AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hopefully this works okay, I am having problems uploading new chapters to the doc manager (even with the copy-and-paste method). I've emailed support to find out what's up. Here is the next installment for Change, hope you all enjoy! The title is both from story content, and also after Nine Inch Nail's song "Hurt" (I believe the Johnny Cash cover of this was used for the Logan trailer).
CHAPTER 28
Hurt
"God damn it." Julian pushed up his mask, pinched the bridge of his nose. "How many places could she be?"
They were standing in a night club, the music pulsing around them and the lights flickering. A man was lying on the floor, his glasses shattered and his tie askew. But no one else had noticed.
This was the fifth location in almost two weeks that the team had flown to in pursuit of Kimura. Each time, Julian would do a little mental searching to find the name of a local crime boss, then the team would accompany him as he mentally interrogated that person, in case he needed back-up, or discovered something. Most of the situations had been pretty quiet, but Julian had seen some thoughts in this man's head that had made him decide that he was better off dead. Actually, he wasn't even sure he had consciously decided that. It had just…happened. One moment the man was staring into space, smirking as he recalled his activities last night. And then he had started to choke. Laura had been alarmed by the sudden sound and had punched the man in the face, which was why his glasses were broken.
"It's a big area." James shifted. He was watching with folded arms. "Don't sweat it. We'll find her…just got to be patient."
"Uh…" Cessily. Her eyes were wide, and her eyebrows drawn together.
Julian looked at her.
"Is he…is he dead?"
He hesitated. He had forgotten, for a moment, that he probably shouldn't let Cessily see this. But it was too late.
"Yes." Laura was watching him, too.
He could feel Cessily's shock, her disapproving reaction forming, but he had no idea what she was thinking. Her thoughts were sealed off in her vibranium-laced skull, and her expression was just…watchful. No hint of approval, or disapproval. Or surprise. All he knew was she was looking at him. A couple of weeks ago, that would have been enough. But now…
Cessily covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh my god. Julian."
Julian folded his arms. "He ruined a lot of lives. Ran a mutant trafficking ring. You don't…you don't want to know what his last thought was." He frowned. "I was…returning the favor."
"But—" Cessily looked around at the others. "Guys, why are you not upset?!"
The "others" were Laura, Sooraya, James, Hepzibah and Santo, all of which were gathered in a circle around the body. The other parts of the team—Josh, Logan, Domino and Vanisher—were out investigating a lead on the Leper Queen. But Summers had let Julian take the others out to look for Kimura. She must be a bigger threat than he had previously realized.
Santo nudged the body with his foot. "Jules said he didn't deserve to live…then he didn't." He paused. "I always thought it was kinda stupid to let the bad guys go, so they could just come back again. Kinda like a boomerang, y'know?"
"SANTO!" Cessily stared at him. "That is literally the worst thing you have ever said! EVER!"
"Cessily." Sooraya hesitated. "There is truth to it."
Cessily looked repulsed. "I..." she looked at Laura, then at Hepzibah. "You too?"
Hepzibah flicked her tail. "Humans are twelfth worlders. I don't really care if there's one less of you." She paused. "Especially if it was a bad one."
James glanced at her.
"…" Cessily fell silent, but her eyebrows were still compressed together in an expression of extreme distress.
"Let's get out of here." Julian started toward the exit, his forehead wrinkled. He felt bad for making Cessily feel this way, but at the same time, he wasn't sorry. He couldn't hold back because of her. Not when they were fighting people that would gladly hurt them if roles were reversed. But he was surprised to see that the others hadn't been nearly as startled as he would have expected. Especially when Sooraya had defended him. He had always been cautious when she was involved, suspecting she didn't approve of him all that much, but apparently he was wrong.
As they headed into the alley where the X-wing was parked and shielded, he glanced at Laura again, his thoughts returning to their earlier topic. If she was anyone else, he would say she had been quiet lately. But this wasn't the right word for it, since she never really spoke much, only as was functionally necessary.
Cold? Distant? Every night, for the past two weeks, she had visited his room as usual, and afterward, he had wrapped his arms around her as usual, his body relaxing like it always did when he was holding her. There had been no change. And yet…he just knew something was off. It was almost painfully apparent to him.
