Flash of Red and Black
Chapter XXVII
"Naruto-niichan."
My head snapped up at the quiet call. I didn't even notice how dark my office had become until I tried to focus on the three chuunin in front of me.
"Come on in."
"Sorry for bothering you," Udon mumbled, looking a little nervous.
"We knocked twice," Moegi said, immediately following up her teammate. A part of me was glad that they were always at the ready to back each other up, no matter the situation, but I scolded myself mentally for spacing out so much that I didn't even notice them knocking.
"It's fine. Can I do anything for you?" I asked. They were all still in their mourning clothes, so I knew they hadn't gone home yet, but I couldn't say any different for myself.
"Well… We know we don't have the clearance to know about the mission he went on, but," Moegi said, trailing off. After a short, silent moment, Konohamaru spoke up, meeting my eyes for the first time since entering the room.
"What happened?" he asked, eyes unwavering. I closed my eyes for a moment but then met his with the same seriousness.
"He took a blow from Orochimaru protecting me."
Moegi let out a barely-audible gasp and Udon's eyes widened, but Konohamaru just stared, appraising my answer.
Silence hung in the air for a while as Konohamaru and I stared at each other, but then he blinked and some of the weight in the room lifted.
"If that's the case, then it's fine," Konohamaru said as he turned, walking out, but then he paused and looked back at me. "It's fine, so you don't have to blame yourself. He wouldn't want you to either," he said, and then he was gone. A mental image of that snot-nosed brat that I first met years ago flashed through my head. He really grew up well, though I guess I'd changed a lot too.
"W-wait up, Konohamaru!" Udon called, looking back and forth before darting after his friend, but he paused before leaving too. "Konohamaru-kun's right. Ebisu-sensei wouldn't want you to blame yourself," he said, Moegi nodding beside him. Then he dashed out and Moegi was about to follow, but she paused too.
"We don't want you to blame yourself either," she said quickly before dashing out.
My eyes widened a little and I just sat there for a while, but then my lips curved up just a little. I was sure it wouldn't be long before I would have to promote them all again. Ebisu was an elite teacher, after all, so it wasn't surprising that they would all become elite shinobi.
Once I was alone again in the dark room, I sighed before standing and heading out, waving goodnight to the guards. I wasn't going to get any more work done that night, so I figured that I should go ahead and go home and rest. I had to be well-rested to do everything I needed within the next few days anyway.
oOo
"You're pretty late, you know," Kakashi said, his face serious like he was trying to scold me, but his tone said otherwise.
"Your reputation must finally be rubbing off on me," I said, giving him a small smile as I took off my shoes. Then I let myself just collapse against him, reveling in the sense of home that still amazed me every time.
"Good work today," he said gently, wrapping his arms around me.
"You too," I mumbled, standing there for a while, but the smell of food still hanging in the air made me eventually pull back.
"Sorry for being late. I lost track of time, but you didn't have to wait up for me, you know."
"It's fine. I just reread a few reports," he said, shrugging as he moved around to reheat the dinner he cooked what was probably hours before.
"Shouldn't you be relaxing on your day off, not working?"
"I could say the same to you, you know," he said, giving me that deadpan look that he was famous for before going back to what he was doing.
"I may as well have been relaxing since I didn't get anything done," I muttered, shrugging as I helped him, but he stopped what he was doing and stared at me, worried. After a little bit, I couldn't help meeting his glance, but I couldn't keep the eye contact for long either. "It's fine. I was just spacing out," I told him as I took a bowl of reheated rice back to the table, but he stayed quiet, blatantly watching me as I moved. I glanced at him again when I went to grab another plate of warmed food, but my shoulders slumped as soon as I turned away.
"Okay, it's not fine. It's definitely nowhere near fine, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make it okay again," I told him as I stared into the sink, not seeing anything, but suddenly Kakashi's arms were around me with his chest against my back.
He said nothing, not bothering to give empty words. I was glad for that and just leaned against him for a while, but after what felt like too short a time, he kissed my cheek and then pulled away, moving the rest of the food back to the table, and I trailed behind.
"Will you do something for me?" He asked quietly once we were both sitting at the table.
"Anything," I replied immediately, slowly starting on the rice, but I saw a small smile cross his lips for a moment before he continued.
