It had gotten really late when we finally stopped talking, Emily was starting to get tired and struggled focusing on what we were talking about. With the music blaring outside, it was easy to lost track of time. I thought I would still have time to stretch my legs. Oh well. None of us had even noticed that Emelda had left us to go to bed, I couldn't blame her but I did wonder when did she go? Hisham choose to join the 'party', to actually find out what they were celebrating or if they were doing it just because they can.
I made my own way back to the room. It wasn't as crowded as it was last time; everyone was just relaxing, smoking whatever, drinking, watching the dancers and doing god knows what else. So, I didn't struggle to through the crowd, they didn't even set up any spit roasts or food tables. One group who were casually drinking and smoking around a barrel fire waved at me, raising their bottles and telling me to come over and hang out for a bit. I waved at them as I declined their offer, finally reaching the familiar route back to my room.
Once I got inside, there was only one couple getting busy in the corner. I held a hand up to get them out of my field of view, as I passed them and climbed the stairs.
Emelda was asleep on her dog bed once more, my shirt had finally fallen off and was laid out next to her. I picked it up quickly and as quietly as I could to not wake her. She looked so peaceful.
I opened the door to find Vaas curled up on his side, with his back to me. He wasn't moving, it was hard to tell if he was asleep or not. The music is still playing, how can anyone sleep with that going on? I threw my shirt onto the back of a chair and kicked my shoes off. Still watching him.
He was breathing really heavily, I could actually hear him from the other side of the room. It's uneven, it was hard to tell if he's talking or even crying for that matter. He's defiantly coughed a couple of times. He's sweating all over, I could see the light reflecting off of his shoulder.
Something is wrong. I made my way around him, so I could see his face. His eyes were closed and his lips were moving. Kneeling next to him, I placed a hand on his forehead; he's burning up. This isn't good. As I pulled a hand away, Vaas grabbed my wrist in one quick movement. I didn't even have time to flinch. His grip was tight, I could feel his nails digging into my skin. His eyes looked red and sore, as he stared at me. They even started to glass over.
"It's OK, it's only me." I said, in the most calming voice I could muster. It took a moment for him to register what I was saying. Vaas slowly let go of my wrist. He looked terrified, this has got to be him having a bad trip.
Once I was free, I grabbed an empty glass of the table and went into the bathroom to fill it with water. My wrist was pink with a few indentations from his nails. It will sort itself out eventually. I'm guessing Vaas doesn't normally have visitors when this happens or he could be experiencing hallucinations.
I looked back to him, to make sure he was doing OK. He was sitting up, leaning his back against the wall with his legs in front of him. Vaas was looking at me, blinking rapidly and still breathing through his mouth.
Someone having a bad trip isn't something I've had experience with, only coursework and roleplaying the situations in class. Where I got lumped together with who honestly couldn't be bothered, whenever our lecturer looked over to us; he would pretend to be a chicken while I just kept on reading through the PDF on what to do.
Mentally trying to run the list through my head on what I need to do. I remember that the first one was to stay with him. Bit of a no brainer that one, I'm clearly going to leave him like this. I wouldn't be surprised if this isn't his first time.
I made my way over to Vaas slowly, kneeling down next to him and offering him the drink. Vaas was still looking at me, almost not sure if I was there or not. He had that defence look on again. I raised the glass slightly towards him to try to get him to drink, Vaas pulled away. He held onto the wall as he did so. I'm going to need to get him into a calmer state before I can try that again.
Placing the glass onto the table, while still focusing on Vaas. He hadn't moved. He doesn't trust me, so he's not going to trust me to be able to move him somewhere safer and quieter. The music playing outside isn't helping the situation. Sure, his room is safe enough but we are surrounded by guns, knives, bullets, weapons and so many other things that he could injury himself and others with.
"Vaas?" I asked, trying to think of what I can say or do that will calm him down. Talk with him, not down to him. Pissing him off isn't going to help. A couple of tears rolled down his cheeks, probably an emotional effect from whatever ever he's taken.
Slowly, I placed a hand on his shoulder. He watched me do it, his body tightened as I got closer. His joints locked into place, this isn't good. I shouldn't have down that.
"I'm sorry." I spoke, slowly pulling my hand away. "I'm just trying to help you."
Vaas raised one hand towards mine, I stayed in place. He locked his fingers between mine, holding tightly onto me.
"You are… actually here?" He asked. His voice was still slurred.
"Yeah, I'm actually here." I replied. Vaas relaxed a little. "Do you know where here is?"
