I enjoy writing Insano. I also enjoy poking fun at my own country. (Then again, I'm a half-British city-slicker, so I'm hardly the Australian stereotype.)
Review replies;
Movie-Brat: Probably not. I've got ideas for the next few 'shots. Thanks for the suggestion, anyway. Thanks for reading!
Cartooniac55: Well, I'm glad you like it...ehehehe. XD Thanks for the review!
TweenisodeOrange: I think losing the stopover is the least of your worries... :0. Thanks for the review!
Zim'sMostLoyalServant: The creature's my own creation. To be honest, I'm still working it out. Nice to see a fellow Doctor Who fan! Thanks very much.
28/10/10 – Dr. Insano VS New South Wales
WARNING: This chapter includes possible unauthorised (but free) advertising, the author making fun of his country of residence, and the Fiddley Thing. You have been warned.
Dr. Insano and Squidward trudged down the road. They were covered in dust, and the heat from the sun was twenty-seven degrees Celsius (that was 80.6 in Fahrenheit, a somewhat warm day in Australia). Dr. Insano was sweating profusely.
"I cannot bear this!" he exclaimed.
"Don't you live in Alaska?" quizzed Squidward.
"Yes, but I but I never walk," replied Dr. Insano.
Squidward rolled his eyes.
In the distance, they could see a small, wooden building with a red roof and an unidentified object on the top. Dr. Insano squinted to look at a road sign proclaiming what it was.
"Hmm…what exactly is a 'poob?'" he asked.
"A pub," corrected Squidward, "It's another name for a bar used in Engl…"
"A bar?" repeated Dr. Insano, "A bar means nourishment! Quickly, my cephalopod companion, let us make haste!"
He ran ahead. Squidward rolled his eyes, and leisurely followed the (very slowly) sprinting scientist to the pub.
It was a simple wooden building, perhaps of nineteenth century construction, a little bit like an American saloon with benches outside. It had a red, corrugated iron roof, and a balcony on the second floor. It also had a very strange oddity on the roof.
"Is that a car?" Dr. Insano burst out.
Squidward looked up.
A small, red ute (think pick-up truck) of 1920s construction was perched on top of the building, sitting matter-of-factly above everything else. It was either the oddest attraction of all time, or the oddest parking accident of all time – Squidward didn't know which.
He shook his head.
"What is this?" Dr. Insano called, looking at the left wall of the building, "it's some kind of strange language!"
A long message was written along the wall in white paint. It was probably advertisement, but it had so much slang on it that it was difficult to discern what exactly it said. Squidward shook his head again.
"Well, never mind," shrugged Dr. Insano, "Let's head inside while I phone for another bus!"
"You can't phone a bus," snapped Squidward.
Dr. Insano was already walking inside.
The inside of the pub was somewhat cramped with tables, ornaments of various kinds (including a pillar with flyers, chains and paper attached to it) and the bar counter. A single, bearded man sat behind the counter, wearing a chequered shirt, jeans and boots and a truly massive hat.
"G'day," he nodded.
"I shall have your finest ale!" boomed Dr. Insano.
The bartender leant forward.
"We don't sell ale. We sell beer."
He placed a beer glass on the counter and filled it up.
Dr. Insano stared for a moment, and then nodded.
Squidward sighed.
"Look, I'll just have some water, alright?" he asked.
"We don't sell water. We sell beer."
"I don't drink," snapped Squidward.
The bartender stared for a moment.
"That means I'm non-alcoholic," he elaborated.
The bartender stared again.
"I don't like beer," stated Squidward, bluntly.
The bartender blinked.
Squidward groaned, and made his way to one of the tables. Wearily, he slumped into the chair and buried his head in his hands. Across from him, Dr. Insano sat down and got out the Fiddley Thing.
"I have an idea!" he exclaimed.
"Put that thing away," moaned Squidward.
Dr. Insano didn't listen.
"My plan is simple," he grinned, "I'm going to turn the bartender into a super-mutant kangaroo, which we shall ride until we catch up to the bus! Then we shall steal the bus, and then we'll torture the bus and drive it off a cliff!"