But he had no idea how he was going to get it out of her. It wasn't about the way he had been angry when she joined the team. He had finally accepted it, when he saw Laura walking beside Sooraya after Vanisher had brought them back to the school and realized that maybe she had her reasons for doing this, too. She hadn't seemed angry at him then. It hadn't come until later, when they spoke with Santo in the hallway. It had started then. He had gone over his memories of the conversation with a fine-tooth comb, fully prepared to admit if he had said something insensitive, even if it wasn't intentional. But there was nothing. He had been offering to help Santo and Cessily, so it hadn't even been about her. The only time she had even been mentioned was when Santo brought up the facility for a bit, but he hadn't said anything upsetting, and she seemed fine with Santo.
Julian caught her hand and pulled her back slightly, as the others entered the jet. "You okay?" he murmured.
Laura raised an eyebrow. "I am fine."
"You sure?"
"Yes." She paused. "We did not engage in physical combat, why are you asking again?"
"I don't mean…" He closed his eyes. "Look, we should talk. Later. When we're alone, okay?"
"About?"
"Just…I need to know what's wrong."
"I am fine."
"We'll talk about it later."
Laura said nothing.
He reached up and pressed a panel on the side of the jet. It shimmered back into view, then they climbed in. Inside he paused, then leaned down and kissed her before heading to the cockpit, followed shortly by James.
Hepzibah sat beside Laura during the flight home, tapping her clawed fingers on the armrest loudly.
Laura finally looked at her. "Stop."
Cessily looked over her seat, interested.
Hepzibah wrinkled her nose. "What do you mean, stop? I can do what I want, my name has three syllables and so I am your superior."
"Whoa." Cessily's eyes bulged. "You going to take that, Laura?!"
"Please, do not encourage them to fight." Sooraya looked troubled.
"What? Girl fight, what?" Santo was looking around his seat too.
"…" Laura closed her eyes. "We are not fighting."
"Because you're afraid of me." Hepzibah flicked her tail. "It's smart to be afraid."
"No, I—"
"Did I say you could talk?!" Hepzibah glared at her.
Laura paused. Snkkt!
Hepzibah's eyes riveted to the claws. "Are those adamantium?!"
"Yes." Laura paused. "Now be silent or I will cut you."
"Aw hell yeah!" Santo sounded enthusiastic.
"Just shut up Santo!" Cessily glared at him. "This doesn't concern you in the slightest!"
Julian had gotten up from his seat and was poking his head around the edge of the cockpit. He saw Laura's claws. "What are you doing? Why are there claws?"
Laura's nose wrinkled. "This…creature…is bothering me."
"She has adamantium!" Hepzibah paused. "Can I have some for my shiny box?"
"I don't know, can I kick you out of the jet while it's moving?" Julian's lip curled. "Both of you, stop acting like five-year-old's or you're walking home. Got it?"
Snakt! as Laura retracted her claws.
Hepzibah folded her arms and flicked her tail. "I will tell James what you said."
"I really doubt he'll care." Julian glared at her one final time, then at Laura, then went back to his seat.
Santo was grinning. "Dudes! That was awesome! You are officially my favorite people!"
Cessily closed her eyes, shook her head.
Sooraya also shook her head slightly.
Hepzibah was still gazing at Laura in admiration. "If I become your life servant, will you bestow a piece of adamantium on me? Perhaps when you die?"
"I…what?" Laura's forehead wrinkled.
"Please say yes! Nothing would mean more to me. I did not know this planet had adamantium." Hepzibah's ears were pricked forward. "I take it back. This is clearly not a twelfth-world. It could be fourth, even a third-world, if it has adamantium deposits."
Santo grinned. "You mean, a third world world?"
"Oh my god." Cessily rolled her eyes.
"Aw, c'mon." Santo paused, looked at Hepzibah again. "You do know her entire skeleton is adamantium, right?"
Hepzibah's eyes bulged. "WHAT?!"
Laura looked out the window, wishing she had never spoken to the strange creature in the first place.
Laura left the jet as quickly as she could and disappeared into the school. Hepzibah had continued to ask her about adamantium for the rest of the flight, which she had found to be irritating. The alien had enhanced scent senses, but Laura's was still masked by the facility treatment, and so she was able to throw her off her trail quite easily.
Her first action was to collect her clones from Rogue, who had been supervising them in her absence, several times now. Apparently, she had kept them occupied today with crayons and sheets of paper. Laura paused for a moment to think about this. She had never been given drawing implements as a child herself, but she knew Megan enjoyed creating art. Would she enjoy this too?
"Look!" Betty waved a sheet at her. "We have been creating attack diagrams."
"Attack…diagrams?" Laura's eyebrows drew together.
