It wasn't late, barely gone eight o'clock. But the day had levelled more than a few emotions, leaving them tired and spent. So he was content to hold her, like he always did, as they looked out the window at the clear night sky, to gaze at the stars and the bright full moon.
"They're out there," He whispered into her ear, his breath warming her neck and tickling the baby hairs behind her ear.
"They feel so far away. They are so far away," Kathryn amended. "All of it. Everything about our lives; what it was – our mission, our crew. Neelix's quibbles in the messhall, B'Elanna and Seven's arguments, Tom and Harry's repartee on the bridge..."
"I know." They fell quiet again, each consumed by their own thoughts until he spoke again. "Thank you, Kathryn."
His statement confused her as she turned in his arms to look at him. "Why?"
"For this," His warm arm drew her closer with a hand resting lightly on her waist.
She smiled, still confused. "Chakotay, we're not doing anything."
"Being here with you, being able to say that I love you. That's something."
A pit settled in her throat and she tried to quench it with a smile, but failed miserably and looked away. "How long were you going to wait, Chakotay?" She whispered, staring aimlessly at a piece of lint on his white T-shirt.
"I wanted to be with you, Kathryn. I kept hoping that we'd get home, But," He stopped suddenly. "Have you known all these years?"
She thought back to the early days of their voyage, back to the days of New Earth. "Sometimes, I thought maybe. In the early days I was still engaged. It didn't mean much, but it didn't change the fact. Then, I wondered how it would look to the crew. I thought that it might undermine command, that it would hinder my judgment, be a distraction. But that wasn't the truth," She inhaled a deep breath. "I was scared to love you fully, Chakotay. From far away, I loved you more than I'd loved any man; and I'd thought that I was head over heels in love with my first fiancé. But I felt things for you that I hadn't known I was capable of feeling. And that terrified me. Are we too late, Chakotay?"
"Too late?"
"Is it too late for us to have what we want?"
He gave her a familiar smile as he spoke familiar words. "We can't sacrifice the present for the future, or live in fear for what it holds. We'll do our best and try to make a life for ourselves. And," He kissed her hair. "Be happy."
She nodded her agreement even as her body started to ache for all the things they'd never have - all the things she dreamed of.
"What?" His gentle voice broke her reverie.
"Nothing," She went to turn around when he stopped her.
"Tell me."
"Well," She let out a tentative exhalation. "It's just that..."
"What?" He smiled and shook his head against the softness of the pillow. "Tell me. I don't want us to hold things from each other. Not anymore. Besides," He laughed. "It doesn't matter anyway, I've always been able to read you like a book."
She met his chocolate gaze and tried to attempt a passable glare, but failed miserably as her face melted into a smile. "Yes, you have."
"What were you going to say?"
She breathed deeply. "I was going to say that being here, in this time, we'll never be able to have children, or a have a house of our own - a life of our own."
His heart nearly stopped at her beautiful admission; all the precious things that he had fantasised about for all these years, she wanted them just as much. Kathryn looked shy in the wake of her admission, thinking she had said too much. Perhaps, she thought, they were thing he didn't want to hear. "Oh, Chakotay I'mmmph-"
He was overcome with the need to finally kiss her, to taste her. He had promised himself not to rush her – not that six and a half years of courtship wasn't enough, but they were emotionally chaffed after having to destroy the shuttle and cut themselves off from the only existence they'd ever known to settle for a life living off the good graces and the charity of others. But he couldn't help it and so he kissed her, leaving hesitation at the door when she opened her mouth under his with a groan. His tongue ran the length of hers as his lips moved sensuously before he ran out of breath.
Her words were quickly silenced when his lips met hers and stole her wasted breath. For a moment, she was frozen, barely cognisant of the abrupt movement until she felt his tongue on her lips, begging for entrance. And with a groan brought forth from the back of her throat, she parted her lips for him as her hands came up to cradle his face against hers. This was how she'd always thought it would be - mesmerising, and rich. He tasted like toothpaste, she laughed and broke the kiss before pulling him back to her, seemingly unable to get enough.
"What the hell took you so long?" She smiled as she pulled away.
Chakotay laughed and rolled his eyes. "Kathryn Janeway," His fingers ran through her short auburn hair. "You are the definition of infuriating."
