Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight and sometimes we wanna disown Stalkmett. Please remember that this chapter is not intended to make fun of any certain individuals. All of this is meant as a joke; please don't take any of personally.

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[ Emmett ]

After ditching Edward and Jasper at the convention hall, I immediately pulled my cell phone out and send a text message to my people. It was only a few seconds later that I got a response back.

We're at the Twinkle exhibit. Meet us here.

I rolled my eyes at the fact that they would pick the gayest thing to look at and, of course I would be forced to look at it, too. I mean, who gave a shit about dancing vampires? Personally, I was much more interested in the manly exhibits. You know things with swords, guns, and blowing shit up. Anything that involved dancing around a meadow did not appeal to me.

Quickly, I checked my watch while making my way through the mass of people around me. The panel wasn't until four this afternoon, which mean that I still had a few hours before I had to be there. That was plenty of time to get organized and change clothes before the panel.

"Emmett!"

I looked up at the sound of my name and smiled when I saw Chelsea and Becca waving at me. I had been hoping that they would keep this low key, but that was apparently too much to wish for. I had barely taken another step towards them before they both pounced. I instinctively covered my nads which threw me off balance and led to the three of us falling to the floor.

"Can we not be cool about this? Ever?"

The two of them ignored my grumbling and helped me stand back up. I ignored the looks of people watching us and gave each one of them a massive hug; picking them up off the ground and setting them back down.

"Are we ready for this?" I asked.

"Fuck yeah!" Chelsea said enthusiastically. "Are you ready? I think that's the more important question."

I cocked an eyebrow and nodded my head. "I was born ready."

They both laughed and after a few agonizing hours of looking at gay vampire paraphernalia we were headed back to the hotel. While we walked, Becca gave me all of the information she had been able to find out about the other authors attending the panel. I didn't know half of the people or stories she was talking about, but there were a couple that rang a bell, and one that I had really been hoping would be there.

"Most of them are meeting for lunch today before the panel. I'm guessing you weren't invited."

I snorted at her and shrugged. "I'm sure my invitation got lost in the mail."

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Becca asked me. I shook my head as we waited for the elevator. "So, just general chaos then?"

"General chaos can cause a multitude of problems. And really, it isn't like I want to ruin this for anyone. I just think that it is time for real questions to be asked. Enough of this farting rainbows and shitting puppies bullshit!"

They both dissolved into a chorus of laughter as we got into the elevator. I punched the button to the right floor and leaned back against the glass wall. I looked at my watch again and smiled. There was still plenty of time for plotting.

*** ** ***

I shoved the sleeves of my jacket up onto my forearms and nodded to Chelsea and Becca. They gave me a small wave before heading towards the growing line for the FanFic panel. After a deep breath, I started trucking my way to the hallway where I was supposed to meet these people.

Once I figured out where I was going, it only took a few minutes to find the door I was looking for. There were a couple of women sitting behind a small table. They were laughing and chatting away but immediately stopped when they saw me.

"Hi," I said politely. Their eyes widened before looking at each other and then back to me.

"Can we help you?"

"I'm here for the Carlisle's Angels FanFic panel. I'm at the right place, right?" I smiled, looking between the two of them and loving the look of shock on their faces.

After a few seconds one of them responded. "The line for the audience is at auditorium-"

"Oh no," I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm on the panel. I'm LittleDebbie!"

And there it was: the element of surprise. The two of them sputtered and laughed, sure that I was joking. But when I pulled my jacket off and showed them the LittleDebbie shirt that I'd had made, they shut up.

Their eyes roamed over my chest, looking at the actual Little Debbie logo that I had put on the shirt and then reading the script at the bottom that had my story title. I pulled on the bottom of it, holding it out so I could get a better look, and smiled.

"Awesome, huh? My friend Angela helped me make it. You can order one off of Café Press."

One of the girls nodded, still looking a little dazed, while the other started flipping through a list that she had sitting in front of her.

"It says that an Em Cullen is using the LittleDebbie pen name."

"Yeah, that's me. Em is short for Emmett." I pulled out my driver's license and handed it to her. "Trust me. Nobody would pretend to be me."

She stared at the license, matching the address to the one listed on my information sheet, and then looked back up at me. "We just assumed Em stood for Emily."

