Author's note: So sorry for the long delay getting this epilogue to you. It is turning out to be longer than I originally thought. It will be at least three, maybe four or even five parts. I have the second part being edited and I'm partway through the third, so it will be finished within a month. I thought with the final movie coming out next week I should really finish this up if any of you are still waiting to hear what Gale is up to in D2.

Spoiler **I will warn you that Madge doesn't make an appearance until part two :)**

ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ

Reflections

It's been five years since Katniss blew the forcefield in the arena of the Quarter Quell, igniting the rebellion that ended the Hunger Games and the Capitol's tyranny over the districts.

More than seven thousand people died that night as Snow retaliated with the razing of District Twelve. Madge managed to get the fence turned off before the bombers arrived, allowing us to start the evacuation even before the bombs took out the generators; but she never made it to the Meadow.
Thousands more died during the war. But death isn't the only thing that destroys.

During the war, surrounded by uncertainty and death (and hope), I couldn't envision a life without Katniss. I'd loved her for years, but it wasn't until years later that I finally came to terms with the fact that she never loved me the way I loved her.

After her first Games she held onto me and resented any attention I paid to any other girl- a hopeful sign. Maybe someday she would grow up. Maybe someday she would get over Peeta. Maybe someday she would feel safe enough to love me back. Maybe someday she would choose me… love me… maybe. Well, maybe it was hopeless.

During the rebellion I realized that Katniss was broken without Peeta. Even though she continually gave me hope that she might someday choose me, it became obvious that he was the one she could not survive without.

That kiss in District Two was the moment I should have known. Maybe I did. Deep down. She wasn't kissing me out of love. Or passion. It was desperation. It was as if she wasn't present in her own body. It was like kissing a drunk person. It reminded me painfully of the morning I woke up naked in Madge's house with only the fuzziest recollections of what might have happened the night before.

If she was going to kiss me, I wanted her to do it because she loved me. Needed me. Wanted me. Not necessarily in that order. But, certainly not because she was in so much pain over losing Peeta that she was trying to feel anything else. Except pain. Not when she would come to regret kissing me as soon as Peeta recovered. To be a regret…ugh.

For so long my life had revolved around Katniss. Her pain was my pain. The people she loved… I protected. Even the competition. Well, I considered Peeta my competition but actually it turned out he had none- just as Katniss said.
It took both time and distance- from her and from the war- to recover. To decide what I wanted- apart from what she wanted and what she needed. Now I was free. Free to decide. Free from her. Free from tyranny! That is something. Part of the difficulty was the fact that I had actually survived the rebellion. I hadn't really expected to.

Freedom! What an alien concept to come to terms with- after a lifetime of slavery. After a lifetime under the heel of the Capitol. After lifetimes…generations of slavery. And expectations of continued slavery for generations to come.
But, now that food, shelter and safety were no longer daily emergencies, where could I focus my energies? Where would I?

Where to go…
What to do…
Ah, and who to be…

My family helped me to decide, because whatever we did, it was going to be together.

I knew Katniss was being sent back to Twelve with Haymitch and a team of workers intent on clearing away the rubble and rebuilding.

President Paylor offered me the office of Mayor of Twelve. When I turned that down, she offered me the newly created office of Senator- which would mean splitting my time between the Capitol and Twelve. Instead, I requested and was granted the job of overhauling and restructuring the Peacekeepers.

It surprised me a little that I had absolutely no desire to return to Twelve. Especially not as Mayor. This was a good thing- since Katniss had made it perfectly clear that she would never be able to forgive me for Prim's death. Seeing me would only bring her more pain, she said. And even though she was cutting me out of her life, I could never do anything to compound her sorrow.

She knew I spent the early months of the rebellion -while she recovered- training to fight and using my flair for gadgets and trap-making to design weapons to use against the Capitol. Even in those early days, a chasm opened between us that only widened as the war progressed. My win-at-all-costs approach appalled Katniss. She wanted to believe that there was a right way to win. A moral way to wage war with limited risks and fewer casualties. A kinder, gentler rebellion. But we were going to get only one chance in our lifetimes to defeat the Capitol! The failure of the First Rebellion resulted in the Hunger Games and the destruction of the original District Thirteen. The risks of a second failure were too terrifying to contemplate. And I was willing to sacrifice nearly anything to win. Once in- all the way in. Whatever the cost.

We lost thousands. We killed thousands. They killed Madge. We killed Prim. And I ultimately lost Katniss, too. The sacrifices were hard to make. Painful to live with. Prim's death was almost too much to bear. But we won the war. Ended the Games. Generations yet unborn will benefit from our sacrifices.

For Katniss the sacrifices were simply too much. I'm sure she would undo everything if only it would bring Prim back. She fought the whole war to protect Prim and her future. If she could revisit her first Games she would eat those berries that sparked the rebellion. Saving Peeta and Prim would be enough for her.

Was the bomb that killed Prim one of my own design? We'll never know for sure, but it seems probable. I never intended for any of my weapons to be used against civilians or our own medics. Or on any medics responding to an attack on civilians. On children! I designed military weapons. Intended for use against military targets. The second-wave bomb I conceived to take out injured soldiers and military medics is one I now regret. It was not designed to target civilians deliberately. And at the time- when we were losing and facing certain massacre if we did -it seemed possible we "might" need such a thing in our arsenal if we were overrun by soldiers who were being treated by the Capitol's advanced medicines only to return to kill even more of us. I conceived it, along with dozens of other bombs and traps. I like to think I never would have chosen to deploy it.

For years I protected Prim as if she were a member of my own family. Loved her as a sister. But it no longer mattered to Katniss that I fed her sister during the Games. That I saved her from the destruction of Twelve. That I saved her again during the bombing in Thirteen. That I had loved her too.

