?" He asked her.
"But I'm still here." She said to him. "And it may sound selfish and I want to support you but I also want to move on from this. I get that you're angry at Nico and Amy and you're still grieving and I can't imagine what you must be feeling and maybe that's part of the problem. You know what? Forget I said anything-"
"Ape wait." he insisted following her to the door.
"I can't be late." April said to him. "I'm sorry." She said feeling bad for her minor outburst and then walked out the door.
"Ape!" He yelled as he began to follow her but she headed to the stairs. He stepped back inside to grab his keys so he could catch her before she got too far but when he stepped back outside into the hall Amy was stepping off of the elevator.
"Hi." Amy greeted sadly. "I think we have some things we need to talk about."
April worked through her lunch so she wouldn't have stay as late tonight but all she really wanted to do was be at home with Punk and apologize for her what she said. She had no right to add onto his burden she even tried calling and texting him but clearly he was mad at her. He needed her to be on his side and supportive not childish and selfish. She kept looking at her cellphone waiting to see his name appear but it never came.
"Working during lunch?" Daren asked standing by her door.
"I am." April said to him. "Sorry I've been so behind."
"You said you had a family emergency April, I'm not a complete monster I just hope everything is ok." Daren said stepping further inside.
"Yea it's ok." She said looking at her laptop.
"You're upset." He noted with a frown. "You're not even being mean to me anymore."
"I thought we agreed to be nice and professional and forget the past?" April asked.
"We did." Daren agreed.
"So that's what I'm doing." April said to him.
"Do you need to talk?" Daren asked her.
"No." she almost laughed.
"Come on you seem pretty upset." Daren said to her. "And you have to eat something, want to grab lunch?"
"No thank you." she said politely.
"You're distracted." he pointed out. "How can that be good for our book?"
"Our?" April asked him.
"I am publishing it and have a lot invested in it." Daren pointed out. "If getting your feelings off of your chest helps get back you on track please tell me what's wrong."
"I'm not interrupting am I?" Paul asked stepping into the office.
"Not at all. We were about to head out to lunch and I insist you join us." Daren said to him and Paul looked at April as if she was crazy.
"I wasn't going to lunch." April said to Paul.
"You are now. I'm the CEO and I'm taking two of my employees out to lunch. Your fiance can't get mad if Mr. Heyman joins us now can he?" Daren questioned.
"I guess not." April forced out.
"Great. I'll have the car waiting downstairs by the door." Daren said to them then left the office.
"I said be nice to him not date him." Paul whispered to her.
"I'm not." April sighed. "I'd rather be home to be honest."
"Everything alright?" Paul asked her.
"I hope she." She said sadly. "If this lunch gets me out of work too late I'll do it. You'll come with us right?" she asked hopefully.
"I don't have much of a choice either I suppose." Paul mumbled.
Silence filled the apartment for a while until Amy finally began to explain herself. It went from silence to her constantly defending her decision to lie to him.
"I just want you to understand." Amy said to him.
"I don't." Punk said to her. "What did you think I would do if you were honest?"
"I didn't want our child to be the reason you were miserable." Amy said to him. "No matter what you say it would have caused a rift between you two-"
"Stop that." He warned her. "You don't know April and it wasn't up to you I didn't even get a chance to-"
"A chance to what?" Amy asked him. "Sit in on some appointments? Get attached? Trust me Punk you were better off with knowing less."
"It wasn't fair." Punk said looking at her.
"You didn't care about me." Amy said to him. "Our baby wasn't created out of love and I didn't want you to resent it."
"I never would have done that and I did care about you. We were together for half a year." Punk argued.
"And yet every time April had a hangnail or stubbed her toe you were at her side." Amy laughed bitterly. "You always picked her over me."
"It's not about picking sides." Punk argued. "This was my kid."
"You would have picked us over her?" Amy asked with a cold laugh.
"I wouldn't have had to." Punk said to her.
"I didn't want my child being raised by her too." Amy said to her.
"Excuse me?" Punk asked hoping he misheard her.
"The girl can't even cross the street without someone holding her hand." Amy said to him and he narrowed his eyes at her. "She's still a baby herself."
"Don't talk about her like that." Punk warned her.
"I like April." Amy assured him. "She's like everyone's little sister but she's not ready to be a step-mom or a wife for that matter."
"April has been on her own since she's been nine." Punk reminded her. "She had a hard life."
