A/N: Once again a huge thanks to Jan for her comments and proofreading. I do not make any money off of this, though some of it is written at work so I guess in a round about way I do, LOL! Enjoy.
Given the way this chapter ends, 10 plus reviews gets a bonus chapter. Enjoy!
James Madison Elementary School
Manassas, VA
May 7, 2007
0920 EST
"Will you stop fidgeting? You look fine," Mac scolded Harm for continually fussing with his clothing while they waited outside the counselor's office at Lucy's school.
"I don't feel fine," Harm complained. "None of this feels right."
"That's because it doesn't fit you right. You lost too much weight," Mac pointed out. "Still, let's concentrate on Lucy and learning what we have to do to get her back on track with her schooling. I'm hoping she can start going to school again in September."
"So do I, but I've told you what I want to do in the interim, Mac," Harm said firmly, unhappy that Mac was not as supportive of his determination to home school their daughter as he'd hoped she would be.
"And if everyone involved thinks it's best for Lucy, we'll go with it, but we need to make sure we aren't going to be harming her adjustment from being sick to being well again by isolating her."
Harm pointed at the name on the door. "That woman isn't going to think my teaching Lucy is best for her," Harm snapped. "She's liable to make some other ridiculous accusation about me like she did before, when you were sick."
"If I recall, I put her in her place when she did that and I'm prepared to do it again," Mac responded in her best no-nonsense tone. "Now just calm down and wait quietly, please."
Harm mumbled something under his breath he was sure Mac wouldn't be able to hear, but to his astonishment and chagrin, she did.
"Stop acting like an overgrown baby and I won't have to treat you like one," Mac replied hastily just as Mrs. Porter, the school secretary, stepped into the hallway.
"Mr. and Mrs. Rabb," she said in a heavy Charlestonian accent. "Follow me."
Harm let Mac take control of the wheelchair so she could maneuver it into and around the counselor's narrow corner office. Harm and Mac were both surprised and delighted when they were not met by Dr. Crimmins' cool, seemingly accusatory gaze but by a much more compassionate looking young man. He was joined by Lucy's principal, Mr. Dougherty and her second grade teacher for the short time she'd gone to school the previous fall, Miss Wilson.
The principal spoke first, "Captain and Mrs. Rabb, it's nice to see you again. Have a seat please."
Mac did so after moving Harm's wheelchair next to an empty chair. "If you don't remember her, this is Miss Wilson, whose class Lucy was in briefly last fall, and this is the newest member of our counseling staff, Dr. Travers. He's filling in for Dr. Crimmins while she is on an extended leave. I've asked them to join us."
"That's fine. Thank you," Mac said quietly, studying Harm's posture as he looked at the officials sitting across from them. She knew he was uneasy about the wheelchair and knew he was dreading questions about his limitations.
Dr. Travers began to speak. "We've reviewed Lucy's school and medical records and with Mrs. Rabb's consent, spoken to her oncologist. He feels Lucy is making definite strides towards a full remission and recovery, but states in no uncertain terms she is absolutely not in a condition to attend classes in a normal environment the rest of this school year."
Dr. Travers looked at Harm and Mac for clarification. "That's right," Harm confirmed. "She's had a bone marrow transplant which has left her immune system completely decimated. It will take a long time for her to be able to be around others safely. That is why I feel it's best if I take on the responsibility for Lucy's education until she is well enough to return to the classroom. I have the time to do it because I'm completing my recovery from having been the bone marrow donor." Harm gestured vaguely towards his legs and the wheelchair, hoping to give the impression that his condition was strictly temporary.
"I see," Dr. Travers said nodding. "Mr. Dougherty and Miss Wilson I believe have an alternative idea in mind for Lucy."
Miss Wilson began to speak. "Yes, we do. We believe that Lucy would benefit from a more direct approach to her education, mainly a visiting home tutor who would come to your home, three times per week for three hours each day and teach Lucy the lessons in the same format they are taught in the classroom. It would be ever so effective once she rotates back into the classroom environment."
