Hana: I have no idea what to say today...huh.
Allen: Short skit?
Hana: Guess so. Y'all know the drill. Neither XavierForest nor myself own D. Gray-man. Enjoy the new chapter, everyone!
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+ - Chapter 28 - +
"Hey, mister. Why ya crying like that for?" It was a voice Allen knew, the tone and attitude easily distinguishable. He couldn't see anything, but he could feel warm liquid squishing between his toes as he walked. The smell of copper was strong in the air, and drops and screams filled the emptiness in the background as a white noise. The young voice of a person he once was hadn't been expected. "Well? Ain't ya gonna talk?"
"If...If I knew where to look, then..."
"Maybe y'should open yer eyes." Came the snarky remark. "I'm standin' right in front of ya."
Allen found himself confused, weren't his eyes open? "But isn't it complete darkness?"
"Oh, I see now." The young voice mused, "Yer only hidin' from what ya don't wanna see, ain't that how it is?"
Allen frowned and considered the voice's words. "I don't... I don't know. Maybe I... am." Was that what he was doing? Hiding from reality?
"Ya know where we are right now?"
"Mother's, right...?"
"In yer head, dumb-arse." The young voice groused. "Y'know, it's been a while since ya talked with me."
"...you're 'me', aren't you?"
"O'course I'm you, ya bloody idiot. Why'd ya even hafta ask that?"
"Sorry." Was Allen sleeping? Or was he hallucinating again? Neither boded well for him.
On the other hand, at least if this were another of his hallucinations, then the good news would be the fact that he wasn't interacting with that darker version of himself.
"Crowned ain't 'ere, by th'way."
"Huh?"
"It's wha'I'm callin' tha bloody twat." The young voice told him, "Like 'ow I go by Red 'ere."
Well...that made sense...he supposed. "So you really are 'me'..."
"Didn't I jus' say that? Yer stupider than I thought...bleh! I grow up bein' you of all blokes?"
"That's quite rude. And aren't you the stupid one for insulting yourself?" Allen calmly asked, giving up on trying to make sense of his mental state. If this was a dream or not, he didn't care.
"Don' care. An by the way, yer disgustin'ly polite."
"And you're horribly rude." Allen shot back.
"I had worse names." Red said unamused. "Cosmo had worse names than that!"
"Is there a reason you're talking to me in my own subconscious? And why am I even lucid in this state?"
"I dunno." Red shrugged, "I only know as much as ya do."
"Because you're me."
"And obviously, you're me."
Allen wiggled his toes and scrunched up his nose when he realised that the liquid he stood in was sticking to his feet. "How long do I have to stay here?"
"Who knows," Red said unhelpfully.
"Pro'aly until ya wake up, I'd guess."
"How do I wake up from a lucid dream, exactly?"
For whatever reason, Allen swore he could sense Red shrug at his question, "Maybe the question y'should be askin' yerself, is do you want to wake up?"
"That doesn't...make sense..."
"Because you're not letting it, Allen." Allen gasped in surprise, and turned behind him, assuming that was where the too-familiar voice had sounded. "Perhaps the waking world is better without you."
"Crowned!" Red's child-like voice scowled. "It ain't like that, and y'bloody know it!"
"You sure?" Crowned Clown mused. "After all, the NOAH may have given him the order...but he is the one who acted upon them. We acted upon them."
Allen wanted to cover his ears even though this was already knowledge that he was well aware of. He wasn't supposed to be a monster. Yu had said so. Yu had spread him out in front of a mirror and made him see how weak he was. Because Allen was weak. So weak, that he would kill if told to do so.
He wasn't a monster. He was just a pathetically weak puppet.
Crowned Clown chortled, grinning in an inhumane manner, "The look on your face really says it all, doesn't it? You should just let me take control."
If you really think you're nothing more than a weak puppet, you really are an idiot. That...wasn't any of the normal voices in his head, was it? Are you really going to let that bastard beat you?
"NO!" Allen screamed out, though he wasn't sure who he was shouting at, at first. "Y-You're not me...n-neither of you a-are who I-I am anymore!"
"Oi! M'still ya, y'arse!" Red scowled. "I'm tha part of ya that's in yer core or some shite."
Perhaps lashing out at Red wasn't a good idea, because he was right. He was Red long before he was ever Allen...but Crowned Clown was the monster the Noah had once made out of him. That wasn't who he was.
Crowned Clown was the façade he's adopted to help get him through his days of killing. It was meant as a way to stop him from going immediately insane.
At least...that's what he believed back then.
Because you know it's the truth. The foreign voice said, You aren't a killer.
"Who even are you?"
"You, I thought." Red said with confusion. "Can y'go crazy in yer own mind or somethin'?"
Crowned Clown shrugged, not exactly caring either way. "They all bleed in the end."
How much longer are you going to keep me waiting?
Allen shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of the new voice that invaded every inch of mind. "Be quiet."