"Have Sakura or Shizune-san send someone to see you," he said carefully. I looked at him for a while. I didn't want to. I so, so badly didn't want to. I was used to dealing with things myself. Even after all this time, it was still hard for me to rely on Kakashi most of the time. But he knew that. He knew that I wouldn't want to and that I would want so, so badly to refuse. But I also knew that he was worried. And I knew that he was right to be. Suddenly, I desperately wanted to get out of my black clothes and shower and scrub and scrub and scrub until my entire body was numb.
"I'll ask Ino," I said weakly. I didn't have an appetite any more as I stared down at all the food in front of me, feeling my stomach flip harshly, but I picked up my chopsticks again and shoveled it in anyway, forcing it down.
"Thank you," he said just as quietly. He felt bad. I knew that he didn't like it. I knew that he wanted me to be okay. I knew that he wanted to make it all okay for me. I knew that he hated that he wasn't able to do anything himself to fix it all. And I knew that he wouldn't ever say it because he didn't want to put anything else on me. As much as I appreciated it, I didn't want him to have anything weighing on his conscience either.
"Can you do me a favor too?" I asked once the dishes in front of me were more or less emptied.
"Anything," he said, and I couldn't help the small smile that reached my lips.
"Would you come with me?" I asked, and when I didn't get an instant reply, I fell into my automatic rambling. "Well, I just don't really want to do something like that alone. I mean, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. I just mean that I don't really like talking about that sort of thing, but if you're there it might help. Because then it'd be like talking to you, but not exactly. Like, if I start to freak out, then you'll be able to keep me grounded, 'cause you're good at that. But if you don't want to, that's okay too. I mean, it could be kinda awkward too, but I'm pretty used to being awkward with you now, since you've known me forever and don't hold that eraser that I set up against me. 'Cause I'm sure you still remember that. Actually, that was why you did that 'Thousand Years of Pain' jutsu during that test wasn't it!" I exclaimed, rambling my way to an epiphany while pointing an accusing finger at him. Once I stopped, silence hung for a short moment, but then the room was filled with the wonderful sound of Kakashi's laughter.
Hearing him laugh was a rare treat, so I couldn't help relishing it every time, but it didn't last for long.
"I'll go. I want to go," he said, smiling at me before getting up and hugging me again. I smiled and leaned into his abdomen for a while, but then I suddenly jerked away.
"You're avoiding my last question! That was why, wasn't it!" I accused, looking up at him.
"I wouldn't hold a grudge over such a poor prank," he said, giving me a maskless eye-smile before clearing away the dishes.
"Liar," I muttered, moving to help him clean up. He just gave another small laugh, and I couldn't help smiling even though I was trying to pout.
oOo
"Are you sure you want to come along, Hokage-sama? Shouldn't you stay in the Konohagakure and rest more?"
"Thank you for your concern, Vice-Captain, but I need to discuss some things with the Kazekage myself." I told him, and he inclined his head, knowing that speaking out more wouldn't be appreciated at the moment. "That's all. You're dismissed," I said, and immediately the room started to clear of its occupants.
"Ah, Ino! Could you stay for a second?" I asked, just before she was out the door. She paused and stepped back in, dodging the others filing out.
"What's up, Naruto?" she asked, and I paused, waiting for the door to shut behind the last person before looking up at her.
"Um… well… You're a medic-nin, and you're a friend… So I thought you could help, maybe… Because I have this problem, and Kakashi wanted me to ask, so… um," I started before trailing off, glancing around the room. I had no idea how I was supposed to ask for her help. Even though I told Kakashi I would ask her, I didn't end up planning how exactly I would ask. I just called out to her before I really thought, which was probably a bad decision since silence just hung awkwardly.
"If this is about your sex life, then I'm not sure how much I can really help, Naruto," she said after a while, breaking me from my thoughts of how I was supposed to ask her for help—help of a totally different sort than she seemed to think.
"NO! Ah, no. No. That's all fine, I mean. We do that—that… That's not what I was going to ask you about!" I sputtered, feeling my face go as red.
"Oh? Sorry! I just thought that, with the way you were acting," she said, trailing off as her face turned a little red too.
I groaned and let my head fall against my desk with a heavy thud. How the heck was I supposed to ask her now? It was hard enough with my face not feeling like it was on fire.
"Sorry, Naruto. What do you need?" she asked. I looked up at her from my desk and saw the regret on her face (though it was still red), so I sat back up and sighed, forcing the heat from my face as I gathered my thoughts.