I shrugged and took my license back from her. "Common mistake I guess. So… can I go in? Or am I excluded because I don't have a vagina?"

She nodded slowly, shoving a clipboard at me. I signed my name, got my name badge and took off down the hall while zipping my jacket back up.

*** ** ***

Hell on Earth for the majority of the male population would be being surrounded by a bunch of gossiping and giggling females that you had absolutely no sexual attraction to whatsoever. For me it was amusing.

I stood off to the side, leaning against the wall, watching as they all giggled, squealed, and hugged. Other than curious stares, no one had bothered to talk to me. I didn't mind. It made it easier to assess the enemy. Okay, enemy was a strong word. It made it easier to assess…them. I wondered if they thought that I was some sort of security detail because it was obvious they had no idea I was an author.

It was a few moments before we were supposed to go out into the auditorium when the girls from the registration table came walking towards us. I smiled when they eyed me warily.

"The panel will start in a few minutes! We need you to start getting in line!" One of them yelled over the giggling. "We will call out your name according to the seating arrangement."

I watched as the women filed into a line once their name was called. I recognized a few of the names and found it interesting that most of them didn't look a thing like what I thought they would. A couple of them looked old enough to be my mom, which I found awesome as fuck. If my mom was still alive, I knew she would have been all over the CA series. Edward would have made sure of it.

"Em-Emmett Cullen."

"That would be me!" I said loudly. The girl standing next to me jumped in shock. I ignored her and walked to my place in line, wanting to yell 'Haha I'm a dude and I write smut and you fuckers had no idea!' I didn't, though. Instead I just smiled and unzipped my jacket, taking it all the way off this time.

The woman standing in front of me looked shocked. I stuck my hand out and smiled. "I'm Little Debbie. You're AngelsHonor, right? I read your stuff."

She nodded slowly before tentatively shaking my hand.

"Thanks for the invite to lunch by the way, sorry I couldn't make it."

Her face fell and I smiled. Before I could attempt to introduce myself to anyone else, we were being paraded through the auditorium. I smiled like a smug son of a bitch at all of the curious stares and whispers that followed me. When I saw Becca and Chelsea sitting near the front, I nodded in recognition.

My heavy footsteps echoed around the room as I made my way up the stairs onto the platform that our table was sitting on. When I reached my chair I smiled at the curious stares looking back at me and threw my arms up.

"What's up Comic Con?!" I yelled.

Just as expected, the room erupted in cheers and applause. I pulled my chair out and sat down, smiling when I saw that I had my own microphone in front of me. That was convenient. The room eventually settled down and we all watched as the panel moderator made her way to the podium.

She talked about how the Q&A would go, what the process was…basically covering all of the boring shit that no one ever paid attention to. It wasn't until the end of her speech, when she said that all of the authors would be introducing themselves that people focused.

I waited, impatiently, while everyone took their turns. It was mostly the same bullshit. My name is so and so, I have five kids, love CA because it introduced me to some of my best friends… blah blah. You would think that as authors, these people would be able to come up with more creative answers. When it was finally my turn, I smiled innocently for a few seconds. Once I was sure that I had everyone's attention I slipped the microphone out of its holder and slowly pushed back from the table.

"Well, hello ladies," I said smoothly. I smiled at the laughter and the applause. I pushed my chair back up to the table and pulled the mic cord, giving me a little slack. "My name is Emmett Cullen, pen name is LittleDebbie, and I do in fact have a penis."

The laughter was louder this time, making my smile bigger.

"I write Chocolate Syrup Rendezvous and I am also a FanFic moderator for FallenAngels (dot)org. I got into CA because Rosalie Hale is hot as hell and because my brother made me. Other than that, I like sports, beer, cheese and the Muppets. Animal is my idol. Anything else you want to know, feel free to ask." I bowed before sitting back down and putting the mic back in its stand. The rest of the introductions were extremely lame compared to mine. It wasn't really their fault, though; I'm a hard act to follow.

When we finally got to the Q&A, my ass was asleep from the uncomfortable chair and my leg was bouncing up and down from built up energy. The first couple of questions were boring and the same shit that I'd heard from AngelsHonor back in Vancouver.

"I have a question for all of the authors," a woman said. I straightened up, hoping that it would be a good question. "Do you think you'll ever try to get published?"