Mac began to nod her head and was poised to open her mouth to address her concerns about the sterilization requirement when Harm interjected, "That's a wonderful idea, Miss Wilson, but this teacher would need to undergo a complete physical examination to insure he or she was not ill before being sent to our home and would need to be totally disinfected before having contact with Lucy. Even Sarah and I need to constantly disinfect ourselves before we have contact with our daughter in our own home. I do not see why a person should have to go through that rigorous a routine when I am at home, capable and willing. I'm a Naval Academy graduate and a lawyer – I believe I'm quite capable of teaching the second grade curriculum. My plan is to devote 5-6 hours a day to schooling, with breaks of course, for physical therapy and rest, to ensure Lucy is ready to start third grade with her class in September and not have to repeat part or all of the second grade year. That's very important to Lucy and to us, that she not be "put back" a year. A tutor three times a week for only three hours each time just isn't enough – the next school year starts in barely four months. If I am missing something here, please let me know."
Mackenzie-Rabb Residence
Manassas, VA
May 7, 2007
1113 EST
"Harm, come on," Mac called after him once they arrived back at the house. "The school gave their permission for you to teach Lucy, I told you if they did so I'd support you and I did. What is the problem?"
Mac was legitimately confused. Harm had made his case to the officials at Lucy's school and she had not objected or argued the point when they agreed to his home schooling their daughter to prepare her for third grade with her class. Still, the entire way home Harm hadn't said two words to her or at least he hadn't said anything that wasn't laced with hostility.
Harm whirled his chair around to face Mac, his blue eyes blazing with an emotion she hadn't seen in a long time. Anger, anger at her. "You should have backed me up today!" he fired at her. "Instead of holding me back. I'm trying to do what…what's best for Lucy and her own mother is fighting me every inch of the way!"
"Harm, I'm not fighting you on any of this," Mac parried, very unsure of Harm's motivation for this attack. "All I said was we needed to make sure the school would allow it, given the home school requirements and more importantly we need to make sure we did what was best for Lucy."
"We are what's best for Lucy!" Harm thundered. "You and me, and that's all!"
Trish appeared in the kitchen from her post in the family room. Matthew was napping in his infant seat and would be disturbed by his father's harsh voice. "Harm, keep you voice down," Trish admonished. "Matthew and Lucy are napping, please!"
Harm lowered his voice. "I don't see why we needed to bring in all of these outsiders. We'd probably be better off if we handled everything ourselves from minute one but no, you had to have this "support system" thing you read in some damned magazine."
"Harm, look," Mac said trying to keep her voice soft and low. "I don't know what has you so upset but I wish you'd tell me what's wrong so we can talk about it, so I can make it better."
"You can't make it better, Mac!" Harm said quietly, the anger giving way to resignation. "Damage is done, it can't be fixed."
With that Harm maneuvered his wheelchair into the bedroom, leaving Mac confused and disheartened standing alone in their living room.
With a deep breath Mac gathered her wits about her and went to check on her children. She found Trish watching television with the sound on mute and the captioning running across the bottom. "Hey," Mac greeted and sat down next to her mother-in-law.
"Hi, how did it go at the school?" Trish asked clicking the television off with the remote.
"Fine," Mac replied. "Harm made his case to Lucy's teacher and principal, they made an exception regarding Virginia's home schooling requirements allocating his Academy education and law school degree to the level of a masters' degree in education, and promised the lesson plans, textbooks and supplies will be delivered tomorrow."
Trish nodded, "I think it will be good for both of them. She's asked me all day when she could see her father. It's hard for her knowing he's here in the same house, and having to be separated much of the time. Still, I know Harm's careful about how much of his disability he'll reveal to the children, especially Lucy."
"I know," Mac sighed. "And it's not so much Harm as it is me, Trish. I know I have to let him see the kids whenever he wants to see them but he's so unpredictable right now."
"Yes, what was that about?" Trish asked. "I've never heard him shout at someone like that."
"He has but never over something so minor and never with the kids in earshot unless he was goaded along by yours truly," Mac admitted, her disappointment in her own actions showing. "I don't know what I did."
"I don't think you did anything, honey," Trish soothed. "He just needs to adjust. This is hard on him."
"It's hard on me too, Trish," Mac said quickly. "Do you think it is easy to watch him struggle to do things anyone else his age can easily do? Do you think it is easy to lie next to him at night, feel him try to move, and have him end up crying in pain? That's not easy at all!"
