A/N: A revelation. A clarification. An acceptance.
DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.
"Pregnant?" Rebecca asked, her pen in her hand, raised up beside her head as she clicked it in an arrhythmic beat. "She's pregnant?"
Elliot nodded. "I said it three times," he told her, biting his lip and giving a shrug. "I don't know what…you wanna see the little white stick? You wanna see her blood tests?"
"Calm down," Rebecca said, shifting in her seat and dropping her pen. "I believe you, I just…I don't believe it. I thought…you said you were being careful."
He scoffed. "I think we passed careful a long time ago. Ya know…we got caught at work."
"I know, you told me," the doctor said, pulling a strand of hair back into her bun. "Do you think part of you may have done that on purpose?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I thought it would be a real thrill to get fired for fucking my girlfriend on a stakeout. Throw my career away for a hot experince!"
"Stop it, Elliot," Rebecca said, her tone authoritative. "You're aggressive defense won't work in here. I'm not one of your perps, and I'm not Olivia."
"What the hell does that mean?" Elliot asked, folding his arms.
Rebecca smirked. "With perps, you put on an act. The scarier or more violent you can appear, the better chances are that you're getting a confession. With Olivia, you drop that wall. You let her see the most vulnerable parts of you, which you then mask with this arrogant and macho façade. I'm neither a perp, nor Olivia. There is no need to try to scare me into backing off, and you don't have to prove your manhood to me."
"I don't have to prove my manhood to Olivia," he said with narrow eyes. "Or anyone else, for that matter."
"Not even to Kathy?" Rebecca asked, raising an eyebrow.
Elliot stilled. His eyes twitched. "What?"
"You don't think, somewhere deep in your subconscious, you were working to get Olivia pregnant so you could prove to your ex-wife that you are more of a man with Olivia than you were with her? You told me Kathy wanted more kids, and no matter how hard you tried…"
"You think that, on some level, I did this all to prove a point to Kathy?" he asked, offended and disbelieving. "What kind of…ya know, I think you might need your own therapist. If Kathy was a factor in any of this, I would have tried harder to stay the hell away from Liv."
Rebecca smirked. "So then it was to prove a point to your captain," she said. "You were pissed off that he could ever think you'd hurt Olivia, so you…"
"God damn it, Becky! It was an accident!" he yelled. "I didn't purposely, subconsciously, or vengefully get Liv pregnant! We've been having more sex than a couple probably should, and things happen! It's biology, not…" He shook his head and said, "I want this, I do. I want her and this baby, and I came to you to work on my problems so she doesn't have to deal with a first-time pregnancy and me and my fucking needs at the same time!" He ran a hand down his face. "You're not helping!"
Rebecca shifted in her seat again, crossing her legs. "There's your breakthrough," she said.
"What?" he spat.
She laughed and said, "You just admitted that this was, in fact, a mistake, but not one you regret." She leaned forward a bit and said, "You just defended your love for Olivia and your child, and you admitted that you're here because you want to be a father, a provider, and stop…"
"So what?" he asked, cutting her off. "How is that a breakthrough?"
"Elliot," Rebecca said with a smile, "You just proved everyone wrong. You want to be there for her and the baby. You thought that, somehow, everyone telling you their opinions, thinking you were gonna leave her, hurt her, would make it really happen. You just proved, to yourself and me, that it won't."
He titled his head. "Yeah," he said with a nod.
"Now you have to prove it to Olivia," she said. "And I need you to cut down on the workouts, too. You're building up too much testosterone and counteracting the pills by…"
"Right," he said with a laugh. "One thing at a time, huh?"
Rebecca rolled her eyes and said, "Your session ended five minutes ago."
Olivia, sitting behind her desk with a stack of files, glared at Cragen as he walked passed her into the middle of the room. Her narrowed eyes followed him to the coffee pot, then back toward his office, until finally he turned around with a sigh.
"When are you gonna stop looking at me like that?" he asked, tilting his head.
"When you stop looking at me like I killed your dog," she said. "You're making me feel like shit about something I should be thrilled about."
Cragen scoffed. "Thrilled?" he asked. "You're thrilled about this? The father of your child is an arrogant, self-centered, violent man. He already has four kids, and this baby is at the bottom of his list of priorities. You know that! Not to mention, the conception wasn't exactly planned, or happy. You aren't married, not even engaged. He can leave any time he wants, because he has no obligation to you or this baby. Your relationship is nothing more than a physical fling between a couple of hot-headed cops who can't control themselves. You're bringing a child into this world without any kind of preparation or stability. Yeah, that's really something to be thrilled about."
"Hey!" Elliot yelled, behind Cragen. His face was white with anger, his fists were balled at his sides.