"You remember how I was after you all rescued me from Orochimaru's hideout, right?" I asked, my face serious and quickly the red drained from her face as she nodded.
"I'm better physically, of course, but… that's about it. Kakashi's been trying to help, but he's worried. And, honestly, I am too," I told her, giving her a small, forced smile before staring back down at my hands.
The room stayed quiet for a while, and I just scratched at my knuckle absently while I waited for…something. But then my hands were suddenly covered by paler, softer ones, and I looked up to see Ino smiling softly at me.
"How can I help?" she asked gently. I returned the smile a little. This time it was a real one, though, not a defense mechanism.
"I don't know?" I said before giving a short, humorless laugh. "I just told Kakashi that I would ask you and try to see someone about it," I finished, looking at our hands. I had no idea what I was really even asking for. Again it was quiet for a moment, but when I glanced up I saw her just looking at me earnestly.
"Alright. When will you be free? I'll go to your place if you're comfortable there."
"O-okay. Sure. I can be free this afternoon, if that's okay."
"Then I'll be at your place at one," she said, and I nodded. She gave a small smile and squeezed my hands a little before stepping away. "You don't have to worry about anything, okay? Just relax. We'll just talk. I can have Choji make snacks for us even, if you want," she said, and I smiled but shook my head.
"Thanks, but it's alright. Um, is it alright if Kakashi sits in? I asked if he would come too, just to hang out, not to talk himself, but if it's too much trouble, then he doesn't have to," I asked, starting to ramble, but she shook her head.
"He can come if you want. We'll do whatever is most comfortable for you, okay?"
I nodded, and she smiled again.
"Then I'll see you at one," she said, and once I nodded again. She left, and I was left in my office alone. I sighed and let my head fall back to my desk.
"'Don't have to worry about anything,' huh?" I muttered to myself before sighing again. That was definitely a case of "easier said than done."
I shook myself mentally and set to work on a towering stack of paper, hoping that concentrating on paperwork would keep my mind occupied enough to not stress about the meeting later.
Unfortunately, the one time that I would have welcomed any and all interruptions and distractions, not a single knock rang from my door, and not a single shinobi appeared at my window. The lack of distractions almost seemed more distracting. Time seemed to race and crawl all at once. I could feel my heartbeat get erratic at the slightest thought of having to go home, and a larger part of me than I would like to admit hoped for some major emergency to happen that would make Ino not be able to come and make me be forced to stay in my office. But it never happened, and when I saw the clock strike a quarter 'til one and when Kakashi appeared in front of me to bring me home, I couldn't tell if I was relieved or terrified.
Kakashi walked home with me in silence, just rubbing soothing circles into the back of my hand as we walked at a pace that was both too fast and too slow.
As much as every fiber of my body made me want to run away, flee, disappear to somewhere that I would never have to do this again, I forced myself to match Kakashi's pace. I only hesitated when we reached the door, already feeling Ino's chakra inside.
Kakashi didn't force me. He waited patiently. I had no doubt that he knew how much I did not want to do this, and I knew that he would accept my decision: enter, run, or never move from that exact spot. But I promised him. I told him I would go. I told him I would do this. I wasn't going to go back on my word—not again. So with my chin up and body tensed like I was preparing for a fight, I opened the door and walked in.
"Welcome back, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei! Sorry for making myself at home," Ino said, standing from the couch as I walked into the living room.
"Ah, that's fine. Anything happening at the training school?" I asked. She said we would just talk, so I was just going to talk. I wouldn't start on it until I had to.
"Everything's going smoothly. You're going to have a whole bunch of excellent med-nin once the first class graduates," she said, smiling at me as we all sat down.
"'Course we will. You're in charge of it, after all," I said smiling back at her, and she blushed with pride a bit even as she smiled back.
"Ino, have you had lunch? I can make something if you're hungry," Kakashi offered, but Ino shook her head.
"Choji actually made something for me earlier. Thank you, though. Have you eaten, Naruto?" she asked, turning back to me.
"Ah, no. I was too busy," I half-lied, forcing a sheepish smile. Ino's eyes closed for half a moment before giving a little nod, as if answering some question the rest of us couldn't hear, but then suddenly her eyes were on mine again, caring but serious.