"Nobody is saying it is," Trish offered as appeasement. "Mac, why…"
"Can you keep an eye on everyone for awhile longer?" Mac asked. "I need to get out for a bit. I'm going to go get some lunch. I'll bring something back for the kids, you, and Harm."
"Sure I can," Trish replied quickly, sensing Mac was on the edge and needed a release. "Take your time."
Mac offered Trish a smile as a thank you then quickly headed out of their neighborhood towards a strip mall she frequented with Harriet. She stopped at the Beltway Burger that had just opened there and enjoyed her favorite, a Double Cheeseburger with the works and a large milkshake, before strolling from store to store trying to get her head around Harm's behavior and actions. When she passed the Barnes and Noble Bookstore, Mac stepped inside and found the Self-Help section. She was looking for something, anything that might help her learn how to be there for Harm in all the ways that mattered during his recovery, but in the end, it wasn't something that held the answers Mac was seeking, it was someone.
Barnes and Noble Bookstore
Manassas, VA
May 7, 2007
1249 EST
"Well, if it isn't Colonel Mackenzie," Chaplain Turner greeted as he approached Mac from the True Crime section of the bookstore. "Let it never be said preachers only read the Bible. How is your charming little princess?"
"Chaplain Turner," Mac said with a bright smile. She turned and offered the older gentleman a slight hug. "She's well, she's doing very well. Thank you."
"We remember her in our prayers every day and she's still on the prayer list for Sunday meetings," Chaplain Turner told Mac. "She is such an inspiration to so many. Harmon as well. I have known that boy since he was 20 years old and I never doubted he'd be a wonderful parent."
"He is that, a wonderful father," Mac agreed. She was still plagued by feelings of guilt each time she admitted that, she'd said such terrible things to and about Harm's parenting during the divorce.
"Sturgis told me that he's had a rough time of it," Chaplain Turner said inviting Mac to sit down with him on a nearby sofa in the center of the store. "I don't hear from him very often but when I do he is always telling me of things with your family, the Roberts, and his other academy classmates he's remained friends with all these years."
"Sturgis is a very proper officer," Mac said taking the offer of a seat and chat with someone on the outside of the circus in her life. "But he is an excellent friend. Thanks to you and his mother, of course."
Chaplain Turner chuckled, "Of course. Now, perhaps you tell me why you are out seeking help from books written by telepsychologists looking more exhausted than you did the days your child was walking in the valley of the shadow of death."
Mac didn't want to air her family troubles in public, but the soft tone of Chaplain Turner's voice and the inviting way in which he spoke made the words and feelings flow from Mac's lips like a river. The entire time Mac worried, raged, speculated, and second guessed, Chaplain Turner remained silent, open, and supportive. When she'd finally finished letting things flow from her heart she felt lighter and more energized than she had in months.
"Mac," Chaplain Turner finally spoke when he was sure she'd totally unburdened her soul. "I know it's hard. I know it is so hard to see Harm as he is right now and I know you feel like it's your fault. I also know you are terrified that Harm does too, but you know what, I'd bet you he doesn't. I bet that hasn't even crossed his mind."
"Then why is he so angry at me?" Mac asked, honestly confused and deeply hurt by Harm's moodiness.
"Because it is easier than being angry at himself," Chaplain Turner replied. "Think about it for a minute, all the things that happened. They didn't stem from one event in your marriage, but it seems to those outside and in that they did. I bet you that boy has some serious guilt on his heart and nowhere to put it. I think what he really needs is for you to understand, to listen, and to help him."
"I am helping him," Mac said preparing to defend herself against an upcoming accusation.
"Not help him with physical tasks," the Chaplain clarified. "Help him with the spiritual one, help him forgive himself, Mac. That's what he really needs. He needs to know you forgive him, that Lucy forgives him, and that it is okay to forgive himself. When he does that, I haven't the slightest doubt he'll begin to heal in all the ways he needs to do to get on with his life."
Mac thanked Chaplain Turner for his advice and considered everything the wise old gentleman had said as she picked up lunch for the rest of the family and drove home.
