As soon as they arrived at a new motel room Sam dug out Dean's sling. "You're putting this on. Now."

Dean shook his head. "I'm fine, Sam."

Sam gave Dean a pointed stare. "Alastair just yanked your arm directly up, something that you can't do on your own. You're in pain and you're going to wear it. End of discussion."

Luckily, Dean was smart enough to give in and stop arguing, although he wasn't happy about it. Sam helped him take off his jacket and then Dean went into the bathroom to change out of his blood-stained clothes. When he came out, Sam helped him put on the sling and then Dean started walking over to his bed.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sam demanded.

Dean didn't look Sam's way. "I'm going to bed, what's it look like? I'm exhausted."

"Don't give me that crap, you're a demon."

"You know I still get tired!"

"Yeah, but you can hold off. You thought being a big tough demon made you able to torture Alastair without any problem, so being a demon means you can at least stay awake and listen to me."

Dean simply gave Sam a blank stare. The idiot had thought Sam would forget about this talk they were going to have!

"Do you honestly think I'd forget about what I said back at the warehouse?" Sam asked. "We're talking, Dean. Not later, right now."

"There's nothing to talk about Sam," Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"There's everything to talk about. How about we start with you telling Alastair that you were going to leave me or die? You had his planned out from the start, didn't you?"

Dean sat down on the bed and stared at Sam before shaking his head and looking down at the floor. Sam had never seen Dean look this dejected since he came back from hell.

"Yeah okay? I don't expect to survive the battle and if by some miracle I do live... I'm gonna leave you and you're going to have that life you've always dreamed of."

Sam folded his arms over his chest and glared at his brother. "Do I get any damned say in this? Or are you going to make all my choices for me? It's my life Dean."

"Yeah and I'm allowing you to get what you want from life," Dean shot back.

"Well what you think I want is wrong," Sam responded, his tone strict.

"You've always wanted..."

Sam held out a hand. "Stop Dean. I used to want that. Would that be nice? Sure. But it's not realistic. What I want is my brother. My brother alive and by my side. That's what I want more than anything."

"You don't deserve to have a demon dragging you down..."

"Since when are you dragging me down Dean?" Sam interrupted Dean once again. "You helped me, you brought me back up from depression and what would eventually be death. Did you forget how I was when you found me? On the verge of becoming an alcoholic? You were there when you were possessing those people, looking out for me...don't tell me you forgot how bad off I was. And if you were to leave me…that would just happen again."

"That's just because you thought I was suffering in Hell," Dean supplied. "You could move on his time."

"Oh really? If you left I would be constantly trying to call you and be worrying about you. You could be getting hurt or going off the deep end without me. What kind of life is that? And if you died...just ceased to exist all together... What the hell Dean? Remember the soulmate thing; I would be damn lost without you!"

"I figured that if enough time had passed that soulmate thing could be broken and you'd be able to go to heaven and be fine, . I'm trying to do what's best for you!" Dean looked angry and devastated at the same time.

"And what's best for me is you staying here, right by my side! I need you, asshole! You're my brother and I love you, damnit! Don't you understand that?" Sam paused and walked right in front of Dean. "Imagine how broken you'd be if I left, it would do the same thing to me! The soulmate thing goes both ways Dean. And you need to stop fooling yourself because there's no way it can break, you know that. If you going to hell and becoming a demon didn't break our bond, in fact, it only made us stronger, do to think anything could break it?"

Dean looked up at Sam and he just looked so sad that Sam didn't know what to think. "I was just trying to do what I thought was right."

"I know that Dean. And I appreciate that but you were actually going to do what's worst for me. Trust me on this; I need you as much as you need me. I know what I want and now you know, even though you already should have. And this dying thing.. Dean what the hell is that about? You weren't going to try and fight?"

Dean sighed. "No I was going to. I was going to try my hardest but I just know that if Lilith thinks her plan might fail, she's going to try and take me down with her. She will either try and kill me before she gets sent to hell or have back up ready to do it. She hates me with a passion Sammy, you have no idea how badly she does, especially after I managed to escape hell and find you."

"Well, as you would say...Lilith can kiss my ass. I'm not going to let that happen. I may have let you down and wasn't able to stop you from going to hell...but this time, this time I'm not going to fail."

"You didn't let me down Sammy..."

"Yes I did," Sam admitted sadly. "I made a promise and couldn't keep it. But this promise I swear to you, I'm not going to break. You're not gonna die, you're not going back to hell. And if I promise you that, you have to promise me that you're not gonna leave on your own will."