All that mattered to Katniss was Prim was gone. And that I designed a bomb like the one Coin dropped on her.
In the end it doesn't really matter if it was my bomb or not. I designed one with the same attributes. The same possible results. Whether it was designed from my concept or it was an existing one from Thirteen's weapons stockpile doesn't change a thing. All of those innocent children are still dead, dead, dead. No matter who made the bomb or who designed it.

I've struggled with what responsibility I think I do bear for her death. I've finally come to terms with my unintended role in it. Designing such a weapon. Guilty. Putting my blind trust in someone like Alma Coin. Guilty. She was the head of a powerful army of rebels, intent on unseating Snow and breaking the Capitol's grip on the Districts. I never questioned her commitment nor her motives. I never realized she was as ruthless as Snow. I'm glad Katniss killed her.

I eventually came to realize, had she chosen me in the end, I would have spent the rest of my life apologizing for something someone else did. I couldn't live like that. Katniss couldn't live with me as a constant reminder of Prim's death. To her I have become death.

I carry my own pain for Prim's loss with me every day. I'm thankful that Peeta helps Katniss carry hers.

ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ

The first few months after the war I spent most of my time working with President Paylor, her advisers and the other rebel leaders on the structure of Panem's new government. Form leads to function. Function to good (or evil). We had to get it right. After my disillusionment with Coin, I am slower to trust anyone in power. Anyone who seeks power. Having fought beside then Commander Paylor during the war, and having observed her closely during the aftermath of Coin's assassination and the reconstruction; I am as comfortable with her as I think it possible for me to be.

During the period of reconstruction I gravitated towards issues of security rather than politics. I traveled all over the country assessing the security needs of each District. This I found to be a better fit for my talents and temperament than sitting around endlessly arguing the finer points of political theory.

I, along with many others, was astounded to discover that Panem was not the only country to still exist after the Dark Days. There were dozens of countries of various types and sizes across the oceans. Our new government was being welcomed into the global community- a community that had frowned upon Panem's treatment of its citizens under Snow's regime.

I had wondered why none of them had come to our rescue when we were being murdered by our own leaders, especially once we were in open rebellion. I came to learn that most of them were in no position militarily to challenge Panem's Peacekeepers- who had a much larger role than even I had imagined.

The rest of the world was still recovering from years of war and other disasters. And Panem, a country with nuclear weapons- that hadn't hesitated to annihilate one of its own districts- was greatly to be feared. With good reason it would seem, since Panem destroyed a second district and ignited the kindling of the Second Rebellion.

I devoured books on the long and tumultuous past of Panem and its predecessors now that we had access to the long-banned libraries containing our histories. It's astounding to me that once upon a time we were not only the strongest nation, but also the champion of human rights around the world. We had apparently rescued the world in two different world wars. How had we managed to sink so low?

We pondered our future and tried to learn from the mistakes of the past as we planned the rebuilding of our nation. How to start? How to keep everyone safe and fed? How to reunite a country after a war?

I eventually moved to District Two to take up the task of reconstructing the Peacekeepers. A new title for me: Commander Hawthorne. A new name for the Peacekeepers: the Guardians. A new philosophy: to guard and protect the people of Panem. A new uniform: black and white, with the mockingjay symbol. No armor and no helmets unless in a combat situation. It is important everyone can see their faces.

All of the pre-existing Peacekeepers who were cleared of war crimes had to re-qualify to join the Guardians. Those who failed to qualify were relocated and prepared for other occupations. Additional members were recruited from all thirteen districts and the Capitol. After retraining, any former Peacekeepers were assigned to districts in which they had no history.

Guardians are allowed to marry and have families, unlike the Peacekeepers who were prohibited from doing so (to keep their loyalties undivided). Encouraged to marry and be part of the population they serve- not set apart. And they must think of serving the population first, the government second. A crucial distinction.

District Two was another huge adjustment for my family after nearly a year in the Capitol. The Capitol's population is ten times that of District Twelve, before the bombings. District Two is two and a half times as populous as the Capitol. The sheer number of people was mind-boggling at first. I now command more Guardians than the entire pre-rebellion population of Twelve.

I was initially hesitant about moving my family to Two. Given that it had been a Career district, I wondered about the level of violence in the general population and how they would accept an outsider from an outlying poor district as their commander. Fortunately I learned that the actual numbers of potential tributes trained in the academy was much lower than I had expected. They started off auditioning hundreds boys and girls at age six, accepting a total of two hundred. Further eliminations followed each year until they had ten boys and ten girls competing for the right to volunteer at eighteen. In a population of 230,000 people, that seemed insignificant.

The people in general are very similar to those I knew growing up in Twelve, although slightly wealthier and rather well-fed. A definite improvement over the shallow, flighty, overly-decorated populace of the Capitol. We would have friends here. A community.

There are many small villages scattered throughout the District as well as a larger town, nearly as big as the Capitol, in the center. There are mountains and forests on all sides. And District Two is clean. The air is clean. The water is clean. The buildings are clean. Even their faces are clean!

My mother and I agreed that it is a good place to raise our family, far away from the horrors the kids faced in Districts Twelve and Thirteen during the war. I don't think Posy has any memories from District Twelve. Except those in her nightmares.

It is a place I can imagine raising my own children someday. If I can ever find a woman to love who can love me as I am, despite all of my failings.

ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷღღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒღ

Author's note

Sorry if this was a bit of an info dump!

I needed to set up where Gale is (physically and mentally) and what he's been doing

as well as answer a lot of things we were left wondering about at the end of Mockingjay.

Please leave a review if you're still out there :)

Thanks for reading.