"Ah tried to get them to draw the usual things, like houses and flowers and crap, but they didn't seem interested." Rogue leaned back in her office chair. "But they seemed to be having a good time, so why not?"
"Look at it! PLEASE!" Betty said this latter part in a commanding tone.
"We have been working on our rudeness." Gabby sounded approving.
"It is difficult work." Alice whispered this.
Laura took the image and studied it, her eyebrows drawing together. "What…what is this?" She was pointing to a green mess of lines, out of which red lines were emanating.
Betty's eyes widened. "It is an attack diagram for Julian! In case it is needed at some point." She paused, and her chin began to tremble. "You cannot tell?"
"…" Laura paused. "I…"
Julian, who had just arrived, also leaned in to the room and looked over her shoulder at the drawing. "What the hell is that?"
"BETTY!" Gabby spoke sharply. "Your rendering skills are not to par! Commence self punishment immediately! Level two!"
Alice gasped loudly and covered her mouth.
Snkkt! Betty's tiny claws popped. Tears were running down her cheeks. "I am s-s-sorry for dissap-p-pointing you!"
"Oh mah god!" Rogue jumped out of her chair and caught the girl by the wrist. "No, sweety, don't hurt yourself!" She looked up at Laura and Julian, her expression flat. "Y'all really couldn'ta just pretended it was amazing?"
"…" Julian closed his eyes. "We'll know better for next time. Come on, girls, let's go."
Laura looked up at the knock on the door. She had just finished assisting her clones with their bedtime rituals and was about to leave for Julian's room, as per routine. But he was outside the door instead. She got up and moved toward it.
"Hello."
"Hey." He was dressed casually: jeans, a t-shirt, and an unfastened jacket. "I know we were going to talk, but Josh invited a bunch of us out for some drinks and dancing and shit, and Cess really wants us to go."
Laura raised an eyebrow. "Okay."
Pause.
Julian frowned. "Uh, you're coming, right?"
"No."
"No?"
"I cannot leave my clones unsupervised."
"Sooraya said she'd look in on them. She's not going." He paused. "Come on, I think we both need to relax for a bit."
Laura closed her eyes. "Okay."
"Okay." He leaned forward and kissed her softly for a moment. "Sorry about yelling at you guys in the jet. I just…I'm worried about Kimura, and you…and, well, Hepzibah and her goddamn shiny box."
Laura arched her eyebrows. "Yes." Her voice was flat. "I have heard of it."
"Everyone has." He paused. "You need a bit to get ready?"
"No, I am ready now." She slipped out of the room and closed the door softly behind her.
Laura sat at the tall table, her eyes trained on scratched surface that supported her beverage, which was a small glass of whiskey. It was very loud in here, and the smell was strong. But she was not focused on this fact. She was keenly aware that Julian seemed to be enjoying himself. For once. He had disappeared into the crowd with Santo and Cessily, the latter shouting that they would be back soon. And he had been smiling. Which he had not done for a very long time. Not since he had freed her from the facility. Her eyebrows drew together, and her knuckles itched.
She could hear Hepzibah saying something nearby. Her words were indecipherable among the loud music and the mixed noises of shouted conversations, but her tone was as critical as usual. James laughed in response.
Laura closed her eyes. She did not know much about relationships, except what Cessily had told her long ago. From what she was piecing together, she sensed that the people involved in them should not be distressed by each other. To begin with, she had actually killed Julian at one point. She had tried again in the facility. Yes, perhaps these things could be overlooked, given that he did not seem to mind his metal hands, and given that the deaths had not been intentional on her part. Witnessing her clones' behavior over the past several weeks had somewhat clarified this for her. The idea that, perhaps, she was not always solely responsible for her actions.
What she could not continue to overlook was that she was solely responsible for his joining the team. She had caused him to become like her. A weapon, who did not care about death. Who killed as instructed. He spent more time with his friends now, yes, but she knew that a slight rift had formed between him and Cessily, when the other girl had realized what he had become. And she could not blame the facility for this. For the ways she had damaged him.
She heard James laugh again, and her claws slid out, under the table. The Snkkt! was lost among the chaos of noise.
"HEY!" a voice shouted. Unfamiliar. In front of her.
She withdrew her claws and looked up, to see a man sliding into the vacant seat across the table. "…"
He had dark blond hair and a pleasant smile. She thought he was around her age, maybe a year or two older. "Saw you sitting alone here, looking sad." He leaned forward. "Pretty thing like you shouldn't be." Pause. "I'm Blake, by the way."