"I get that but then she came to Chicago and let Nico take care of her and now you." Amy said to him.
"Don't belittle her to cover up your lies." Punk warned her. "Don't make this about her."
"If she wasn't in the picture we would have been together when I found it." Amy pointed out. "It's all about her. Nico agreed. You both were starting out your lives and again she's so young-"
"Stop with that shit!" Punk yelled standing up.
"It all made sense when Nico and I talked about it." Amy sighed.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" Punk asked her. "If you hadn't lost the baby would you have told me?"
"I don't know." Amy admitted quietly. "You would have made a good father."
"Not good enough apparently." Punk said to her. "I don't know what you want me to say to you."
"I want forgiveness." Amy said to him. "We're connected on a whole other level that no one will understand we both lost a child."
"I didn't even know until it was too late." Punk said to her. "I can't forgive and forget."
"Do you know how hard it was for me?" Amy teared up. "I was alone, I was scared and all I had in my life was that baby at least you have April!"
"I know it wasn't easy." Punk said calmly.
"How could you?" Amy asked. "You're just as devastated as I am and you didn't even hear his heartbeat or watch him grow with every doctors visit."
"You wouldn't let me." Punk practically cried out. "I would have been there."
"I feel so empty." She cried as her face dropped into her hands.
"This has killed me so I can't even imagine how you're feeling." Punk admitted sympathetically and now sat back down next to her.
"It was the worst day of my life." Amy admitted looking back at him with teary eyes.
"You called the baby a he..." Punk trailed off.
"I was about six months along, I knew we were having a boy." Amy said to him and now Punk's heart ached. "He's buried in Atlanta. He was so small." She wept and Punk pulled her into a hug. "I loved him so much."
Punk's phone kept going off and he knew it was April looking to talk about what happened before she left but he'd worry about her later and fix that tonight, right now he needed to clear the air with Amy and comfort her because whether he was mad or not, she was right, they had a bond that couldn't be broken and they both lost a child.
"Were your parents with you at least?" Punk asked her and she nodded.
"We buried him near my grandparents and sister." Amy told him. Amy had lost her sister when she was only 17 from suicide. Her life wasn't easy either.
"I want to see him." Punk said to her. "I have to."
"You should go." Amy said to him. "You should say goodbye to your son. Nico went."
"How nice of him." Punk forced out.
"He was attached." Amy said to him. "It took him a while but he really wanted to step up for the baby. He flew down right after I told him and helped me. He was great."
"I don't want to talk about him." he said to her.
"Are you and April planning on having children?" Amy asked him.
"We were." Punk said to her.
"Not anymore?" Amy asked.
"She wants one badly. I wanted to wait." Punk said to her.
"I want a baby." Amy said to him and he looked at her oddly. "I have this void that I want to fill so badly. I want to do it again and do it right."
"Maybe you should give it some time." Punk suggested. "Meet the right person and do it the right way."
"I'm older than you." Amy said to him. "I didn't think I ever wanted children but I loved our son so much that I know I can do it again and better."
"It's your life." Punk said to her. "I wish you the best."
"So that's it?" Amy asked him. "We're just officially not connected anymore?"
"We'll always be connected." Punk reasoned.
"If I could go back in time I would have told you." Amy said to him. "We would have been a family."
"Right." Punk said with a tight smile. "I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't be honest with me."
"I'm sorry too." Amy said with a sad smile. "I loved you so much and having your baby meant a lot to me."she looked right at him and leaned in to kiss him but he turned his head away and looked straight ahead. "I'm sorry." She frowned. "That was stupid."
"You're in an emotional place." Punk said to her. "I'm not the guy for you Amy."
"Our little boy was so cute." Amy said to him. "He was small but he was handsome I could tell." she said to him. "We make cute kids." She smirked.
"I know you're sad Amy and you want to try to have another baby but it's not going to be with me." He said to her.
"Of course." Amy said feeling embarrassed. "You'll have one with April who is going to be your wife."
"Yea." Punk agreed. "I'll help you in any other way that I can but not like that."
"So we can be friends again?" Amy asked. "I do miss you and April for that matter."
"You don't speak very highly of her." Punk noted.
"She may be young and immature but she was the only one who was nice to me when I was pregnant." Amy said to him. "You didn't even talk to me."
"We didn't have anything to talk about or so I thought." he said to her.
"Look at the time." Amy said to him. "Did you have to work today?"