"I want you to have that wife and kids…"

"God, Dean! When will you realize that you come first? You're a demon now and you need to hunt and you need me by your side to stay sane. So that's what I'm going to do because now I could never ever leave you on your own either in fear that you could lose who you are. Life changed and those plans I used to have...if they can't include you then they aren't worth having."

"I could visit. I'd call. You could see me every Christmas or whatever," Dean suggested.

Sam sat down next to his brother on the bed. "You really think that would be enough for either of us? Let me tell you just how lost I was last year without you and then maybe you'll get it through your head that I need you…."

"I want you to be happy," Dean interrupted before Sam could continue talking.

"I am happy Dean, honestly. I'm really happy hunting with you. After I lost you, I realized I took things for granted, especially my big brother. I realized that I don't need that white picket fence and if I had it, I'd never be as happy as hunting with you," Sam told Dean honestly. "And don't give me the damn crap about you being a demon dragging me down. I don't give a crap about you being a demon, you're my brother and that's all that matters. If you want me to be miserable and depressed then you can leave me. Now don't interrupt me this time. I'm going to tell you something and I never wanted to relive it, but his may just help you understand how much you mean to me."


Sam stumbled and tripped over his own two feet as the bartender threw him out of the building. They were closing for Christmas Eve and Sam refused to leave on his own accord.

"Go spend time with your family, kid!" the bartender yelled and Sam felt that pain come surging back despite the alcohol.

"I can't! They're all dead!" Sam slurred. "My brother's dead and it's my damn fault!"

He turned to see the bartender's response, but the man had already gone back into the building and closed the door, ready to clean up and then join his family for the holidays.

And Sam had no one. Dean was gone; the last Christmas they spent together was one Sam had been reluctant to celebrate at all.

And now Dean was spending Christmas in Hell, who knew what horrors were happening to his poor brother.

If Dean was still his brother, that is. Sam didn't know how long it took for someone to turn into a demon, but he prayed that hadn't happened to Dean, that his brother was strong enough to hold out. But Sam knew there was the possibility that his brother was gone and that thought filled him with dread and nausea.

He had tried everything he could to get Dean out and everything had failed. He wasn't going to give up, not ever but his options were dwindling quickly and Sam spent that time between researching either drinking or sleeping.

There was Ruby. Apparently she was trying to help him out but Sam had his doubts. But when she said killing Lilith might bring Dean back...Sam was intrigued. They had been trying to track her down but Ruby was on one of her breaks going wherever she went and Sam didn't want to spend a second of the holidays with the demon. He'd rather be miserable and alone than see her face.

There was one thing he could do. While he was going to be alone, he could at least pretend he wasn't.

Sam stumbled along the road until he found an opened gas station. He knew this town, whenever he wasn't tracking down Lilith with Ruby, he was here.

Sam bought a case of beer, getting a strange sad look from be cashier and then continued to walk. His destination wasn't very far away.

When Sam reached a field that made way to a small area of leafless trees, he could feel the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes but he kept walking on.

There, in a small clearing Sam sat down next to a makeshift cross he had put together himself and collapsed at his brother's grave, letting himself sob for the first time in weeks.

"Damnit Dean why couldn't you have just let me die? How could you be so selfish that you left me here knowing that my big brother is burning in Hell, suffering all because of me!"

Sam was met with only the sounds of an owl hooting a few trees away and the rustle of dead leaves on the grass. He knew Dean wasn't really here, that Dean couldn't hear him down in Hell. But just sitting here brought him some comfort. Talking to his brother's dead body made him feel a little less lonely. How sad was that?

"I miss you so damn much man," Sam whispered as he lay on the cold grass and brought his knees up to his chest. "I just keep thinking that one day I'm gonna wake up and this nightmare will be over, that you'll come walking through the motel door with. Smile on your face and some lame ass comment." Sam let out a sad chuckle.

"I know I gave you hell about your food and music and the car and your attitude. But you've got to know I was just messing with you right, that I was just doing my job as a whiny and annoying little brother?"

Sam paused and took in a deep breath. Any other time, the smells of nature would relax him but they only filled him with an intense sorrow.

"I honestly really loved that car, I mean it is our home. I only got on you with the food you ate because I was worried about your health. And the music...well while it's never going to be my cup of tea, it grew on me. It wasn't as annoying as I made it out to be."

Sam sat up and opened the case of beer. "You were the best big brother Dean. You never let me down and I'm still going to try like hell to save you. I'm a mess, I know and you would kill me if you saw me, but I'm always going to be a mess without you. I just...I hope you can forgive me for failing you. I just want you back, even if you hate me. You deserved so much more in life Dean; you never deserved all the shit life handed to you."