Before I could stop myself, a loud and obnoxious laugh left my mouth. When everyone turned to look at me, I shrugged while still laughing. "Why the hell would anyone want to pay to read my shit?"

AngelsHonor, who was sitting to my left, crossed her arms across her chest.

"I mean, the only reason why most of us read Fan Fiction is because we are drawn to the characters, right? So why would I want to pay to read the same story about 'Arnold and Elle' when I'm not really drawn to the story, just the CA characters?" I asked.

"The majority of the stories have good enough plot lines that they could stand alone without the characters," AngelsHonor said. She gave me a condescending smile and I shook my head.

"In my opinion, yours isn't one of them."

There were a few gasps of surprise but the laughter from the audience justified my response. I smiled when the offended author sitting to my left glared at me.

"But hey, didn't you write Even Angels Fall under a fake penname? I really liked that one better than your original. In fact, I would buy that as a book, and I don't own books. You should have just used your real name-"

"Next question, please!" the moderator interrupted.

I shrugged at the scowls aimed in my direction and turned back forward, smiling as a few of the other authors fielded questions.

"My question is for LittleDebbie." I nodded at the chick standing at the microphone and she continued. "I read your story, and love it by the way. Do you do anything particular while writing? Do you have to set the mood or anything?"

"Well," I drawled, sounding a lot like Jasper, "When writing smut, I really have to have music to write to. It has to be something with a…wait--you know that's something I don't understand about other stories? How can you guys write sex to these whiny ass songs with no beat? As a dude, I am telling you that it is way easier to bone when you've got a rhythm going. Lyrics don't matter when you're going at it."

Chelsea and Becca were cracking up, both of them doubled over in their chairs and covering their mouths trying to conceal their laughter. I turned to look down the table at one of the other authors, Smutterific, who was laughing hysterically. Her story was famous for the smut she wrote and reminded me of another problem I saw with FanFiction.

"Just like I don't understand why you chicks write these characters that can go on having sex for hours at a time. As a dude with a functioning penis, I can tell you that shit does not happen in real life. We can't just go at it, hopefully getting you off, then get ourselves off, and a minute later be ready for more. Our anatomy doesn't work like that. Any guy who tells you that he can get off more than twice a night with his wang and without long breaks between is a damn liar."

"Do you ever write from real life experience?" Smutterific asked me. "Because I read your story and if chapter twenty-three is from real life…"

Her voice trailed off when I started nodding. "Oh yeah, anything that you've read in my story is based off of real life. It really isn't that difficult if you have a flexible partner, but they need to have really long legs. You just-"

"Is this not about the actual stories?!" AngelsHonor yelled. She turned to glare at me. "Why are you even here?!"

I frowned and looked around. "I was invited."

"But you aren't even interested in the actual stories! Or letting anyone else talk!" she screamed at me.

"Are you really mad because I'm giving you a male's perspective? Or are you mad that people aren't asking you questions?" I asked her. "Because I really do have some questions about Even Angels Fall if you're willing to admit that you actually wrote it."

"Ugh!" she yelled before pushing away from the table.

I watched as she stomped down the platform and down the stairs, a few of her minions following after her. The room was quiet, other than Chelsea and Becca's snorting. I shrugged and looked back at the audience facing me.

"Anyone else have questions?" I asked.

A woman towards the front of the auditorium stood up. "Can you explain exactly how the shower scene in chapter four is possible?"

"Oh sure!" I leaned forward on my elbows. While I explained the techniques needed, they all scribbled down notes frantically.

An hour later we all left the panel. The majority of the women there now had several sex tips and I felt a lot like Dr. Ruth.

*** ** ***

What was it about this woman that turned everything about me inside out and upside down? I didn't get nervous about anything else but her! I didn't worry about what I wore or what I would say, unless it was something involving her! So why the fuck was I standing in the men's bathroom, staring at my reflection, worrying about what I would say to Rosalie Hale? Because I am a fucking pussy, that's why! I grumbled to myself, trying to ignore the mindless dick talk from the guys in the stalls behind me and focusing on re-tucking my shirt for the millionth time.

"She was sitting in that chair and her jeans were so fucking tight. It was like a she had a non-disgusting form of cameltoe while sitting down."

