Hey guys,

So I'm still here. I want to thank you all again for all your messages and all your support. I decided to finish this fic and DI on this site for convenience purposes for you guys mostly. When I eventually get around to posting the uncut version of RtS and any other possible fan fics I may want to write then I will likely post them elsewhere.

In other news, this chapter is short, at least in comparison to what I would usually post. The next few after it will likely also be shorter. It's just because my time for writing has become pretty minimal, more so than has been the norm before so I'm thinking it will probably be more likely that I will be able to keep updates coming if the chapters are shorter. Sorry to those who really enjoy the long chapters.

Take care for now,

Jaydee

Chapter XXVII

Cloud closed the door after himself and began to look around Johnny's part-time home. The room was lit by candlelight like it was a few nights earlier. It was a little warmer though, a fire burning in the nearby hearth. It was real wood burning, he could smell it. The only real trees in Midgar were too small to be of any use in warming a house and the larger ones were all imitation. Real wood was imported in but it wasn't cheap. Most fireplaces were gas powered. There was no furniture in the room outside of a few stools. He looked at Johnny who was seated on one of them. He reached down and picked up something near his leg. When he set it in his lap, Cloud could see it was a crossbow. He watched a moment as Johnny used a cloth to wipe it down.

"Is that what you used last night?" he asked, thinking back on the fallen Turk with a bolt in his chest. Johnny glanced up at him in confirmation. Cloud looked over at the one wall where a large black chest was sitting. "What's in there?" he questioned.

"Have a look," Johnny suggested. Cloud approached the chest and lifted the lid slowly.

"Whoa," he uttered to himself as he looked down at what was inside. There were three bows inside. Not crossbows. Real bows, the kind he always associated with hunting and history class.

"Try the drawer," he heard Johnny say and he looked down, lowering the lid slowly. There was a drawer in the bottom of the trunk. He crouched to take hold of the metal handles and pulled slowly. The drawer was heavier than he was expecting. He had barely gotten it open when he could see what was in it and stopped. Guns. A lot of them.

"Weird," Cloud said as he shut the drawer again.

"What is?" Johnny asked.

"I dunno...just seems like a weird mix," he remarked and Johnny shrugged. "What do you like to use most?"

"I try not to play favourites," Johnny answered as he ran his hand over the cleaned crossbow resting on his leg. He met Cloud's eyes and lifted the bow, holding it out to him. Cloud hesitated a moment before moving toward him and taking it in his own hands. It was surprisingly light. He lifted it and aimed across the room.

"Did you learn to use it in SOLDIER?" he asked.

"No," Johnny denied, taking the bow back from Cloud when he passed it back to him. Cloud nodded.

"It's all about the sword, I know. Where's yours?" he questioned.

"I wasn't in SOLDIER," Johnny said to his surprise.

"But I thought you were...Zack said—I thought maybe we were there together," Cloud began to stutter out.

"Sit down," Johnny said gently, motioning to the other stool nearby. When Cloud was sitting he spoke again. "We were at the Academy together. In the same dorm," Johnny explained.

"The Academy?" Cloud repeated, shaking his head slowly.

"SOLDIER training academy," Johnny clarified.

"Oh," Cloud said, a look of contemplation coming over him.

"What is it?" Johnny asked.

"Nothing, I just don't know why Zack would lie about something so dumb," he uttered lowly.

"Can I suggest something?" Johnny inquired and Cloud nodded. "Maybe don't try so hard to figure him out right now. He's obviously not thinking with a clear mind," Johnny advised.

"A sober one you mean?" Cloud muttered bitingly, not expecting Johnny to have any idea what he was talking about.

Johnny shrugged a little. "Seems like more than that," he argued softly.

"What do mean?" Cloud asked. Johnny's eyes moved across the room slowly, like he was thinking of how to explain.

"Like…that old quicksand analogy," he said finally.

Cloud lowered his eyes to the floor as he thought about that and about Zack. About how hard he was trying to keep it together when he seemed so close to falling apart. Sinking but fighting to get out.

"What set him off?" Johnny asked.

Cloud shook his head. "I dunno," he said. "Everything. Being back here maybe. He says it has to do with the mansion," he realized Johnny wouldn't know what he was referring to so he started to explain.

"Zack told me last night," Johnny cut him off gently and he nodded.

"Well I suppose it could be memories that set him off...but…I don't think I've helped matters any," Cloud said and Johnny gave him a look that asked him to explain. "I had a run-in with a guard from the mansion who was looking for us. I think it freaked him out."