"The only rule is that you're not allowed to lie, Naruto. If you don't want to answer questions, that's okay, but you can't lie," she said seriously, eyes trained on me. My forced smile fell off, and I just stared back, again trying to reconfirm my resolve to stay sitting on the couch instead of using chakra mode to flash far, far away.
"I couldn't stand the thought of food because I was so anxious," I said finally, and Ino nodded, giving a small reassuring smile.
"Because of this meeting?" she asked, and I nodded. "What about it is making you anxious?"
"Everything. I don't particularly like talking about myself, especially if it's about thoughts or emotions."
"Just bad ones? Or good and bad?"
"Both. Especially the bad, but both."
"Is there anyone that it's easy to talk about them with?"
"No. I mean, I talk to him, but that's about it, and it's not as often or as much as I probably should," I said, jerking my head to the silent man sitting next to me. It felt weird, like I was talking about him as if he wasn't sitting right there. It was uncomfortable. Like I was being interviewed.
"Does he share things with you?"
"When I ask," I said. I half-wondered how he could be so still and silent when we were talking about him like that right in front of him.
"Does he ask you questions?"
"Nothing he doesn't already know the answer to."
"Like what?" she asked, and I frowned, thinking.
"'Is that how you really feel?' 'Do you really think that?' back when I said that maybe getting ignored and everything as a kid made me who I am," I said, shrugging, and for the first time I saw Kakashi move. From the corner of my eye, I saw the surprise in his face, despite it being mostly covered, and Ino didn't miss it either.
"When was that?"
"A while after the war. Back when I was hospitalized after training for four weeks straight."
"You remember that conversation that well?"
"It was the first time I ever talked about it. 'Course I remember."
"You never talked about it before then? Not with anyone?"
"With Dad once. Just for a second when I was fighting Pain and Kurama took over."
"How did you feel after both times?"
"Well I was in the middle of a fight with one, so I didn't have much of a chance to think about it until later. After Kakashi… well, after those questions I kinda had a freak out, but that time too, I didn't have much of a chance to think about it again until later."
"When you thought about it later, how did you feel?"
"With Dad, it was like I wasted the little time I had. I should've thought of something better to ask or tell him. With Kakashi, it was okay, I guess? I felt lighter, in a way, but at the same time I felt bad for dumping it on him."
"Were you afraid he'd reject you if you talked to him about it before that?"
"As a kid, probably," I said, frowning down at my hands. "But the thought of talking to him before that never really crossed my mind."
"Are you afraid of talking about it with me?"
"Mmm… that's not how I would describe it?" I said, musing to myself.
"How would you describe it, then?"
"I don't know. I'm not necessarily worried about getting rejected or anything but… that you'll look at me differently. That I won't be able to keep a cool head and freak out. That I'll worry you guys more," I admitted, absently scratching at my knuckle as I stared to the floor.
"What if talking and even 'freaking out' would make us worry less?"
"I doubt it," I said, looking up at her again, face flat, she frowned and Kakashi's shoulders hunched just barely.
"How do you feel while you 'freak out'?"
"Terrified. Panicked. Like I'm getting crushed and ripped apart at the same time."
"How do you feel afterwards?"
"Tired. Then I feel bad for pushing all of that onto someone else."
"Why?"
"Because everyone has their own problems. I should be able to handle mine alone since I did for so long," I answered.
Silence hung in the room after that, and after a while I finally looked up, unable to stand it. Kakashi and Ino were both looking at me, but their expressions were slightly different than I expected.
Honestly, I thought they would look at me with pity and worry, but they weren't. Instead, Kakashi looked like he was struggling with himself to keep from both comforting me and scolding me for still trying to carry everything alone. Ino was looking at me thoughtfully, as if she was trying to decide what to do next.
"Naruto, if I had a problem, you'd be happy if I relied on you, right?"
"Yeah," I replied, cocking my head to the side as I looked at her, not knowing what she was trying to get at.
"And you'd be sad if you could tell that I had a problem, but I refused to share it with you, right?"
"Mmm… Yeah, but I would understand wanting to keep it to yourself."
"But if it was bothering me for a long time, and you could tell it wasn't getting any better, you'd worry, right?"
"Yeah."