Mackenzie-Rabb Residence
Manassas, VA
May 7, 2007
1348 EST
Mac arrived at the house with two Beltway Burger bags loaded to the gills with good smelling, great tasting, awful for you food and one bag with two California Rolls and a cup of Miso soup. The first sound that greeted her ears when she entered the house was not the peaceful quiet that usually existed during the day but Lucy's heartbroken sobs, Matthew's high-pitched wails, Trish's soothing tones, and somewhere in the middle of it all, Harm's most gentle voice. The only person in the house truly silent was DJ as he was occupied with an activity book and crayons.
Trish hurried to take the food bags from Mac and hand her Matthew who was screaming for sustenance not topped off with a rubber nipple. Mac quickly undid her blouse and placed the baby's lips to her breast, bringing relief to her child and to herself. This was the answer to Matthew's tears, but Mac looked to Trish for an answer to Lucy's.
"We were doing her therapy like we always do this time of day and I guess something I did hurt her because the next thing I know she's hysterical and Harm's descending on me like a vulture," Trish revealed to Mac as she unpacked the lunches. "I take it the sushi is for my son?"
Mac nodded, "I wanted to get him something I know he'll really enjoy. Where are they?"
"He's got her in your room," Trish said nodding in the direction of the master bedroom.
Mac with Matthew firmly attached carefully walked to the bedroom and peeked in the doorway. Harm had Lucy on his lap, cradled in much the same way Matthew was against her chest. He was gently rubbing her arm and hair with his hands and speaking softly as the child calmed herself down from a fit to whimpers.
"Daddy knows it hurts you, baby," Harm empathized with Lucy. "I know you don't like to do those exercises and I don't like to see you do them because I know they hurt you, but you need to work on your legs, Button. You worked on your arms and look what you can do now that you couldn't before. Tell me, what things can you do since you worked on your arms?"
"Eat by myself," Lucy said sniffling. "Brush Colleen. Give you and Mommy hugs. Hold Matthew…"
"There, you see all those important nice things you can do," Harm affirmed. "How about we make a deal, okay?"
Lucy looked up at him, Daddy usually made good deals. "Okay," Lucy agreed.
"If you work really, really hard with Mommy and Nana Trish, Daddy will go to your therapy with you at the hospital when you go," Harm offered. "Remember you've asked me to go with you? Well, if you work on your legs at home like we ask you to do; I'll go to all your therapy outside the house. Do we have a deal?"
Mac felt her heart drop to her toes. Harm was not going to be an asset to Lucy's physical therapy sessions at the hospital. If anything he's be a hindrance. It broke her heart to see what her daughter had to endure during those sessions but Harm's connection to and protectiveness of Lucy was so much deeper than hers, seeing it would shatter him, or worse he'd intervene as he had so many times before when she worked on Lucy's legs.
Earlier that week he'd come in from the bedroom during an exercise session and pushed Mac away from Lucy's bed so hard she'd nearly fallen. Still, perhaps being a more integral part of Lucy's recovery would be good for him, if she could just persuade him not to interfere. After all, Harm was the reason Lucy now did her PT session at the Children's Hospital; he'd disturbed her in home sessions with her therapist so often Dr. Jacobsen felt it was less of a risk for Lucy to go to her sessions as an outpatient than to continue as she was at home and risk permanent loss of function in her legs. Still, as long as Mac was attending at a hospital, the staff would assure she was able to complete her routines as prescribed.
"Deal," Mac heard Lucy say as she slipped her still thin arms around her father's neck.
Harm squeezed her close to him, "That's my good girl. Besides, I'm sure you want to be running and playing with all your friends again as quickly as possible, right?"
Lucy nodded but before she could say anything further Mac spoke.
"Hey, you two," Mac greeted them with a forced smile. "I brought us all a special lunch. Come on to the table."
Harm wheeled himself and Lucy to the table then let Mac move the child from his lap to her own wheelchair. Harm smiled brightly when he saw the lunch Mac had gotten just for him and even ate a French fry DJ offered to him so he could "fit in his clothes and stuff."
Still, Mac could feel the anguish and pain radiating off of him in waves.
About halfway through lunch, Lucy announced, "Nana, Daddy is going to go to my hospital therapy with me if I'm good for you and mommy when we do it at home. Can we do it again after lunch?"
"Well, we can finish it, sweetie," Trish replied. "As soon as your meal is settled, all right?"