"Yeah." He sighed, leaning back into the wall in a slump. "I'm still fucking here." Carefully, I shuffled myself around and sat next to him. Still giving him enough space between us. "What was in that glass?" He sounded annoyed.
"Water. I didn't want you to get dehydrated."
"That shit looks purple."
"You're on a hallucinogenic, Vaas. Nothing is looking normal to you."
"There's fucking colours everywhere."
"Yeah."
"Who do all those fucking shadows belong to? Fucking assholes." He sighed.
"It's only me and you in here, Vaas."
The music outside started to die down, we could hear the men drunkenly slurring outside. I could hear a few birds squawking somewhere, a couple of insects chirping and the tiger growling outside. Since my time here, I never really noticed the sounds of the jungle. Maybe I've not been up late enough to hear them.
Vaas shifted in my hand, unlinking his finger to hold my hand. Holding it in familiar manner, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. His breathing still wasn't even, so heavily that he may as well have run back here. I need to start to calm him down, try and get him into a relaxed state.
"Vaas?"
"Yeah."
"Can you focus on your breathing?"
"Why?"
"Just trying to get you into a better state of mind." I explained. "I'm just going to help slow you breathing down and not trigger your fight or flight instincts. Just to get you to relax. Okay? Can you do that?"
"It sounds stupid." Vaas chuckled.
"Yeah, that's because you have a fight or fight instinct. You'd fight anything." I joked, I could see Vaas smiling next to me. He was still looking around the room. "Can you trust me on this one?"
"Okay, Beth. Okay." Vaas sighed. "What the fuck am I doing?"
"I need you to take a long deep breath in through your nose." I explained, Hearing him next to me. "Then slowly breath out through your mouth." Again, he did as he was told. "Just keeping do that, nice and slowly. There we go. In. and out. You doing good, Vaas. Just keep doing it."
"This feels stupid."
"I can't help with that, but you'll need to trust me on this one."
Vaas focused on his breathing, closing his eyes and blocking out the world around him. His brow folded in annoyance, probably feeling stupid for doing this. But hey, it normally works and is a good way to calm the body down. I counted how long each inhale and exhale took, around 3 seconds each time. It's not bad, but not great either. It could be a possible sign that his drug usage is starting to take their physical effects, no denying that they've already taken their mental effects on him. Vaas was timing it with the brushes his thumb makes against my knuckles.
About ten minutes had passed, there was no physical change. Vaas was still breathing the same. He was still sweating. Still boiling hot. I wasn't going to rush him. There's no need to rush him, just let him get back to a normal state. Even though I have been watching him the whole time. At least everything was starting to quiet down. So maybe that would help.
"Vaas." I said.
"Yeah."
"Would you mind if I checked your heart rate?"
"Don't let go of my hand."
"Why?"
"I need to know that you're still with me."
"I'm not going anywhere, Vaas. You can hold onto my leg or my wrist while I check if you like."
"Where were you?" Vaas turned to look at me. His eyes heavy and tired. "You weren't hear when I got back. Where did you go?"
"I was chatting with Hisham. We just lost track of time. That's all." I explained. Once I finished speaking, I tried to get myself into a more comfortable sitting position. Still facing him and moving as slowly as possible. "Can you let go of my hand, I need to register your heart beat. You can move your hand anywhere you want. OK?" Vaas' grip loosen and started to guide his hand away from mine. He went down my arm to my shoulder, feeling his way down my body and my leg until he reached my knee. Touch is probably the only sense Vaas seems to trust right now, hopefully he takes some comfort in being able to hold onto me.
I placed two fingers on the side of his neck, doing the same thing to myself in comparison. His heartbeat is a lot faster then mine, roughly about the same rate as someone who is afraid. Not many signs that it'll starting slowing down any time soon. I could also feel that Vaas is still doing the breathing technique, it seems to be helping at least. Vaas' eyes were still looking around the room.
"Everything seems to be OK." I stated, pulling my hands away. "What can you see Vaas?"
"Shadows. Mostly shadows." He explained, his voice sounding dry and scratchy. Vaas let go of me and climbed to his feet, making his way to the glass of water I had left on the table. I was actually going to suggest that. Vaas took a couple attempts to grab hold of the glass. He heavily drank it, glopping loudly. His eyes closed. I climbed to my feet, brushing my dress once I was at full height.
Suddenly, Vaas' eyes were open and scowling at the door. Teeth gritted as he throws the glass at full force. It missed the door, smashing into multiple pieces against the fridge. The sound of it made me jump, hiding my head in between my arms with my hands holding the back of my head. I squeaked in shock, not taking my eyes off of him.