"Yer can't order us aroun'," Red told his current self.
I don't like waiting.
Allen couldn't even tell where the voice was coming from. It seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. "Where are you?"
Red eyed Crowned Clown, and then looked at Allen. "I'm righ' 'ere."
"N-no, not you...can't you hear that other voice?"
"You're going crazy~" Crowned Clown cackled, "The only voices here are mine, the brat's, and yours."
"HEY!"
That...couldn't be...they should be able to hear that voice just as clearly as he was, right...? Where was it coming from?
Whose was it? It sounded so familiar...
The more he started focusing on that voice, the more Allen felt the presences of Crowned Clown and Red slowly fade away, the scent of iron and the feel of sticky liquid between his toes was replaced by...carpeting?
"You of all people should know how persistent I am."
Gasping in surprise, Allen felt his eyes open, and he was met with a room he was all but familiar with. Home...it was home...but where was the voice he heard moments prior? "Y-Yu...?"
"Took you long enough." Kanda's voice muttered behind him. Allen was quick to look behind him, and felt himself crying at the sight of his BaKanda...his samurai standing right behind him. "We're worried you know."
"I-I know..."
"So what the hell is taking you so long to come back to us? To come back to me?"
"I-I can't...n-not as I am..."
"That's bullshit, and you know it."
"But Apocryphos is still out there..."
"I'll slice his dick clean off his fucking body, and force him to swallow it, and his balls without mercy." Dream Kanda barked, "Do you even want to come back?"
"OF COURSE I DO, DAMMIT!"
"THEN GET UP AND START WALKING! Wasn't that your fucking mantra or some shit?"
Allen was tired. He didn't want to keep having to keeping moving forward. Walking right now was just so damn difficult. But he had to.
He gave Kanda a trembling nod of his head, trying hard to swallow the lump in his throat. "Can I... come back?" Allen tentatively whispered. He knew what Kanda would say, but some small part of him was terrified that he would be rejected.
"Of course you fucking can," Kanda snapped, and then he huffed. "Hurry up and return already, you idiot."
"I-I'll try..."
"Don't try. Do. You got that, Moyashi?" Kanda demanded. "We're all waiting for you."
As the scene began to fade, and Allen slowly began to wake up, he could see the silhouettes of his friends just coming into focus. Not but much, but just enough for him to see them long enough...
(* - *)
...before he was met with the ceiling of his temporary room in Mother's house.
"A...dream...?"
"Look who finally decided to wake up." Mother's voice sounded with amusement. "Seems the ice bucket won't be nessciarly needed after all."
Allen sat up, eying the elderly woman in confusion, "Erm...ice bucket...?"
"You weren't waking up, so we were planning to get creative."
Allen sat up. Thank goodness he woke up before someone doused him with ice water. "Nn." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and groaned when he got dizzy. Seems he got up too fast. "Maybe for the best..."
"Whatever you say." Mother shrugged.
Yeah. Waking up before that was definitely in his best interest. Some part of him bet that Raku would have been the one with the bucket.
(* - *)
Raku looked up from the paper, just as Allen finally decided to join them. "So the bucket wasn't needed."
"Erm...no..." Allen said, "What's...there to eat?"
"I got steak cooking on the grill!" Baba happily called over his shoulder, "How d'ya like yours, Allen?"
"Medium rare." The white-haired male said with no hesitation.
"Got'cha!"
Raku folded his paper and observed Allen with a frown. "It took you a while to wake up."
"Really?" Allen looked away and tried to smile while looking at the meal Baba was preparing. "I guess I was just tired."
"Uh-huh." Raku muttered, unconvinced. "I'm sure that's it."
"Leave him be, Raku." Mother chided. "What do you plan on doing today?"
"Whatever the hell it takes."
"That doesn't sound reassuring at all." Allen deadpanned. "Can't we have a day where you tell me what you're gonna put me through?"
"If I did that, you'd be too anxious."
"And I'm not already?!" That guy...!
One of Raku's dark brows rose. "You should accept that I have your best interest in mind."
"My best interest?! That's laughable!"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, or are you going deaf in your old age? You don't have my interest in mind at all. The only reason you even got me away from that mad man was because your dead lover told you to."
"I would suggest you watch your tongue kid."
"And why the hell should I?!" Allen snarled, "You may act like a normal human being like the rest of the population, but isn't that the kind of person to really be weary of?!"
"Kid, shut the hell up."
"I won't! I'm tired of this! If you really did have my best interests at hand you would've just—"
"I SAID SHUT UP." The whole room was silent, all sets of eyes were on Raku in a mixture of fear, confusion, and disappointment. "If you're so fucking sure you're ready, then take your damn ass, and walk it out the door right this instant."
Allen had always thought pissing his fiancé off was one of the scariest things in the world...and that the monster that held him captive was true night terror. Neither of those could hold a candle to the darkness that surrounded Raku Kanda in that instant. "H-huh...?"