Cragen turned, and Olivia's face flushed as she looked at him. She was ready to cry, ready to hit something, but now, seeing his heavy breathing and bubbling anger, she was also filled with an ache for him that shouldn't exist.
"Apologize to her," Elliot hissed. "You know damn well none of that is true."
"It's all true," Cragen said, throwing a hand up. "You know it."
Elliot took a step, looking down his nose at Cragen. "I'm not leaving her. This happened, all right? It was a pretty big 'whoops' for us, but so was Maureen. Did I walk out on Kathy?" He shook his head and said, "If I love Olivia more than…differently, so much differently than I loved Kathy, then why the hell would I walk out on her when she needs me the most? When I need her more than I have ever needed anyone?"
Cragen felt his stomach sink. He gripped the coffee mug in his hands, he shook his head, and he said, "Get to work. Stabler, you're with Fin. Benson…" he paused, taking in the pain in her eyes. He sighed at it. "Go with them. You only talk to the vic, got it?"
She nodded tersely, biting her lip, and as soon as Cragen walked into his office, she moved into Elliot's arms.
He sighed as he tightened his hold on her, kissed the top of her head, and thanked God that no one was in the room. "It's okay," he whispered. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what he thinks."
She nodded and pulled away from him. "I know that," she said with a sharp intake of breath. "He…he said…God, El, he made me feel like my mother."
"Whoa, you are nothing like your mother," he snapped, grasping her wrist. He pulled her toward him a bit roughly, looking into her eyes with a fire in his that was almost frightening. "You are not, Liv. You are a much better woman than she ever was, or ever could be. You're more passionate, and kind, and loyal, and you…you're gonna be an amazing mother to our children."
She blinked, forgetting briefly that she was annoyed and scared, and she tilted her head. "Children?"
He looked away from her and let go of her wrist. "I just thought…ya know, I figured…this baby would be the first."
"Implying there would be a second?" she asked, trying to get him to look at her again.
He gave her what she wanted, he looked up, his lip still caught between his teeth. He gave a small shoulder roll and said, "Maybe even a third."
She tilted her head and moved toward him. "El," she whispered, "What are you saying right now?"
He took a deep breath and told her, "I am saying that this is not how I wanted this to happen, but I did want this to happen, Liv. Eventually. When we were stable and serious, but…but I want this. A family. With you."
The look in his eyes had shifted from angry to sincere. She saw in him the face of the father she watched him be for years, the husband she had witnessed him as, the family man she had longed for. "I don't think I have ever wanted you more than I do right now," she said before she could think. After years of waiting, wanting, she finally heard the one thing she thought he'd never say. He wanted a family, a real one, with her. No one else. She knew right away saying it out loud was a mistake, she saw his eyes darken and she saw his lips curl into the beginnings of what would have been an evil smile if he'd kept looking at her.
He turned his head and chuckled, then gave a few side glances around the room. "Come with me," he said, walking fast toward the door.
She raised an eyebrow, but followed him. "Where are we going?"
"You know," he said, his voice deeper than it had been. He turned to his left and pushed open the heavy door. He led her up three flights of stairs, and he pushed open another metal door before turning to face her. "You want me?" he said, tugging on his tie. "No one can see us up here. No one can interrupt us, not up here."
She rested a hand over her stomach as she contemplated. Was it worth the risk? They'd already been caught on the job twice, almost a third time the night before, and now she was strongly considering having her way with him on the roof of their building, while an assignment was lying in the cold on her desk four floors below.
"Liv?" he questioned, stepping toward her. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "For the first time, I'm offering this to you. You said you wanted me, here I am. I'm fine, baby. Waking up early, that shower," he smirked and chuckled. "Trust me, I'm fine."
She smiled at him and leaned toward him, kissing him slowly as his hands moved toward her pants. She moaned when she felt the tug on the material, and sighed into his mouth when her bare skin hit the cool morning air. Her hands slipped up his arms, her fingers trailed up his neck and wound into the short hair on the back of his head.
He pulled her further away from the door, over to the high ledge of the rooftop. He kept his kiss deep and slow, pulling her lower layers off of her skin. "Beautiful," he mumbled against her soft lips. "So beautiful."
She shook her head as she rolled her hips into him, eliciting a moan from him. She heard the clinking of his belt buckle and jingle of change and keys as he pushed his own pants down. She followed the orders his hands were giving her, lifting her hips and right leg as he ushered them around his body. "El," she moaned, feeling his hardness grazing over her mound. "God, El," she whispered.
He hummed as he kissed her again, guiding himself into her slowly. He held her against him and opened his eyes. He looked into hers as he filled her, quiet.