I wanted to laugh because that was something I would have said, but then they would know that I had accidentally heard part of their conversation, and there are some things you just don't do in a men's bathroom.

"What about Alice and Bella?" another voice asked.

My head snapped up, glaring at the door to the stall behind me.

"Bella is a little too weird for me, but I bet Alice is a freak in bed; she seems like she would have a kinky side."

The two of them laughed and a couple of seconds later the room was filled with the sounds of toilets flushing. When the doors opened I was glaring at their reflection but they didn't pay any attention to me.

While I pretended to wash my hands, again, I noticed they were both wearing media passes like mine. I squinted into the mirror to read who they were representing. When I saw that they were from the Angeleers website, I nearly ripped both of their arms off just so I would have something to shove up their asses.

They continued talking while drying their hands. "I swear to God, tonight I am going to make it happen. I'm going to get Rosalie Hale's titties pressed up against me and find out if the nipple ring piercing rumors are true."

I saw red. Without stopping to think, I grabbed the guy who had just said that and slammed him up against the wall. My fingers were curled into his suit jacket, holding him in place.

"I'm warning you, if I find out you do anything more than fucking shake Rosalie's hand, I will make you regret it," I growled. "Got it?"

He nodded, looking like he might piss himself. Since I didn't want him dribbling on my shoes, I let him go and watched him and his friend leave in a hurry. Once the door shut, I put my hands on the counter and leaned forward. The adrenaline of my anger ebbed the nervousness from before but had made me edgy.

While trying to calm down, I tried to figure out what the hell to do. The old Emmett would have beaten the shit out of those assholes on principle. However, brawling at a charity cocktail party definitely wouldn't make me look good in Rosalie's eyes. She already thought I was a dick; getting in a fight wouldn't help. So I asked myself, what would the new Emmett do? The only thing that made sense would be to warn Rosalie about their intentions. Then if something did happen, at least she would know why I was fighting some douche bag.

I rewashed my hands, re-tucked my shirt, straightened my hair and fixed my collar before pushing the bathroom door open and headed back to banquet room where the cocktail party was being held.

There were quite a few celebrities already there. Johnny Depp was talking to a group of reporters about his new movie. The lead actor from the Twinkle series was standing at a corner table looking sullen and drunk while surrounded by a security detail. I just kept walking, ignoring the fanfare and made my way to the bar.

"Scotch, straight up," I muttered.

The bartender nodded and got to fixing my drink. My eyes searched the room looking for the asshat from the bathroom. It didn't take but a few seconds to single in on him. He was standing with a group of middle-aged men making obscene gestures with his hands, obviously talking about tits. I ground my teeth together and took my drink.

After finding a spot where I could watch the door for Rosalie and still keep an eye McDouchey, I sat down and starting checking Edward's twitter. I found it reassuring that he hadn't updated since leaving for the concert and really hoped that he was having a good time. To say that he had been excited after their interview was an understatement. He was literally walking on air. After the panel, Edward and I roamed around the merchandise room and it was easy to see how happy he was. He had a spring in his step and real honest to God smile on his face. He had seemed rather nervous this morning, but after getting a massage that Jasper and I arranged, he seemed good as new. I sent him a quick message, telling him to have fun, and slid my phone back in my jacket pocket.

I downed the rest of my drink and shook the sleeve of my jacket back to look at my watch. The party had been going on for over an hour and Rosalie still wasn't here. I was contemplating leaving when the door next to my table opened. I casually glanced at it until I saw a pair of seriously nice legs walking towards me.

My eyes traveled up her legs and body, admiring as they went, until I saw her face. She looked flustered and maybe even slightly nervous while looking around the room. I couldn't help but smile at the blush that sat on her cheeks and covered her chest. She was really fucking beautiful.

Rosalie was immediately surrounded by journalist and photographers. She laughed and answered their questions after apologizing for being so late. I watched in amazement as she handled their hounding with classic grace. She held her shoulders high which made her chest unavoidable, especially since it was wrapped in a red silk that matched her lips.

I watched her for several minutes while working out what I wanted to say in my head. She posed for pictures, signed autographs, and accepted a glass of champagne that she'd been holding for five minutes and not taken a drink of. After breaking away from the group of people that surrounded her, she sat the glass on a table and looked around the room.