"Why?" Johnny asked next.

"Because…They—he was able to get to us outside the mansion," Cloud reasoned.

"What happened in the mansion? What'd he or they do?" Johnny questioned, clearly becoming more curious.

"They just...wouldn't leave us alone I guess. Roughed us up a few times…I don't really remember that well," he said a little uneasily.

"You must have made an impression on them if they were looking for you," Johnny suggested.

"Uh…they were offered a reward," Cloud said.

Johnny nodded in understanding. "What happened," he asked then and Cloud looked back at him with a bit of a loss for words. "With the guard you had a run-in with?" Johnny clarified.

Cloud felt himself get uncomfortable just thinking back on it. He tried not to let it show. "He just...he put something in some water I was drinking and took me to his apartment where I guess he was going to keep me until he could turn me back in to Professor Hojo, but I got away after a few hours," he tried to say with as little emotion as possible. He noticed immediately that Johnny was staring at him as if he expected him to continue. When he didn't Johnny only responded with a hmph. "What?" Cloud asked.

"I don't think you realize how obvious it is," he said, which seemed strange to Cloud.

"What is?" he asked in return.

"What he did," Johnny stated plainly.

"Meaning?" Cloud tried to play dumb though he felt himself panicking inwardly. Maybe he only thought he knew what Johnny was meaning. He could mean something entirely different.

"It's written all over you," Johnny said, not the response he was expecting. "It's here," he added, pointing to his own eyes.

Cloud had started to sweat and felt himself about to get defensive. "What do you know?" he asked with anger seeping into his tone.

"I know," Johnny said simply, his own tone never changing from its calm cadence.

"You know nothing," Cloud fired back at him and stood up, about to head to the door to leave.

"I joined the army after I left the Academy," Johnny spoke then and Cloud paused though he was still looking in the direction of the door. "I was sent to war in Wutai not long after joining. My team and I were on a supply mission one day. We were driving provisions to the citizens in some of the peace camps. Food, water...that kind of thing. We were attacked, our vehicle hit an explosive device," he explained and Cloud turned to face him once more. "The rebels had been waiting for us. They fired on the vehicle and threw in smoke bombs until we were all either dead or immobilized. Five of us survived that attack and were taken prisoner. They brought us to a compound. We were blindfolded almost the entire time. They tortured us every day for about a month. Beat us. Starved us. The rebels took turns with each of us, asking us pointless questions and punishing us when we didn't have the answers. But there was this one. He liked to stay close to me. I didn't see his face, but I always recognized his voice. His laugh. The smell of the tobacco he smoked. He hated me," he said with a bit of a smirk. "Hated that he couldn't break me down."

Unexpectedly, Johnny stood and lifted his shirt. "You see this?" he asked and Cloud nodded. The light was dim but he could see just fine what Johnny was showing him. Though there were many scars apparent on his body, it was the dozens of scars in sets of twos, some faint and some painfully clear, that stood out. Johnny turned around slowly, showing that not only were the scars covering the front of his torso but his back as well, though mostly on his lower back.

"His favourite tool was a modified animal prod. It was always the first thing he'd use, to let you know who it was that had come to hurt you. But it was different the one day. I'd gotten him angrier than in the days before. I was blindfolded like usual," Johnny spoke with his back still turned. "He used the prod on me one hundred and thirty-two times." He lowered his shirt and turned to face Cloud once more, seating himself again. Cloud listened closely to what Johnny was saying, his voice low but clear. He spoke without one tremor in his tone, so calm it was unnerving. Though, as he continued, he spoke more sharply and Cloud held his breath for he knew something worse was about to be revealed. "Later, he beat me with a piece of barbed wire wrapped around his fist. After that, he raped me while another of the rebels masturbated over me. And when they were finished they spit on me and left me lying in my own filth and theirs." He paused a moment, his eyes travelling across the floor where he stared into the fire in the hearth. Cloud had seen that look before. The look of remembering something terrible. "There were others after that," Johnny said. "In the days that followed before I was sent someplace else." He looked Cloud's way once more. "They kept me cuffed to a bed until they got bored with me. In the end all I could do was empty myself of all feeling. It was more suffocating than the pain. So, when I say I know, I know," he assured him.

Cloud felt shamed, though he knew that's not what Johnny's intentions had been in divulging the abuses he'd suffered at the hands of his captors. He turned his eyes downward and shook his head while the feeling of sickness was rising from his stomach to his throat. "I'm sorry," he croaked out through his building emotions as he sat himself back down on the empty stool, his own memories pushing to the front of his mind.