She held his gaze and felt him push, stretch, touch every part of her that he could possibly touch. "I love you," she said, dropping her forehead to hers.
He pulled out of her slowly, feeling her slide around him, and he groaned. "I love you," he told her hoarsely. "So much. You know that."
She nodded, her lips pressed together, and she squeezed her eyes shut when he pushed back inside of her with a groan. Her fingers curled around his arms, her nails scratched along his skin and he seethed. She moaned when he picked up his pace and tightened his grip on her hips. She rocked with him, bucked with him, moaned with him, fell into a dark hole of oblivion with him.
"Tell me you know," he demanded as he panted. He grunted and thrust into her harder. "Tell me."
"I know," she whispered, her eyes drifting shut again.
He slammed into her then, making her moan loudly. "You know what?" he asked, his teeth clenched together.
"You love me," she said on a whimper. "God, you love me, baby."
"Damn right I do," he said, working her faster, knowing this had to be powerful and quick, knowing someone would come looking for them. "God, baby, I do. Never doubt that."
She shook her head as she tightened around him and her head flew back. She cried his name and dug her nails deep into his arms. "Oh, God, Elliot!" she groaned, her back arching as she pulsated, sucking him deep into her and holding him tight.
"Shit, Liv," he moaned. "Oh, God, Olivia, baby," he panted and grunted, spilling into her and holding her close to him. He buried his head in her chest and mumbled something she couldn't understand.
Heaving, she lifted her head and peered down at him. "What was that?" she chuffed.
He shook his head and kissed her softly, pulled out of her with a regretful moan, and said, "Just thinking…how could anyone think so little of me? How could they not…"
"They don't get you," she interrupted. "They don't understand you, or us, and they only know bits and pieces of you. They never get the real Elliot Stabler. I'm lucky. I get him."
"Yeah," he laughed, adjusting himself in his pants. "You get him." He kissed her forehead and whispered, "I love you."
She straightened up and rezipped her slacks. "I love you, too."
He winked at her and followed as she moved back toward the door, back down the stairs, back into their squad room. Their sneaky smiles faded when they walked in, though, and they saw two angry looking lawyers sitting in their chairs. "Uh, am I interrupting some kind of sleazeball meeting?"
"No," Trevor Langan said. "How could any meeting start without the president?"
Elliot scoffed. "Did you just…oh, you son of a…"
"Elliot!" Cragen barked. "He's here to help you, now shut up?"
"Help me?" Elliot asked, folding his arms. "Why the hell do I need help, exactly?"
Trevor stood. "A motion was filed to throw out the evidence you and Benson collected at the Freeburg place. The man is citing that it wasn't properly collected and then he called your credibility into question. Apparently he thinks two detectives, one of whom is knocked up, fucking in a car could possibly be watching the suspect close enough to…"
"Hold it!" Elliot said, angry. "Watch what you…"
"Oh, please," Cragen interrupted. "It's the damn truth. If you two had been a little more aware, then Tucker wouldn't have had to chase him two blocks. What Langan is trying to say is that if you two take your names off of this case, have someone else reexamine the evidence, then you can resubmit…"
Elliot turned and spat over Trevor. "This was Tucker's idea, wasn't it? We follow his high-profile asswipe for a week, we get him cornered, we get the hard evidence against him, and he gets all the credit?"
Olivia rolled her eyes. "It's me," she said. "I'm the problem. Ya know what? Fine, take my name off of the files, the records, everything. Elliot can reevaluate everything, rewrite it all, he can have the commendation and Tucker can have the glory, and we're good, right?"
Langan looked through some papers in his hands, then shrugged. "What do you say, Counselor?" he asked, looking across the desk to a blonde woman.
Alex Cabot turned and looked at Olivia. "You're pregnant?" she asked. The shock became a sad and apologetic look. "That'll solve the problem, yeah," she said. "It's not right, and it's not fair, but it will at least make things more legit…"
"Oh, I don't think so." Elliot cut her off and folded his arms again.
"It's done, El," Olivia whispered to him. She sent a look toward Alex, shaking her head. She turned and walked out of the room, leaving the filled room in silence.
Elliot looked at Cragen. "You're gonna let her do this? You're gonna make us do this!"
"You've left me no choice," Cragen hissed back at him. "You're actions have consequences, Stabler, despite what you might believe." He nodded at the lawyers, then headed toward his office. He shouted over his shoulder, "Get back to work!"
Elliot growled. Olivia unleashed a monster within him, he knew that now, but it wasn't just the desire for sex that drove him. It was the desire to protect her and his child, defend her and his baby. He knew now that his problem had not diminished, but grown. Out of control.
A/N: Uh-oh! What does he do? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212