"No," replied Squidward, bluntly.
"Oh, come on! I think I'm working this out!" implored Dr. Insano, "Look, I'll test it on that kangaroo out there!"
He pointed outside. A kangaroo was in the dirt parking lot, eating out of an unattended cooler.
Squidward grunted, and said nothing.
"I'll be back in a minute," nodded Dr. Insano.
He strolled outside, right up to the kangaroo.
"I COMMAND YOU TO SUBMIT TO ME!" he bellowed.
Whack.
The kangaroo hopped away, having jump-kicked Dr. Insano in his stomach. He fell on his back, wheezing for breath.
Scowling, the doctor got up.
"So that's how you want to play it," he sneered, holding out the Fiddley Thing, "Well then, eat fiddle!"
He pressed the button.
Squidward held on for dear life as the Giant Death Wallaby hopped down the road at high speed, Dr. Insano laughing manically as he steered.
"It worked! It worked!" he screeched.
"We're gonna die!" blubbered Squidward.
Dr. Insano looked ahead, and grinned.
"There's the bus," he noted, pointing ahead. Indeed, the bus was a few hundred metres away, behind four other cars.
"OK, let's take this nice and slow," sighed Squidward.
"GDW! Activate Mega Jump!" bellowed Insano.
The Giant Death Wallaby leapt into the air. Squidward screamed as it flew over two of the cars, before landing on the third one, crushing it beneath its feet. Unconcerned, Dr. Insano steered the Wallaby past the final car and alongside the bus.
The Bus Driver glanced out the window.
Dr. Insano grinned, and waved.
The Bus Driver shook his head, and prepared to pull over.
The bus came to a halt at a rest stop, the Wallaby stopping next to it. Dr. Insano climbed down, a victorious look on his face, as the Bus Driver marched up to him.
"Look, for the last time," the Bus Driver scowled, "I had legitimate reasons to throw you off the bus. This country has very strict no smoking laws."
"What about messing with genetics like silly putty?" asked Squidward.
"That was tolerable," snapped the Bus Driver, "Listen, if I let you back on the bus, will you promise not to smoke?"
"Very well," sighed Dr. Insano, "Can I still use the Fiddley Thing?"
"NO!" Squidward shouted.
Dr. Insano shot him a look.
The Bus Driver gave a heavy sigh.
"Alright, Doctor, get back on," he groaned, "And make it quick, I want to at least reach the Snowy Mountains by Christmas."
Dr. Insano grinned, and stepped back onto the bus. Squidward made to follow, but the Bus Driver stopped him.
"No. Not you," he sneered.
He got onto his seat and closed the door.
Squidward stared, jaw dropped, as he was once again left behind by the bus, a cloud of exhaust and dust enveloping him.
He shook his head.
"Why does this always happen to me?" he lamented.
"Meh, who knows?" shrugged the Giant Death Wallaby.
Squidward did a double-take.
Dr. Insano returned to his seat on the bus and sighed contently, putting his hands behind his head.
"Well, I'm back on the public transport system," he grinned, "What could possibly go wrong?"
He turned to watch the on-bus television, humming lazily to the music video being shown.
Suddenly, the video was cut off.
"I was listening to that, you tremendous hoodwinks!" snapped Dr. Insano, angrily.
Then there was a loud, long beep. This was followed by continuous beeps as a message appeared on screen.
EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM.
There has been an attack on Australian soil. It is believed to be nuclear or a WMD of other description. Contact overseas has been lost. All residents of the Canberra and South-East Coast areas are follow the following radio and television advice from Local ABC…
Dr. Insano blinked.
"Oh, f**k it," he snapped.
- CONFIRMED. MOST OF COLORADO AND PARTS OF NEIGHBOURING STATES DESTROYED BY REGENESIS. NUCLEAR WEAPONS FIRED SPORADICALLY AT GLOBAL TARGETS. REGENESIS' AIM BELIEVED TO BE FOR EXTICTING. TRANSFERRING CONTROL TO LOCAL ADMINISTRATIONS. -
Incidentally, did I mention that Sunday is Halloween? X)