Sam cracked open a beer and took a long sip. "I know you're trying to get out of Hell because you're a fighter. And if by some miracle you manage to..." He stared down at the beer case. "If you manage to, I want you to know I didn't forget about you this Christmas. I'm going to leave this case here for you, big brother. I know it's not much but I figured you'd probably want a drink after everything you went through."

Sam finished his beer in silence and then lay back on the ground. He wasn't going to leave this spot; he wasn't going to leave his brother alone on the holidays, even if there was just a rotting body underneath the ground.

"Merry Christmas Dean," Sam whispered before he let sleep and his nightmares take him away.


Sam let out a deep breath after rehashing the entire memory to his brother. He couldn't help but let a few tears fall as he recalled those emotions and be desperation he had been feeling at the time.

"Do you see now Dean?" Sam stood up and began pacing the floor, needing something to do. "Do you understand how alone and depressed I was? Do you honestly think that it wouldn't happen again?"

Dean didn't say anything and Sam sighed. Had he just ranted and got all upset for nothing? Was Dean capable of even understanding Sam feelings and suffering? He had to be.

Dean stood up then and there was something different in his expression that wasn't there before Sam told the story.

"Sammy."

"What?" Sam sighed

Dean opened his mouth then closed it; he looked confused on what he was trying to say. Eventually he just huffed.

"Come here," he ordered.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

"Do I have to explain everything to you? Just come here, stupid."

When Sam still didn't move Dean rolled his eyes and walked over to Sam. "You never listen," he muttered and before Sam knew what was going on, Dean took off the sling and wrapped both arms around his little brother, squeezing tight.

Sam was in so much shock that he didn't know what to do at first. Dean was actually hugging him and he had initiated it. Dean the freaking big bad demon was giving his little brother a hug, and an awesome hug at that.

"I thought you loved chick flick moments and now you don't even have the guts to hug me back. I'm hurt Sammy," Dean mocked.

Sam let out a short laugh as tears filled his eyes and he didn't waste any more time as he hugged Dean back with all his strength. And Sam didn't even hesitate as he started to cry on his brother's shoulder, the memories from last Christmas and the events of the day finally taking their toll.

"Hey, hey quit that," Dean was saying and it just made Sam cry harder, after all those months alone having no one to help him through his emotions, Sam was finally letting go.

Dean was now rubbing Sam's back in small circles. "It's okay Sammy, hey it's okay."

The fact that Dean could still comfort him, even as a demon spoke volumes to Sam, it showed how strong his brother was and how badly Alastair had failed at making the perfect demon.

"It's okay Sammy..." Dean repeated himself. "And I'm sorry man."

That finally got Sam to reluctantly pull back. Damn he had needed that hug and that comfort.

"Sorry for what?"

"For being an ass. For thinking that you'd be fine and dandy without me. I get it Sammy. This soulmate crap is a two way street. We feel the same when we lose each other."

Sam smiled, finally feeling happy for the first time today. "Good. You really mean that?"

"A hundred percent, I swear." Dean plopped back down on the bed.

"You're not going to give up? You're going to fight just as hard as me to stay alive?"

"Wouldn't dream of giving up."

"There you go." Sam's smile was that of relief. "And everything that Alastair said to you is crap and that you're awesome. He failed and he's too ashamed to admit it."

"Well…," Dean trailed on. "I am pretty damn awesome."

"You are. And it's no joke in the slightest. You're still my brother and he couldn't take that away."

"Couldn't even if he tortured me for a thousand more years."

Sam's smile turned into a grin. Dean was a happy being honest and it was so nice to see that his brother was finally recognizing his own self worth.

"And just one more thing Dean, I told you I'm happy. But I want to know about you, are you happy Dean?"

Dean sent an annoyed glare Sam's way. "What do you think? Of course I am! I'm with you instead of burning in Hell. Don't you think that would make a guy happy?

Sam held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. Don't kill me for asking a question. I was just trying to be nice and show concern."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Well, you should know that it's obvious I'm happy. But really…when I left Hell, I didn't think it would be possible to be this happy again. I forgot what it felt like..it feels really damn good."

Sam sat down next to Dean. "Wait a minute. You've found this happiness that you never thought you'd have again, and you were willing to just throw it away by leaving me or getting killed?"

"Yeah, I know. Stupid right?" Dean seemed to realize what an idiot he had been. "But I was thinking of your best interest first…." Sam tried to interrupt but Dean glared at him. "But I know now that's not what you want…and in all truth I'm glad."