Rosalie was maybe ten feet away from me and all I could do was stand there looking like a dumbass with my mouth hanging open. It wasn't until I saw McDouchey out of the corner of my eye that I made my move. I casually checked my shirt tails before stepping into her pathway. She was looking in the opposite direction and ran right into my arm, which is exactly what I was hoping for her to do.

"Oh!" she gasped, grabbing my arm. "I am so sorry, I wasn't watching where…"

I smiled as her eyes searched my face and her voice trailed off. She looked confused for a second before taking half a step back and looking my body over. I wanted to be a complete tool and say something mixed between sarcasm and sexual innuendos, but decided she wouldn't appreciate it.

"It's okay," I said quietly. "I was actually hoping--"

"What are you doing here?" she interrupted me.

I tried not to look disappointed at her lack of enthusiasm. "My brother Edward's site got two media passes and since he got to do the interview, he said I could cover this."

She looked torn between excitement and anger. When she popped her hip out and her hand flew to it, I figured it was more anger. "Have something you want autographed?"

Yup, she was still pissed. I shook my head and shoved my hands in my pants pockets.

"No, actually, I wanted to apologize."

She looked surprised for a fraction of a second before recovering. Her arms crossed across her chest and she glared at me. When she didn't say anything, I continued.

"I was a complete ass in Vancouver. I wanted to apologize and tell you that I'm sorry for treating you like that," I said calmly. When her glare lessened, my body relaxed.

"It was disgusting."

I nodded, keeping my mouth shut. Her posture relaxed but she was still scowling. After a second she shook her head.

"Apology accepted. But if you ever do anything like that again, I'll kick you in the balls instead of punching your face. Got it?" she asked.

I couldn't help but smile when I nodded in understanding. "Got it."

She looked at me for a second before turning on her heel and heading to the E! News table. I smiled in satisfaction as she went. I watched as she did an interview, wishing that our encounter would have been more, but was extremely happy that it had even occurred. She could have just punched me again.

The thought of being punched reminded me of McDouchey and I looked around the room to find him. His weasel friends were sitting at a table, looking drunk and maybe a little high. I followed their gaze to see Mr. Asshat heading towards Rosalie. My brain screamed, INTERVENE!

I pushed through a crowd of people until I reached Rosalie. She was laughing, but stopped when my hand curled around her elbow, turning her towards me.

"Rosalie, you've got to listen to-"

Her eyes narrowed and she yanked her elbow away from me. "I don't 'have' to do anything."

Rosalie stuck her nose in the air before stepping around me. I practically growled in frustration and followed after her. She stopped to talk to a few people, rolling her eyes when she saw me but otherwise ignoring my presence. For twenty fucking minutes it was like cat and mouse between the two of us, except I wasn't really sure who was who in the scenario. Was McDouchey the cat, and Rosalie the mouse? Was I the cat? Fuck!

After I sighed in frustration, Rosalie rounded on me and grabbed the sleeve of my jacket. I thought that maybe she was finally catching the hint, and then thought maybe she wanted something else when she started pulling me to a secluded corner of the room. When she stopped and turned around, I realized that she definitely didn't want something else.

Her blue eyes were wide with anger. "STOP STALKING ME!"

Her angry whisper pissed me off. Here I was, trying to be a nice guy and keep her away from creepers like Asshat , and she was accusing me of stalking her?! This was utter bullshit!

"If I was STALKING you, you wouldn't be able to fucking see me!" I harshly whispered back to her.

"Then why the hell are you following me around?!"

"I'm trying to keep you from being molested by that guy," I said angrily, pointing in his direction. "He actually is stalking you but you won't fucking listen to me!"

Rosalie's eyes followed the direction that I was pointing. She started laughing before punching my arm.

"He interviewed me this afternoon! He isn't stalking me, Emmett! I picked their website to interview us! Their whole site is dedicated to me…he probably just wanted to talk!" she explained defensively.

"Well then I hope you're ready to punch someone again because he wants to talk to you about your tits and wondering if the rumors about your nipples being pierced are true!"

Her arms immediately crossed across her chest while she glared at me. "We have security here for a reason, Emmett!"

I laughed before pointing at the table where the Twinkle actor was sitting. "Yeah you do, and all five of them are protecting him. Not you!"

