'Got a good crew.'
I laugh. 'Not many complaints.' He nods. 'Except ones about how long Mako's in the shower and Gault spending all our money. And Mako's constant whinging about her family and her using the holoterminal to watch crappy holovids. And her complaints about the food. And just Mako in general.'
I'm alone on the floor. It is cold and comforting. My legs are crossed. It's late. The wall keeps my back straight. He hasn't moved. Still standing. Staring. He makes a good guard.
I sigh. Wonder how long it's gonna be till he lets me out. Already been a day. Know I can make him. But I don't really want to.
'It had gotten a lot better since you got here.' I close my eye and rest my head back. 'With you here, it is a good...' I mumble the words. I don't just mean in the ship. Soon or later, it will all be over. I don't want to miss him tonight.
'No complaints.'
Sweet lies. He sits on the bed across from me. I see it in thermal. I can hear his heart beat. It is a little faster than normal. He glows steadily red at his core. I open my eye. 'I am still here.'
We sit in silence. I look at his neck. It's red and purple. Must hurt a lot. 'Haven't been part of good company since Eriadu. Missed it I guess.' He shrugs. I smile. Another story. The pain comes up. Skin tearing from metal. I am tired. I want to sleep.
In my dream, I am watching Torian fight with other Mandalorians. They are fighting some unseen enemy in smoke. By the deaths of his company, it looks like an army. Torian is the only one left standing. The figure points its arm at his head. The smoke clears. And I see me. 'Pow.'
My eye opens wide. I am on my back. Torian is pressing down on my chest. Hands pinned to my side. Legs kicking. I smile. 'Didn't imagine it going like this.' I wince as his grip tightens on my arms. His face is close. Apart from before and when I heal him, this is the first time we've ever touched. Never thought it would go like this, if it ever happened at all. 'Always thought I'd be on top.' I try to laugh it off as a joke. His frown tightens. Makes my laugh a little real.
Touched even Gault more than this, and that's not including all the times I've punched him. Sometimes, I would wake in the rec room in the months after Tatooine and find Gault and I lying on the ground together. Or we would just sit close. Never sexual or loving. Just wanted to feel close to something alive. Both seemed to hope that if we were close enough to something else living, we would start to.
Guess I got more of that then Gault. Can't say when I decided to acknowledge that I like Gault. We fight. But it's part of our understanding. Our friendship. Weird to think of having such a thing. So laughable that my only friend is Gault. Don't know what Torian is.
I test his grip. It holds. I am defenceless. At his mercy. I don't feel angry. There's only an emptiness. And a happiness. I don't know when I decided to let love in. But it has nowhere to go.
'You can stick with them from now on.' I breathe him in. 'If you like them'. Like me.
He nods. It's decisive. He doesn't move. Doesn't loosen his grip. 'Good to know.'
Hours pass. I slip in and out of consciousness. The pain is back. Strong and overwhelming. He never lets go. Never leaves. 'Gotta have someone watching your six.' He nods. He does that a lot. He looks away and pretends to be deep in thought. 'I wonder what clan Ordo is doing now.' I laugh and scream at the same time. The pain is so strong.
In these hours, my thoughts went in loops. Broken and spaced by memories. With him here, I now realise what is important.
And for it, I want to live.
'I have to go back.'
Torian shakes his head. That's new.
'Took a serum every morning. Stopped the skin decaying around the metal and separating. I need it.' He continues to shake his head.
'Leave and wait on Hoth. If I am not back in month, finish the bounty without me then proclaim me dead. Protect my honour.' That sways him. His grips loosens. I throw him off me. His head hits the ground hard. He doesn't move. I can hear his heart beat. I leave and lock the door. I check the rooms. No one else is in.
I go to the cock pit and set new coordinates. It's time.