"We all feel the same way about you, Naruto. It's okay if you want to keep things to yourself sometimes, but it hurts us when we see that you're not okay and you won't let us help. We rely on you and trust you with our problems, but it hurts us when you don't rely on us and trust us with your problems in return," she said thoughtfully, looking me straight in the eyes. I stared back for a while, but then I frowned down at my hands.
"I understand that, but… It's scary," I said quietly, and then I felt Kakashi's hand on mine, apparently finally unable to resist the urge to comfort me, but I didn't mind it.
"It's scary for everyone, Naruto," she said, but I didn't move. I just stayed silent, staring at the floor. Several long, quiet moments passed.
"What is it?" she asked finally.
"It's not scary for everyone. Not like it is for me."
"What makes it different?" she asked, and finally I looked up at her. Apparently my expression surprised her because her eyes widened a little, but she still waited for an answer. I looked away again.
"Because everyone else starts out with someone."
Then I felt Kakashi's hand tighten on mine, but Ino gently pressed on.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked. I grit my teeth together some and squeezed Kakashi's hand a little too hard, but he didn't even wince.
"Everyone else has a parent or a sibling or a grandparent or someone that they rely on for everything from the moment they're born. Everyone else had that person to talk to and cry to. They had a person. From birth, they were taught how to rely on other people for everything… And I went without having that person for the first twelve years of my life. More than that, I was discouraged from even trying to rely on others.
"Up to this point more of my life has been spent without that person, and everyone always says it's easier for people to learn when they're young, right? So while everyone else has been able to rely on others and knows how to make bonds with other people to rely on, I'm still trying to figure out how to do any of it, and I've never been particularly smart to begin with. And I am absolutely terrified of breaking the few bonds that I've finally managed to create. I don't want to do anything to strain them, let alone break them. And since I already know how heavy my baggage is, I don't want to risk straining those bonds if I can handle it myself. And if I can't handle it myself, I just need to get strong enough to carry it all and protect everyone else at the same time," I told her. My voice was low through my clenched jaw, and my words seemed to just reverberate through the otherwise silent room for several long moments.
"Naruto," Ino said quietly, finally cutting through the echoing silence. I looked up and met her eyes, and again her expression surprised me. Instead of pity or sadness like I'd feared, I only saw strength and determination.
"Don't you think you're underestimating all of us and the bond we have with you? We all care about you just as much, and we're all more than strong enough to carry whatever you put on us. We all want to be one of those people, Naruto. Each of us wants to be a person that you rely on for everything. And even if you didn't have that person for the first twelve years of your life, we're going to be here to be here for you to rely on for every moment of the rest of your life. Because our bonds will last that long. Because you are an irreplaceable person in our lives. Because you are one of those people we rely on," she said seriously, though she smiled at me a little.
I just stared back at her, letting her words sink in. After a while, I tore my eyes away from hers and looked at Kakashi, hoping for some sort of confirmation that everything she said was true and that I really could rely on all of them as much as I wanted to but was afraid to do.
His hand squeezed mine gently as he nodded.
Immediately my body felt warm. I felt weak and strong all at once. I trembled a little and covered my face with my free hand, loosening my grip on Kakashi's hand after giving it one last gentle squeeze.
Silence hung for another long moment in the room and I couldn't bear to move, but then Ino spoke again.
"You know, Naruto, sharing the bad things can make them lighter, but sharing the good things can help too. It makes the warmth and happiness grow and spread to the people around you, and that makes your bonds grow stronger too," she said quietly, and I could feel her hand on mine, pulling it from my face.
I gave a short nod and quickly scrubbed at my eyes with my sleeve while she sat back on the couch again and gave me a small smile.
"I don't really know what to say, though," I admitted sheepishly. She just continued smiling at me.
"Then, tell us how you're feeling."
"Happy. Comforted. But still nervous. Anxious."
"Then let's talk about why you're happy and comforted," she said, and again I gave a little nod before she continued. "What makes you feel comforted?"
"What you said. How you reacted. Kakashi."
"Anything particular about Kakashi?"
"His hands. His smell. His presence. His feelings… Just everything," I said, feeling my face turn a little red and I could just feel the happiness and smile radiating from Kakashi next to me without even looking. Instead I glanced at Ino, and she was just grinning happily.
"So he makes you comfortable?"
I nodded.
"Do you think you're comfortable enough to be able to talk to him about everything you're feeling?" she asked, and I paused, thinking.
"Maybe some."