"Yea, four hours ago." He said looking at the time.
"When you go back to Atlanta I'd like to come with you." Amy said standing up and walking to the door.
"Sure." Punk said to her. "I'll book a weekend out there and we'll go." he then opened the door for her.
"Thank you for hearing me out." She said throwing her arms around him.
Punk hugged her back gently and pulled away slightly when she did. She cupped his face and looked him in the eye as they were nose to nose.
"I love you." Amy smiled sweetly looking him in the eyes.
"Uh." a voice interrupted nervously.
Punk turned his head and saw Celeste who he hadn't seen in weeks. He let go of Amy who also stepped away from him. He could tell Celeste didn't trust what she just saw as she shot him and Amy a cold look.
"We've been trying to call you." Celeste said to Punk who looked confused. "There's been an accident."
"With who?" Punk asked.
"April." Celeste said and Punk felt his heart drop.
"What happened?" Punk asked walking to her as his face went pale.
"She was in a car accident. She's fine but I'm sure she'd want you there. We all tried to reach you I didn't realize you were busy." She said looking towards Amy.
"It's not what you think." Amy said to her and Celeste just nodded.
"When the hospital couldn't reach you they called Nico." Celeste told him "He's already at the hospital."
Punk stepped back into apartment to grab his keys, jacket and wallet then headed to the elevator.
"Are you coming?" He asked Celeste as he stepped on.
"I'll meet you there." Celeste said to him as the doors closed. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to Punk." Amy said to him. "We needed to talk about our son."
"It's a little late for that isn't it?" Celeste asked her.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Amy asked her. "I didn't sleep with your boyfriend!"
"You still trashed my relationship." Celeste argued. "You not only ruined my relationship but you ruined April's relationship with Nico and Punk's with his. April and I barely talking for some reason and it all lands on you."
"I can't help the fact that you guys aren't mature enough to work this out." Amy said to her.
"Mature would have been being honest from the beginning." Celeste said to her. "And what was happening when I stepped off the elevator? Were you going to kiss him?"
"We'll never know." Amy shrugged. "I have to go. I'm apartment hunting."
"You can keep our place." Celeste told her. "I'm going to be staying with Nico."
"You didn't stay mad." Amy noted. "That's good because Nico is really-"
"Stop trying to act like you know him better than me." Celeste warned her. "You keep telling everyone about these great connections you have with Nico and Punk, two former best friends because of you. Neither guy wanted you Amy, they've moved on. The connection is gone."
"How dare you." Amy hissed.
"It's true." Celeste said to her. "Everyone is walking on eggshells around you treating you with kid gloves but this is all your fault. You should have been honest from the start and don't give me that 'well Punk was with April crap' because they are two of the most generous and loving people I have ever met and they would have helped you, both of them."
"I'm not perfect but I lost a son." Amy reminded her.
"I feel bad for you I really do but it doesn't excuse what you did. Punk is a great man will forgive you but I won't." Celeste said to her. "Stay out of my friends lives." she warned her.
Punk rushed into the ER and saw Colt, Cliff and Nico in the waiting area and walked right to them.
"Where is she?" Punk asked them. "Is she alright?"
"She has some cuts and bruises but she'll be fine." Colt told him.
"Why couldn't we reach you?" Nico asked coldly but Punk ignored him, didn't even look at him for that matter.
"She's in there." Cliff pointed.
"Seriously where were you?" Nico demanded grabbing his arm and Punk jerked it away.
"Don't put your fucking hands on me." Punk hissed stepping to him.
"You're supposed to be taking care of her. What if she was seriously hurt? Where the fuck were you!" Nico yelled.
"Don't judge me you piece of shit." Punk spat shoving him back.
"This is a hospital." Cliff warned stepping between the two. "Chill the fuck out."
"This is how you step up for my sister?" Nico questioned.
"Just go see April." Colt said pulling Punk away from Nico who he was ready to kill.
"You can go home, you're not needed here anymore." Punk said to Nico then walked further into the ER in search of April.
Punk spotted her sitting up and she seemed fine from where he was but it was the man looking and speaking to her that bothered him. There was Daren Prince with his fingers gently under chin so he could examine her face closely. He also looked a little cut up so clearly they were together...
"Let me call my plastic surgeon for you." Daren insisted. April only had one cut above her left eye that only required a few stitches.
"It's fine." April assured him.