"Don't be. Not for me, not for you," Johnny replied fast. "All you can do is let it go."

Cloud looked at him in shock. "Let it go?" he echoed. "Just forget about it? I can't do that," he snapped.

"Not forget," Johnny argued. "It's been more than four years and I still remember every single thing, down to the smallest detail. But it can't hurt me. I walked away from it."

"How though? How do you walk away?" Cloud asked beyond skeptically. To him it was impossible.

"You leave it where it happened and be here instead. That's where you are now. Here."

"Yes, but when I...when I close my eyes I'm there, not here," Cloud argued. "When I sleep, in my dreams, I'm there."

"Because a part of you still is," Johnny reasoned.

Cloud just shook his head in frustration. "I don't understand," he said dejectedly.

Johnny let out an exhale before trying again to explain. "Think of all the things you left behind in the past, all the things that hurt you. You really want all that following you around?" he questioned.

"No, I—" Cloud started to refute but Johnny stepped in before he could.

"Where is he now?" he asked.

"The guard?" Cloud asked and Johnny nodded. "Dead," he revealed. "Zack killed him."

"Are you angry?" Johnny asked next and Cloud sent a confused expression his way.

"That Zack killed him?" he said as though the thought was ridiculous.

"That you didn't get to," Johnny stated.

Cloud was about to respond with a quick 'no' but stopped, actually thinking about what his true feelings were on the matter and it shocked him. "Yes," he said a little quieter as the realization came over him.

Johnny nodded as though he knew the feeling, and he must have. "You need to stop thinking about the things you had no control over and focus on what you can do about it now. Walk away," he suggested again. "Don't let it be all your about now," he urged. Cloud shook his head in exasperation. "Try at least," Johnny added. "So Zack knows then?" he questioned gently.

"I think so," Cloud said, leaving the word unfortunately off the end of his reply.

"But you haven't told him yourself?" Johnny inquired and Cloud shook his head. "Why not?"

"Why?" Cloud repeated. "What am I supposed to say about it? That I was too weak and pathetic to stop something like that from happening? That I didn't fight hard enough! That in the end I just let it happen," Cloud started to tremble as he was getting upset, his voice shaking a little.

"You think that's the truth?" Johnny asked.

"Well what am I supposed to say about it?" Cloud fired back at him. When Johnny didn't immediately respond he asked "What did you say? Did you even tell anyone what happened to you?"

"No," Johnny admitted. "There was no one around who cared about me at the time." He thought about it a second. "And then I told you," he concluded.

So Johnny's method was a straight explanation. A retelling of events in an emotionless matter-of-fact manner. Granted, it had been longer ago for Johnny but Cloud wasn't sure he'd be able to just sit Zack down and say So...that thing I said didn't happen? It happened, and here's how. He'd had the chance to tell Zack the truth when his friend had tried to ask and he'd denied it then. That ship had sailed. Dejected, Cloud sat staring at the floor a moment before he found himself thinking back on the dream he had. He had some questions and he was eager to change topics.

"We're we friends?" he asked slowly. "You and me?" he added.

"Do you think we were?" Johnny spoke back.

"I dunno," Cloud said at first. In his mind he replayed the images of the dream. The dark silhouette in the doorway. Midgar in the distance, seen through window from far away. The metal giant. So cold and but somehow beautiful from afar. You miss it? The silhouette questioned. He recognized it to be Johnny's voice now. Pieces of metal draped over his fingers. He could see now that they were dog tags. Then, something happened that wasn't in the dream. It was like a memory now. He felt something looking at the tags, or rather remembered feeling a sadness like he hadn't felt before. A sense of loss. "Could you tell me something," he said then, looking up at Johnny.

"I can try," he agreed.

"Can you tell me something you remember about me?" Cloud asked.

Johnny stared back at him a moment. "Alright," he agreed and appeared to be thinking. "You used to do this thing where you'd tie your boots twice when you didn't think anyone was looking," he finally stated. Cloud looked back at him a little dumbfounded. Johnny smiled a little and rose from where he was sitting and stepped past him.

"Why would I do that?" Cloud asked, unable to even imagine why he'd waste time on something so trivial. Johnny stirred the fire in the hearth with an iron poker. "I mean, that's stupid," Cloud added, turning to look at him.

"I don't think so," Johnny argued while putting a few more pieces of wood on the fire. "You just wanted to make sure is all."

"Of what?"