"Fucking Asshole!" Vaas barked. "I know you're fucking there! Like you don't have anything better to do!" Now I was the one breathing heavily through my mouth. "All you ever fucking did was laying doing fucking nothing! Fucking with people while they do your fucking job for you! You Fuck!" Vaas screamed at the darkness. "Laugh all you want! I'm not making the same fucking mistakes as you! Just watch me!"
My first thought was where would they keep a broom around him, followed by I shouldn't leave him right now; not in this state. I slowly drop my arms to the side. Vaas was still in place, I could see his eyes watering. I decide that sorting out the glass should be my top priority, since I don't want him injuring himself and I can simply sweep it up once he's calm.
Slowly I made my way into the bathroom and grabbed about four towels, two that I know I had used today. The other two were on the floor. Vaas wasn't moving, scowling down the empty space. I placed a folded towel on the ground, facing the wasteland was shattered glass. Collecting up all the larger pieces of glass by hand.
"What the fuck do you think you are looking at?" Vaas snapped. While trying to get the glass, my back was facing him. I looked back to see that he was facing the wall next to the bathroom door. "Just wanting to look at your work? Your next project? Huh? No! You're just fucking here to gloat! Aren't you!?" I repeatedly looked between the glass and Vaas, trying to figure out who he might be talking to. "Proud of what you have done to me? What I have become? Then all you will need is a fucking mirror, Jason!" Well, that answered that question. "You are just a copy of me. You are me! And I am you! If you don't start listening to me, you will take my fucking death sentence! Unless I take you out myself!"
There were no more large chunks of glass lying around. I quickly made my way into the bathroom and dumped them into the bin. Washing my hand in the sink to get any small pieces of shrapnel off my hands. I could hear Vaas moving again, running in fact. I turned out to find him coming into the bathroom, dropping to the ground and vomiting into the toilet.
Three loud knocks came from the other side of the door. Turning off the tap, I turn to Vaas who was hanging his head over the toilet bowl. I patted his back gently.
"Breath Vaas. You're going to be Ok." I said, trying to comfort the delusional man. "This will be all over soon. I promise." He didn't show any signs of registering what I just told him. I climbed to my feet, making my way to the door. Opening it to find Carlos starting before me, looking worried and holding an old-fashioned lamp you would expect to see in a western.
"Need some help?" He offered. I nodded in responsive. "It sounds like a bad one, what can I do?"
"Vaas broke a glass, I managed to get the large chunks but not all of it. I can't do much in the dark without a light." I explained. "He's having hallucinations and just threw up. Seems to be physically OK, just trying not to leave him by himself. If you could sweep up the last of the glass, I'll clean him up and get him back to bed. That would be a great help."
"Sure. I'll get the broom, be right back." Carlos turned and headed downstairs, I left the door open. Hearing Vaas still throwing up into the toilet.
"You can't promise me shit!" Vaas shouted at me, as I made my way back to him. "You can't control this!"
"I know." I replied, grabbing a few sheets of toilet paper and folding it into a neat little square. I kneeled down next to him, Vaas turned to face me. He leaned against the wall. "But logically, you vomiting is your body's way to get rid of all the crap in your system. I'm guessing you had a drink or a few as well?"
"Yeah." Vaas answered, his eyelids half closed. "I had some. What about it?"
"That will be what your body is trying to get rid of." I explained. I leaned towards him, wiping around his mouth to get it dry again. Vaas kept turning his face away from me, it was like cleaning a child. "Vaas, I'm trying to help."
"If you wanted to help, you shouldn't be talking to those fucking assholes out there." Vaas groaned, taking off his accessories and dropping them to the floor. I threw the tissue into the toilet bowl and flushed it away.
"I was talking to Carlos, he wanted to see if you were alright." I explained. "Assuming you meant the shadows that the hallucinations created for you. I can't see them, Vaas." I hold out a hand for him. "Would it be alright if I take you back to bed or would you prefer to stay in here?" I asked. Vaas looked over to the door and back to me.
Vaas looked me over first, sceptical that I might not actually be here. A worried expression crossed his face. Although, I've not seen Vaas feel this way before, the expression he was pulling did look familiar to me. Somehow. It took about a minute before he reached towards me. He carefully glided his fingers against the palm of my hand, feeling every curve and muscles. Vaas pulled back and wrapped his hand around my fingers.
Footsteps could be heard coming into the other room, a light flicked around it. Vaas' eyes sharply turned toward it, holding me hand tightly. Beads of sweat still running down his body, frozen in place. Like a deer that had wandered into the road. With my free hand, I carefully placed it on his forehead. He was actually slightly cooler than before.
"Do you still see that shadows?" I asked, pulling away from his face.
