Phineas and Ferb

The New Adventures of Phineas and Ferb

Episode 22a: Mr. Funny Pants

Episode Summary: Phineas & Ferb decide to become comedians & Isabella signs them up for an amateur night performance. But things don't go as planned when it comes along. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz takes a vacation, and Major Monogram & Carl learn about the joys & the hardships of prank calling.

Disclaimer: Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me. It belongs to the two geniuses Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. Keep up the good work, gentlemen!


There's just so many days of adolescence vacation
'Til adulthood and old age come to end it,
So the problem for children of this generation,
Is finding a good way to spend it
Like maybe...

Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy,
Or climbing up the Eiffel tower,
Discovering something that doesn't exist,
Or giving a monkey a shower
Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots,
Or locating Frankenstein's brain,
Finding a Dodo bird, painting a continent,
Or driving the adults insane

This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be
a million and six times better,
So make every minute count
jump up, jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!


It was another spectacular day. The sun was out (granted there were some clouds) and all the kids on the block were enjoying the day. Phineas & Ferb wanted to join that group, but first they had to figure out what they were going to do.

"Gee, Ferb. It looks like we're starting to run out of ideas." Phineas said to his stepbrother. "It's getting harder and harder to make each day better than the last." Phineas's frustration was soon lifted when he saw his girlfriend walk through the gate.

"Hi guys." She said gleefully as she ran up to them and sat down next to Phineas. "What'cha doin'?"

"Trying to figure out what we're going to do today. I think Ferb and I are running out of ideas."

Isabella gasped, surprised. "You? Running out of ideas? Say it isn't so."

"Oh it is, Isabella. Ferb and I are running out of ideas, and for the first time, we're not sweating." Phineas's joke to lighten the mood up caused the three kids to break out into laughter.

"Very funny, Phineas. Hey, here's a wild question. Have you ever considered trying out comedy?"

"Comedy? You mean...trying to make people laugh for a living? Hmm, now they're an idea. But there's no way Ferb and I will be able to keep up with those big time comedians like Jeff Foxworthy, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfield, and others."

"Oh please. Those comedians are so out-of-class you've probably already become funnier then all of them just by sitting down." And they all broke out into laughter again after Ferb had finished his remark.

"Then it's settled!" Phineas announced after the laughter had died down. "I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna become comedians. Now...how do we do that...?" He looked around the ground and noticed that his pet platypus was missing.

"So, where do you suppose Perry's off to today?" Isabella inquired, also noticing that Perry was missing.

"Inside the house. He's got a bad cold, so he's resting."


Meanwhile, down at the O.W.C.A, Major Monogram was ready to debrief Perry on his latest mission. Unfortunately, Perry was not in his lair, and Monogram was becoming concerned. "Carl!"

"Yes sir?" Carl, his intern, said from the other room.

"Does Agent P know he's supposed to be here right now?"

"Yes. But he called in sick earlier this morning." Carl walked over to his boss and handed him a letter. "He even has it in writing. I can tell it's his handwriting because I can't understand a single word. And that only happens when he's really sick. Otherwise, he's an excellent writer...so I think."

Monogram observed the letter carefully, and came to the same conclusion as Carl. He sighed and handed the letter back to his intern. "Oh boy. Well, I guess there's nothing we can do about this. I just hope he gets better soon. He's a valued member of this organization. It's just a good thing we took a sick day on a day where Doofenshmirtz isn't up to anything fishy."

"What is he up to, anyway?"

"According to these reports..." Monogram read a piece of paper that he had in his hand. "Doofenshmirtz is taking a vacation in Maui. Hmm, good for him. It's about time, too. Except now, with Doofenshmirtz taking a vacation, that leaves us with nothing to do."

The two of them stood there for a long moment. There was never a day where there was nothing that required their attention, so they were free to do whatever they wanted. It was after a long moment of thought that Carl came up with an idea. "You want mess with Doofenshmirtz?" He asked his boss, holding up a cellphone.

"I thought you'd never ask."


Doofenshmirtz on a Vacation!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, as luck would have it, was taking his much needed vacation...in Maui. He was relaxing near the beach and letting the waves touch his feet while his robot assistant, Norm, brought him beverages and food.

"Your lemonade, sir." He said, handing a cup full of ice cold lemonade to his boss.

"Thank you Norm." Doofenshmirtz took the cup and took a big sip of it, enjoying every single drop that went into his mouth. "This is the life, Norm. No evil worries, no Perry the Platypus, no annoying brother to make me look bad."

