Mikan and Natsume now need to figure out what they are going to do. Will they both stay on at the throne, or, will Mikan decide to leave to live in the country and live peacefully herself. Will they ever find an heir to the throne? Will there be a turn of events again, or will it remain as the same event for ever more?
Me: DISCLAIMED NOOO!
Me: When I was little, I used to think rain was God crying, for when he was sad or happy, in this, Mikan used to think that, I still believe it is God's tears that is the rain...
Twenty-Eight
Hard
Choices, Have to be Made
They had ridden home in the carriage for three or more days due to floods and constant raining. The weather seemed to suit Mikan's mood, she was sad that no one would take the throne when she resigned, and, she was dreading going to America to get surgery.
Mikan had sat silently in the carriage all the way, staring out the dreary windows watching the gray rain fall from the skies. Natsume had remembered that when they were little, she thought rain was Kami-Sama crying...
[FLASHBACK
"Oh no, Kami-sama is crying again!" Mikan yelled to Yuka, running towards her mother who stared at Mikan and bent close to her daughter, smiling as Natsume watched from behind a pillar. It was yet again raining outside, and he didn't understand what the young princess was whining about at all.
"What do you mean, sweetie?" Yuka asked as Natsume eavesdropped, and Mikan ran into her mothers arms, hugging her. The child began to explain her thoughts.
"Outside, his tears are falling onto the ground, mommy! Every time it rains, those are Kami-sama's tears! He cries in the winter when he's sad because it's so cold and a lonely time, and then in the summer he cries happy tears to help the world!" Mikan explained in her childish voice as Natsume looked confused, and Yuka smiled, laughing as she hugged Mikan tightly and then held her up into the air.
"Well, how clever of you, Mikan. You figured it all out, didn't you. You're so smart..." Yuka said, hugging the giggling Mikan, chirpy as ever as Natsume watched her. Whenever she was happy, he was...
[END FLASBACK
Natsume stared at her, silently as he watched his depressed wife, her chin in her elegant hand and her lips forming a sort of frown and pout, which he liked, but he felt sad, too, when she was like that. He wanted to cheer her up. He slid towards her from the end of his seat to her side of the seat, and smiled, staring out the window with her as she sighed, feeling his chest against her back as he hugged her from behind in a firm grip that made her feel safe and warm and cared for.
"Mikan, look... Kami-sama's crying again. He's sad because you are, isn't he? Kami-sama always cries when someone is sad." Natsume whispered as Mikan remembered her childhood thoughts, and he saw the flicker of a smile and he hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek then laying his head on her shoulder.
"I was so little then... I can't believe I thought he cried for the seasons... I was stupid..." Mikan whispered to herself, staring at her lap as Natsume stared at her, and sighed, hugging her more. She held his hands over her stomanch and closed her eyes.
"No, it was a smart point, Mikan. We all have different reasons to why the rain falls. I think that Kami-Sama crying is a good one, so, you should tell kids that. Evaporation and condetation isn't the best to tell young ones, when they are older, yes, but Kami-Sama crying will interest them, it did for me." he said as Mikan blushed, and smiled more and then hugged him back, her eyes closed as Aoi watched them silently, then stood on the seats and stared out the big window at the rain.
"So, Kami-sama cries, too? I didn't think Kami-sama cried because heaven is a happy place, why does he cry too, Mikan?" Aoi asked simply as Mikan stared at her, and went to seat herself beside the curious child.
"Erm, well, Aoi, you see, Kami-sama cries for the same reasons as we do, when we are sad, we cry, he will, too, and when he's happy he will cry like us humans and Alices do. But, Aoi, Kami-sama can see everyone aroudn us, and, when a person is sad, he will feel their sadness and he will cry too until the person is happy, then he will be happy, too. He also cries to give the earth life, to help plants to grow, to let the water flow, and he will cry in the winter to make it snow, or because it is so cold and he is lonely. These are reasons why Kami-sama cries," Mikan explained as Aoi blinked, nodding. She understood completely.
"That's why it rains so much, when a person is sad, he cries for them. It must be very hard to be Kami-sama." Aoi explained, Mikan laughed, nodding as she hugged the girl.
"Yes. He cries for all of his children, so, it is a tough job, Aoi." Mikan whispered as Aoi hugged her sister, then sighed deeply.
"Mikan... When I die, what will I become?" whispered Aoi as Mikan blinked, how had they come to the terms of death? Mikan stared at Aoi, and shrugged her shoulders gently, stroking the girls hair.
"I don't know, Aoi, it depends on what you want to become or what Kami-sama makes you. He made my mommy and your mommy swans, and my brother, too. So, maybe will be swans as well." Mikan explained, Aoi shook her head roughly.
"No... I don't want to be a swan, not at all. It has too many bad memories. I think I want to be... I want to be a blade of grass." she said, and Mikan stared at the girl, so did Natsume. What was she on about, being grass.
"Why grass?" Natsuem suddenly asked, brekaing his silence as Aoi stared at him, and shrugged.