Sam nodded and both brothers realized that this conversation was over. Sam waited a few moments in comfortable silence before bringing up the big subject.

"So what do we do about Alastair?"

Dean gave a shrug that turned into a wince and immediately put the sling back on. "We could only try and get the plan out of him. He wasn't going to budge. I know he's not the only one that knows about the plan, so even if we had killed him, some other demon would take over the duties of setting the plan in motion." Dean paused. "But killing him would at least get a powerful demon out of our way. And Crowley is the one that wanted him dead so he could be next in line to be King of Hell."

"I didn't think it would be that easy to kill Alastair or even get the plan out of him," Sam admitted.

"No, we were fooling ourselves thinking we could," Dean agreed. "But Crowley probably isn't going to see it that way. He's going to be pissed, who knows if he'll want to continue working with us. I really don't want another powerful demon against us."

"Well, hopefully Cas will come back soon and have some good news regarding Crowley," Sam sighed.

Dean just nodded and then a strange expression came across his face. He jumped up and ran over to his duffle bag, shuffling through it.

Sam cocked an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

"Shut up," Dean responded. So Sam simply sat back and waited to see what his brother was up to.

Dean stood up and threw a package wrapped in newspaper at Sam who caught it with a huff. "What's this?"

"It's a Christmas gift obviously, college boy."

"You got me a gift? I didn't think you'd want to celebrate Christmas, being a demon and all…"

Dean smirked. "Sammy, you know me better than that. I'd celebrate anything, no matter what the reason, you're the one that decided to be a Grinch last time."

Sam put the gift down and walked to his own bag. He had planned on giving this to Dean tomorrow but if Dean wanted to exchange gifts now, Sam wasn't about to complain.

"Here," he handed Dean his gift and watched as his brother greedily snatched it from his hands.

"You got me something, too? Awesome."

Sam laughed at how giddy Dean got over a small little gift. He was glad Dean could still take pleasure in the little things, that was what you had to when you lived the life of a hunter.

Sam watched as Dean ripped open his gift only to start cheering. "Dude you got my favorite! Apple pie and black licorice!"

Sam made a face at the five boxes of black licorice he had bought. "Yeah disgusting licorice. I will never understand how you have a nasty for that crap."

"Because it's awesome like me." Dean pointed at Sam's package. "Now open yours, freak."

Sam shook his head in amusement only to laugh when he saw the very large bottle of shampoo Dean had bought for him. The label claimed it "made your hair smell refreshingly floral" and it was the "top rated scent by women in America". Not to mention the bottle was a light pink with flowery designs on it. Sam opened the cap and took a whiff. It really did smell like flowers.

"Girly shampoo to go with your girly hair," Dean snickered.

"Well hey, it does smell good!" Sam admitted and then glanced down at the paper lunch bag that had also been in the package. Attached was a sticky note with Dean's handwriting on it.

"You need a haircut, bitch," it read. Sam snorted at his brother's comment and opened the bag to find a pair of scissors.

"Since you obviously lost the ones you had, I mean look at how long your nasty hair is," Dean mentioned.

"That's because I only like it the way you cut my hair. I did get it cut once while you were gone, in March...it just got too long and I felt bad about letting anyone else cut it, although the guy did do a good job."

Dean gave Sam a knowing smirk. "That's 'cause that guy was me, smart one."

Sam's mouth dropped. "No way..." He felt his eyes start to water but held back.

"I told you I was looking after you. I was there a lot of the time and you just didn't know it."

Sam smiled. "Thank you."

In return, Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"Well if you want my haircut so bad then you can do it." Sam pulled out the scissors, just noticing how long his hair actually was.

Dean gave a mock sigh. "Fine, fine. But I'm having some of that apple pie first."

Sam watched carefully as Dean cut himself a slice of pie and moments later put that first forkful into his mouth...

The older brother suddenly screamed and the plate and pie went crashing to the ground. Dean ran over to the small sink where he spit the pie out and rinsed his mouth with water.

"You...you little shit!" Dean pointed the fork at Sam. "Hot sauce? How the hell did you manage that?"

Sam shrugged innocently. "When we went out in town while we were at Crowley's, I bought your gifts probably like you bought mine. There was a bakery and I asked the baker to put hot sauce in with the apples for a bit more money."

Dean glared at Sam a while longer but eventually smirked. "Even I have to say that was a good one. But you wasted a perfectly good pie."