"And no evil nemesis."

"I already said that."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did. It was implied when I said "Perry the Platypus"." Before he could take another sip, Doofenshmirtz heard his cellphone ringing. So he picked it up an answered it. "Hello? Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. If this is a family member, LEAVE ME ALONE!" All Dr. Doofenshmirtz could hear was some giggling on the other line, giggling coming from Carl.

"Uh, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz?" Carl and Monogram were about to play a trick on him. "Oh I'm sorry. I must've dialed the wrong number."

"Oh. Well, that's quite alright. Accidents happen."

"Yes, I must've. I was looking to call somebody named "Ivana"." Monogram started giggling again as Carl hushed him up. "Ivana Shake-My-Booty."

"Ivana...Shake-My-Booty?"

"You do? Well, don't let me stop you." The next thing Doofenshmirtz heard was Carl & Monogram laughing hysterically in the background on the other end of his phone. Of course, he didn't know that it was Monogram & Carl.

"W-What's so funny? I just asked for the name...oh, oh..." It took a couple of minutes for the evil scientist to realize what he said. Only after the laughter on the other end got even louder did he analyze the words said and realize that he had just been pranked. "I see." He lifted the phone back to his ear. "Ha ha! That's very funny, wise guy!"

"I think they just pranked you." Norm said, having heard everything.

"I know that!"


Back home, Phineas and Ferb were working on a comedy routine at their house. Isabella had decided to go back to her house for undisclosed reasons. Phineas & Ferb were trying to come up with a few clever jokes for their routine, but they were having some difficulties.

"Man, Ferb, I didn't realize that it was so difficulty to come up with jokes." Phineas said to his stepbrother. He rubbed his head with his pencil's eraser, staring into the whiteness that was his notebook's blank page.

"Hello boys." Their father, Lawrence, greeted them as he entered the living room. "And what are you two doing today?"

"We're working on becoming comedians. We seem to be having a bit of trouble, though. We can't seem to come up with good jokes for our comedy routine."

"Perhaps I can help you out." He sat down on the couch as Phineas & Ferb turned to listen to him.

"You're a comedian?"

"Not professional, of course. But I am a "funny-bunny" if I do say so myself. Now, let's see if I remember it." Lawrence had to think of a good joke to tell his kids. He had just bragged about being a funny guy. He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of them. "Oh here we go. OK, so a horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks him "Hey buddy, why the long face"?" He waited for the kids to break out into spontaneous laughter. But it didn't come.

"Dad, that's not funny."

"What? That's impossible. Every time I told one of my buddies back in England, they used to laugh for hours."

"Maybe they were just being nice, because frankly, that was one of the worst jokes I've ever heard. Dad, we need funny. We need excitement."

"I thought it was pretty funny."

"Really? 'Cause Mom told me she didn't find it funny."

"But...she laughed."

"It was probably a pity laugh." Ferb said, trying to convince their dad that it wasn't a funny joke.

"Oh. Well..." It was now an awkward moment for all three of them. His joke wasn't funny, and Phineas & Ferb were in dire need to a joke that was funny. "This is awkward. Well, I'll let you boys get back to your comedy routine. If you need anything, ask your mother." He quickly stood up to avoid any more awkwardness between him and his sons. At that point, Isabella came rushing in through the front door, holding papers in her hand.

"Phineas! Ferb! You're not going to believe this!" She shouted, rushing up to her boyfriend. "I did some research and I learned that the Tri-State Area Theater is hosting an amateur night tonight for beginning comedians, and I signed you and Ferb up."

Phineas and Ferb opened their eyes widely and stared in her direction for a long while. "You signed us up for an amateur night without consulting us? But why?"

"I-I figured that you guys would have a decent routine by the time I was finished." She tried to explain. "I'm sorry. You guys always seem to have a plan."

"Not this time. Comedy is hard. Ferb and I don't have any jokes."

"Not a single joke?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Well, don't worry. I think I have the solution for you." Isabella handed Phineas the rest of the papers. It turns out that the papers all had jokes on them that Isabella had found on a website. She assumed, however, that nobody had claimed the rights to the jokes, as she did not fully examine the website that she obtained the jokes from. "I found a bunch of funny jokes online. I think you and Ferb'll be a big hit tonight."

Phineas & Ferb both read over the hundreds of jokes Isabella had gotten for them. "Whoa, these are some funny jokes. And you just found them on the internet?"