Laura raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
"You going to tell me your name, or I have to guess?"
She frowned. "I do not know you, why are you speaking to me?"
Blake grinned. "Well, if you tell me your name, then I'll know you, right?"
She thought about this. "Laura."
"Laura." He nodded. "Old fashioned. I love it. Hey, you wanna dance?"
"No."
"Oh come on. Just one?"
"…" she closed her eyes. "Will you go away afterward?"
"Of course." He slid off the chair and held out his hand to her.
A few minutes later, she was in the crowd, moving with the stranger, not really concentrating. She had received dance training at the facility, as some of her missions had involved targets in night clubs such as this, and so the rhythm was not difficult for her to maintain.
"You're really good!" Blake yelled.
Laura said nothing.
He leaned forward and kissed her very suddenly, slipping his arms around her waist. She stiffened, surprised, but did not immediately pull away. It was…interesting. Different. She had not realized it was socially acceptable to do this so quickly, but it made sense. He was looking for someone to practice coupling with, and this was a very fast way to sample her chemical makeup. But after a moment's consideration, his makeup was not very interesting, and she was about to tell him so when a hand clamped down on her shoulder and pulled her backward.
Julian was glaring at Blake. His hand was smoking against her jacket, the fingers burning through the material.
"Er…" Blake looked at Laura. "You didn't say you were here with someone."
"You did not ask." She closed her eyes, pushed his hand away, then headed for the nearest exit sign, her eyebrows drawn together. She slipped out the door and into an alleyway, then took a deep breath. The cool night air felt good in her lungs, after the heated and odor-filled air of the club.
The door opened behind her, and Julian emerged. He looked slightly calmer now. "Explain. Now. Just…what…why? Why the hell would you do that?!"
Laura looked down.
"No!" he snapped. "No silent shit. You need to start talking. I turn my back for like five seconds, and you're sucking face with some random asshole?"
She tilted her head, her eyes flitting upward again. "Sucking face?"
He closed his eyes. "Kissing. Laura. You do understand you can't do that with anyone else, right?"
She gazed at him. "Why?"
"…because…" He gritted his teeth for a moment, obviously working to stay calm. "Well, you're with me, right? I mean, you wouldn't like it if I kiss someone else, would you?"
Laura hesitated. She already knew, from experience, that she would not "like" it. She had been about to say so, but then she remembered her earlier thoughts. The ones she had been thinking at the table, before all of this. A few moments passed, then she lowered her eyes. "Perhaps it would be better."
"..." Julian stared at her. "What?"
"I said—"
"I heard you." He paused, his forehead wrinkling. "I just…you can't be serious. I love you…and you love me, right?"
Laura hesitated again. To agree with him would seem to support his argument. She regarded him, his expression of confusion. Anger. Waiting for her response. She had never been in a moment like this, where her words alone seemed to have more impact than physical actions. She did know that it was pivotal, like the moment in which she and her cousin had parted ways. Was this the right decision? Yes, she told herself firmly. It was a decision she had already made a while ago, in her cell at the facility. That she would no longer allow herself to harm those around her. To hurt him. "I have never said that."
Julian was silent. But his fists had begun smoking again.
After a moment, she turned and began to walk down the street.
"Where are you going?" he demanded, following her a few steps.
"Back to the school."
"But you came with us."
"I am fine." She paused, looked back at him. "You do not need to be concerned for me any longer."
Julian's expression was one she had never seen him make, not even when she had stabbed him. His eyebrows were drawn together and his mouth trembling. Then it changed. Now he looked angry. Very, very angry. His eyes began to glow, and the air around him was igniting with green fire. "You don't just get to walk away like I mean nothing to you!"
Laura closed her eyes. "You do not."
Silence. She turned away again.
"You just…after all…after all the things I did for you…I gave up my life for you…" Julian's voice broke, and he gritted his teeth. "You know what you are? You're like a machine. All you think about is your next target. Well, what you think is going to happen when you run out of targets, huh?"
Laura's eyebrows drew together. She looked down, her eyes burning. He thought this about her? "Please. Stop."
He arched his eyebrows. "But you just said I don't need to be concerned about you anymore, remember?"
She said nothing.
"Have a nice fucking life, Laura." And then he was gone, shooting up in the night air.
Laura watched him for a while, then began walking again.
Julian was barely aware of the casualties fading around him. He was stretched on his back on the floor, head burning, body aching, blood slowly rolling down from his nose. Was he dying again?