"Ape." Punk greeted and her face lit up when he walked over to her. Daren let go of April as she hugged Punk tightly. "Are you ok?" he asked looking at her face for himself now.
"Yea it's just a cut above my eye and some bruising to my arm." April said to him. "I'm just shaken up."
"What happened?" Punk asked her.
"It's my fault." Daren said to him and Punk turned to glare at him. "I was taking April and Paul out to lunch and my driver went through a red light."
"It is your fault." Punk said to him coldly.
"It's not." April assured Punk.
"I'll handle all of the medical bills." Daren offered.
"I'll handle the bills and April for that matter so you can get lost." Punk said to him bitterly.
"Phil." April whispered.
"No it's alright I'm just as upset as you are." Daren said to her. "I'm going to check in on Paul, take tomorrow and rest."
"How generous." Punk spat as Daren walked off.
"Don't be like that." April sighed.
"Don't be like that?" Punk mocked. "Why were you in a car with him at all?"
"He told you. He invited Paul and I to lunch." April repeated.
"Why would go out to lunch with him to begin with?" Punk asked her.
"Because he's my boss and he didn't give me a choice." April argued. "Why are you so mad at me? I was the one in the accident. Speaking of that, I know you were mad at me but you really ignored all my calls? The hospital tried you like ten times."
"I wasn't mad." Punk said to her. "Amy came by and we were talking."
"Oh." April said to him quietly.
"I didn't even check my phone." He said to her. "I won't do that again."
April let out a small laugh and looked away.
"What's so funny?" he asked her.
"It's just the last time I was with Daren and needed you, you also ignored my calls." April said to him and his face dropped.
"Don't say it like that." Punk said to her. "You weren't even supposed to be with him."
"Can you just take me home?" She sighed.
"I wasn't putting you before anything but Amy-" he started.
"I get it." April said to him. "You two had a lot to talk about. I mean you both created a life together and I can't compare to that."
"Ape." He scolded.
"I'm sorry." She said jumping off the stretcher she was on. "I don't mean to sound so jealous because I'd hate to feel the loss that Amy had but she had something with you that I wanted to have. There's nothing I want more in my life than starting a family with you and now after all of this I feel like it's tainted your image of family life and you don't want any part of it."
"That's not true. You can't just assume things like this you have to talk to me." Punk said to her.
"I just feel disconnected from you." She admitted honestly.
"That's really weird and clearly on me a hundred percent because I've never felt more connected to you." Punk said to her.
"Really?" She asked.
"Yes and I swear on my life that I'm going to marry you." he assured her kissing her forehead then again looked at her cut. "Does it hurt?"
"Yes." she admitted. "My head really hurts in general."
"Did they run a scan?" he asked her.
"I think so." She said to him grabbing his hand trying to walk away but he didn't budge. "What?"
"I'm not leaving until I talk to your doctor or someone who examined you." Punk said walking her right back to where she was. "I need to know if you have a concussion, I want to know if they x-rayed your arm-"
"I think my doctor spoke to Nico." She said to him nervously. "He's my next of kin." she reminded him.
"That's not good enough. I want him to talk to me." Punk said and waved a nurse. Punk asked the nurse to find April's doctor for him and even though she warned him it could be a while he insisted on waiting.
"Did you see Nico out there?" April asked him.
"Briefly." Punk said trying not to sound too angry. "Did you?"
"He came in to see me and I kicked him out." April said to him. "You are my emergency contact." She told Punk. "It's just you weren't here-"
"I know." He said to her. "Don't worry about it."
"How did it go with Amy?" April asked.
"She's out of it." Punk told her honestly. "Like something isn't right in her head." Punk knew she was grieving but she went from crying to flirting to anger with a snap of her fingers. She was all over the place and he knew her well enough to know that she wasn't the same.
"She lost a child." April reminded him. "It makes sense."
"I guess." He said to her.
"Do you feel better after talking to her?" April asked.
"No." He said to her. "But the baby, he was a boy by the way, is buried in Atlanta." He said to her.
"You should go." She said without a second thought. "You need to go."
"Amy thinks so too she wants to go out with me." He told her.
"I understand." April said to him.
"I hope you understand that I want you there too." He said to her.
"You don't have to ask me to go because of my selfish outburst." She said to him.
"I'm not. I'm asking you to go because I'm selfish and can't do it without you." he said to her honestly.
"Then I'll be there." she promised.
"Thank you." he said relieved.