"Yeah." Truth was, she really did think she just found them. But she, along with the two stepbrothers, would learn that lesson the hard way.

"Great. Then I guess we're set then. Isabella, we can't thank you enough for doing this for us."

So the three kids spent the rest of the afternoon practicing their routine. Since Phineas & Ferb would only be given 20 minutes for their performance during amateur night, they had to choose carefully which jokes they wanted to use, which jokes they deemed the funniest. It was a difficult decision, as Isabella had obviously chosen a strong group of jokes.


Back in Maui, Doofenshmirtz was finished with the beach and had returned to his hotel room with Norm for some TV. "Ugh, that was one weird beach day." He said to himself, referring specifically to the prank call he had received. "And it's strange because not too many people know my cellphone number. I-I had to get a new one because some jerk kept prank calling my old one."

And speak of the devil, Doofenshmirtz's cellphone rang again. "Hello? Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. If this is a family member, BUZZ OFF! I'm on vacation!"

"Hello sir." Major Monogram said from the other line, disguising his voice so it sounds much higher than normal. "Could you help me? I'm looking for a man named Seymour Butts."

"Seymour Butts? I-Is this some kind of joke? I don't know any Seymour Butts? A guy whose last name is Butts? Well, sir, that sounds like someone I wouldn't want to hang out with. I don't want to hang out with Seymour Butts."

"You want to see more butts? Well, sir, don't let me stop you."

"What? That's not what I-" But before he could retaliate again, Monogram hung up. He heard a click come from the other side of the line, and then hung up his own phone, and shutting it off. "Drat! Not again." He cupped his eyebrows in frustration as he plopped himself onto his bed. "I really hate prank calls! It-It's just so annoying when the person on the other line is intentionally trying to make you suffer. I-I don't even do it, and it's probably known as the most heinous form of torture over a two-way call line."

Speaking of the other line, Monogram and Carl were laughing their heads off having just pranked Doofenshmirtz again. "Oh C-Carl! Carl, we are such bad people!" Monogram said sarcastically through stifled laughter.

"We should be put in jail for this!" Carl blurted out before breaking out into hysterical laughter. "W-Wait! I-I think I got another one!" Monogram handed him the phone and dialed Doofenshmirtz's cell number again. But this time, he couldn't get through because the evil scientist had shut off his cellphone. "Drat. Doofenshmirtz must've shut off his cellphone. I'm not getting anything."

"He must be catching on to us."

"Either that he was just sick of the calls. It's not even noon yet and we've already got him quivering. We are good."

"Yeah, but now how are we gonna get him? He turned off his cellphone so we can't prank call him."

"Maybe...but that does give me an idea." Carl started sending Doofenshmirtz a text message. Of course, Doofenshmirtz would not receive this message until the next time he turned his cellphone on. "And...send."


As for Dr. Doofenshmirtz, he was about to be served a beautifully cooked lobster with garnish & beef wellington cooked by three of the greatest chefs of our time.

"Ah, finally. My dinner is here." Doofenshmirtz remarked as the three brilliant chefs, Gordon Ramsey, host of Hell's Kitchen Season 4 winner Christina Machamer, and Season 6 winner Dave Levey. Unfortunately, Doofenshmirtz, when he initially ordered his entrée, did not know what he was ordering. So he was quite surprised when he saw a lobster in front of him. "W-What is this?"

"It's your entrée, sir." Dave said calmly. "This is exactly what you ordered."

"No, no it's not! I order the..." He picked up his menu and tried to read what he ordered. The only flaw with this restaurant was that the menus were all in French, so if somebody wanted to order something, they would have to ask one of the waiters for assistance. Doofenshmirtz did no such thing in this case. "Homard. And last time I checked, a Homard is not a lobster."

"Actually, Homard means Lobster in French." Gordon Ramsey explained to him.

"What? That's ridiculous."

"See, what happened was...when they were first building this restaurant, they hired all French guys to do the work around here. That included the architectural style of the restaurant, and the food, and unfortunately, that also included the menus." Christina continued.

"So what you are saying to me is that this is a French restaurant?" He eyed them, mentally telling them 'Be careful what you say next.'

"Technically speaking...yes."

"But sir, with all due respect, it's your own fault. I mean, there was even a sign at the front door in ENGLISH..." Dave enphasized the word 'English'. "That said "Warning: You are entering a man-made French restaurant. If you have any difficulties with ordering, please consult a waiter. I don't know how we could've been any clearer."