He remembered now why he had never tried to run the Phoenix program. He felt like he had just tried to stop a freight train without his powers. Not only had he failed to stop the Phoenix from killing all the civilians, but he hadn't even been able to defend himself from her attacks. She had taken one look at him, as he charged toward her, and suddenly the green flames around him had been snuffed out. He had never experienced anything remotely close to the wave of energy that had followed. It was like a steam roller, destroying his shield and knocking him backward. Phoenix had been approaching him to do something fatal when he had managed to mumble "End p-program."
Why had he disabled the safety? Things were broken. A couple ribs for sure, and possibly his leg. But the idea of calling Josh, to come scrape him off the floor again, was way too humiliating. And he could do without more of that right now.
He was dimly aware of the doors opening. "What the—JULIAN!" Cessily's voice. Footsteps, as she ran toward him. He could sense that she was worried.
He opened his eyes a crack and looked up at her. "I'm…fine."
"No you're not!" Cessily's voice was sharp. "Call Josh, right now! He's watching TV in the rec room, he can—"
Julian shook his head very slightly. Or tried to. Amid the swell of pain, he realized his neck might be broken. "Fuck." He paused, then wiggled his fingers. Not paralyzed. Good. He raised a hand blindly and clapped it on his torso, wincing, but trying to focus on running his energy through his body. Through his bones, reconnecting the matrices that had been shattered.
A few moments later, he sat up, the pain subsiding. "See? Told you."
Cessily gave him a flat look. "Julian. What are you doing to yourself?"
He shrugged. "Training."
She folded her arms. "Uh huh."
"Really."
"Right." Cessily paused. "I'm sure this has nothing to do with—"
Julian flinched automatically. "Don't."
"Don't what?"
He looked down. "Don't say her name, alright?"
Cessily sighed. "Julian, I love you, but you are so stupid sometimes. You can't just…ignore something like this. This is the girl you—"
"I know! Grrr!" His lip curled. "I'm not ignoring it. But what the hell else am I supposed to do? She just suddenly locked me out of her life. And now I have nothing."
She frowned. "Don't talk like that."
"Yeah, well, what do you think I have, huh?" He glared at Cessily. "I don't have friends, or family, or—"
"What?!" Cessily glared at him. "What about me and Santo? And Sooraya?"
"Oh, come off it." His eyebrows drew together. "You're scared of me. And disgusted. Sooraya's lost in her own problems. And Santo…he just likes to kick back and eat popcorn while watching my life get progressively shittier."
"… Cessily knelt beside him. "You really think that?"
Julian closed his eyes. "I know it for a fact."
She sighed. "For a telepath, you really don't know much about how people actually think, do you?"
"Cess—"
"No." She frowned. "Julian, I'm always going to be your friend, no matter what. That's why I get so worried about you." Pause. "My biggest worry right now is that you're not actually dealing with this break up. You're hurt. You need to talk about it, get your head right. Before you hurt yourself so badly you can't fix it anymore." She paused. "Josh told me what you did yesterday."
Julian's nose wrinkled. "That was nothing."
Cessily raised her eyebrow. "He said you almost picked a fight with Wolverine. And that he had to save your ass afterward."
He shrugged.
She sighed, then sat down beside him. "Talk."
"I'm good."
"Well, I'm not. Talk. How are you feeling about—"
"I told you not to say her name!" His voice was sharp.
Cessily sighed. "You have to deal with this. Tell me exactly what happened."
Julian shrugged, looked down. "She…just doesn't care about me anymore."
"I want a blow-by-blow replay."
"Not going to happen."
"Well, give me your memory of it then!" Cessily paused. "I need to know what we're working with here."
"Working with?" Julian's eyes narrowed. "Cess, it's over. Leave it."
"But—"
"No." He looked away. "I know. You're just trying to help. But…Laura…doesn't want me anymore. And I'm not going to push her into something she doesn't want." He paused. "I think…I think she never even wanted me to start with. She just went with it, because I wanted it." He frowned. "Or maybe she didn't even know what she wanted."
"No, she did." Cessily paused. "I talked to her. She…god, this sounds like a bad romance novel, but she told me she 'burned' when she looked at you."
Julian hesitated, but he couldn't stop himself. "What? Really?" Pause. "When?"
"Uh, a while ago." Cessily frowned. "But that's not the point. She did want you…and I think she still does. But you're right. She needs to figure things out. I mean, think of what she's been doing for the last couple of years. It's not exactly an environment for self-growth." She paused. "And, I mean, neither is this." She gestured around the danger room.