"You heard me. Go ahead. Take your leave. We'll leave everything else up to your luck. Once you step out that threshold, you're no longer my fucking problem."
He...could go? Just like that? Silver eyes glanced to the door...could he really go back...? He wanted to...more than anything he desired that, but why...?
Why did he feel frozen in place?
It's dangerous out there.
He just had to lift his foot to start moving...
You're in no condition to protect yourself.
Allen's mouth went dry the longer he stared at the door. He wanted out. He wanted to return to Yu.
You can't go.
He looked at Raku, whose eyes were dark and cold.
What if Apocryphos finds you?
That name had the same effect as it had weeks ago. Allen quickly shook his head and backed away from the door, his face stricken and a ball of fear sitting in his stomach.
"Just like I thought." Raku curtly voiced out. "As you are, it's too dangerous for you to venture out."
"Raku Kanda, that was uncalled for." Mother scolded.
"But it got my point across." The Japanese male stated, as he stood. "You think trying to get him back to his normal mental state was the only thing I was doing?"
Baba looked curiously at the older male in the room, "What else were you doing?"
"Tracking trouble." Raku simply answered, "By the way, someone is coming over later today."
"U-Um...wh-who?" Allen asked, finding his voice.
"That acquaintance of mine sworn to secrecy to check you for anything you don't want to have."
For a moment, Allen forgot how to breathe. He'd finally be able to know if Apocryphos had left him with anything.
While he was relieved, some part of him was also scared. He was terrified of what the tests might find. What if he had chlamydia? Or some form of hepatitis? Or herpes? Or AIDS? What was he supposed to do then?
"You'll be fine." Mother assured the white-haired male.
"How would you know that?"
"I've been around longer than you would believe." Mother mirthlessly told him, "Believe me when I say you have nothing to fear."
Allen didn't feel reassured by Mother's words.
"Don't be a baby," Raku said. "Wait until after your tests before you panic."
"That makes me only panic more..." Allen dejectedly sighed.
(* - *)
"Would you stop being so jittery already?" Raku growled out, "It's annoying the hell out of me!"
"I can't help it!" Allen complained, "Someone I don't know is going to come here today, and I have no ide who the hell they even are!"
"They're not dangerous."
"That's another thing I noticed. You never once told me if this person was male or female."
"Because they don't identify as either sex." The Japanese man stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh." Allen looked at his feet, and then at Raku. "What are they like?"
"Quiet."
"That's..."
"Shut up. They're quiet, and maybe up to par in height with Baba. More often then not, they're blunt to the point it would put my son to shame."
"Straight to the point?"
"Just pray you don't piss them off."
"What happens if I do piss them off?" Allen thought it unlikely that he'd anger their visitor, but then again, his current self did seem to be ticking people off. Namely Raku.
"You don't."
"But—"
"Allen, don't push him." Mother warned. "I think we've had enough of that today."
Although Allen clamped his mouth shut, he still had to wonder why Raku was saying all this. Was this person really that bad when angered?
He didn't get to ponder much longer, as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Mother said, as she made her way to the door.
"Would that be them?" Allen asked.
"I hardly know anyone else that comes the moment the clock strikes the appointed time."
"Yes, right this way, doctor." Mother's voice said, leading new person into the room. "It's the white-haired one there."
The doctor wasn't much taller than Allen himself, though the young male was certain he was still older. Their face really did make it difficult to say whether they were meant to be male or female. Behind thick-rimmed glasses were a pair of baby blue eyes, and parted neatly to the side was shoulder-length black hair. "Pleasure, I'm Doctor Taylor Martin. And I take it you're my patient."
"Um...A-Allen." There was something unnerving about this person...the way they looked at him made him feel as though he were being examined under a microscope. Like he was a specimen to be observed.
"I would wish for everyone to leave, I doubt he would want to be watched while I run these tests."
"U-Um...a-actually, c-could someone...m-maybe stay?" It became apparent that of anything they expected Allen to say, that wasn't one o them.
"Are you certain that is wha—"
"I'll stay." Raku said. He swore the unnerved tension coming from Allen was so thick, he could cut it with knife at that point.
"Fine," the doctor said, clipped and professional. They looked around the room. "We shouldn't do this in the kitchen. Could we move it to your bedroom?"
"Uh..." Allen briefly glanced at Raku and Mother. "Sure."
... ... ... ...
So, Al's finally getting tested...the poor boy needs all the love...
So~ show it to him! R&R doesn't stand for rest and relaxation, no matter how much I might need it. Leave a review to let us know how we're doing, and feel free to favorite to show how much you care~ Don't forget to follow this work so you never miss a new chapter...oh, and of course, check out my Co-author's works too if you hadn't already. That seems to be everything, so until next time, we'll see you again on...
Light within Darkness!