"No." Vaas acknowledged, his features stiffened as he returned to armour shell of his warrior persona. "It's just black and white now." His gaze turned back to me. "Static." I nodded, taking in his answer and hoping we had reached a calming period. "Beth. I want to get this crap out of my mouth." I stood up, still holding onto his hand. Vaas reached for the sink with his free hand and pulled himself up, using the sink and I from balance.
Once he was sure he could stand up by himself, Vaas let go of my hand. Giving me a quick pat on the shoulder before going for his toothbrush. I moved out of his way, standing in the door way and looking between Vaas slowly cleaning out his mouth of bile and Carlos sweeping up by what turned out to be candle light. It gave off a sweet orange smell as the flame flicked.
"Thank you for doing this Carlos." I smiled to the taller man, sweeping the glass onto a sheet of paper he found lying around somewhere. "If there's anyway I can thank you for this."
"It's nothing, doctor." He shrugged, leaning the broom against the corner as he finished. Carlos kneeled down and folded the paper to stop any glass from dropping out. "It's not the first time this happened."
"Carlos, Beth already knows my life story." Vaas chimed in with a mouthful of formed toothpaste. "She doesn't need to here it again." He added, before spitting out into the sink. "And don't starting talking about the other ones. Fuck knowns who needs to know about that."
"I meant in general." Carlos added. "It happens to everyone." He dumped the paper into the bin, then clapped his hands together in case he had some on his hands.
"What the fuck is that in the bath?" Vaas stated, while flossing his teeth.
"Glitter. From the bath bomb you gave me." I shrugged. "I might get you to use one. It could help you relax."
"When?" Vaas asked, finishing up and making his way towards the room we were in. Using the wall and whatever was closest to him to guide him there, without losing his balance and falling over. He pulled his shirt over his head and dumped it on the ground, nearly knocking himself over. I had to grab him before he hit the ground.
"It was in the crate." I answered, Carlos leaned against one of the counters. Vaas wrapped an arm around my shoulders, to get a better grip of me. I had a hold of his waist to try and keep him upright.
"Hello Carlos, when did you get here?" Vaas asked casually. Carlos chuckled to himself, folding his arms as he looked over the sight of his boss before.
"While your head was in the toilet."
"OK, Vaas. I think it's time for you to get some rest." I said, making our way to the pile of mattresses on the floor.
"Carlos, is everything ready for tomorrow?" Vaas asked, throwing himself from me and landing back first onto his bed. Giving me a mild heart attack as he flung himself.
"Just need to get in position then we should be good to go." Carlos shrugged, as Vaas kicked his shoes off. "Try and get some sleep, Vaas." He added, straightening up. "Same goes for you two, Doctor."
"Thank you for the help, Carlos." I replied. Carlos made his way out of the room and shut the down behind him. I turned back to Vaas, who had placed his hands behind his head and crossed his legs. "How are you feeling?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.
"Like shit." He grunted with his eyes shut. I lead myself down next to him, on my side of the bed and looking up at the ceiling. "I needed to not think about it for 5 fucking minutes and take the edge off and look at where the fuck I ended up. In a shitty place then where I started."
"Not think about what?" I asked.
"All I can do is think about it." Vaas continued. "I can't just have some time to myself and pretend I didn't walk in on Buck's corpse laying on the ground in his underwear." I sat up when Vaas said that. Buck's dead. "He was such a lazy asshole, the least he could have fucking done is die with some clothes on. I would have gone on happily not know what he looks like in his boxers. But no, he probably tried to get on with Jason and this is where he ends up. With me and the men doing the fucking work for him. The prick had to go and get himself killed."
I laid back down as he spoke, just taking it in. Jason Brody killed Buck. Holy shit. I didn't like the guy but… Jesus Christ. I couldn't comprehend how much this affected him. Vaas probably seen countless bodies of his friends littered around this place, but to see someone like Buck killed must have got to him badly if he had to take something to clear his head. What he was shouting at the shadows made sense now, they were people he knew. He shouted at Buck. He shouted at Jason Brody. He was surrounded by his ghosts.
"Vaas. Are you alright?" I asked again, looking over to him. To find him looking at me.
"Honestly, Beth." Vaas sighed, placing a hand on my cheek. "I am so fucked." He leaned in, taking a moment to look over my worried expression. We rolled onto our sides to face each other. Vaas pulled me closer to him in a tight embrace.
"Please be careful, tomorrow." I said, looking up to him.
"You keep saying that."
"I'm allowed to worry. You can't stop me hoping to see you come back."
"I can't promise you that." That was the last thing he said to me before falling asleep.