Johnny turned his head to meet his eyes, the fire light setting the side of his face aglow. "That when it mattered most you weren't going to be tripped up by something dumb, like you're own laces." Cloud had to admit it sort of sounded like something he might do, or something the old him would do. "You want to call Zack, tell him where you are?" Johnny asked then and Cloud scoffed a little.

"No," he said. "He already thinks he knows where I am."

Johnny nodded. "You're welcome to stay," he offered. "I have to go somewhere. There's a job I need to do. But you can stay. The cots are in the other room. I don't have much food here though."

"Thanks," Cloud said softly. He watched Johnny get ready to go wherever it was he was going. He watched him arm two hand guns and put them in a holster that he put on under his jacket. Just before he left Cloud spoke up again. "I wish I could remember more about you," he said a little sadly. Johnny paused at the door.

"Don't bother," he said with a shrug. "Probably nothing much worth remembering," he said lightly. Cloud smiled a little and watched him leave. It didn't take him long to seek out the cots Johnny spoke of. He picked the one he'd woken up on the other night, suddenly very aware of how tired he was. He hadn't had the best sleep on the couch at his and Zack's apartment, and most of his nights before had been pretty restless. There was something oddly comforting about being where he was, in Johnny's makeshift home. He felt a strange sense of security over the thought that no one knew where he was. He didn't have to think about Turks busting down the door, or Hojo. It was this odd comfort that sent him into sleep in minutes.

He woke suddenly when he heard the door open back in the main room. He was surprised to see there was light coming in through a window nearby. Was it morning already? It was still early but the sun was definitely rising. He was shocked to realize he had slept nearly dreamlessly. He sat himself up just as Johnny entered the room. He didn't say anything at first as he headed to the other cot and sat down to take off his boots. "Did it get cold in here last night?" he asked then. "The fire must have died awhile ago," he added and Cloud shrugged.

"I didn't notice," he answered a little sleepily. "Were you working all night?" he asked then.

Johnny nodded. "Took longer than I thought it would."

He couldn't help but think of what Johnny had told him the night before, about his experience in captivity. The horrors he'd endured. The scars were with him forever now. Just as his own were with him.

"You never think of it?" he found himself asking. Johnny looked up at him. He didn't need Cloud to clarify to know what he was referring to.

"Sometimes," he admitted.

"You ever think you could have done something...to change the way things went?" Cloud asked next, thinking about how if he'd never taken a job on the plate he wouldn't have had that run in with Mailer.

"I used to," Johnny said with a nod. "The entire time I was in that compound after being captured I dwelled on the decisions I'd made that'd led up to that point. I was angry because I put myself there." Cloud nodded, looking down at the floor.

"You ever feel like you were being punished for something? Like fate just wanted to see you suffer?" Cloud uttered softly. For some reason he thought more about Zack as he'd said it.

Johnny thought about it a moment. "I don't think fate really gives a shit," he concluded. He smiled a little and Cloud forced a bit of a smile back.

"Thanks for the cot," he said then as he brought himself to a stand.

"No problem," Johnny replied simply. He lifted his legs up onto the one below him and lay down on his back as Cloud was heading for the door.

Cloud paused at the doorway before leaving. "Would it be alright if I come back sometime?" he asked a little tentatively.

With closed eyes Johnny nodded. "Sure," he said tiredly. Cloud smiled again a little, though Johnny wasn't looking at him. He turned to head out. "Strife," Johnny spoke then and he looked back. Johnny had shifted a little onto his side and had propped himself up a bit on his elbow to face him. "It's good to see you again," he said somewhat to Cloud's surprise.

"You too," he said back and Johnny lay himself back down again, resting his hands behind his head as he shut his eyes.

As Cloud was moving through the main room to the front door to leave he paused. A black cloth bag was sitting on top of the weapons chest. It hadn't been there the night before. He took a few steps toward it and glanced down. It was open a little and the multiple rolls of paper money were visible inside. He looked back at the room where Johnny was. His mind did a good job of sometimes filling the blanks in if he was patient enough. You miss it? He thought about those words again about where he was when Johnny had asked. Pieces were coming together in his brain that had him more confused than usual. Normally, his first instinct would be to question Zack but he didn't think he could trust the answers he gave anymore. He didn't doubt Zack's reasons for keeping certain things from him, but he was getting to the end of his rope regarding how many lies he could accept without refute. The only thing he could do to counter Zack's knee-jerk reaction toward deception was to be painfully honest, no matter how much it was going to hurt.