Sam shook his head. "I did learn from the best. Anyway I have a real pie saved for tomorrow."

Dean huffed and pointed to the mess on the ground. "Then you can clean this crap up. I'm gonna turn on a movie and I'll cut that disgusting hair of yours. Make some popcorn or something if you want because I know you won't touch my licorice."

Sam knelt down on the floor and began to clean up the mess on the ground. After a few seconds though, Dean called his name.

"What?" Sam asked and when he looked up he saw something flying directly at his face. He tried to duck, but it was as if the object was following his movements and Sam closed his eyes as the object collided with his face.

Dean burst out laughing and Sam yelled as he threw the…rest of the stupid hot sauce pie… off of his face.

"Dean!" Sam yelled but his brother wasn't in front of him. "How the hell did you do that if you're still on the bed?"

"Hello, demon remember? Magical powers that make stuff fly?" Dean chuckled, his voice wheezing from laughing so hard.

Sam was happy to hear his brother laughing, but he wasn't so happy about the mess on his face.

"Okay, well since you decided to use your powers to whip a pie at my face, you can use them to clean up the even bigger mess that you made while I go take a shower."

Dean mumbled something about Sam being a little bitch and just as he shuffled over, Sam grabbed a fistful of pie. He turned around, shoving it in his brothers face with a loud laugh.

Dean spit out the pie, wiping his face frantically. "Okay, that's it. You better watch who you're messing with, human."

Sam bent down to get some more mashed-up pie. "I'm not afraid of demons, you should know that Dean, you did teach me my powers."

And then, just like when they were growing up, the brothers had a food-fight in their motel room.


After they each took their showers, Sam stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave for their movie night. They usually always carried around popcorn, chips and snacks for lazy days like this and to munch on sometimes while driving. When Sam came back with the snack, Dean had the scissors in his hand with a wicked grin on his face and there was some cheesy Christmas horror movie on the TV.

"Bring over a chair and sit your ass down," Dean ordered. Sam did as he was told and Dean knelt on the edge of the bed and took off his sling once again as he began trimming Sam's hair.

Sam would let himself relax when Dean was clipping his hair if it wasn't for Dean's annoying comments about the movie.

"Oh come on, that was so fake, you could tell that was a retractable plastic blade!" Dean commented on the stupidity of the movie for the fifth time.

"Dude, are you even looking where you're cutting?" Sam laughed.

"Of course I am, wouldn't want you whining if I accidentally nicked your skin."

Dean snipped away at Sam's hair for a few more minutes before announcing he was done and that he "did a freaking amazing job, be jealous."

And it did look really good. Dean always cut Sam's hair like the younger brother wanted, even though Dean himself probably wished to shave it all off.

After coming out of the bedroom, Sam saw that Dean hadn't moved from his position on Sam's bed. It fact, he was lying down at the end of the bed with his legs hanging off, arm back in the sling and munching on his candy while his eyes were glued to the bad movie.

Sam sighed but got into bed, resting his back against the headboard. "Dude when I lie down you're probably going to get kicked in the face with my big feet."

Dean grunted something and handed the popcorn bowl over to Sam and in return the younger brother gave Dean a pillow.

Sam took the bowl as he tuned in and out of the movie. He wasn't nearly as interested as Dean. He kept thinking of that last Christmas with his brother, although it had been nice and special, it had also been filled with sadness and dread that it would be Dean's last Christmas.

But that hadn't been true. Sam felt lucky that he was still able to spend another Christmas with Dean, one that could just be filled with simply happiness and relaxation. They were going to have more Christmases now. Dean wasn't going to die again. Both of them were going to be right and make it out alive.

Sam must have dozed off because when he woke up a different movie was on and Dean was snoring. Sam had slid down the headboard at some point and was lying normally. And Dean...well Dean had the pillow placed on top of Sam's feet and was now lying in a fetal position with his hand still stuck in the licorice box.

Luckily Sam's phone was on the nightstand and he grabbed it and snapped a picture of Dean. Even though it was 3 in the morning, Sam sent Bobby a "Merry Christmas" text and attached the picture of Dean.

Sam was about to doze off again when his phone buzzed, it was from Bobby.

That's priceless. I'm having that printed out and hanging it on my wall. Hope u boys r having a good Xmas. I'll call u 2 tmrw.

The next time they visited the junkyard, Dean was going to kill the both of them once he saw that picture.

Sam texted Bobby back and then rested his head back on the pillow. Even though Alastair escaped and things weren't exactly going as planned, Sam had a feeling that as long as their little family stuck together, they'd all be okay.