Derek tries to move out from under a sleeping Meredith. Apparently the sedative is still working in her system, and shortly after she curled up in his arms she was fast asleep. He can't help but chuckle as her loud snores fill the room. He wants to stay here for forever. He wants to hold her for forever. But his bladder. His bladder is commanding him to get up and go to the bathroom. He doesn't think that he can wait much longer.
So, here he is trying his best to maneuver himself out from under Meredith's body without waking her. He manages to get one leg free and then another. He figures that if anyone walked in right now they would have a good laugh. His legs are dangling off of the side of the bed while his torso is still pinned down by Meredith's body.
He places his large hands on her shoulders and slowly lifts her up off of him. She doesn't stir. She doesn't stir until he is completely free and standing next to the bed about to head into the bathroom. It is then that Meredith jerks awake and sits up quickly in the bed. Her eyes searching around her almost as if she is lost.
Meredith (in a frantic voice): Derek?! Derek?! Where are you?
Derek immediately rushes back to her side and kneels down beside her. He runs his fingers continuously through her hair as he tries to calm her down.
Derek (in a soothing voice): I'm right here, Mer. I'm right here.
Meredith looks up at him with tear-filled eyes before wrapping her arms around him. This isn't her. This isn't the Meredith that he is used to. She has never been clingy before. He can't say he doesn't like it. But it isn't her. She must have been really scared. He can't even imagine what it would be like to think that he had lost her. Hell, he probably wouldn't let her out of his sight.
Meredith (still a bit frantic): Where….where are you going?
Derek runs his finger slowly over Meredith's jaw line.
Derek: I was just going to the bathroom.
Meredith shakes her head.
Meredith: You can't. You can't leave me. I…you just can't…I need you…I can't…You can't…
Derek: Shh…it's okay, Mer. I'm not going to leave you. I'm just going to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom.
Meredith swings her legs over the side of the bed. Derek gives her a questioning look.
Derek: Where are you going?
Meredith looks at him, her eyes determined.
Meredith: With you.
Derek's mouth falls agape as he stares at her. She isn't joking. Earlier it wasn't this bad. She went to the bathroom earlier. He can tell that this is what she really needs and he wants to give her what she needs.
Meredith: I won't watch.
Derek chuckles.
Derek: I'm not worried about that. It's not like it's something you've never seen.
Meredith gasps slightly before smacking Derek lightly on the arm. She giggles but it quickly dies away on her lips. She stares at him before lifting her hand up and tracing his jaw line gingerly with her small fingers.
Meredith: I thought I had lost you.
Derek reaches up and grabs Meredith's wrist. He looks deep into her eyes.
Derek: You could never lose me, Mer. I'm always yours. I've always been yours. Hell, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried.
Meredith laughs through the tears that have begun to gather in her eyes. She leans her forehead against his.
Meredith: Thanks for not dying.
Derek: Thanks for loving me.
Meredith (in a whisper): Always.
Derek smiles at her.
Derek: Mer…I hate to ruin the moment…but…
Meredith giggles as she gets up off of the bed and follows him into the bathroom. She sits down on the side of the tub and stares at the wall as Derek proceeds to empty his bladder. It's odd. It's odd because he doesn't feel uncomfortable. It's odd because he finds it strangely comforting that it isn't uncomfortable. Meredith's voice breaks through his thoughts.
Meredith(barely above a whisper): I had a dream.
Derek turns to look at her over his shoulder. He can see the tears running down her face as she stares at the wall.
Derek: When?
Meredith: Right before I woke up.
Derek: What was it about?
Derek zips up his pants before washing his hands and taking a seat next to Meredith on the side of the bathroom. She leans her head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and begins to move his hand up and down her arm in an attempt to comfort her.
He notices Meredith take a deep breath.
Meredith: It was about the crash. Only…only you were there…
Meredith's voice is strangled with pain.
Meredith: It was like I was there watching you. I was there watching you when you realized that the plane was going down…..I ….was there…watching you….when…you realized…that you…were going to die….I…..I….I…was there watching you……when…when…oh God…I watched….you…die…oh God…
Meredith is reduced to sobs as she finishes a short retelling of her horrific nightmare. Derek removes his arm from her shoulder and kneels down in front of her. He cups her cheek in his hand.
Derek: Mer….Mer…look at me..
Meredith allows for her green eyes to lock with Derek blues. He sees the fear. He sees the pain. He sees her soul. He sees it all.
Derek: I love you. I [ilove[/i you. I am here and I love you. We are here together. We are both here now and that's all that matters. We are going to have two wonderful children together. We are going to be a family. Mer, you have to think about that. You have to think about the future that we are going to have. You can't dwell on the what ifs. You just can't. I am here. I am here and I love you.
Meredith lunges forward and wraps her arms around Derek's neck. He can feel her hot tears trailing down his chest. He runs his hands up and down her back as he attempts to comfort her.
Meredith: Oh God, Der. I can't live without you. I can't. I almost lost you. I thought I had lost you and it almost killed me. I can't. You can't. I can't stop thinking about what it would be like without you. I can't stop. I can't believe I was so stupid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I was so stupid that I didn't see it. I'm so sorry.
Derek: Didn't see what?
Derek now has tears trailing down his face. Meredith can invoke his emotions like no one else. Before her he hadn't cried since his father died.
Meredith: I didn't see it. I didn't see that I couldn't. I didn't see that I couldn't breathe without you. I don't want to breathe without you. I don't even want to try. Please…please…don't ever…never..please..
Derek grabs Meredith's shoulders and forces her to look at him. They stare at each other through their clouds of tears, but they are both still able to read each other.
Derek: Meredith. Meredith Grey, I cannot promise that I'm not going to die. I can't. But I can promise that I am going to fight like hell to stay with you. I am going to fight like hell to stay with you because anything less than forever just isn't long enough.
Meredith opens her mouth to speak, but a female voice floats through the room. They continue to maintain eye contact, but Derek finds his voice.
Derek: Be out in a minute!
Derek looks closely at Meredith.
Derek: Are you okay?
Meredith sighs.
Meredith: I'm better.
Derek nods before standing up. He reaches his hand down to her and she eagerly places hers in his. He smiles at her before the words roll of his tongue, the mere thought of them causing his heart to swell.
Derek: Are you ready to go find out the sex of our children?
Meredith can hear the excitement in his voice and can't help but feeling some of her own. Knowing that he is going to be there, knowing that [ithey[/i are going to be there together, that makes everything so much better. For the first time in her pregnancy, Meredith feels like she may be able to be a part of a real family.
As Derek leads Meredith out of the small bathroom a thought occurs to Meredith. Maybe Derek is the anti-venom to her poison. Maybe he is her cure. Maybe isn't the right word. Derek is her anti-venom. Derek is her cure. Derek Michael Shepherd is her everything.