"I don't know. I see you guys as the only ones at fault here." Doofenshmirtz smugly stood up from his seat. "You guys should have put up some sort of sign or something." Apparently, he had not heard one word Dave had just said or he just did not care for what they had to say. "I guess you guys are not as good at cooking as I thought you were. For shame, Ramses. For shame!" He eyed Gordon Ramsey down harder than the other two chefs, angering Ramsey. Nobody dared disrespect him in his own restaurant.

"Yeah? Well, let me respond to that in the following way."

1 Hour Later...

"You know, in retrospect, maybe I should've just ordered room service." Dr. Doofenshmirtz said to Norm, as he was laying in his bed, dizzy from the beating he got from Ramsey. He was being nursed by Norm.

"I still can't believe he single handedly broke both of your feet." Norm said, observing that Ramsey literally had messed up both of Doofenshmirtz's feet. Seriously, the toes were scrambled and what not.

"Yeah, that guy is a tough nugget, alright."

"By the way, sir, you have a new message on your phone." Norm opened up Doofenshmirtz's cellphone. "It's from your daughter." Then he handed it to him. It was a text message, and upon reading what "Vanessa" had to say, he entered a state of panic, immediately dialing her number.

"Hello?"

"Vanessa! It's your father! Oh, I'm so sorry about what happened to you mother." He shouted quickly into the phone.

"My mom? What are you talking about, Dad? You know I've been staying with Uncle Roger for the weekend."

"But...you sent me a text message saying you stepped on a crack and broke your mother's back."

"Stepped on a...Dad, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You mean to tell me you didn't send me a text message saying..." He flipped around in his cellphone looking for the message. He found the message that "Vanessa" sent, only to discover that it really wasn't her that sent it, because her name was spelled "vannecca dofenchmers". Carl, who sent the text message in the first place, not only failed to capitalize Vanessa's name, he misspelled it, and poorly too.

"Dad?"

"Vanessa, I'm going to have to call you back." He shut his cellphone and looked angrily at Norm. "I've been pranked again."

"May I see your cellphone?" Norm asked, reaching his hand out to grab the phone.

"S-Sure, Norm. Why?" He reluctantly handed his robot assistant the phone. Norm fiddled around with it until finally, he was able to figure out how to trace the call back to its origin. He pressed a few buttons on it and then handed it back to him, instructing him to hold it to his ear. "What is this about?"

"Don't you want to get back at your pranksters?"

"Well, yeah, but..." And then it all began to hit him. He looked at the number he was dialing. "Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that you actually managed to figure out who my prank callers are?"

"N-No..."

"Then how are you so sure that it's the guys who have been pranking me that I'm dialing."

"Star 69."

"Star 69...w-wait a minute. Wait! Can you do that on a cellphone?"

At that moment Doofenshmirtz heard a click on the other line and then, somebody started talking. "Hello. O.W.C.A Headquarters. Major Monogram speaking."

Before Doofenshmirtz could drop his own jaw, he covered it with his mouth, avoiding letting out a loud squeal. "It's Perry the Platypus's boss." He whispered to Norm. "I can't believe it. It must've been him and his dimwitted assistant, Dr. Coconut." What Doofenshmirtz did not realize, though, was that his voice was getting gradually louder and louder, and by now, Monogram & Carl, on the other line, could hear him. "Oh boy, even without Perry the Platypus, Mono-brow & his little beach-related friend have to mess with me. I mean, it's Perry the Platypus's job to ruin my day, not Monogram's! And another thing..."

Click!

Monogram had hung up on the other line. Realizing that they had been exposed, he figured there was no more reason to mess with him. "Carl..."

"Yes, sir?"

"I think Doofenshmirtz is on to us. If anybody asks about this, deny everything."


It was finally time for amateur night at the Tri-State Area Theater. It was a full house, as the audience was packed with people who wanted to hear beginners get them laughing out of their chairs; some of the people present in the audience included famous comedians Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, Jeff Foxworthy, Chris Rock, Gilbert Gottfried, Jerry Seinfeld, and others.

It was almost Phineas & Ferb's turn. They were backstage doing some last minute preparations with Isabella. "Alright, Ferb, they're about to call our names." Phineas said to his stepbrother. "Wish us luck, Isabella."

"And now, ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer boomed through his microphone. "Put your hands together for the comedy stylings of Phineas & Ferb!" Phineas & Ferb walked onto the stage, greeted by cheering and applause by the audience.

"Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen." Phineas said through his microphone. "Say Ferb. It looks like we've got quite the crowd tonight, huh?" Ferb nodded his head. "I agree. You know, it's too bad our neighborhood is so crummy. I mean, it's so bad that you can actually get shot while being shot."

The audience started laughing, even the famous comedians. But then, when the comedians all had a second to think about it, they realized that Phineas had stolen that joke from Chris Rock.

"Oh yes, it's absolutely dreadful." Ferb continued. "And do you know what else? When a bird grows up, its mother forces it to leave the nest and fly off on its own. Us humans are the only creatures that allow our children to come back home." The audience once again erupted into laughter. However, this time, the laughter seemed a bit dimmer because some people started noticing that the comedians weren't too happy with their jokes being told.

Isabella, still backstage, instantly noticed this. "What's going on? Those jokes should be funny. I mean, everybody who's commented on those jokes have said that they were all told spectacularly by...oh, wait a minute." And only now did she realize what had happened. She pulled out her laptop quickly and looked up the website where she pulled those jokes from. Soon enough, it all made sense, and Isabella was feeling red on her cheeks. "Uh oh. What have I done?"

"And another thing..." Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb were still going, and Phineas was about to bring out another killer joke. "Anyone ever notice that every time a new list come outs on the richest black people in the world, the #8 slot on the list always goes to a black guy who just happened to win the lottery the week before."

At that point, the comedians all got fed up and started storming up onto the stage, to the surprise of the audience & the two stepbrothers. "What's your problem, man!" Bill Cosby shouted, not looking in their direction due to his blindness.

"Yeah, what's the deal with you stealing our jokes!" Chris Rock shouted, and the whole audience gasped in surprised, as did Phineas.

"What? Steal your jokes? You guys are out of your mind!"

"Uh, no they're not." Isabella said quietly, slowly making her way onto the stage, bringing her laptop with her. "I-I checked the website I got those jokes off of...you know, "", and as it turns out...the jokes I printed out for you actually came from these famous comedians."

Phineas & Ferb both turned towards her. "Y-You mean Ferb and I were telling these guys's jokes this whole time?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"So you admit it!" Gilbert screamed out.

"What's the big deal? It wasn't like Ferb and I were going to take credit for using your jokes. We were just trying to make people laugh at amateur night."

"Yeah. It's called "Amateur Night", not "Amateurs-Steal-Jokes-From-Famous-Comedians Night"." Jerry Seinfeld explained.

"I'm sorry. We just really wanted to try and become comedians, like you guys. But...I guess it didn't work out so well, huh. Maybe we should've taken a different approach."

"Look, kid, it's great if you want to be like us." Chris told him. "But you can't just copy from your idols. You can't steal their jokes and pretend like they're your own or convince people that they're your own. If you want to be funny, you need to come up with your fresh material, find out what makes you or your friends laugh, and build on that."

"I suppose you're right."

"I'm sorry. I just thought I was helping." Isabella said, feeling a bit guilty because she was the one that had given Phineas & Ferb the list of jokes.

"Well, actually, little girl, you did help." Bill Cosby reassured her...sorta.

"Really?"

"Sure. You helped us have a reason to kick your butts!" Gottfried shouted as the celebrities all edged closer to the kids. The three started backing up slowly until Isabella decided to step in.

"Now wait a minute! You are not kicking anybody's butt!" Isabella shouted. "You can rearrange Phineas's face all you want, but his butt is strictly mine!"

"Uh...OK." Unsure on how to respond to that, the comedians all decided to back off slowly. "Uh, how about we just let you go home, promising that you won't steal any more of our jokes."

"OK. That sounds fair. But does that mean we can't spread the word about how funny your..." Phineas's voice trailed off as soon as he, along with everybody else started hearing some screaming coming from the back row. The screamer stood up, taking off the headphones he was wearing, and started jumping up and down in joy.

"YEAH! YES! YES! I WON THE LOTTERY! WHOO-HOO!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran out the door with his spirits lifted. And yes, just for the irony of the joke, he was indeed black.

Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella looked up at the funny people. "Um, w-what just happened?"

"Don't quote me on this," Chris Rock said. "But I think there's gonna be a new #8 on the next "World's Richest Black People" list."

End of Episode 22a!

Next Time: Phineas and Ferb learn the true meaning of responsibility when they find something valuable lying in the streets.

Expected Update: I don't know. Maybe by August 3rd. No guarantees, though!

"Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs To You!" premieres August 2nd on Disney XD and August 6th on Disney Channel!