"Leave. Me. Alone," Rosalie said through clenched teeth.

I glared back at her, wondering if there had ever been another woman as fucking stubborn as her. When she turned on her heel and left, I stood there fuming, but not deterred. I leaned against the wall, keeping one eye on Rosalie and another on Captain Asshat McDouchey.

I pulled my tie off, shoving it in my pocket, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt. If this shit was seriously going to go down, then I would need to be prepared. I pulled my suit jacket off and laid it over the back of a chair. Still keeping an eye on both of them, I pulled my phone out and sent a text message to Jasper and Edward.

If I get arrested tonight for defending Rosalie's honor, bail me out.

It wasn't but a few seconds later that I got responses but ignored them. I shoved the phone back in my pocket and cracked my knuckles, watching as the Angeleers asshole crept closer and closer to Rosalie. It infuriated me that she wasn't even paying attention to what was going on around her. She kept her back to the crowd while talking with people. I probably could have snuck up behind her and thrown her over my shoulder and she wouldn't realize what was going on until we were in the hallway.

Rosalie waved to the couple she had been talking to before heading towards the bathroom exit. I looked to see if any of the security or celebrity handlers was going with her, but none of them moved. I started walking to the exit, planning on just waiting in the hallway, when I got hung up on some woman's purse. I nearly tripped which would have landed me in the center of their table. After righting myself and apologizing, I looked up to see McDouchey heading out of the same exit Rosalie had just left through.

I ran to the exit and threw the door open. I saw the women's bathroom door swing shut and thundered down the hallway after them. I pushed the door open and it hit the wall behind it with a loud thud. Rosalie turned at the noise but instead of focusing on me, she finally noticed the asshole standing in between us. I hurtled the small vanity chair that sat in the way and tackled the asshole to the ground.

Rosalie started screaming at me when my fist started colliding with his sides, so I settled on just sitting on his back. He groaned at my weight while telling anyone that would listen that he hadn't done anything wrong. That didn't stop security from hauling his ass away once they finally got their lazy asses in there five minutes later.

I watched as they shoved him out of the bathroom, leaving Rosalie and I alone. She looked shocked, angry and scared. Her eyes were focused on the back of the door while she slowly shook her head back and forth.

"Are you alright?" I quietly asked.

Her eyes finally looked at me and she nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "I shouldn't have ignored…"

Her voice drifted off and a second later her eyes became wide and crazy looking. She walked towards me, her long legs closing the gap in a few seconds. I watched in shock as her hands fisted in my shirt and she pulled me towards her. My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when her lips collided with mine.

When her hands slid up my chest and around my neck I finally responded back. I grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to me while my mouth opened to her forceful tongue. Her fingers continued up my neck and into my hair. They threaded into my hair and started pulling my face closer to hers. I moaned into her mouth.

I was about to suck her bottom lip into my mouth when she suddenly pushed me back against the wall. Her hands were splayed against my chest, keeping me where I was. I stared at her, shocked at the fact that she had kissed me, and confused as to why she had fucking stopped.

"What-" I breathed.

Rosalie's eyes snapped open and she stared at me for a second before taking her hands off of my chest. She straightened her dress and tossed her hair off her shoulder before speaking. "Tell anyone about this and I'll make you regret it."

She leaned forward and placed another lingering kiss on my lips before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

My chest was heaving while my brain was spinning. I stared at my reflection in the mirror in front of me.

"What the fuck just happened?" I asked. The damn reflection was just as confused as I was.

** **

JFI: I really hope this chapter lived up to all of your expectations. I was really nervous about writing it. Now… I know we have some male readers and I wanna talk to them! Do you guys have Twitters? Facebooks? Gchats? Get with me! Thanks as always for reading!

LMW: That JFI is a genius, isn't she? *happy sigh* Get some, Stalkmett!

Don't forget for all the latest on the boys, check em out on Twitter chbbywnkr, oh_jasper, edweird_cullen and CA's own LittleMissAliceB

Its awards season, and The Giggle/Snort Awards are taking nominations, so if you feel inclined, let's get the Stalking boys to the top!

In other awards happenings: Stalking is up for a Faithful Shipper and a Silent Tear Award! Thanks for choosing us as one of your favorites!