"Because... Grass is a food and a shelter for animals. For insects it is the shelter, and for some grass eating animals like horses, it is food. So, either way, grass will help you to survive. I want to keep animals living, no matter what!" cried Aoi happily, although she bore no smile. Natsume and Mikan stared at each other, then Natsume grinned and picked his sister up, hugging her as Mikan watched him.
"Very clever, haha!" Natsume said as Aoi giggled. Mikan just watched with deep sadness, feeling emptiness and the longing for a bay. Natsume would be a great father, but would she be able to bear his children? Maybe, maybe not. She hoped one day, she would.
If not, then what if she died, he would be left all alone, wouldn't he...
They had returned home to the palace within a few hours, and Mikan was tired and flustered. She wanted to bathe and sleep, that was all. Her appetite had worsened, but it wasn't like the maids cared at all. Mikan didn't bother, she went and cleaned herself then dressed for bed. Natsume sat waiting for her in their room, and kissed her when she went to lay down.
It had been a long journey, he couldn't blame her for being tired. Once Aoi had got in, she zonked out on the staircase and a butler tripped over her, falling and breaking his leg.
Natsume had apologized, and sent the man to hospital. He then took Aoi to her room, then sat waiting for Mikan patiently. When she came in he tucked her into the bed and kissed her forehead, then dozed off next to her, hugging the girl tightly...
The next morning Mikan was back to her old self again. Bright and bubbly and fairly hard to control. She was chasing after Aoi, who was giggling madly whilst Natsume watched, eating apples and candy. He offered some to Mikan, but she just shook her head and sighed, scrunching her nose a little.
"No. Sorry, natsume, but you know I can not face food at the moment. It's all to do with the, well, erm... The excitement of going to America." Mikan said, trying not to say cancer, since Aoi was there, listening to them, and so she continued to run after the child, giggling madly as Natsume watched, sighing.
It was like she was withering away to bones and blood, he didn't like that at all. He wanted her to be okay and he wanted her to actually have some meat on her, he thought she looked so ill with the way she was, now. Dead skinny.
He gulped at the word dead. He didn't want to hear that word, not yet. He had planned his life perfectly. Marry Mikan, maybe have kids in the future, and die with her. He wanted her to there for him, he wanted to be with the girl of his dreams.
But would the girl of his dreams soon cease to exist, would he ever live to see her in his future? Would she live to see new things being made, would she ever experience different things? He knew it was hard to grasp, but, he didn't want Mikan to die, he needed her beside him. She had been there for nearly all his life, through everything, even when they hated it each other, even through their struggles, she was their, beside him, behind him, in front of him. She never failed to stand with him.
But when she took the surgery, would she be there, still? Or would she simply fade from his life. He then started to recall the talk they had the previous night, when Mikan had woken up, vomiting blood...
[NIGHT BEFORE
"Natsume-kun... I'm sorry." Mikan whispered as he rubbed her back, staring at her as she stared up at him with sad, tear filled eyes. He hugged her tightly, willing to not let her go until the world crumbled.
"Shhh... It's okay, you don't have to be sorry. I don't mind. It's okay, I'm here." he mumbled as she sniffed and hugged him back tightly whilst they sat there, on the bathroom floor. He had to clean Mikan up, blood was all down her front and around her mouth, she was in a fit of tears. He had hugged and kissed her until she ceased crying. She was still worried, though.
"Natsume... Are you sure I'm not a burden to you? If I am, you can just say-" Mikan whispered, tears still forming in her hazel eyes as he stared at her, starting t tut under his breath as she sniffed and he pulled her into yet another hug, kissing her blood flavoured lips and wiping those salty tears from her eyes.
"Mikan, you'll never be a burden to me, okay?" he whispered, and she sniffed as he gently lifte dher into his arms, carrying her back to their bed, but, they couldn't sleep, so, they sat there, talking. Mikan talked about the throne.
"Natsume... What if we don't find anyone to take the throne, eh? I mean, Tsubasa rejected it, that's understandable, of course, but... If we don't find an heir then what can I do!? I would love it if we lived a peaceful life together! I'm sick of royalty and the way it's done, you have no freedom!" she snapped out, loudly, he just hoped the whole palace didn't wake up. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and sighed deeply.
"Mikan, I have no idea what we can do, maybe we should just leave it and rule the kingdom. If you don't like it then... Well, you have to simply put up with it and try to grin and bear it." he said, "I had to do that when I didn't like you, and you had to do that just to put up with me, right?" Mikan sighed at what he had said, nodding, but, she still held a scowl across her pretty featured face.
"I guess you're right, but... I just don't want to give up my dream of a peaceful life! I want to be able to live freely, Natsume!" she said indignately as Natsume stared at her, and sighed. He didn't know what to do, to be truthful.
"I know, and neither do I, Mikan. You know I would do anything for you, I would fall off a cliff to prove my loyalty to you if I had to. But, this may be one thing i can't do for you, do you think any less of me?" he asked as she stared at him, and gave a small smile, shaking her head lightly as he sighed, and she hugged him. Then, she started to violently cough out blood as he took out some tissues and cleaned her hands and mouth. She pouted.
"I feel like a baby..." she mumbled as he laughed, then she smiled. She stared outside for a brief moment, it was still raining, she hesitated. Kami-sama was still crying, wasn't he? Natsume noticed, too.