"Then get comfortable and talk to him about whatever you want. I'll just listen and help you along if you get stuck, alright?" she said, and I nodded, but then I felt awkward and just kind of glanced around. I had no idea how to start.
"She said to get comfortable, you know," I heard Kakashi say after a while, and then suddenly I felt him pull me against him, wedged between his legs with my back to his chest. My face went hot, knowing Ino was sitting right there, but when I glanced at her, she didn't seem embarrassed or surprised at all. She just looked at me thoughtfully, waiting for me to start talking.
I took a few slow breaths, trying to get rid of the heat in my face, but then I started paying attention to the rise and fall of the chest at my back which immediately calmed me. It was a soothing feeling, almost like I was getting put in a trance, so after a while longer I started talking.
"After that fight with Pein, when I told you that I met the Yondaime, and you already knew that he was my dad, I kinda wanted to punch you, you know. 'Cause you knew all along, but never told me. Jii-chan never told me either, though. Same for Tsunade-baachan and the Ero Senin and everyone else. But I still was glad that you came out and said it after I already knew, because then I knew that I could just call him 'Dad' not Yondaime. 'Cause I really wanted to call him that, but I didn't want people to call me a liar if no one knew. So it kinda hurt that everyone else knew but I didn't, but it made it easier once I found out too. And I was just happy to have someone to call Dad. I didn't think I'd ever find out. I always wondered how they died, or if they died. I wondered if I was just abandoned once I was made into the Jinjuriki. I wondered if I actually saw my parents every day, but just didn't know it because they looked at me with the same eyes as the rest of the villagers. So I was glad. I may not have been able to meet them until much later, but they loved me. They didn't abandon me. They died for me and the rest of the village. They were heroes. And I'm really, really proud to be their son," I said, leaning back against him as I smiled. I didn't know why that was where I wanted to start, but it seemed like it was the easiest beginning point.
I felt Kakashi's face in my hair and I smiled a little more. This was okay. Talking like this, it was okay. As Kakashi's hands trailed up and down my arms, I started to gather some courage to try something tougher.
"I still have trouble, sometimes, being around the villagers and even some of the shinobi. 'Cause I still remember how they all treated me as a kid. I still haven't really been able to figure out why they treated me like that—or why they stopped. I mean, I know it's because they were scared of Kurama since he caused them so much pain…but I was just a kid, you know? Maybe because my existence was threatening, but I couldn't even do a regular bunshin back then, so it's not like I could really do any damage. But if they didn't look at me with hate and fear, then they just wouldn't acknowledge my existence at all. And I hated not being seen by anyone. That was probably what I hated most. It was like my existence was either menacing or so meaningless that I wasn't even worth looking at. So I pulled pranks to get people to notice that I was even there. The bigger the prank, the more people would finally at least notice me. But hardly anyone would even scold me. They would just look at me with disgust. Like it was my fault that I didn't have parents. Like it was my fault that no one was around to scold me. Like it was my fault for being hated. Like it was my fault I existed… But it hardly even felt like I existed.
"No one listened to me no matter how many times I shouted that I would be Hokage. No one looked at me when I sat on that swing alone. Unless I was causing trouble, no one knew or cared what I was doing or if I was alive. So when I came home to an empty house every day, I felt like I might as well have not existed. No one cared if I was alive. In fact, a lot of people would have been happier if I wasn't. 'Lonely' doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. It was exhausting. It hurt so much. It still hurts thinking about it, but I remember it so vividly.
"And even though I remember it that vividly, everyone else seems to have totally forgotten. When you had everyone give me those little paper slips as an early birthday present, I recognized a few faces. The people who hated me and shunned me were giving me papers with hearts on them, celebrating my birthday. They were not only acknowledging my existence, they were celebrating it. They were celebrating the day that the Yondaime Hokage was killed and the day the Kyuubi Jinjuriki was born.
"I didn't know how to react. I wanted to yell and scream and rejoice and cry. Where had all that warmth been when I was growing up? At what point did the village start caring about me? Will it last? What can I do to make it last?
"Ino, that's probably another reason why what you said made me happy. And scared. Saying that I can rely on you guys for the rest of my life is huge. It's so huge. I still can't wrap my mind around it!" I said, finally breaking from my rambles as I looked at Ino. She smiled thoughtfully again, but Kakashi spoke first as he nuzzled his face against my hair briefly.