"Harm, why don't you tell Lucy what else you'll be doing with her?" Mac suggested in an effort to show Harm she supported him in his desire to teach Lucy.
"Oh, that's right. Lucy, Mommy and I went to your school today to talk to Mr. Dougherty, Miss Wilson and Dr…." Harm began.
" No!" Lucy cut him off. "I'm not going back to her. I hate her!"
"It isn't nice to say we hate someone, Lucy," Harm scolded gently. "Besides, Dr. Crimmins wasn't there. We met a new doctor, Dr. Travers. And guess what?"
"I can go back to school?" Lucy piped up hopefully.
"Well, probably in September if Dr. Jacobsen says it's okay, but until then, they agreed that I'll teach you all your lessons at home, just you and me. What do you think of that?" Harm asked, his eyes shining for the first time in over a week.
"Really!?" Lucy was clearly thrilled at the idea. "You'll really be my teacher and we can spend the whole day together?"
"Yes, Button, we can," Harm confirmed. "But you have to do your work just like it was a regular schoolroom, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," Lucy agreed, her face glowing with happiness and excitement.
"Can Daddy teach me too?" DJ asked as he mopped up a pile of ketchup with his burger bun.
"No, Buddy," Mac handed him more fries to dip into his ketchup lake. "You'll go to day care with Jimmy and to summer camp like last year. Remember you went swimming and to the lake…"
The conversation flowed effortlessly the rest of the meal and true to her word Lucy went with Trish right after lunch to finish her workout before dropping off to an exhausted sleep.
Harm went to the bedroom to search the internet on useful home schooling techniques while Mac prepared for an afternoon of brainstorming with AJ. They had set up a dinner meeting with Tony and Cassie at the house for Thursday and they needed to be prepared.
1553 EST
Mac and AJ had been working for a little over an hour when his cell phone rang. It was just before 4 o'clock so AJ was surprised to see Jeannie, Analiese's sister's number on his caller ID screen. He and Ana were due to have supper with Jeannie and her husband that night about 6:30. There was no reason she'd be calling him now instead of Ana unless…."Chegwidden," AJ said trying to hide the trepidation in his voice in case he was simply over reacting.
Mac looked at her former CO and friend and knew immediately that whatever he was being told was not good news. She tried to respect his privacy and not listen to his responses which merely consisted of "I understand," "Uh-huh," "Which one?" and "Oh my God." When he ended the call with "I'm on my way," Mac rose and stepped between AJ and the door. He was in no condition to be on his way anywhere if the tremors in his hands and the pallor of his face were any indication.
"Mac, I have to go," AJ exclaimed, trying to get past her.
"I gathered that, but let me drive you wherever you need to go," Mac offered. "You're pale as a ghost and you're shaking. Who was that? Is it Francesca?"
AJ shook his head, "Uh, no. It was Jeannie, Analiese's sister. Ana's been in an accident, she and the baby were in an accident on their way home."
"Oh God," Mac gasped then reached to comfort her friend with a warm hug. "AJ…are they okay? Did she know anything?"
"Nothing," AJ said numbly. "Nothing except they are both hurt, both in surgery, and both critical."
"All right, I'll get you to them as fast as I can," Mac assured him. "Just let me get a few things and we'll go."
Mac quickly went to tell Trish what was going on and then to ask Harm if he wanted to go with them. He declined but asked for updates the minute Mac had any. He'd go later and visit but felt it was AJ's place to be with Ana and his place to be with Mac, with his family. Minutes before they were ready to leave AJ's cell rang again. "Jeannie?" he asked his voice hopeful and dreading all at once.
AJ listened to Jeannie speak then closed his phone and let go a cry of anguish the pierced Mac to her very soul. She rushed to AJ's side and took his hands, "What did she say?" Mac asked praying that her gut was wrong for once.
"They uh…couldn't save her," AJ said flatly, gathering his SEAL training and discipline to get through the shock. "She's dead."
In coming chapters: AJ grieves for the loss of someone close to him and has difficulty focusing on Francesca and Tony's defense. Mac relieves AJ of his defense burden taking more on herself while the Rabb family's financial troubles place more strain on relations between Mac and Harm.
And later: Harm takes over for AJ in Tony's defense, Lucy challenges her father to a bet, and Mac takes a job outside the house where she encounters an old nemesis.