"Erm... Natsume, I have something to say, a kind of... proposition... Would you be willing to hear me out?" she asked, and he gave her a short nod, she hesitated again, still staring out the window at the drizzly rain.
"It's... A little shocking, if I put it that way." she mumbled, he held her hand, and she stared down at their clasped palms and turned red. She just stared, she didn't dare to look into his eyes, though.
"Just say it, Mikan, don't worry about what I think." he told her, she stared up at him, her head high as she sighed, looking into his gorgeus ruby eyes that those midnight bangs fell into, hiding his face in a velvety raven curtain that could never be moved. She smiled sweetly, then, lost that smile a split second later.
"Well, Natsume... You see, I have this idea for our problems, but, it may cause a bigger problem in the end of it all..." she stuttered, and he willed her to go on in his hea,d and, she did, she stared at him, yet again, she was treay eyed. "I think, that to keep the peace, I should leave for the country whilst you stay on the throne and rule! You're the perfect king, and I, I am just a single burden to everything!" she cried out, and Natsume felt silence around him and darkness. Was she really hoping to see this idea through?
Whatever happened, he had decided, he wouldn't let her go without a battle. It had been a tough fight to save her, hand't it?
"Natsume? Oh man, I knew this was a bad plan! If I had just kept my big mouth shut for once, then maybe we wouldn't fight and maybe we wouldn't be in this muddle! Oh, Natsume-kun, I'm sorry!" she sobbed, hugging him as he held her tightly, hugging her back.
He didn't want to cry, but he was going to say something that would most likely change their lives forever.
"I-I'll think about it, Mikan..." he whispered, as she stared at him, shocked and teary eyed while he kissed her, then, pretended to sleep, but he wasn't. Soon after, she fell asleep, and he listened to her soft snores and gentle, even breathing. Would he regret it if he said yes, or no?...
[END
He watched as Mikan ran about happily, now that he thought about it, she was rarely happy in the palace, sometimes, she would look longingly out the window, and even go to the wall. She was always talking about a swan being caged, and that it should be free to fly on it's own wings. She had always said that, but she never talked about her own wings.
Not much, anyway. He closed his eyes in thought, what was the right thing to do? Let his wife leave to go off to live a peaceful life after her surgery, or, to make her stay in a place she hated so much.
He sighed, and kept on thinking as Mikan and Aoi laughed, finally, they had finished running around manically. Mikan smiled as she picked the little girl up, and placed the child on her lap. Aoi giggled.
"Aoi, do you like living here in the palace?" Mikan asked as Aoi paused for thought, and shrugged, sighing as she held her face in her hands and stared up at the skies that were still cloudy.
"Only with onee-chan and onii-san here, but then again, being a princess isn't nice. I don't like it, I don't have what other children my age have. They have their freedom, and I don't. I guess they are luckier than me." she said as Mikan stared at her, then gave a small smile.
"So, you want to spread your wings and fly on your own?" she asked, Aoi gave a small nod, giggling feebly as Mikan smiled sweetly. Aoi knew deep down, Mikan was unhappy. So, Aoi would do anything to make her big sister happy, for everyone's sake, and mainly Mikan's and Natsume's. She knew Mikan was really suffering terribly.
"Yes, I do, and so should Mikan onee-chan, because, if she wants to be happy, her happiness counts more than anything. It counts alot." Aoi explained, and Mikan gasped, then stared at the girl sadly, and sighed, lowering her head as Natsume looked up, his eyes now open again, and stared at his wife who was with Aoi, he frowned. He decided to go over to them. Then, Aoi hugged Mikan tightly, and Mikan hugged the girl back. He sat down again, deciding not to bother the two women.
"Aoi, do you even know what's happening?" Mikan asked quietly, Aoi shook her head, she put a finger to her lips and sighed.
"I know that Mikan onee-chan is not happy. You look and sound sad and you always talk about spreading your wings, my wings, never your own. Why doesn't Mikan onee-chan want to fly away, too?" Aoi asked, and the woman sighed, holding the child in her arms tightly.
"Because... I have to be here, I can't be anywhere else. I belong here, where I have to rule over a kingdom. You, Aoi, have the right to freedom, when I don't." Mikan whispered as Aoi stared at her, sadly.
"No, I don't... You need to let yourself learn how to fly, Mikan onee-chan. That's my advice to you." she said, and jumped off of Mikan's lap, and walked away. Mikan watched her, and then, Natsume stood beside her, and sat with the girl. He stared at her.
"My sisters right, Mikan... After the operation to remove your cancer, I want you to go and live your life in the country in peace, whilst I rule Alice. Even though you'll be far away from me, I won't forget you and I will not re-marry." he whispered as she stared at him, in shock, she never knew he would agree to it, and, she didn't want to leave him, but was that the only way she would get to live peacefully...?
XXXXXXXXXX
Oh man! Dun-dun-DUUUUUN! Mikan is going to live on her own, what if Natsume finds an heir to the throne afterwards? Will he? Will Mikan go, or will she stay? OMG HOPE YOU LIKED OMG!!!
Love you, Kelly!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