Julian's forehead wrinkled, but he said nothing.
"I know you don't want to hear what I think…but I don't think you should give up yet." Cessily paused. "You're angry. Laura's confused. But don't let that turn you into something you're not. Just…take some time to sort things out. Focus on yourself for a while." Pause. "Maybe get out of here."
"And go where?" Julian asked.
Cessily shrugged. "I dunno. Something that doesn't involve this crazy…thing that you're a part of. Take a break from the whole mutant scene."
He was silent.
"Come on, let's go and do something fun." Cessily grabbed his arm and dragged him upward. She was surprisingly strong. "Watch a movie or something. I know Santo keeps talking about Transformers."
"I don't feel like—"
"That or we stay home and watch Titanic. With Pixie. Those are your options."
"…" Julian closed his eyes. "I hate you."
Cessily grinned and patted him on the shoulder.
Laura froze, on the stairs. She had just finished assisting her clones with their night time ritual, and was heading toward the front door, when her ears alerted her that Julian was just outside it, with Cessily and Santo. They were laughing about some event they had all witnessed.
She paused, her eyebrows drawing together. She had not seen him in three days, not since he had flown away. And that had been on purpose.
But it would be impossible to avoid him forever. Eventually, they would find Kimura, and she did not think he would remain uninvolved. She was aware that he was still going out on missions. She had overheard Josh and Cessily talking, last night, about his reckless behavior. About how he had challenged Logan's directives.
The front door opened, before she had made up her mind. And Julian was now staring up at her, his smile fading.
Silence.
"Oh, er—hi, Laura." Cessily spoke, her eyes wide.
Laura hesitated. "Hello."
Silence.
"Guess this is awkward for you guys, huh?" Santo. "Since you broke up an' all."
"Santo!" Cessily snapped, glaring at him.
"What?" Santo shrugged. "Just acknowledgin' the elevator in the room."
"…" Her forehead wrinkled, then she grabbed his hand and started dragging him down the hallway.
"Where are we goin'?!" he protested.
"To make sandwiches."
"Oh." Santo paused. "Cool."
They disappeared from view, leaving Laura and Julian alone.
The latter cleared his throat. "Going somewhere?"
"No." Laura paused. "You did."
"Movie." He looked at the step below where she stood. "Girls okay?"
She nodded.
Julian closed his eyes. "Say hi to them from me."
"Okay." Laura's eyebrows drew together. "I have heard…that you were reckless on a mission yesterday."
He said nothing.
She hesitated. "You should not do that."
"Yeah, well, you don't need to worry about it." He paused. "Laura…I don't want to talk to you, okay? I especially don't want you to pretend you care about me."
Now Laura closed her eyes. She said nothing.
He moved toward her, and for a moment, she thought he was going to touch her. She inhaled sharply. But he continued past her, up the stairs.
Laura opened her eyes, watched as he reached the top and turned the corner, his shoulders held tensely. She realized she was holding her breath, and exhaled, her forehead wrinkling. After a moment, she continued down the stairs and out the front door.
She took off her boots and walked barefoot in the grass, toward the tree she had hid near many times when she wanted to be alone. And where she had been sleeping of late, because her bed had felt uncomfortable. She knew it was not the mattress.
Sitting down against the trunk, she folded her hands in her lap and gazed up at the darkening sky. The clouds would obscure any view of the stars—anything that would be visible, given the amount of air pollution and light disturbance from the massive city nearby. She thought about the way her body had reacted, at the idea that he might touch her. Not just a burning sensation any longer, but a deep, aching feeling, as if he had removed an essential component, and she could not repair it.
Laura closed her eyes, which had begun to sting. Had she made a mistake? Had all of this been the wrong course of action? He was still on the team, he was taking potentially harmful risks…then she remembered the way he had been smiling when he walked in. And how it had faded upon seeing her. Her eyebrows drew together, and she shook her head. No, she had chosen correctly. The damage may repair itself, if she was patient.
How strange. To have to wait for something to heal. Like when her healing factor had been disabled, in Pierce's cell. But there were things she could do in the meantime.
Snkkt!
She began to slide the tip through the skin of her wrist. For a few moments, she thought it was working. The pain felt sharp, clear, a physical release. But when she finally stopped her motions and laid still, she realized that the feeling was still there. The heavy, dark feeling. The one that continued, even though she had revaluated her logic and found it sound. The feeling that she knew would resolve if she knocked on his door.
She spent the rest of the night concentrating on not going up to his room.