"You don't have to wrap your mind around it right now. You can just try to slowly rely on us with more and more until all your burdens are nothing compared to the strength of your friends," he mumbled quietly.
I looked up at him, and he just smiled a little, and after a few seconds I returned it. Looking to Ino, she smiled and nodded in agreement.
I just sat there in quiet contentment for a while, happy that I wasn't overwhelmingly exhausted or freaking out. I didn't regret it. I may not have gotten to the heavy things yet, but I felt like I could eventually. It didn't feel like it was as major an obstacle anymore. This could work. Little by little, I could be okay.
"How about we stop here for today? I can always come by again," Ino said after a while, and I finally pulled away from Kakashi and looked at her, giving a small nod.
"Sure. Um… Thanks for all that," I said, a little embarrassed, but she just shook her head.
"I'm glad to help. I want to listen more sometime soon, alright?" she said gently but leaving no room for argument. I nodded, and then she smiled again before standing, and Kakashi and I followed suit.
"I'll walk you home," I said, moving to pull my shoes back on too.
"Are you sure? You don't want to just stay here with Kakashi?" she asked, looking between us. I looked at him, but he just gave me an eye-smile, basically telling me to do whatever I want. I smiled back before turning to Ino.
"It's fine. I'll walk you back," I told her, and she smiled at me too. Then we headed out, and I was surprised to find that the sun was already starting to set. Had I really been talking that long?
"How are you feeling right now?" Ino asked after we walked a few blocks in silence, looking slightly worried.
"I'm okay, I think. I didn't talk too much did I?" I asked, concerned about the worry in her expression, but she smiled at my answer and shook her head, the worry vanishing from her eyes.
"Not at all! I just wanted to make sure that I really did help."
"Yeah! I think I'll be able to do this again, at least," I told her, grinning. She grinned back.
"Good! I really meant what I said, you know. We're all really proud to be your friends, and we want you to be happy. We worry because we care about you," she said, looking at me thoughtfully. I smiled and gave a little nod.
"Yeah, thanks."
I just smiled quietly at the sky for a while, basking in the feeling of contentment.
"Kakashi's told me something like that before too," I told her after a while, giving her a shy grin. She smiled too.
"I'm glad you two are so close," she said, and I felt my face heat as I remembered how close Kakashi and I were with Ino just sitting right there.
"Y-yeah," was all I could muster through my embarrassment, and then she giggled.
"I never thought the Hokage could be so cute!" she said, grinning mischievously.
"I-I'm not cute! I'm dangerous! Dangerous and powerful! And I can kick your med-nin butt, deba!" I sputtered, as I pouted. It just made Ino laugh more.
"I think I could give you a good run for your money," she said, and I smiled at her.
"I don't doubt it."
We walked in silence for a while longer, but once we were close to her place, she stopped and turned to me again.
"Thanks for walking me back, Naruto."
"No problem," I told her, before turning to leave, but then she called after me.
"You'd better talk to me again!"
"I will," I said, giving her a small smile. She smiled and nodded.
"See you later! Have fun with Kakashi," she said, now grinning a little too much, and my face heated again, but then I grinned just as widely.
"I hope you have fun with Choji too!" I called before walking off, leaving her with a bright red face. I laughed to myself as I walked back, but it wasn't long before the chakra that had been following us the whole time suddenly appeared next to me.
"I agree with her, you know," Kakashi said, lacing his fingers in mine, and I tilted my head.
"'Bout what?"
"I never thought there could be such a cute Hokage," he said, wearing the most infuriating eye-smile.
"Y-you! What are you talking about?" I sputtered, trying to give him a good glare through my blush, but he just smiled more. I frowned and turned away, pouting. "Not cute. I'm tough. And scary. And a powerful Hokage, 'tebayo," I muttered under my breath. Then I felt Kakashi's lips on the side of my head, for a second before his face was hidden by his mask again.
"You are, but with me, you're Naruto," he said quietly.
I looked at him and nodded after a while, walking a little closer to him as I squeezed his hand. We walked the rest of the way back in silence, just enjoying the quiet evening.
Sorry for being slow again with this chapter! Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up this weekend.
Anyway, I really hope you liked it! It was a little heavy, but I tried to lighten it up here and there.
Let me know if you've got predictions, suggestions or requests! ^_^
